Schizophrenia - General Discussion

This condition is honestly so overwhelming that even doctors hesitate to officially write down an F20 diagnosis on your medical records.
I personally can't wrap my head around what exactly makes my experience so "abnormal," and truthfully, I don't even want to find out since it's a lifelong journey.
I've been dealing with this for ten years now.
People often compare managing it to living with diabetes.
It’s such a heavy burden that you'll occasionally run into someone offering "alternative" cures just to get their foot in the door.
A doctor friend of mine once explained that it's sometimes referred to as "cancer of the soul."
As for me, I don't really have any desire to fully embrace that "reality."
That's all for now! 👏
Would you actually want to have a close friend or a family member living with schizophrenia?

Do you take your meds regularly... and if you happen to skip them for a little while, do you notice a difference in how you feel?

It’s really important to highlight how MIT works. It involves things like people actively hiding truths from you by claiming you’re just "crazy"—so you stop trusting your own perception. They also try to shield you from heavy topics under the guise of protecting you from stress.
Everyone, from close friends to distant acquaintances, starts hovering and questioning your mental state, acting as if even the most random person on the street knows more than you do simply because they don't have schizophrenia.😛

To be honest, when I stop taking my medication, there's a predictable pattern: first comes a manic phase lasting about a week, then a week of total insomnia, and finally an ER visit involving two paramedics, a doctor, and occasionally the police. I’ve been hospitalized 11 times in total—mostly at Cedars-Sinai or UCLA Medical Center. Fortunately, I haven't had to go back in over two years.
When I'm in a good headspace, I'm working, I'm married, and I'm flying all over Europe; I even drive a car, and I certainly won't be the only "crazy" person behind the wheel.

As for hallucinations: I used to imagine I was Audrey Hepburn, and most of my other experiences were erotic or romantic in nature.

Look, I’ll be honest—I don't know a whole lot about schizophrenia myself... it's all pretty heavy stuff... but if you don't mind me asking, could you walk me through what that actually feels like? Like, when those hallucinations hit, are you even aware they're happening at the moment? And—this is the part that really gets me—do you actually remember the things you hallucinated once it's over?

I honestly can't say what it looks like from an outsider's perspective;
That sudden surge of energy feels great at first, but once you've been hit by the crash,
it’s pretty much over.
It's also true that when I'm stuck in a depressive phase at home, my body actually aches.
And if I'm not fully psychotic but feeling slightly manic, my libido just skyrockets.

I feel like I have to share this: I'll never forget the time after receiving electroshock therapy on my Rib,
I woke up, started walking down the hallway, and ended up having a bathroom accident right there while the nurse was yelling:
"Go wash up!"

Sometimes, when you're transitioning from one medication to another, the depression is purely a side effect of the meds.
My diagnosis was recently updated to F25, which seems accurate—it's essentially a mix of schizophrenia and bipolar symptoms.
When I'm at work, I prefer not to get too emotionally close to my coworkers;
I find I much rather just lose myself in my paperwork.

On the days when I'm doing well, I'm wonderful company, and I know I'm feeling good, so I always think: I hope this lasts.😲

As for hallucinations, I'm aware they aren't "normal," so I usually just keep quiet and don't bring them up out loud.

briskgull27 said:Regarding hallucinations: I used to imagine I was some famous celebrity—and most of them were erotic or romantic in nature.

Well, you're doing just fine then, since you actually REALIZE you're IMAGINING things—you know you're HALLUCINATING. 🙂

Usually, people who are truly "crazy" don't have that kind of insight... they just don't get it. 😎

Well, I’ve started sharing a bit about myself, but a huge welcome to all my fellow schizophrenics out there!

I’m especially thinking of those who take Zyprexa, Risperdal, or Sulpiride, yet try to convince themselves they're just dealing with neurosis when they're actually on antipsychotics.

As for NASA and Amer—ah, what a beautiful truth you're searching for, wishing this stinky world was something more than just what we "know."😁

🎉
I mean, let’s be honest, we’re all a little bit crazy, aren't we?
Check out this conspiracy theory I've got for you: Imagine if I actually called up ABC News to film a segment on schizophrenia.
They show up, they set up the cameras, we grab a coffee.
But here's the catch.
The producers would probably insist on filming me with a blurred face and a distorted voice. Can you imagine? It would be
way too shocking for people to see my actual face,
and honestly, it could really mess with my life.🙂
So, I guess I'll just stick to the fringes of science for now.

My brother's been dealing with this too, for about 7 years now... just thought I'd ask.

Come on, tell me how it all started... when...

Jason Sanchez3 said:My brother has been struggling with this too, for about seven years now... that's why I was asking.

You can be absolutely certain that he's having a hard time. It’s just like how you felt when your boyfriend broke up with you, except for him, every single day feels that way.

It's also a bit tricky to say if these medications actually change someone's personality—but in what way, exactly??

The doctor basically told me: "Look, we don't know the exact mechanics of how it works, but it clearly does, so you have to take it."

Plus, everyone has a different temperament; we don't all handle things the same way, right?

Personally, I find the people on Xanax and Paxil to be a little ridiculous, if you'll excuse my honesty.

It all started just before my 18th birthday.
I had always been the type to live for the music, the parties, being out on the town—a total dancer at heart.
But suddenly, I felt this overwhelming urge to change everything, almost like I wanted to turn back the clock.
For about a month, I practically lived in one spot, just staring blankly at books for hours on end.
Then, at my 18th birthday bash, I had my first martini. Ugh, looking back, yuck.

Ever since then... It sounds strange, though maybe it doesn't after everything that's happened.
Now, when I wake up, I don't have those calm, easygoing thoughts like my dad used to have, such as: "What a beautiful sunny day."
Instead, it's more like: "Alright, let's get moving, no excuses!"

briskgull27 said:It all started right before my 18th birthday.
I was always the one looking for the party, heading out, dancing.
Then, suddenly, I just wanted to change everything, like I could turn back the clock.
For an entire month, I basically did nothing but sit in one spot staring at books.
On my 18th, I had my first Modafinil. Gross.

Ever since then... It sounds weird, but maybe not after everything.
Now when I wake up, instead of thinking like my dad: "What a beautiful day,"
it's more like: "Let's get moving, no excuses."

My brother was exactly the same way, seriously...
He was always that guy, ready to party, and once he turned 18......

Honestly, I rarely find myself thinking about how beautiful the sunshine is either. It’s almost never on my mind when I wake up, but that doesn't really mean much in itself... I'm curious though, was there a specific turning point for you—or maybe someone else you know—where it finally clicked that this wasn't just a lack of willpower or something similar, but an actual, serious illness?

I’ve actually known a few people dealing with schizophrenia, and in every single case, it seemed to surface right around age 18....

I am. I finally realized I was being carried into the ER on a stretcher back in 1997. Just three months until the big 19!

It was during that second phase—once I finally realized that I actually had to keep going, and if I’m going to live, I might as well live well—that things really started to click. That's exactly where the help came in.
Jealousy toward friends can be such a heavy thing to carry, can't it? I’ve been trying my absolute best to pull myself together and navigate through those feelings, doing everything in my power to stay balanced.
I mean, isn't it a bit much when they aren't even taking two, three, or four different types of medication?

Personally, I’m inclined to believe we're looking at a neurological issue, even if the sensation feels like it's coming from somewhere deeper, like the soul.

I'm lying to myself. I knew this all along, but I just keep pushing it down. Why is it so incredibly hard to finally face the truth?
In the end, I ended up heading over to some terrible psychiatrist at the psychiatric clinic in downtown Chicago all on my own. Maybe it was just karma catching up with me, or maybe deep down, I actually wanted this to happen? Who knows.

briskgull27 said:I am. I finally realized they were basically carrying me into the ER on my hands and knees back in '97. Just three months until my 19th birthday!

That second phase hit me hard—realizing I actually had to keep going, so I might as well make it a good life. That's where she really stepped up for me.
Feeling a little jealous of my friends lately. I tried my best to shake it off, though.
I mean, they aren't exactly juggling two, three, or even four different medications at once.

I honestly think it’s a brain thing, even if it feels like it's coming from your soul.

I'm lying to myself. I knew it all along, but I just keep pushing it down. It's honestly so hard to face.
I ended up going all by myself to see some awful psychiatrist over at the Mayo Clinic. Maybe it’s just karma, or maybe I really wanted this to happen, who knows?

I mean, honestly... it’s just awful. Really.
I really hope they come up with better meds soon. Fewer side effects would be huge. And honestly? Just a total cure for everything. That'd be the dream.

To be completely honest, if they discover a definitive CURE before I pass away, I’ll die a very happy old woman.

BTW, it doesn't even have to be a pill—it could be a laser treatment, who knows?
Or maybe just some tree bark, haha.

briskgull27 said:This condition is so incredibly heavy that even doctors hesitate to put the diagnosis down on paper.
Personally, I can't wrap my head around what's so "wrong" with me, and honestly, I don't even want to find out because it's a lifelong thing.
I've been dealing with it for 10 years now.
People usually compare it to having diabetes.
It’s such a stigma that you’ll have some wellness guru trying to recruit you into their "alternative" lifestyle.
A doctor friend of mine once told me it’s basically called "cancer of the soul."
As for me, I have zero interest in accepting that "reality."
That's all for now. 👏
Would you actually want to have a close friend or family member living with schizophrenia?

I wouldn't want to have a friend or a family member struggling with schizophrenia, period. In my family, on both my mom's and dad's sides, the women have dealt with depression for generations. I sincerely pray I never hit that point where I lose all willpower and end up bedridden for weeks while my kid has to cook my meals. I don't wish mental illness of any kind on anyone. I'm glad you brought this topic up. 😘

You’re absolutely right. Honestly, nobody in my circle has anything like that. People might be a bit eccentric, sure, but they aren't sick.
I don't even want to have kids because I wouldn't want them to inherit whatever I'm carrying.