The system is completely broken

I feel like I’m stuck in this headspace where I just don't know anything anymore. I mean, I don't know how I'm feeling, how I *should* be feeling, what I did to end up here, or what I should even do next... It's like, how am I supposed to figure out what's actually going on? I guess I'm just in one of those moments where I'd love to just shut everything off, you know, like flicking a light switch. No, I don't mean suicide—I'm way too much of a coward for that, and I really don't want that—I just want this nightmare in my head to finally stop.

And then, after dealing with a hundred similar situations, there's this latest one, which was even more extreme; it brought this huge rush of euphoria, but then an even bigger collapse, leaving me totally more confused than before. So I keep asking myself, what is wrong with me, is there some fundamental flaw in who I am... Is an explanation even something I deserve in a situation like this, or am I just obsessing over things that don't even matter to me (and by explanation, I mean the actual reasons behind things).

Maybe I messed up by basically falling for someone I only knew through the internet, even though she was practically right there within reach all the time. We had already stopped talking twice before, but now, for the third time, after getting to know her and seeing the green light, I decided to finally show up and meet her in person. And we were both honestly thrilled; she even told me I could come visit whenever I wanted, before a minor conflict popped up due to some personal issues she had, which she explained to me the very next day. Everything seemed fine from then until today. We were even having these great conversations through text until the evening, and then suddenly, there was this massive pivot that she refuses to say anything about.🤷 Now my head is spinning with a million different thoughts—did I mishear something, was everything just her being polite, or maybe she's just scared of something regarding me...

Am I even normal for feeling like this, and how am I supposed to just not think about it, or how am I supposed to not let it weigh me down?🙂 Why does it always feel like everyone else understands or realizes things that somehow have to be explained specifically to me? Why does it seem like everything is just naturally arranged differently than how I perceive and accept it?

This probably won't be much help, I guess, but you aren't exactly alone in feeling like you have absolutely no clue how the hell the world actually works, or what people think about everything, or even what you're actually thinking yourself. 😁

Things are feeling a little better now, I suppose, though I really wish I could have gotten some more constructive feedback from everyone... just so I’d actually know how to "handle" things if this whole mess ever happens again. 😬 Even though I’m still feeling pretty confused and totally overwhelmed by the whole ordeal, that massive "bomb" of emotions and racing thoughts in my head has finally quieted down. 🤷

Hannah Allen5 said:Things are feeling a little better now, I suppose, though I really wish I could have gotten some more constructive feedback from everyone... just so I’d actually know how to "handle" things if this whole mess ever happens again. 😬 Even though I’m still feeling pretty confused and totally overwhelmed by the whole ordeal, that massive "bomb" of emotions and racing thoughts in my head has finally quieted down. 🤷

And look, maybe she just had what I call a "mental hiccup." It's one of those reactions where even the person having it isn't quite sure why they did it—it's just totally out of place for the situation and doesn't even match how they actually think or feel. It usually pops up as this defensive reflex triggered by some irrational fear. The thing about it is, it hits you out of nowhere and then vanishes just as fast.

I suppose the best way to handle it is to just take a breath and count to ten. Don't take anything too seriously unless things stay weird for a few days. You definitely shouldn't feed into the reaction; honestly, it's probably best to just let them know you're there, but stay passive.

Honestly, when things get like this with her, I hadn't even dealt with anything remotely similar until just last week—or at least, it didn't feel that way. This is already the second time it's happened. Even though everything seems fine on the surface, I can see the exact same patterns emerging; if something even slightly reminiscent of what went down last Friday were to happen again, I’d recognize it immediately.😬 I guess I figure that certain underlying fears, stemming from reasons only she really understands, are probably the root cause of this whole mess...

The real issue is that I might be a bit too sensitive for this kind of rollercoaster myself, since my own mental footing isn't exactly rock solid, so my inner stability can be shaken pretty easily. It means stuff like this, even if it's just the first sign, tends to really throw me off and leave me feeling totally unsettled.🤷

Look, life is actually pretty straightforward, and honestly, human relationships should be too. You just gotta take things as they come—deal with them the best way you know how, and that’s it. Don't lose sleep over what other people think or why they act the way they do. And stop beating yourself up over stuff that already happened; you can't change the past. Sure, maybe plan ahead for the future every once in a while, but don't obsess over it. Obsessing is just a fast track to unnecessary stress and a massive headache. Just live—focus on right now. Maybe you'll hit it off with someone and build something real, or maybe you won't. Worst case scenario? There are millions of other girls out there waiting to meet you.

Things are feeling a little better now, but man, I really wish I could get some more constructive feedback here... I just want to know how to "feel" or react if this whole thing happens again. Even though I'm still pretty confused and feel like I got played, that total "bomb" of emotions and racing thoughts in my head has finally died down.

Don't fight your own brain. Seriously, don't get sucked into that endless internal debate where you argue with yourself. Just let the thoughts pass through like they aren't even there—just focus on your breathing. Like, the second you catch yourself thinking, "But what if..."—just drop it. Let the thought die right there. Don't feed it. That's the only way you're going to calm down and actually stay in control.

It is quite an uphill battle to quiet the mind. Honestly, even those standard breathing exercises often fall short because you’ve essentially just tried to shove the problem under the rug. For me, I either have to sit down and journal every stray thought that drifts by, or
I find myself staging a full-blown conversation out loud.
For instance, if I'm facing a dilemma, I’ll start talking to myself—within the confines of my own four walls,🙄conducting what feels like a dialogue, or perhaps a trialogue, depending on how much mental clutter is weighing on you. Sometimes, I’ll head out to a local state park just to let it all out. I'll yell at the person I'm confused about, vent my frustrations at myself, or just have a good cry. No, it isn't madness; think of it more as a necessary purging of the soul and mind. It has always been a vital tool for my own clarity.
Just please, don't walk away thinking there is something fundamentally broken within you. It sounds to me like you simply became too deeply immersed in this relationship and lost sight of your own North Star.
You seem to be a bit more sensitive, I suspect... but truly, there are plenty of us out there who operate the same way.
Hang in there.
And as for moving forward: scream, shout, let it rip... just maybe not inside your apartment!
😉

Structure is essential. It keeps the chaos from unravelling you. Work matters, even if it’s just having a schedule when you’re unemployed. They wake the patients up at 6 AM in psychiatric wards for a reason—to force order. Usually, they use intimidation to maintain it, which only works while the doctors are watching. Once they're gone, everything collapses back into the void of self-discipline. It's like scaling a vertical rock face. You hammer a piton with your right hand, hold it with your left, then swing an ice axe, move an inch, hammer again. In that moment, you aren't looking down, wondering if you should just let go. Life is similar. People with actual substance don't jump; they just keep climbing, take a breath, and keep going. ☕

Nicholas Gonzalez8 said:Look, life is actually pretty straightforward, and honestly, human relationships should be too. You just gotta take things as they come—deal with them the best way you know how, and that’s it. Don't lose sleep over what other people think or why they act the way they do. And stop beating yourself up over stuff that already happened; you can't change the past. Sure, maybe plan ahead for the future every once in a while, but don't obsess over it. Obsessing is just a fast track to unnecessary stress and a massive headache. Just live—focus on right now. Maybe you'll hit it off with someone and build something real, or maybe you won't. Worst case scenario? There are millions of other girls out there waiting to meet you.

Things are feeling a little better now, but man, I really wish I could get some more constructive feedback here... I just want to know how to "feel" or react if this whole thing happens again. Even though I'm still pretty confused and feel like I got played, that total "bomb" of emotions and racing thoughts in my head has finally died down.

Don't fight your own brain. Seriously, don't get sucked into that endless internal debate where you argue with yourself. Just let the thoughts pass through like they aren't even there—just focus on your breathing. Like, the second you catch yourself thinking, "But what if..."—just drop it. Let the thought die right there. Don't feed it. That's the only way you're going to calm down and actually stay in control.

I guess I do regret the things that never even happened. And I don't know, it doesn't really feel that simple to me. Like, maybe it does for everyone else, but not for me.

Plan for the future once in a while, sure, but don't obsess over it because that just brings unnecessary stress and headaches. Just try to live your life—focus on the here and now. Maybe you'll hit it off with someone and build a real connection, or maybe you won't. Worst case scenario, there are still millions of other girls out there to meet.

And I think that’s kind of where the issue lies. When I'm not constantly stuck ruminating on the past, my mind just drifts right back to worrying about the future. I don't know, regarding that part of my life, I still have this nagging doubt that things will ever actually improve. My main struggle is that my experiences with others have been either pretty bad or non-existent. I haven't reached the level of communication or depth with people that I'd like. But then again, there's an issue on her side too—definitely one, if not several. The first thing is that, because of certain situations in her life, she might be pigeonholing me as one of those "bad guys," even if she doesn't mean to. And the second thing is, sometimes it feels like she's afraid—afraid of hurting me, or me hurting her, or just afraid of breaking out of her usual routine.

Don't fight your thoughts. Don't get caught up in that endless internal debate. Just let the thoughts pass through and focus on your breathing. For example, when you catch yourself thinking "What if...", just acknowledge the thought and let it go. Don't feed into it. It helps you stay calm and keeps you in control.

Once it starts, though, it's way stronger than I am. Even now, I'm not entirely sure, but when I was writing last night, it felt like a total flood of emotions and thoughts... and even though I don't usually write stuff when I'm worked up, I think that was definitely the case. It would be perfect if I could just shut my brain off... Or just, I don't know, be able to think about something—or someone—without being unable to stop.🤷

Morgan Chase5 said:It is quite an uphill battle to quiet the mind. Honestly, even those standard breathing exercises often fall short because you’ve essentially just tried to shove the problem under the rug. For me, I either have to sit down and journal every stray thought that drifts by, or
I find myself staging a full-blown conversation out loud.
For instance, if I'm facing a dilemma, I’ll start talking to myself—within the confines of my own four walls,🙄conducting what feels like a dialogue, or perhaps a trialogue, depending on how much mental clutter is weighing on you. Sometimes, I’ll head out to a local state park just to let it all out. I'll yell at the person I'm confused about, vent my frustrations at myself, or just have a good cry. No, it isn't madness; think of it more as a necessary purging of the soul and mind. It has always been a vital tool for my own clarity.
Just please, don't walk away thinking there is something fundamentally broken within you. It sounds to me like you simply became too deeply immersed in this relationship and lost sight of your own North Star.
You seem to be a bit more sensitive, I suspect... but truly, there are plenty of us out there who operate the same way.
Hang in there.
And as for moving forward: scream, shout, let it rip... just maybe not inside your apartment!
😉

To be honest, I'd say something *is* actually wrong. I don't mean that I'm crazy or anything, but I feel like if everything were within a normal, healthy framework, there wouldn't be this much of a problem.

When it comes to these kinds of discussions, I don't usually find myself talking much, but I guess sometimes you just need the right facial expressions to get the point across.😬
I guess I should probably address what Hannah Allen5 was saying earlier, because honestly, it’s just driving me absolutely up the wall at this point. Maybe I’m being too sensitive or whatever, but there is something about the way people look at these situations that feels completely disconnected from reality, and it’s frankly exhausting to deal with. I mean, you look at the sheer scale of how things are handled here in the States, and it’s like nobody actually stops to think about the consequences of their actions before they go charging ahead blindly. It’s just frustrating, really, seeing everyone jump to conclusions without any real substance behind them, and I can't help but feel like we're all just spinning our wheels while pretending everything is perfectly fine when it clearly isn't.

I guess you’re being a little too soft on them, if I'm being honest... but then again, there really are just so many of us out there who feel exactly the same way. Hang in there. Go ahead: scream, yell... just maybe not inside the house! 😉

Honestly, you mentioned the woods, and I think you're onto something there. Getting active really does help—like, getting so deeply involved in something that my brain just doesn't have the bandwidth to obsess over my problems anymore. Take running, for instance. You might find yourself thinking about how much someone needs to get out more, or worrying about whether you'll actually land a job, or maybe a random thought about sex pops up, but somehow running stays the dominant thing on my mind. Even afterward, there’s this sort of euphoria... I don't really know what else to call it, but it's this intense mental and physical state that basically keeps me floating right above all my issues.

Anthony Hayes2 said:Structure is essential. It keeps the chaos from unravelling you. Work matters, even if it’s just having a schedule when you’re unemployed. They wake the patients up at 6 AM in psychiatric wards for a reason—to force order. Usually, they use intimidation to maintain it, which only works while the doctors are watching. Once they're gone, everything collapses back into the void of self-discipline. It's like scaling a vertical rock face. You hammer a piton with your right hand, hold it with your left, then swing an ice axe, move an inch, hammer again. In that moment, you aren't looking down, wondering if you should just let go. Life is similar. People with actual substance don't jump; they just keep climbing, take a breath, and keep going. ☕

But honestly, that’s just how it goes with all the jobs I get stuck with... If I'm doing some kind of "template" task where I don't really have to be deeply engaged—you know, like chopping wood, mowing the lawn, or even that fence painting job I did earlier this year—my mind isn't exactly preoccupied, and because of that, my thoughts just sort of take over and start running wild. And I guess it isn't even that big of a deal in most normal situations, but the real issue crops up when something totally ambiguous happens, something that I didn't even really cause (or at least, that's how it feels to me anyway).

I think I regret the things that never even happened. It’s just... it doesn't feel as straightforward as people make it out to be. Or maybe it does, and I'm just overthinking it—but it feels more complicated from where I'm sitting.

And what exactly did you gain from all that? Seriously—did you manage to rewrite history? Are you ever going to pull that off? Regretting the past is just a one-way ticket to unnecessary misery, and honestly, it always ends up with you missing out on the present—the only thing we actually have any say in. It’s really that simple.

And that’s kind of where the issue lies. When I’m not stuck ruminating on the past, my mind is constantly racing toward the future. I don't know—about her, specifically—I still have this nagging doubt that things will actually improve. My struggle is that I’ve had bad experiences, or no experience at all, when it comes to connecting with others. I haven't mastered the art of communication, neither in depth nor frequency. But there’s an issue on her end too—definitely one, maybe several. First off, because of certain things that have gone down in her life, she might be pigeonholing me—maybe unintentionally—into that "bad guy" category. And second, sometimes it feels like she’s scared—scared of hurting me, or me hurting her, or just terrified of breaking out of her routine.

Well, that’s just two sides of the same coin. What does obsessing over the future get you? Nothing but pointless anxiety and stress, with zero upside. If you want to change the future, you do it by taking action right now, in the present. "Now" is the only window you have to actually gain experience. "Now" is when you face those fears head-on. You have to live in the moment, because the moment is what builds your past and dictates your future.

Once it starts, it’s just... it's out of my hands. Even now, I'm not entirely sure—last night was just a total flood of feelings and thoughts while I was typing... and even though I don't usually write stuff while I'm worked up, I think that was definitely the case here. It would be ideal if I could just hit a pause button on my own brain... or just be able to think about something (or someone) without it becoming an obsession I can't stop.

Take it easy, man. I never said it was easy, but I'm certainly not saying it's impossible. Try to play around with your own thoughts and emotions instead of letting them run you ragged. Study them. Get to know yourself. Honestly, meditation can really help you grab the reins on your headspace and your moods. There's even science behind it—it can actually help build those physical neural pathways in your brain.

Nicholas Gonzalez8 said:

I think I regret the things that never even happened. It’s just... it doesn't feel as straightforward as people make it out to be. Or maybe it does, and I'm just overthinking it—but it feels more complicated from where I'm sitting.

And what exactly did you gain from all that? Seriously—did you manage to rewrite history? Are you ever going to pull that off? Regretting the past is just a one-way ticket to unnecessary misery, and honestly, it always ends up with you missing out on the present—the only thing we actually have any say in. It’s really that simple.

And that’s kind of where the issue lies. When I’m not stuck ruminating on the past, my mind is constantly racing toward the future. I don't know—about her, specifically—I still have this nagging doubt that things will actually improve. My struggle is that I’ve had bad experiences, or no experience at all, when it comes to connecting with others. I haven't mastered the art of communication, neither in depth nor frequency. But there’s an issue on her end too—definitely one, maybe several. First off, because of certain things that have gone down in her life, she might be pigeonholing me—maybe unintentionally—into that "bad guy" category. And second, sometimes it feels like she’s scared—scared of hurting me, or me hurting her, or just terrified of breaking out of her routine.

Well, that’s just two sides of the same coin. What does obsessing over the future get you? Nothing but pointless anxiety and stress, with zero upside. If you want to change the future, you do it by taking action right now, in the present. "Now" is the only window you have to actually gain experience. "Now" is when you face those fears head-on. You have to live in the moment, because the moment is what builds your past and dictates your future.

Once it starts, it’s just... it's out of my hands. Even now, I'm not entirely sure—last night was just a total flood of feelings and thoughts while I was typing... and even though I don't usually write stuff while I'm worked up, I think that was definitely the case here. It would be ideal if I could just hit a pause button on my own brain... or just be able to think about something (or someone) without it becoming an obsession I can't stop.

Take it easy, man. I never said it was easy, but I'm certainly not saying it's impossible. Try to play around with your own thoughts and emotions instead of letting them run you ragged. Study them. Get to know yourself. Honestly, meditation can really help you grab the reins on your headspace and your moods. There's even science behind it—it can actually help build those physical neural pathways in your brain.

I guess I don't see it that way. If I can pinpoint where I messed up before (or where I just hit a wall), then maybe, just maybe, I can try to fix things down the road. But if I don't figure out what went wrong, I might just end up repeating the same mistakes a hundred times over. Okay, fine, maybe the real issue is just how much it eats at me that I've been "incapable" of hitting my goals up until now, and since I'm still struggling, I feel like if nothing shifts, I'll be stuck like this forever. 😁 But look, I'm not some damn zombie; I can't just exist solely in the "now," especially when the USA is going through a period where I feel like I'm seriously lacking something.🤷

That’s just the flip side of the same coin. What does worrying about the future actually get you? Nothing but unnecessary anxiety and stress, without a single positive outcome. You change the future by taking action right now. "Now" is the actual moment to gain experience. "Now" is when you face those fears head-on. Just live in the present, because that's what defines both your past and your future.

Come on, let's say I jump two days ahead, or maybe five days back—let's imagine now is Saturday night in Chicago. Even if the opportunities are pretty slim compared to what I'm hoping for, I'm still willing to keep my eyes open; maybe beneath the surface, there's a chance for something big. But what does all that do for me if I don't actually act? Or even worse, what happens if my actions turn out to be total garbage? 😬

Take it easy, man. I never said it was easy, but it's definitely not impossible. Try working with your thoughts and emotions. Study them, get to know yourself better. Meditation can actually help you get a grip on your mental state and your feelings. It can even help build those physical neural pathways in your brain.

I don't know, maybe that works. But in the middle of all that mental chaos, it feels like my emotions physically hijack my entire body, making it incredibly hard to just sit there and try to fix everything with self-suggestion.🤷

Wait, what exactly is CNN? 🤔

northerncyclist2 said:Wait, what exactly is CNN? 🤔

Woman, mother, queen... Basically, I was suggesting that behind some intoxicated girl there might be my perfect match, but honestly, all I see is just some drunk girl in heavy makeup. And I can't even figure out if she's actually "the one" if I don't even get the chance to meet her properly...

Anyway, I guess the issue is somewhat resolved now; I’d say it was just one of those bad days, so, yeah, we'll see how things play out from here. 😳 But I definitely need to work on making sure this doesn't happen to me anymore—and I mean that mental loop in my head specifically. 🤷

Hannah Allen5 said:I guess I don't see it that way. If I can pinpoint where I messed up before (or where I just hit a wall), then maybe, just maybe, I can try to fix things down the road. But if I don't figure out what went wrong, I might just end up repeating the same mistakes a hundred times over. Okay, fine, maybe the real issue is just how much it eats at me that I've been "incapable" of hitting my goals up until now, and since I'm still struggling, I feel like if nothing shifts, I'll be stuck like this forever. 😁 But look, I'm not some damn zombie; I can't just exist solely in the "now," especially when the USA is going through a period where I feel like I'm seriously lacking something.🤷

That’s just the flip side of the same coin. What does worrying about the future actually get you? Nothing but unnecessary anxiety and stress, without a single positive outcome. You change the future by taking action right now. "Now" is the actual moment to gain experience. "Now" is when you face those fears head-on. Just live in the present, because that's what defines both your past and your future.

Come on, let's say I jump two days ahead, or maybe five days back—let's imagine now is Saturday night in Chicago. Even if the opportunities are pretty slim compared to what I'm hoping for, I'm still willing to keep my eyes open; maybe beneath the surface, there's a chance for something big. But what does all that do for me if I don't actually act? Or even worse, what happens if my actions turn out to be total garbage? 😬

Take it easy, man. I never said it was easy, but it's definitely not impossible. Try working with your thoughts and emotions. Study them, get to know yourself better. Meditation can actually help you get a grip on your mental state and your feelings. It can even help build those physical neural pathways in your brain.

I don't know, maybe that works. But in the middle of all that mental chaos, it feels like my emotions physically hijack my entire body, making it incredibly hard to just sit there and try to fix everything with self-suggestion.🤷

You've got a point there. Sure, you learn from the past, and yeah, you occasionally look back at the good times. But don't go living in the rearview mirror. If you're feeling a void in your life right now, deal with it—put in the work today so you actually have what you want tomorrow.

Hannah Allen5 said:I guess I don't see it that way. If I can pinpoint where I messed up before (or where I just hit a wall), then maybe, just maybe, I can try to fix things down the road. But if I don't figure out what went wrong, I might just end up repeating the same mistakes a hundred times over. Okay, fine, maybe the real issue is just how much it eats at me that I've been "incapable" of hitting my goals up until now, and since I'm still struggling, I feel like if nothing shifts, I'll be stuck like this forever. 😁 But look, I'm not some damn zombie; I can't just exist solely in the "now," especially when the USA is going through a period where I feel like I'm seriously lacking something.🤷

That’s just the flip side of the same coin. What does worrying about the future actually get you? Nothing but unnecessary anxiety and stress, without a single positive outcome. You change the future by taking action right now. "Now" is the actual moment to gain experience. "Now" is when you face those fears head-on. Just live in the present, because that's what defines both your past and your future.

Come on, let's say I jump two days ahead, or maybe five days back—let's imagine now is Saturday night in Chicago. Even if the opportunities are pretty slim compared to what I'm hoping for, I'm still willing to keep my eyes open; maybe beneath the surface, there's a chance for something big. But what does all that do for me if I don't actually act? Or even worse, what happens if my actions turn out to be total garbage? 😬

Take it easy, man. I never said it was easy, but it's definitely not impossible. Try working with your thoughts and emotions. Study them, get to know yourself better. Meditation can actually help you get a grip on your mental state and your feelings. It can even help build those physical neural pathways in your brain.

I don't know, maybe that works. But in the middle of all that mental chaos, it feels like my emotions physically hijack my entire body, making it incredibly hard to just sit there and try to fix everything with self-suggestion.🤷

Still, a bad call is better than sitting on your hands doing nothing. Like you said yourself: if you messed up somewhere, you'll take the lesson. Next time, you'll play it smarter.

Hannah Allen5 said:I guess I don't see it that way. If I can pinpoint where I messed up before (or where I just hit a wall), then maybe, just maybe, I can try to fix things down the road. But if I don't figure out what went wrong, I might just end up repeating the same mistakes a hundred times over. Okay, fine, maybe the real issue is just how much it eats at me that I've been "incapable" of hitting my goals up until now, and since I'm still struggling, I feel like if nothing shifts, I'll be stuck like this forever. 😁 But look, I'm not some damn zombie; I can't just exist solely in the "now," especially when the USA is going through a period where I feel like I'm seriously lacking something.🤷

That’s just the flip side of the same coin. What does worrying about the future actually get you? Nothing but unnecessary anxiety and stress, without a single positive outcome. You change the future by taking action right now. "Now" is the actual moment to gain experience. "Now" is when you face those fears head-on. Just live in the present, because that's what defines both your past and your future.

Come on, let's say I jump two days ahead, or maybe five days back—let's imagine now is Saturday night in Chicago. Even if the opportunities are pretty slim compared to what I'm hoping for, I'm still willing to keep my eyes open; maybe beneath the surface, there's a chance for something big. But what does all that do for me if I don't actually act? Or even worse, what happens if my actions turn out to be total garbage? 😬

Take it easy, man. I never said it was easy, but it's definitely not impossible. Try working with your thoughts and emotions. Study them, get to know yourself better. Meditation can actually help you get a grip on your mental state and your feelings. It can even help build those physical neural pathways in your brain.

I don't know, maybe that works. But in the middle of all that mental chaos, it feels like my emotions physically hijack my entire body, making it incredibly hard to just sit there and try to fix everything with self-suggestion.🤷

You can't stop the flood once those thoughts start racing. You can only acknowledge them and try to pivot your focus toward something better. The trick is to be hyper-aware of your own headspace—to actually choose your thoughts rather than letting them choose you. That way, you won't find yourself constantly fighting an uphill battle against your own mind.

Hannah Allen5 said:Woman, mother, queen... Basically, I was suggesting that behind some intoxicated girl there might be my perfect match, but honestly, all I see is just some drunk girl in heavy makeup. And I can't even figure out if she's actually "the one" if I don't even get the chance to meet her properly...

Anyway, I guess the issue is somewhat resolved now; I’d say it was just one of those bad days, so, yeah, we'll see how things play out from here. 😳 But I definitely need to work on making sure this doesn't happen to me anymore—and I mean that mental loop in my head specifically. 🤷

Perfect?
Don't go breaking your own heart chasing that myth; such a creature simply does not exist. 🙂
😉
Speculating on what could have been, or mourning what wasn't...
It's all quite exhausting. Just steer clear of that kind of mental chatter.
Pick up German. That was my personal escape hatch from endless, useless monologues.

Hannah Allen5 said:I guess I do regret the things that never even happened. And I don't know, it doesn't really feel that simple to me. Like, maybe it does for everyone else, but not for me.

Plan for the future once in a while, sure, but don't obsess over it because that just brings unnecessary stress and headaches. Just try to live your life—focus on the here and now. Maybe you'll hit it off with someone and build a real connection, or maybe you won't. Worst case scenario, there are still millions of other girls out there to meet.

And I think that’s kind of where the issue lies. When I'm not constantly stuck ruminating on the past, my mind just drifts right back to worrying about the future. I don't know, regarding that part of my life, I still have this nagging doubt that things will ever actually improve. My main struggle is that my experiences with others have been either pretty bad or non-existent. I haven't reached the level of communication or depth with people that I'd like. But then again, there's an issue on her side too—definitely one, if not several. The first thing is that, because of certain situations in her life, she might be pigeonholing me as one of those "bad guys," even if she doesn't mean to. And the second thing is, sometimes it feels like she's afraid—afraid of hurting me, or me hurting her, or just afraid of breaking out of her usual routine.

Don't fight your thoughts. Don't get caught up in that endless internal debate. Just let the thoughts pass through and focus on your breathing. For example, when you catch yourself thinking "What if...", just acknowledge the thought and let it go. Don't feed into it. It helps you stay calm and keeps you in control.

Once it starts, though, it's way stronger than I am. Even now, I'm not entirely sure, but when I was writing last night, it felt like a total flood of emotions and thoughts... and even though I don't usually write stuff when I'm worked up, I think that was definitely the case. It would be perfect if I could just shut my brain off... Or just, I don't know, be able to think about something—or someone—without being unable to stop.🤷

To be honest, I'd say something *is* actually wrong. I don't mean that I'm crazy or anything, but I feel like if everything were within a normal, healthy framework, there wouldn't be this much of a problem.

When it comes to these kinds of discussions, I don't usually find myself talking much, but I guess sometimes you just need the right facial expressions to get the point across.😬
I guess I should probably address what Hannah Allen5 was saying earlier, because honestly, it’s just driving me absolutely up the wall at this point. Maybe I’m being too sensitive or whatever, but there is something about the way people look at these situations that feels completely disconnected from reality, and it’s frankly exhausting to deal with. I mean, you look at the sheer scale of how things are handled here in the States, and it’s like nobody actually stops to think about the consequences of their actions before they go charging ahead blindly. It’s just frustrating, really, seeing everyone jump to conclusions without any real substance behind them, and I can't help but feel like we're all just spinning our wheels while pretending everything is perfectly fine when it clearly isn't.

I guess you’re being a little too soft on them, if I'm being honest... but then again, there really are just so many of us out there who feel exactly the same way. Hang in there. Go ahead: scream, yell... just maybe not inside the house! 😉

Honestly, you mentioned the woods, and I think you're onto something there. Getting active really does help—like, getting so deeply involved in something that my brain just doesn't have the bandwidth to obsess over my problems anymore. Take running, for instance. You might find yourself thinking about how much someone needs to get out more, or worrying about whether you'll actually land a job, or maybe a random thought about sex pops up, but somehow running stays the dominant thing on my mind. Even afterward, there’s this sort of euphoria... I don't really know what else to call it, but it's this intense mental and physical state that basically keeps me floating right above all my issues.

But honestly, that’s just how it goes with all the jobs I get stuck with... If I'm doing some kind of "template" task where I don't really have to be deeply engaged—you know, like chopping wood, mowing the lawn, or even that fence painting job I did earlier this year—my mind isn't exactly preoccupied, and because of that, my thoughts just sort of take over and start running wild. And I guess it isn't even that big of a deal in most normal situations, but the real issue crops up when something totally ambiguous happens, something that I didn't even really cause (or at least, that's how it feels to me anyway).

I shall never quite forget those words...

"Looking toward the future provokes a sense of dread, while looking back triggers nothing but guilt."

It is all very easy to play philosopher and beat problems with someone else's logic, but I wonder if it is actually possible to just be brave, pull oneself together, and exist fully in the present moment...

I have this nagging suspicion—though I could be wrong, of course—that we are all essentially fleeing from the present. It seems to us that the current era imposes certain "narratives," or perhaps entire clusters of sensations, that are simply too overwhelming to truly process or remain conscious of at any given time.

That is merely my own perspective, mind you. There are likely countless other ways to interpret this...

Just thought you should know.😁
-In an American courtroom, what matters most to them is whether you acted with full awareness and if you were deemed legally sane at the moment of the act, whatever that may imply.☕

I feel like you’re getting way too deep into the philosophy of all this, whereas I tend to look at things much more simply, almost strictly through a lens of cold, hard facts 🙂 So, honestly, I don't really suffer from a massive amount of guilt, mostly because, if I'm being real, so much of what I'm worried about hasn't even actually happened, so there isn't much to truly regret 😬 I suppose you could view it as some kind of lingering regret over the past, but I’m trying my best to just ignore what's already gone; I try to spot my mistakes, though even that is pretty awkward since I don't even know what the "correct" version is supposed to look like. Maybe the real issue right now is just this fear of what's coming next—the truth of it is that time keeps slipping away, opportunities are shrinking, and in practical terms, nothing ever seems to actually change 😁

Hannah Allen5 said:I feel like you’re getting way too deep into the philosophy of all this, whereas I tend to look at things much more simply, almost strictly through a lens of cold, hard facts 🙂 So, honestly, I don't really suffer from a massive amount of guilt, mostly because, if I'm being real, so much of what I'm worried about hasn't even actually happened, so there isn't much to truly regret 😬 I suppose you could view it as some kind of lingering regret over the past, but I’m trying my best to just ignore what's already gone; I try to spot my mistakes, though even that is pretty awkward since I don't even know what the "correct" version is supposed to look like. Maybe the real issue right now is just this fear of what's coming next—the truth of it is that time keeps slipping away, opportunities are shrinking, and in practical terms, nothing ever seems to actually change 😁

Quincy:

The future is one of my biggest obsessions—whenever I'm not stuck dwelling on the past.

You basically answered your own questions already. 🙂

You have this vision of the future—you know exactly what you want. But the moment you think you might actually achieve it with someone, you leap forward, only to crash hard because you're terrified it isn't what you thought. :ikar:

Telling you to slow down or stop panicking is pointless—if you act out of pure anxiety, you'll probably just push away exactly what you're chasing in the first place. Makes sense, doesn't it?

Even back then, when he laid out his vision, the second you sensed she wasn't feeling it, panic set in.

You rush—and in that rush, you end up heading in the wrong direction entirely.

Yeah, I mean, sure, that’s more or less how it goes, though I guess that whole line of reasoning is probably stronger than my own perspective on it. But look, there’s this other thing that’s really eating at me, and it's tied to this one specific issue, which basically boils down to the fact that she’s one of only three people I’ve actually bothered to communicate with like this all year—even if, let’s be totally honest, in her particular case, I was the one who had to initiate everything in the first place. Last year, I didn't even bother with the whole scene of hitting the bars or trying to meet people or anything like that, and the year before that, it was pretty much the same story. It’s not like I wasn't making an effort, though.🤷

Hannah Allen5 said:Yeah, I mean, sure, that’s more or less how it goes, though I guess that whole line of reasoning is probably stronger than my own perspective on it. But look, there’s this other thing that’s really eating at me, and it's tied to this one specific issue, which basically boils down to the fact that she’s one of only three people I’ve actually bothered to communicate with like this all year—even if, let’s be totally honest, in her particular case, I was the one who had to initiate everything in the first place. Last year, I didn't even bother with the whole scene of hitting the bars or trying to meet people or anything like that, and the year before that, it was pretty much the same story. It’s not like I wasn't making an effort, though.🤷

I know it is. Don't fall for that whole "sugar-coated" illusion😁
Unfortunately, I don't have some magic trick for just relaxing and letting go.

But look at this other issue—the real reason we're even talking—which involves only three people I've actually managed to connect with like this all year.

Does that seem small to you?
Connecting deeply with three people in a single year isn't "small"—not by a long shot. We aren't talking about casual acquaintances or one-night stands; we're talking about three actual human connections. Trust me, three in a year is plenty. Far from it.🙂