Topic of the day: What is the biggest mistake a parent can make when raising a child?

10.11. What's the single biggest mistake a parent can make when raising a child?

Or maybe it's a combination of things...

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This topic was pulled from the 86. post within the topic of the day.

Ashley Vaughn79 said:10.11. What's the single biggest mistake a parent can make when raising a child?

Or maybe it's a combination of things...

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This topic was pulled from the 86. post within the topic of the day.

Let's just stick to the usual script here. ☕

Parents are clueless and they’re turning their kids into emotional wrecks.

They should just play with a damn Tamagotchi instead of having kids. 🙂

Quote:

Ashley Vaughn79 says: 10.11. What's the absolute biggest mistake a parent can make? ..…

For some people, becoming a parent ☕

https://www.cnbc.com/2020/05/25/bigg...therapist.html

Eco. We’re pretty sharp people, aren't we? ☕

It might not be the biggest issue out there, but it's definitely the most common one—honestly, it's exactly what you guys as moderators tend to run into quite often here on the forum—inconsistency. 🕺

But the real danger, the one that carries the heaviest consequences for a child? That would be disengagement.

Ashley Vaughn79 said:10.11. What's the single biggest mistake a parent can make when raising a child?

Or maybe it's a combination of things...

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This topic was pulled from the 86. post within the topic of the day.

There isn't just one "biggest" mistake.

It’s really about a series of errors. To be more precise, it’s a failure to maintain a healthy relationship with the child—failing to provide a warm environment that is emotionally, mentally, and physically safe during those formative years.

But we have to remember that parents carry the mistakes of their own parents within them. There is this generational cycle of errors, if not outright trauma.

I've been saying for years that the greatest tragedy on this planet is that anyone is allowed to reproduce.

Douglas Cook9 said:Quote:

Ashley Vaughn79 says: 10.11. What's the absolute biggest mistake a parent can make? ..…

For some people, becoming a parent ☕

This!

Ah, a fascinating subject...
It won't take long to figure out who actually has kids here, which essentially serves as a quick way to identify who is currently partnered, married, or perhaps navigating life after a divorce.

😁

Ashley Vaughn79 said:10.11. What's the single biggest mistake a parent can make when raising a child?

Or maybe it's a combination of things...

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This topic was pulled from the 86. post within the topic of the day.

That's a heavy one. A tough question. I guess you really have to sit there and think about it to give a decent answer.

Ronald Brooks5 said:Let's just stick to the usual script here. ☕

Parents are clueless and they’re turning their kids into emotional wrecks.

They should just play with a damn Tamagotchi instead of having kids. 🙂

But I don't know, not everyone is like that.
Most of the time, it's school and the environment that messes kids up; parents just set the foundation, I guess.

The biggest mistake parents make—and I'm not talking about abuse here—is neglect. It’s easy to dismiss a kid who acts out as just being needy or difficult, but that's a huge oversight

Ashley Vaughn79 said:10.11. What's the single biggest mistake a parent can make when raising a child?

Or maybe it's a combination of things...

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This topic was pulled from the 86. post within the topic of the day.

The biggest blunder parents make is treating their kids as if they are somehow less important. Saying things like, "You're just a kid, you'll understand when you're older," or, "Your teacher is going to hear about this, how could she give you a D in math?"

Most parents end up doing more harm than good. They don't realize they're hurting them by essentially putting them under a "glass bell jar."

Maybe the best example of this unfair dynamic is asking a kid how their day went, while simultaneously expecting them to spill everything. Then, when the kid asks you the exact same thing back, you just give a one-word answer instead of actually engaging.

Just remember. Kids often have a much more developed sense of non-verbal communication than most adults do.

Ashley Vaughn79 said:10.11. What's the single biggest mistake a parent can make when raising a child?

Or maybe it's a combination of things...

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This topic was pulled from the 86. post within the topic of the day.

Thinking you’re actually going to be a perfect parent. Like, believing you won't mess up, that you have all the answers, and that your kid is somehow destined to turn out flawless. It's a trap, I guess.

You guys nailed some solid points there, but I’m gonna throw one more onto the pile: overprotecting kids until they’re basically useless adults who can't even make a move without permission—you know, that whole helicopter parenting nonsense. It’s almost always linked to the other stuff. You’ve got the obvious stuff like being cold, verbal abuse, or physical violence. But then there's the psychological side? That's way more pervasive, way more insidious, and honestly, much more destructive in the long run.

George Kim13 said:Ah, a fascinating subject...
It won't take long to figure out who actually has kids here, which essentially serves as a quick way to identify who is currently partnered, married, or perhaps navigating life after a divorce.

😁

A list of triggers? 🤔

I imagine it’s a pretty long one.
Failing to provide children with the stability they deserve—not letting them see that you'd move mountains for them? 🤔

Someone once said—I can't recall who 😁—that there are two essential things kids need to learn.
1. How to distinguish right from wrong.
2. Practical life skills to navigate the world.
If you want your child to grow up to be a happy person...

Chris Cruz942 said:Thinking you’re actually going to be a perfect parent. Like, believing you won't mess up, that you have all the answers, and that your kid is somehow destined to turn out flawless. It's a trap, I guess.

It is far better to own up to a mistake and try to fix it than to stubbornly hammer away at the same error.
👍

In my opinion, the single biggest mistake a parent can make is failing to spend quality time with their child. There really isn't any excuse for that. You have to talk to them constantly—really engage—and truly listen when they bring their problems to you.

I see so many divorced fathers who just don't seem to grasp that being physically and emotionally present whenever possible is what actually matters. A child might act like they’re fine on the surface, but deep down, they’re struggling. They end up just settling for whatever scraps of attention they can get. Some of these parents act like they're providing everything, but in reality, they barely see their kids even twice a month.

When they're little, all they really need is warmth and affection. We shouldn't leave them feeling isolated or forced to fight for a parent's attention from the moment they take their first steps. During those early years, a mother's presence and care are absolutely vital.

William Thompson10 said:In my opinion, the single biggest mistake a parent can make is failing to spend quality time with their child. There really isn't any excuse for that. You have to talk to them constantly—really engage—and truly listen when they bring their problems to you.

I see so many divorced fathers who just don't seem to grasp that being physically and emotionally present whenever possible is what actually matters. A child might act like they’re fine on the surface, but deep down, they’re struggling. They end up just settling for whatever scraps of attention they can get. Some of these parents act like they're providing everything, but in reality, they barely see their kids even twice a month.

When they're little, all they really need is warmth and affection. We shouldn't leave them feeling isolated or forced to fight for a parent's attention from the moment they take their first steps. During those early years, a mother's presence and care are absolutely vital.

Exactly.
Spending time together like you described—talking, listening, playing, exploring, or just being ridiculous together.
It’s often difficult; I get home from work completely drained, and then there's dinner to cook and cleaning to do, yet the kids still demand their time.
They want my undivided attention when showing me their drawings, they want my input on their little projects, they want interaction—they want 150% of me. 😁
Some days I tell myself, "Okay, today gets a mark against my parenting record." Those are the days when I'm just exhausted, and even if I'm physically there, I'm mentally checked out. I'm sitting next to them, but I lack my usual energy.
I suspect they feel it, but I guess you can't avoid having those kinds of days.
Still, when I look at the big picture, I think the successes tend to outweigh the failures.
No parent is perfect—and if there are any, I certainly am not one of them. There isn't some manual on how to raise a child to become a happy, fulfilled adult.
I've made mistakes along the way, and I'll probably make more, but I do reflect on my parenting quite often. I weigh my wins against my losses and try to figure out how to avoid repeating the same errors.
Only time will tell what my biggest mistakes will be, but I hope—really hope—that despite the stumbles, they grow up to be happy, capable people with the right tools to navigate the jungle of life.
They'll always have my support and love, so I suppose, in the end, it all works out. 😳

*Regarding the needs of a mother or father, I think after the first year, they need both equally. That first year is a bit different—the baby needs the mother most during that specific window.

I suppose I should have anticipated that this would become our topic of the day, though I find myself somewhat unprepared for the inevitable debate it will surely spark among us. ruggedscout76 says:
Topic of the day: What is the single greatest mistake a parent can make when raising a child?

Or perhaps it’s more of them...

If we set aside the actual legal transgressions like various forms of abuse, I would argue that the most profound mistake many parents make is operating under the delusion that their primary duty is to engineer their child's happiness. They end up exhausting themselves by dedicating every waking moment to this pursuit, effectively sacrificing everything else in a misguided attempt to manufacture joy.
Please, don't be upset with me. There is really no need to dwell on this or feel downcast; there truly isn't much to worry about. I find myself wondering what has gotten into you today and why you're acting this way—come now, just try to be a good boy for Mom.

While we all find our greatest sense of fulfillment when our children are happy, I suspect our most vital responsibility is actually preparing them for the reality of the world at large. This means fostering a secure environment where they can navigate the full spectrum of their emotions, teaching them that feeling everything—even the difficult things—is entirely normal and nothing to fear. It is about being present without being overbearing, allowing them the space to experience their own small lives and learn how to manage those feelings independently as they grow.

William Thompson10 said:In my opinion, the single biggest mistake a parent can make is failing to spend quality time with their child. There really isn't any excuse for that. You have to talk to them constantly—really engage—and truly listen when they bring their problems to you.

I see so many divorced fathers who just don't seem to grasp that being physically and emotionally present whenever possible is what actually matters. A child might act like they’re fine on the surface, but deep down, they’re struggling. They end up just settling for whatever scraps of attention they can get. Some of these parents act like they're providing everything, but in reality, they barely see their kids even twice a month.

When they're little, all they really need is warmth and affection. We shouldn't leave them feeling isolated or forced to fight for a parent's attention from the moment they take their first steps. During those early years, a mother's presence and care are absolutely vital.

Well said, quietbadger11. 👍👍
This is such a beautiful post. I honestly agree with every single word you wrote; it’s about actions, not just words.

To entire list of grievances should be expanded to include the fact that we essentially allow the media to act as the primary "educator" for our children.

We are currently witnessing a pervasive, large-scale decline in collective intelligence. Media moguls aren't even hiding it anymore; they basically argue that they produce and broadcast mindless drivel simply because that’s what generates the most clicks—they claim they are merely giving the public exactly what it craves. We have reached a truly absurd tipping point where the lower the quality, the higher the profit.

Children are being fed this sludge from their earliest years, and frankly, it would be nothing short of a miracle if the outcome were anything else. What we are left with is a massive population of intellectually stunted individuals, perfectly primed to swallow even more vapid content and utterly incapable of independent thought.

I was hanging out with an acquaintance, her husband, and their three-year-old son. The little guy absolutely lost it when a pigeon landed right next to him 🤣—sounds ridiculous when I put it like that, but he genuinely panicked, screaming his head off and crying hysterically. His parents? Not a single reaction.
When I asked why they weren't comforting him, she just shrugged and said, "Come on, it’s just a pigeon. He needs to toughen up a bit; we can't have him acting like a little girl."

The way she handled that... 😱
it honestly made my skin crawl.
Women expect their partners to be gentle, polite, and romantic—but how can we expect that if we're teaching boys from the ground up to be total jerks?
I think it’s perfectly fine to comfort a toddler who’s legitimately terrified of a damn pigeon. To adults, it looks silly, but to him, that fear is very real.

Once they weren't looking, I gave him a hug, stroked his hair, and wiped away his tears. 😳

Drew Ross2 said:Exactly.
Spending time together like you described—talking, listening, playing, exploring, or just being ridiculous together.
It’s often difficult; I get home from work completely drained, and then there's dinner to cook and cleaning to do, yet the kids still demand their time.
They want my undivided attention when showing me their drawings, they want my input on their little projects, they want interaction—they want 150% of me. 😁
Some days I tell myself, "Okay, today gets a mark against my parenting record." Those are the days when I'm just exhausted, and even if I'm physically there, I'm mentally checked out. I'm sitting next to them, but I lack my usual energy.
I suspect they feel it, but I guess you can't avoid having those kinds of days.
Still, when I look at the big picture, I think the successes tend to outweigh the failures.
No parent is perfect—and if there are any, I certainly am not one of them. There isn't some manual on how to raise a child to become a happy, fulfilled adult.
I've made mistakes along the way, and I'll probably make more, but I do reflect on my parenting quite often. I weigh my wins against my losses and try to figure out how to avoid repeating the same errors.
Only time will tell what my biggest mistakes will be, but I hope—really hope—that despite the stumbles, they grow up to be happy, capable people with the right tools to navigate the jungle of life.
They'll always have my support and love, so I suppose, in the end, it all works out. 😳

*Regarding the needs of a mother or father, I think after the first year, they need both equally. That first year is a bit different—the baby needs the mother most during that specific window.

Exactly—mom, and just mom.

I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or being self-righteous about it. It’s more about those heavy moments when I see my son’s sadness, for instance, because his dad couldn't make it out for a bike ride due to exhaustion. He was really looking forward to us all riding together. That's just one small example from a long list. Honestly, I feel like I'm failing at every turn, constantly feeling like I'm falling short as a parent.
The biggest waves of judgment and criticism usually hit when I mention that I went to the coast with my ex-wife. 😁.
I can already see the backlash starting here, too.

William Thompson10 said:Exactly—mom, and just mom.

I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or being self-righteous about it. It’s more about those heavy moments when I see my son’s sadness, for instance, because his dad couldn't make it out for a bike ride due to exhaustion. He was really looking forward to us all riding together. That's just one small example from a long list. Honestly, I feel like I'm failing at every turn, constantly feeling like I'm falling short as a parent.
The biggest waves of judgment and criticism usually hit when I mention that I went to the coast with my ex-wife. 😁.
I can already see the backlash starting here, too.

Someone smart once told me that whenever I start doubting myself, I’m actually doing an excellent job as a parent—so, yeah. 👍