Under 30

If there’s any truth to the idea that women need to have their first child before thirty—especially for their own health—then I’m officially panicking. I hit thirty in a month (god, that sounds grim), and suddenly this supposed rule doesn't apply to me anymore. If it actually is true? I just hope it won't be too late later on...

exactly😢
plus I’ve already dealt with one lost pregnancy before
now I don't even have any candidates left in the mix
man... I really shouldn't be showing up for stuff like this

I won't lie, starting this thread wasn't easy for me either, but damn, sister, we aren't alone in this. I pictured my younger self living a completely different life at this age. Mostly, I saw myself as a mother, but nope: college, career, nonsense, distractions—just a bunch of trivialities that ended up feeling like weights around my neck. And now thirty is knocking on the door. You have to let it in, unfortunately.

Oh, please—don't be ridiculous! Life expectancy is climbing, our quality of life is steadily improving, and medical science is advancing at such a breakneck pace... Honestly, there are women out there who don't even start seriously considering having children until their mid-forties. So, you still have at least another decade of fertility ahead of you—and just to clear up any confusion, I’m 34 myself!

To quote a colleague of mine: in just six months, you could meet the love of your life, get pregnant, and tie the knot...

Kate Kern6 said:... I'm turning thirty in a month (brrr, that sounds absolutely brutal),

then why does your profile say you were born in 1977?
And that your birthday is April 6th.

If that's true, how is your birthday only a month away?
😵

Look, ladies, quit talking nonsense. I’m currently in my first pregnancy and I’ll be hitting 32 this February. In my social circle, I’m actually one of the younger moms. But that’s because we live in America; here, things have shifted, whereas if I were back home, people would still be stuck in that primitive mindset about women being "old" if they don't jump into motherhood immediately. Times have changed drastically—women are having kids much later on average now and there aren't any issues with it. Nobody treats me like some "old first-timer," though if I were in that other place, I’d definitely be singled out with all sorts of weird expectations. I’m nearing the end of my pregnancy now and honestly, I haven't had a single health issue; I'm still staying active every single day, swimming, hiking, riding my scooter, and I even went skiing right up until the end of the season when I was three months along. It really just comes down to your mindset. The human body is capable of way more than we give it credit for.👍And honestly, if I felt like it, I’d still have plenty of time to pop out five more kids.

Research suggests that having children before age 30 can actually lower a woman's risk for breast and ovarian cancer.

My wife is 67 now. She had her first child at 26 and her second at 37—which back then was considered quite late.

mellowbadger8, if that's true, why are clinics constantly packed with women struggling to conceive in their later years? Most people end up paying thousands for IVF, not to mention the massive costs involved with surrogacy.

It isn't just about women, either. Men's fertility declines significantly too. They lose that quality much earlier in life. I know there are exceptions, but plenty of studies have shown the benefits of younger mothers.

Medicine has certainly come a long way, though. It’s worth noting that many of those women conceiving in their 40s are using assisted reproductive technology.

There's a lot more to this topic than just a casual comment... the human body really does perform miracles.

Jamie Clark74, you really know how to lift my mood

Hey, Jamie Clark74, do you have any idea how many women in their twenties struggle with infertility? Probably not, which explains why you're posting such nonsense.
Do you even realize how easily women over thirty get pregnant? But again, I doubt you've given it a second thought.

You aren't an expert on this, so stop regurgitating things you've overheard or read online without actually understanding the reality of the situation.

Just for context—my father is a gynecologist. Maybe that carries some weight for you.

Ladies, don't start panicking before it's even necessary. Just let things happen naturally and stop obsessing over what "should" have happened or worrying that you're "too late." Life is unpredictable, and constantly stressing over this kind of triviality is honestly bad for your health. 👋

Look, Jamie Clark74, you seriously have zero chill. What, is every woman supposed to just hang herself the second she hits thirty if she hasn't found someone to raise kids with yet? Seriously? BTW, my ex was dealing with fertility issues way before he even hit thirty 😉, whereas I got pregnant with my husband at 31 on the very first try, no sweat at all. My mom actually had two kids out of wedlock right after me, also in her mid-twenties, and they couldn't have any more children after that. There aren't any universal rules here, so if you think you need to go around bashing these women, just go tell your "wisdom" to someone else. 🙄
There is a massive difference between getting pregnant in your thirties versus waiting until you're over forty 😉. You know how it is out there—in the States, the pressure is intense, but honestly, it’s mostly just because people are being judgmental and old-fashioned, not because of any actual medical reality.

I don't mean to alarm anyone, but I feel compelled to share my own history:
My first pregnancy was at 29, and everything went smoothly.
The second, at 33, required two months of strict bed rest.
The third, at 36, ended in a miscarriage after just two months.
The fourth, at 37, meant months of being confined to bed.

It is my understanding that a woman's fertility begins to decline around age 27 or 28—strictly from a biological standpoint.

I believe I heard this mentioned once on an Oprah Winfrey special, though I suppose even those production teams likely conduct their own research before broadcasting such claims.

Personally, I don't find myself dwelling much on environmental factors. I tend to focus more on the underlying biology. If fertility truly does start to dip after age 30, then I suppose we all really ought to hurry...

It seems much simpler for men, as they can theoretically become fathers well into their 70s...🙂

Karen Brooks said:Jamie Clark74, do you have any idea how many women in their twenties struggle with infertility? You’re probably just talking nonsense.
And do you know how many women over thirty conceive without any issues at all? I'm guessing you don't.

You aren't an expert here. Please stop repeating things you've heard or read if you don't actually understand the subject.

Just for context, my father is a gynecologist, if that matters to you.

Ladies, please don't panic before it's even necessary. Just let things happen naturally. Don't obsess over what "should" have happened or worry that you've missed your window. Life is unpredictable, and constant worrying about this stuff isn't healthy for anyone. 👋

I actually know quite a bit about this; I didn't spend two years at Harvard Medical School for nothing. While I'm certainly no medical professional, I do stay informed and read up on the facts.

There are plenty of young people and plenty of older people who face fertility challenges.
Besides, didn't you see me mention that my wife was 37 when she gave birth? Thirty years ago, that would have been considered quite late.

Nowadays, with more women focusing on their careers, it's very common to see births occurring between ages 36 and 43 in places like the US.

But let's be real: as women get older, the chances of conceiving naturally do decrease. Your father would likely tell you the same thing.

P.S.

Infertility
Human reproductive capacity is lower compared to other species, with roughly 15% of couples facing infertility. Delaying pregnancy and childbirth into later years is becoming a significant issue and a driver of rising infertility rates, as the cumulative effects of various environmental factors can impact reproductive health.

👋 👋

Take my aunt’s experience for instance. She couldn't conceive at all until she hit 39. After endless tests, doctors basically told her it wasn't happening, so she had already made peace with adoption. Then, out of nowhere, she gets pregnant for the first time at 39. I don't even know how to describe it—it was a perfectly normal pregnancy, no bed rest required, and she delivered without a hitch. Two years later, at 42, she had a second child just as easily. By the time she was 44, she had a third. It was seamless. Just for context, her oldest daughter is 38 now, and my aunt was born and raised right here in the States.

At the end of the day, it’s all incredibly subjective, and you have to look at it through that lens.
It's also worth noting that male infertility is skyrocketing lately, so those stories about people having kids much later in life are actually quite rare outliers. If we're talking extremes, though, there was a woman in the US who recently gave birth at 60. Granted, she used frozen eggs and IVF, so it was assisted.
But if we want to stick strictly to biology, male fertility drops off as men age, along with sperm quality. We could sit here and talk ourselves into an early grave about it, really.🙄

Bill said:The older a woman gets, the slimmer her chances of conceiving. Your own old man would tell you the same thing.

The only advice I ever got regarding this matter was: "Just start overthinking it, and I guarantee you'll run into trouble."

👋

Karen Brooks said:Look, Bill, you’re being way too extreme. It's not like every woman over thirty should just give up on life because she hasn't found a partner to start a family with yet.

Maybe Bill was just a bit blunt about it. The reality is there are more women prioritizing their careers only to realize at 40 that money isn't everything and they actually want to be mothers. That's where the trouble starts. I'm not saying society should dictate these choices, but young women need to be realistic. My wife and I were exactly like that; kids weren't even a thought for us. When we finally considered it, we had that typical "it'll work itself out" attitude. We were wrong. Nobody warned us that one in five couples struggles with fertility.

While it's true many young people face fertility issues, it's worth noting that many conditions are treatable—provided the woman isn't past a certain age. Given what we know now, my wife and I would have gone in for fertility testing at 27 or 28. If there were any red flags, we would have started treatment immediately and escalated it quickly.

Karen Brooks said:My aunt had a similar experience. She couldn't conceive at all until she was 39. After endless testing, doctors told her she was infertile, and she was actually planning on adoption. Then, out of nowhere, she got pregnant at 39. It was a perfectly healthy pregnancy—no bed rest required, and she delivered without any issues. Two years later, at 42, she had a second child just as easily. By 44, she had a third. Just to put it in perspective, her oldest daughter is 38 now, and my aunt was born and raised here in the USA.

Sure, but have you heard about the guy who fell from seven stories and walked away with barely a scratch? Anecdotes aren't proof. Check the actual statistics before claiming it isn't an issue...

Karen Brooks said:So, it’s all highly subjective and needs to be viewed that way.
I should also mention that male infertility is rising sharply these days, so these stories about people having children very late are extremely rare outliers. If we want to talk about extremes, a woman in the USA recently gave birth in her 60s. To be fair, she used frozen eggs, so it was assisted reproduction.
If we're strictly looking at biology, male fertility and sperm quality decline with age too. We could sit here talking until we pass out, but it won't change the facts. 🙄

Look, there is a wide spectrum of options between accepting a problem and committing suicide.

You're right, stormylynx14, five out of five. But now consider the women who have crossed thirty without finding a life partner. It doesn't always boil down to career ambitions; sometimes the reasons are much more complicated than that. This kind of thinking definitely won't make their lives any easier.

stormylynx14 said:Sure, but have you heard about that guy who fell from a seven-story building and walked away with just a few scratches? Anecdotes don't prove anything. Look at the actual statistics before claiming it isn't an issue... Listen, there is a massive spectrum of possibilities between finding a compromise and taking your own life.

At least by now, you should've realized I'm not a man.🙄

And this isn't just some random anecdote either; it's just one instance in a long line of them.

Hey, my apologies for the misunderstanding; I didn't catch your avatar (my left eye fails me sometimes 😉).

As for the reasoning, I realize this won't do much for women stuck in a coma due to a lack of decent partners, circumstances, or sheer bad luck. However, it might offer some solace to those making conscious choices. There are plenty of them, and we were once in that exact position.

Regarding that series of cases, let me rephrase: What is the actual ratio of successful late-stage pregnancies versus those who wanted them but couldn't have them? Keep in mind that only a tiny fraction of people will ever speak openly about that struggle.