Unsolicited advice: Let's vent

rapidhound90 said:It’s really about some peer of hers, and honestly, I’m convinced this third party is the actual trigger behind all this rage—if you can even call it that—she’s throwing my way, though it’s just way easier for her to take it out on me instead of dealing with the real issue.

I probably shouldn't even bother engaging, but since she acts like she’s got my whole life mapped out, I figured there was at least some point in giving her a surface-level explanation of where I stand, except it turns out she isn't actually looking for an explanation because she’s already decided she knows exactly what the "right" way to live is.

rapidhound90 said:So there’s this one person I only run into once a year, and honestly, I haven't a clue why she hates my guts so much, but yesterday she absolutely ripped into me with this sermon about how I ought to be living her life that left me totally speechless.

At first, I just chalked it up to us running out of things to talk about, but when she circled right back to the same nonsense after a while, I tried explaining my perspective and why I don't follow her precious little advice, and then—get this—when she doubled down on the same crap a third time, I finally snapped back with some childish remark and somehow, miraculously, that actually shut her up.

I seriously can't wrap my head around how some people think they have the right to barge into everyone else's business like that, especially when your lives have absolutely nothing in common, yet they insist on comparing themselves to you, acting like these enlightened mentors who just *get* you, when let's be real, they aren't even in the same league as you in most ways and they actually brag about stuff you find borderline sociopathic!

It’s become pretty obvious to me that people who’ve actually lived a real life and been through some actual shit never bother attacking other people's choices, unlike these types who spend their entire day sitting at Starbucks or whatever, meddling in everyone else's affairs with their unsolicited "wisdom."

How do these people even pick a "target," and where do they get the nerve to invade someone's privacy like that? How do you guys deal with this garbage? Personally, I regret even bothering to explain my side of things to her, because I'm pretty sure I just handed her more ammunition to weave into her little drama next time! Are these people just straight-up malicious?

Walter Peterson said:They are either malicious or deeply insecure—usually both. Frankly, their specific motivations matter little, and neither does the involvement of a third party.

The victim is always selected based on perceived vulnerability.

Become a tiger or a snake, and they will leave you alone.

rapidhound90 said:So there’s this one person I only run into once a year, and honestly, I haven't a clue why she hates my guts so much, but yesterday she absolutely ripped into me with this sermon about how I ought to be living her life that left me totally speechless.

At first, I just chalked it up to us running out of things to talk about, but when she circled right back to the same nonsense after a while, I tried explaining my perspective and why I don't follow her precious little advice, and then—get this—when she doubled down on the same crap a third time, I finally snapped back with some childish remark and somehow, miraculously, that actually shut her up.

I seriously can't wrap my head around how some people think they have the right to barge into everyone else's business like that, especially when your lives have absolutely nothing in common, yet they insist on comparing themselves to you, acting like these enlightened mentors who just *get* you, when let's be real, they aren't even in the same league as you in most ways and they actually brag about stuff you find borderline sociopathic!

It’s become pretty obvious to me that people who’ve actually lived a real life and been through some actual shit never bother attacking other people's choices, unlike these types who spend their entire day sitting at Starbucks or whatever, meddling in everyone else's affairs with their unsolicited "wisdom."

How do these people even pick a "target," and where do they get the nerve to invade someone's privacy like that? How do you guys deal with this garbage? Personally, I regret even bothering to explain my side of things to her, because I'm pretty sure I just handed her more ammunition to weave into her little drama next time! Are these people just straight-up malicious?

Maria Nelson35 said:The previous post hit the nail on the head; you're acting like a pushover. 😉
Personally, rather than poisoning my own soul by trying to play the tiger or the snake, I’d take on people like that armed with nothing but sarcasm and humor.

rapidhound90 said:I honestly can't even crack a smile when I'm dealing with someone who starts giving those "lectures" where suddenly I'm seeing them in a whole new light. I just sit there watching the scowl form, the eyes bulging out, the mouth twisting into these weird shapes, all while they’re throwing their hands around and taking this ridiculous combat stance, turning red in the face... and I start thinking that if I actually let myself get worked up and try to argue back, I'll end up looking just as pathetic as they do, so I just stay calm and state my piece, but once that fails and I realize how ugly they look while acting out, I just start viewing them as a complete idiot. I know it's probably just a defense mechanism kicking in, but hey, it's what I've got.

Christian Harris2 said:@rapidhound90 I suppose people like that aren't actually interested in helping you out. It seems more likely that they just want to signal to everyone else that they hold the "correct" opinions on everything, whether it's parenting or even just the price of milk at the grocery store. I guess you aren't really the priority to her; she probably just wants to present herself in the best possible light to the group, even if it isn't entirely true. It might not even be personal, really. If you hadn't been there, she probably would have just found someone else to pick on.

Sam Hayes said:I actually know someone just like that—honestly, you should probably just let it go. It sounds like an incredibly insecure individual who decided to use you as a punching bag for all their own deep-seated frustrations... You really don't need that kind of energy in your life. I guess it's best to just let them continue existing in their own tiny, narrow little world while you focus on surrounding yourself with much more grounded, healthy people...

wiredeagle25 said:I suppose this solution works. But... there are plenty of people like that out there. I guess you can't exactly run away and hide from everyone all the time. 🤷

wiredeagle25 said:This is a pretty interesting topic 🙂.
How should one actually handle people who make judging others their full-time job?
Ignoring them doesn't work—they just keep going and end up suffocating everyone around them (and I guess nobody is truly immune to constant criticism). Getting into an argument feels like a waste of time and energy, yet the situation just keeps escalating. Maybe patience isn't the answer either.😕