Who am I?

Hey everyone, I really need some advice here!

I honestly don't know what to do with myself lately; I feel like a total wreck.
I’ve got about a year left before I have to decide on a college major, but since I've been acting so lazy and indecisive, I haven't a clue what I actually want to do. Lately, I've been obsessed with the idea of becoming a flight attendant because the job hits on basically everything I love😍(though part of me worries it might just be a passing phase). The problem is, I haven't said a word about this to my parents. I don't really talk to them much, and I almost never tell them what I'm actually feeling or wanting. It's like this stupid example where whenever we're at Target, my mom just picks everything out for me; I don't even have the energy to push back because if I finally suggest something, she just gives me that look like, "Fine, buy it if you want, but you're probably going to regret it." They've already decided in their heads that I'm going to go to some local state school because money is tight for us right now. So, my actual dreams are just something I suffer through in silence.

Another thing that's eating at me is that I've been feeling so desperate for attention lately. I get legitimately angry when nobody acknowledges me, and I've kind of retreated into this perfect little bubble I've built for myself where I just live in my own head. I have zero motivation to study or even leave the house!🙂I'm constantly glued to my laptop, totally lost in whatever I'm doing online.

Thirdly, I keep noticing during conversations that I'm the one rambling on while everyone else just sits there in silence. Even when I try to ask them something, they give these super short answers and then it's just dead air again. It makes me worry that I've become incredibly selfish. Plus, I've got some unresolved drama with my friends that I just keep dwelling on.🙄

I'm at a loss, seriously. Please, give me your thoughts, some advice, or even just some harsh criticism. I'll take anything at this point. 🙂

Maybe my old thread "Who you want to be, what you want to own, and what you want to do" might actually give you some direction. I laid out a bunch of questions in there that should help you dig through the noise and find your own answers.

Look, whatever you do, do NOT enroll in a college program just because you feel like you have to. If you aren't genuinely obsessed with the subject, don't bother. Money shouldn't even be on your radar as a primary driver—trust me on this. I went through the grind myself, and I saw firsthand how fast people burn out and drop out when they're only there for a paycheck. It’s better to take a gap year, grab a job, stack some cash, and then head to the school you actually care about in a year or two.

Listen to your parents—they usually mean well—but at the end of the day, the call has to be yours. You don't need everyone to agree with your life choices. Period. No matter how much you try to please people, someone is always going to think you're wrong. Just own it.

If you're spending half your life glued to a laptop, try to make that screen time actually count for something. Instead of mindless scrolling, maybe start teaching yourself how to code so you can eventually freelance, or read something that actually expands your brain. Watch documentaries, meet people online and then actually grab a coffee with them in person—real life matters. But also, for heaven's sake, step away from the computer once in a while. Go outside, get a hobby, do something that doesn't involve a power outlet.

The lack of motivation is what kills you once you actually get to campus. Here’s a little trick: act like you’re already enrolled. Start studying the material now, dive into the topics, and build a daily routine. There’s a ton of cool stuff out there if you look for it. If you do this, you won't just learn the material, you'll actually build the habit of learning, which is way more important 🙂

Just be real. Honesty is almost always the best policy. If something is bothering you, talk it out with your friends. If you messed up, own it and apologize. If they're the ones acting up, confront them and see if you can work it out. Yeah, maybe a friendship will end, but at least you won't be stuck living a lie. Like I said before, go meet new people—sometimes you just outgrow your old crew and that's okay.

Just get moving. Do one small thing for yourself every single day. Good luck 🙂