Workplace harassment

I’m not really sure where this belongs, so mods, feel free to move this wherever... sorry in advance.

So, I need some help, advice, support... something...
My boss at work is basically making it impossible for me to even breathe. There are four of us on staff. All the other women have known her forever, so they know they have to kiss her ass constantly—basically sucking up to her, bringing her little treats or snacks to the office, which just isn't my style.
I mostly just keep to myself, stay out of the drama, and do exactly what I’m paid to do.
When I first started, they barely showed me the ropes. They kept telling me I didn't need to know certain things yet, as if I wouldn't figure it out once things actually got difficult, so I've had to teach myself most of the job through trial and error...
The vibe toward me is pretty much nonexistent. When we’re all in, the veteran employees and the boss huddle up and chat, while I’m just stuck over on the other side of the room.
Whatever, I’m used to being ignored by now; you just learn to tune it out.
I don't care about the local office gossip, I just want to do my job well and get through the day.
But man, she just won't let it go.
A few months ago, the nonsense really ramped up.
I’ll be working in the morning, she walks in, and starts screaming at me, claiming I said something that I never even uttered. When the big boss stepped in, she tried to claim I just "misunderstood" her.
I've dealt with that before.
She’s never actually criticized my work—never told me I missed a spot or did something wrong, everything is technically fine—but according to her, everyone is complaining about me.
I should mention she’s the same age as me, talks to customers like they're children, and doesn't hesitate to be rude to anyone regardless of age, or even hang up on someone mid-sentence... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
When I was hired, I was told that when she speaks to me, I should just shut up, because if I try to talk back, things will only get worse.
But I'm reaching my breaking point and I honestly don't know how to handle this anymore.
She treats me like a doormat.
We crossed paths one morning, me on one end and her on the other. When I tried to say hello, she just looked right past me.
The next day, she met me at work with this massive attitude, demanding to know if I knew who she was and why I didn't greet her, saying my "silent behavior" was unacceptable and that people were complaining about me—though she wouldn't name names.
Total nonsense.
Her ego and the way she acts have probably driven away half our clientele.
There isn't a single person here who hasn't had something negative to say about her.
But whatever, it gets to me too.
I know I do good work and I know how I treat people, so these petty power trips and idiocy really get under my skin.
Not a single day goes by without some version of this happening.
Whenever I try to start a conversation, she snaps at me to "only speak if it's something smart."
But when she's talking to me, it's always "you listen to me," and having to hear "do you hear me?" two or three times every single time...

And I just stay quiet because I'm afraid to push back, and I'm slowly losing my mind.
I think the stress is so bad it actually messed up my cycle; my period came two weeks early.
I walk into work with a knot in my stomach... it's a nightmare.
If you haven't lived through something like this, you have no idea what a living hell it is.
Just waiting every day for her next outburst, her little games, or the threat of being fired—which she could pull at any second. And I don't even need to tell you that the paycheck isn't exactly huge, so I need this job, and given how bad the economy is right now, I'm just grateful to have something.
The upper management doesn't care about this "problem"; they don't want to get involved in what they call "office politics."

Help...

coastalnomad62 said:I’m not sure where this belongs, so admins feel free to move it. Sorry in advance.

Basically, I need help, advice, support... anything.
My boss is making my life a living hell. There are four of us on staff. All the other women have known her forever, so they basically kiss her ass. They bring her everything from baked goods to candy just to stay on her good side, which is honestly ridiculous to me.
I just keep my head down, stay out of the drama, and do exactly what I'm paid to do.
When I first started, nobody would tell me anything useful. They kept saying I didn't need to know how things worked until I inevitably ran into a problem, so I've had to figure most stuff out on my own through sheer trial and error.
The dynamic is terrible. When we're all at work, the veteran employees and the boss huddle together to chat, while I’m left standing on the other side of the room alone.
Whatever. I’m used to being ignored; you just learn to tune it out.
I don't care about local office gossip. I just want to do my job well and go home.
But the nightmare won't end.
A few months ago, the drama started.
I'll be working my morning shift, she'll show up, and start screaming at me, claiming I said something I never even uttered. When the owner showed up, she tried to claim I just "misunderstood" her.
I've dealt with that before.
She never actually critiques my work—she's never told me I missed a spot or did something wrong, everything is technically fine—but she constantly claims people are complaining about me.
Keep in mind, she’s the same age as me. She talks down to customers like they're children, insults people regardless of their age, and isn't afraid to hang up on someone mid-sentence... the list goes on.
When I was hired, I was told to just shut up and take whatever she says, because if I talk back, things will only get worse.
But I am reaching my breaking point and I don't know what to do.
She treats me like dirt.
We crossed paths one morning, me on one end and her on the other. When I tried to say hello, she literally turned her head away from me.
The next day, she cornered me at work with this arrogant attitude, demanding to know if I knew who she was and why I hadn't greeted her. She claimed my "quiet behavior" was unacceptable and that everyone was complaining about me, though she wouldn't name anyone.
Total nonsense.
Her arrogance and attitude have probably driven away half her customer base by now.
There isn't a single person here who hasn't said something against her.
Doesn't matter, though. It's exhausting.
I know I do my job right and I'm good with people, so these little power trips drive me crazy.
Not a single day goes by without some version of this happening.
If I try to start a conversation, she tells me to only speak if it's something "smart."
But when she speaks to me, it's always "you listen to me," and she makes me repeat myself two or three times just to prove she's in charge.

And I just stay silent because I'm too afraid to push back, and it's driving me insane.
I think the stress actually messed up my cycle; I got my period two weeks early because of it.
I walk into work with a knot in my stomach. It's pure misery.
If you haven't lived through this, you have no idea what a living hell it is.
Every single day I'm walking on eggshells, waiting for her next outburst, her petty games, or for her to fire me—which she could do at any second. And I won't even mention that the pay is barely enough to cover the basics. I need this job, and with the way the economy is, I'm lucky to even have it.
The upper management doesn't care about this "problem." They don't want to get involved in what they call "office gossip."

Help...

Forget "help"... I will never understand putting up with something that horrific just because you're scared of losing a likely low-paying job. If you value your health—and your health is priceless—just run.

Man, that sounds brutal. Just a total nightmare.
I think we’ve all dealt with some version of workplace bullying at some point... even me. At my very first job, I had this arrogant jerk of a coworker who just absolutely tormented me mentally. Since I was young and had zero experience under my belt, he figured I was an easy target. It was constant... "hurry up, hurry up," while he sat there being lazy as hell, constantly stepping out for smoke breaks, leaving the rest of us to pick up his slack. I actually stayed quiet for the first two weeks, just taking it, until I finally snapped and laid into him—told him exactly what I thought, told him to quit smoking on the clock, and to actually do his damn job. I know it’s hard to find the guts to do something like that, but you’re eventually going to have to stand your ground. At my current office, most of the ladies have these whole suburban lives—gardens, kids, the works—and here I am, just living in my apartment. I’m not really into the whole small-town gossip vibe either, but I try to chime in occasionally with a little "how's this going?" or "what happened with that?" because if you just sit there in silence while they're all chatting, they start wondering why you're being so standoffish. Try to engage a little bit, but honestly... if they keep icing you out, you might be better off just sending out resumes. You'll lose your mind if you stay. Maybe you'll find a crew that actually gets you. 👋

My little piece of advice? Pull her aside and demand specifics. Ask her to point exactly to where you messed up or failed. Let her show you how it’s actually done! She won't, of course.

Tell her straight: you're here for a paycheck, not to be a dumping ground for someone else's frustrations. You didn't apply for this job looking for a best friend to carry through life; you came here to work.

I've dealt with every kind of manager under the sun—I even ended up in court with one absolute lunatic. Believe me, the only thing that works is facing them head-on. At the end of the day, it is JUST a job. Why let it become your entire identity, no matter how hard it is to find work these days?

Your mental health is going to tank, and then your physical health follows right after. People say if you're struggling, you're just dead weight. Honestly? Just start digging for any job you can find—anything at all... and until then, just stay out of the line of fire. If they're coming at you for no reason, don't push back or escalate the tone. It sounds like your manager has zero class, let alone basic decency... she's acting straight-up trash.