Schizophrenia - General Discussion

Jose Ward4 said:Look, I’ve never actually been blamed for being sick. Seriously. No one has ever looked at me with pity. Not even my parents. They just handled things normally, you know? It wasn't a big drama. The only time I felt that kind of sympathy was back when I was younger—way back when I was still green and naive—and the doctors would actually show me some compassion. But not anymore. Not these days.

It’s honestly impossible to wrap my head around it when they aren't dealing with it themselves. It's like... how am I supposed to explain what it feels like to live with two broken arms? I just can't. I have no clue because, thank God, mine are perfectly fine. They lack that lived experience, and honestly, I'm grateful they don't have to go through it.

That’s exactly what I always tell people. It's why whenever I'm out and about hanging with friends, I make it a point never to bring up sickness or anything heavy like that.

Jose Ward4 said:I honestly don't have that perspective. I've just never experienced anything like that myself.

Have you completely lost touch with reality?

Jose Ward4 said:Maybe that's just what you're afraid of.😉.

Yeah, maybe, but I'm also talking about the fear of actually getting hurt.

Laura Castillo6 said:That’s exactly what I always tell people. It's why whenever I'm out and about hanging with friends, I make it a point never to bring up sickness or anything heavy like that.

I'm the same way. I'll only mention it if someone actually asks me directly. Usually, it's those types of people who open up first, asking if anyone else has gone through similar things. Then I’ll just say, "Yeah, I have schizophrenia, but it’s not the end of the world." You learn to live with it.

Laura Castillo6 said:Have you completely lost touch with reality?

Yeah, maybe, but I'm also talking about the fear of actually getting hurt.

No, I haven't. Not since I was in the hospital last year and felt like I had become neo from the Matrix. I thought you were asking if *other* people assume I've lost touch with reality and how I deal with that stigma. Honestly, that thought still stings if it happens. I know why I feel that way—I'm being vulnerable, and even though most people are understanding, everyone processes it differently. Usually, people who are at peace with themselves don't struggle with accepting someone else's diagnosis. Others... they just don't get it because they're coming from a place of fear.

Laura Castillo6 said:Have you completely lost touch with reality?

Yeah, maybe, but I'm also talking about the fear of actually getting hurt.

I don't really carry those fears anymore. Especially since I've been living on my own for almost two years now. Listen, if you find someone who can accept your condition, there is nothing better. Someone truly empathetic. In some ways, I'm no different from people without any diagnosis. I work, I have my own apartment, I'm independent—all while managing schizophrenia. Back when I was at the clinic, the doctors told me I wasn't even considered a severe case.

Once things settle down, it’s not the end of the world, but during that acute phase, you really can't afford to skip out on psychiatric care. That’s the part I’m not a fan of—feeling like you're left hanging when things are most intense.

But then again, I guess it's the same deal with a stroke or a heart attack...

Laura Castillo6 said:Once things settle down, it’s not the end of the world, but during that acute phase, you really can't afford to skip out on psychiatric care. That’s the part I’m not a fan of—feeling like you're left hanging when things are most intense.

But then again, I guess it's the same deal with a stroke or a heart attack...

I mean, yeah, you're right. When you're having a crisis, you don't want to die in a hospital. My last stay wasn't even that intense, but I was stuck there for a month. Honestly? It felt more like a vacation. Except for one thing: the conditions are absolutely miserable. They were literally painting the walls right when I checked in, and don't even get me started on the bathrooms. God, it was awful. It wasn't built for actual human beings. The entire ward needs a total overhaul from top to bottom. It’s an embarrassment to the American healthcare system. Just inhumane. And the food? Don't even ask. There isn't a single piece of fruit in the place. I think I had maybe two bananas and two apples in the entire month. My roommate actually ended up sharing bananas that his family brought him because they weren't giving me enough. I even had to use my own money to buy ice cream and coffee. It feels wrong, you know? Having to spend your own cash on basic necessities like decent food. Meanwhile, back in the day, when my dad was hospitalized, the food was like a five-star steakhouse. They really let things slide. It's pathetic.

I kind of look at it as a little timeout from real life. But hey, what can you do? A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

Laura Castillo6 said:I kind of look at it as a little timeout from real life. But hey, what can you do? A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

Exactly. That’s how it goes. When you’re truly hurting, you know you need the hospital. You just know. I remember calling 911 once—I told them I was fine, even though I felt like I was dying. I actually had to practically beg them to come out. It’s a surreal experience.

I ended up putting on 'Curb Your Enthusiasm.' You probably know it; I can't even remember which season I was on. I watched a few episodes back then and honestly, you'll die laughing. Highly recommended. Now, I'm just chilling in bed, watching a series, hoping to be asleep by midnight or 1 AM. Just taking it easy. That's just how things are right now.

Laura Castillo6 said:If you ask me, the absolute scariest part is losing your grip on reality. I think that's why people are so terrified of it in the first place.

Yeah, that’s the main point I forgot to bring up earlier. Ultimately, losing your grip on reality manifests as hallucinations, and I've actually dealt with visual, auditory, and even olfactory ones myself.

I used to have all those tactile versions myself. They’re pretty hard to come by these days, aren't they?

By the way, this thread just blew past a million views! Not a huge number of people actually posting their own firsthand experiences, but man, a lot of people are definitely lurking and interested. 🙂

I don’t know, man. My psychiatrist basically laid it out for me last time—hospitalization is the absolute last resort. He told me, look, if you show up at the ER in crisis three or four times, fine. But the fifth time? That’s when we’re looking at an inpatient stay, whether you like it or not.

And honestly, the actual staying there isn't even the hardest part. It’s just... weird. It trips me out how they lock you down in a closed ward the second you check yourself in voluntarily. It makes no sense to me, especially since I’ve seen people check themselves in just like I did and they get placed in the open unit right away.

In Italy, it's different. You check yourself in voluntarily, they put you in an open ward, and once the crisis passes, you're out. I remember watching a documentary about it on the BBC a while back.

Alright, I’m jumping in too... mostly because I'm dying to hear everyone's stories. Jose Ward4, how did you even end up becoming neo, and what kind of stuff were you actually doing while you were at it? And John, tell me more about these tactile hallucinations—is it like feeling someone tickling you, or that creepy sensation of bugs crawling on your skin? What was it like for you?

I won't even get started on tactile sensations—they nearly sent me to an early grave once upon a time. 🙄

There’s just something about things being shrouded in total mystery 😍

Honestly? No. I don't even like thinking about it, let alone talking about it.

Chloe Flores83 said:Can we just take this to the DMs? I promise, my lips are sealed. Your secret is safe with me.🕺

You know how to keep a secret. Chloe Flores83?

Laura Castillo6 said:Honestly? No. I don't even like thinking about it, let alone talking about it.

It's all good... but if you don't mind me asking, what were you like back when you were Jesus?

Jose Ward4 said:You know how to keep a secret. Chloe Flores83?

Got anything you want to spill to the whole group, or just me?

Acting like you're the one in charge of everything. Honestly, I think that’s exactly why people turn to drugs—they get this fleeting sense of freedom, like they can finally break out of all those suffocating social norms and the cages society builds around us.

Laura Castillo6 said:Acting like you're the one in charge of everything. Honestly, I think that’s exactly why people turn to drugs—they get this fleeting sense of freedom, like they can finally break out of all those suffocating social norms and the cages society builds around us.

Did you forget half a sentence there, or am I just seeing things? It feels to me like everyone who suddenly turns to Jesus or starts trying to save the planet actually wants to change the world even when they're perfectly "normal." I honestly think those folks are just quiet rebels at heart—people who can't stand injustice and feel driven to fight it. Then, something just clicks in their heads, and suddenly they're looking for Jesus to come along and fix everything in an instant.

Chloe Flores83 said:Did you forget half a sentence there, or am I just seeing things? It feels to me like everyone who suddenly turns to Jesus or starts trying to save the planet actually wants to change the world even when they're perfectly "normal." I honestly think those folks are just quiet rebels at heart—people who can't stand injustice and feel driven to fight it. Then, something just clicks in their heads, and suddenly they're looking for Jesus to come along and fix everything in an instant.

There’s definitely some truth to that. Honestly, I’m a total rebel against this whole corporate machine, even though I’m right in the middle of it. I’d give anything to just be out in the woods somewhere, growing my own tomatoes, making homemade jam and preserves. It drives me absolutely nuts. Sometimes I don't even know what to do with myself because I'm so deep in this corporate lifestyle—I'm using the system while simultaneously hating it. I was always a rebel, even back in high school. I used to drive my parents crazy. "Don't do this," "Watch out for that." It always had to be my way. Since I was a kid. When I fell into that obsession with having to—and I think we all feel we have to—save the planet... man, I was spiraling. Thinking about pollution, how fish are disappearing, forests being leveled, all that crap. While I was losing my mind worrying about the Earth and what kind of mess we're leaving for the next generation, my friends were just out partying and hooking up. I couldn't wrap my head around it back then. Like, do they really not see what I see? Even if the education system is a complete joke. I had this specific vision where biology, physics, and math had to merge to reach those five postulates. Basically, all science needs to unite to solve the problems currently torturing mathematicians and biologists. A unified science. All of this started about five or six months before I enrolled at the University of Michigan, which I didn't even finish. I totally washed out after the first semester. I won't even lie and say I understood much of it. It was just too hard. No practical application whatsoever. And all those visions, that initial mental spiral... I didn't experience any of that until I was 24.

Jose Ward4 said:There’s definitely some truth to that. Honestly, I’m a total rebel against this whole corporate machine, even though I’m right in the middle of it. I’d give anything to just be out in the woods somewhere, growing my own tomatoes, making homemade jam and preserves. It drives me absolutely nuts. Sometimes I don't even know what to do with myself because I'm so deep in this corporate lifestyle—I'm using the system while simultaneously hating it. I was always a rebel, even back in high school. I used to drive my parents crazy. "Don't do this," "Watch out for that." It always had to be my way. Since I was a kid. When I fell into that obsession with having to—and I think we all feel we have to—save the planet... man, I was spiraling. Thinking about pollution, how fish are disappearing, forests being leveled, all that crap. While I was losing my mind worrying about the Earth and what kind of mess we're leaving for the next generation, my friends were just out partying and hooking up. I couldn't wrap my head around it back then. Like, do they really not see what I see? Even if the education system is a complete joke. I had this specific vision where biology, physics, and math had to merge to reach those five postulates. Basically, all science needs to unite to solve the problems currently torturing mathematicians and biologists. A unified science. All of this started about five or six months before I enrolled at the University of Michigan, which I didn't even finish. I totally washed out after the first semester. I won't even lie and say I understood much of it. It was just too hard. No practical application whatsoever. And all those visions, that initial mental spiral... I didn't experience any of that until I was 24.

You probably signed up for one of the hardest programs in the US—physics. Physics is actually tougher than MIT, for real. I personally tried my hand at studying for the FBI, MIT, and the University of Michigan. At least my conscience is clear because I genuinely gave it my all to try and graduate. Over ten years, I only managed to pass one single year. But unlike some people, nobody was funding me from the start until the moment I quit; I paid for everything myself. And yeah, I also dealt with that mental spiral starting when I was 21.