Posts by ruggedskipper11

Just wanted to drop a note to everyone here who helped me keep my head up. Thanks for being there.

So, I put myself out there, and man, it blew up in my face. It went south fast, and honestly? I’m pretty crushed. I saw the red flags coming from a mile away, but you still think maybe you're just being paranoid. Turns out, I wasn't. My gut was right, unfortunately.
Now I'm back to square one, standing on my own again, trying not to buckle. Music is basically my lifeline right now—it's the only thing drowning out the sadness.
I know there are gonna be days where I just totally fall apart, where the tears won't stop and the dark thoughts take over. I'm just terrified of how to actually move forward. How do I start believing things can get better without getting all bitter? How do I stop being scared that this is just a cycle—that I'm just a magnet for total losers?

I’ve hit a real rough patch. I'm wondering if it's tied to tapering off this medication I've been on for years—it's definitely playing a part, for sure. Honestly, I'm terrified of how I might snap at my partner because of all this fear, insecurity, and constant restlessness. I'm trying to keep it together, but man, it's hard. Everything feels like a total wreck right now; my head is just foggy, my thoughts are racing, and my moods are all over the place...
I'm just hoping that by the next time I check in, things will be a little more chill!!
The sweating, the aches, the nausea, the dizziness....
Dammit!!

Conor McGregor, yeah, I'm working out at home, but I really need to get my butt out the door and actually go somewhere!!

Jonathan Hayes, thanks for the book recs! 🙂
Honestly, I find my zen just being surrounded by a massive pile of books.

Lawrence Bailey77, things are looking up, even if I’m not exactly thrilled yet. Still got a mountain of work ahead of me, but hey, every little win counts, right? Compared to how I was feeling before, I'm definitely stronger—well, I'm trying my damnest to be. It takes a ton of effort, but overall, I'm feeling better.
I'll admit, I'm in this spot where I have zero clue how everything is going to play out. It's pretty terrifying, honestly. But I'm just letting life happen and trying to practice some actual patience for once.
Forgive my moments of weakness, I really need to get my act together. 😉

It’s been a minute since I last posted. Since December 5th of last year, man... things have changed so much. Just look at how much life can throw at you in a few months!
Where am I at right now? Honestly, I don't even know if I've actually "moved forward." Sure, I've been crushing some great books, working out, keeping up with my vitamins, and my appetite is finally back. I've been getting my walks in and blasting music... but then there's the other side—still smoking way too many cigarettes, leaning on meds, and dealing with all this lingering fear and insecurity.
As for the relationship, it's just... dragging along. I don't even know what to call it or how to define it, but it's still there. We're communicating better and seeing each other here and there. But weirdly enough, now that things are actually improving, my anxiety is hitting harder. It's like back when I thought we were totally done, I felt this massive sense of relief—like the waiting and the constant torture were finally over, even though I was falling apart at the time.
You guys agree it's better to just vent everything out here rather than sending a text, right? 🙂

I honestly didn't even have the energy to type this out—he just cut me off. You guys know exactly where my head is at right now. Honestly, just making it through the day without falling apart feels like a massive win. I tried reaching out for some professional help, looking for a psychiatrist, but I couldn't get an appointment. It's one of those things where I know I've just gotta dig deep and pull myself out of this hole on my own. Even when everything feels like absolute garbage, reading your posts actually helps me stay sane.

Jerry Wilson13, I was re-reading your post on Saturday and honestly, I just broke down crying. I’m gonna have to print it out and keep it. 🙂
I won't lie and say I'm doing any better lately, but I’m trying to change at least one tiny thing every single day—I know I have to. I'll keep you guys posted on how things are going. My appetite is still non-existent and I'm basically chain-smoking my way through the day, but somehow I'm still getting my stuff done. It’s a struggle, just white-knuckling it through everything, but I can't fully cave, even though yesterday was absolute hell.

Jerry Wilson13 and Donna White50, thanks for putting in all that work and typing out so much!!
I’m gonna go back and reread your verses of peace (which, let’s be real, I still need to find 🙂) over and over again. I know you guys are right—what I’m going through right now is straight-up hell. Honestly, I can barely breathe today.

Jerry Wilson13, man, living in the moment and just focusing on today? That’s basically a rebirth. It’s like you can finally breathe!
But me? I’m never in the moment. Everything just feels like it's passing me by because my head is constantly spinning with these negative, out-of-control thoughts.
Back in the day, reading books about all this stuff actually helped. My faith isn't what it used to be, but when things get heavy, you grab onto whatever you can find.
The questions you asked—man, they hit me right in the chest.
To answer where I'm at: honestly, ever since I opened my eyes this morning, I've been terrified. I'm scared of myself—specifically, how I'll react if that certain person doesn't call or text. I'm scared of feeling totally lost and failing at even the simplest daily tasks. I worry about how I'm gonna hide this restless, miserable version of myself from the people close to me. I wonder if I'll burn myself out with all this anxiety to the point where I can't even hit the gym (and honestly, that's the one thing that keeps me sane). Then the spiral starts. I start thinking we won't see each other anymore. I wonder if I messed up, or if they noticed something was off during our last hangout... if they realized I'm struggling.

If I actually got anything out of seeing a shrink, I definitely wouldn't be hanging out here.
Roger Davis14, yeah, everything’s gotta be perfectly controlled, right? Uncertainty just kills me. That whole getting-to-know-you phase... man, that's the best part. Just to catch a tiny glimpse of that happiness and beauty before it vanishes.
Morning started off like total crap.

I’ve been sitting here for days trying to get this out, but my brain just won't cooperate. Let me try to sum up this absolute mess.
It’s been years since I actually felt anything for a guy—you know, that feeling where you're actually fluttering or maybe even falling for someone? Like, I met this person and now they're all I can think about... it's constant.
I’ve been on meds for about ten years now. It started with panic attacks, then spiraled into a full disorder, and lately, it’s just been non-stop anxiety.
Since getting to know this person, my days have been brutal. Just pure fear—fear of everything that might happen and everything that might not. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I find myself cranking up my dosage just to cope. I’m working out like a total maniac just to exhaust myself so I don't overthink things... I spend the whole day glued to my phone, totally unable to function. I know this isn't healthy, it's straight-up self-destruction. This is an obsession. Every time I get a text, it's like, "Okay, peace," followed immediately by me spinning back into this endless cycle of being lost. Day after day. I work, I read, I do *anything* just to stop from screaming.
I don't even know what I want from you guys. Comfort? Help? Advice? Maybe just finding someone who feels the exact same way? I don't know... I just have nobody else to tell.
And look, you already know I'm not walking away from this. I can't. It would absolutely wreck me if I cut ties or anything like that. No way. I just want to get through the day without feeling like I'm spiraling toward a physical breakdown.

Angela Wright said:Look, you can just grab Hepan here—it’s got the exact same ingredients. It’s manufactured by Jadran. There's also Hepalpan, which is made by Galenika.

Wrong. They aren't even the same thing.

So, I saw you guys talking about this vein supplement, and I’ve already wasted my afternoon calling a bunch of local pharmacies only to find out they don't carry it. Where on earth are people actually getting this stuff? Does anyone know if any shops in San Francisco actually have it in stock?

urbanskipper4 said:I pick up the original Prozac at a pharmacy near Pike Place Market. They order it in from Germany.
Pfizer stopped making it because the profit margins were too thin, basically.
At least, that's what my psychiatrist told me.

One box of 100 isn't enough for my monthly dose, so I grab two boxes and end up coughing up about $293.

No tax rebates right now, but I'm keeping all my receipts just in case they ever decide to bring those back.

Honestly, I have no clue what a replacement drug would even be.
I'm really not interested in messing around with different brain chemistry or swapping meds.

Man, I order mine there too. The pharmacist told me the exact same thing—they aren't manufacturing it anymore because it’s just too cheap to be worth their time, if you believe that.
How much are you taking daily (talking about Anafranil 25 mg)? I'm on two a day.
Are you dealing with any weight issues from it? I ask because I've been on it forever and I can't gain even half a pound; if anything, I've actually lost weight. Are you taking anything else alongside the Anafranil, like Xanax?

Question for anyone currently on it, Prozac—since we all know Pfizer isn't making it anymore (I sent them an inquiry asking why, but let's be real, I'm definitely not getting a reply) — where are you guys even getting it now? And whose stuff is it? I ended up ordering mine from Germany (the real deal, not some cheap generic version). Now, obviously, it's costing me a fortune; 100 tablets went me about $30. I have no clue if it's still on the list for insurance coverage or if I can actually get reimbursed. Or did you guys just switch to something else entirely? I haven't been able to find anything with the exact same formula.