Posts by Gerald Morgan4

You aren't alone in this. Nobody likes being ignored, and frankly, I struggle with brushing it off myself sometimes. It isn’t actually about that specific person—you can't control how anyone else acts. It’s more about how we interpret their behavior and what that says about our own headspace. 🙂

The issue isn't them; it's us. People have their own stuff going on for a million different reasons. They might not be ignoring you on purpose; they could just be stuck in their own heads or it's just their default setting. Even if they do dislike you, who cares? They're just random strangers or passing acquaintances. 😉

Quincy:

I know it probably happens to everyone where one person won't say hi, and you can just blame that individual. But if it's a whole group of people, then the problem lies with the person being snubbed.

It can be an indicator, sure, but often it isn't. For instance, if those people belong to the same social circle and they're acting hostile toward you for some completely arbitrary reason.

I think it's much more productive to stop obsessing over why other people act the way they do and instead ask yourself why it bothers you so much. That's the only thing you actually have control over.

Matthew Cruz44 said:Gerald Morgan4, when I was talking about empathy and regret, I was actually referring to those self-proclaimed "experts" who, in my honest opinion, don't really fit the bill at all.

As for this whole display of empathy—I mean, sure, in certain high-stress moments it might serve a purpose, but generally speaking, I believe empathy should be a tool we use to actually solve a problem rather than just a performance we put on for others.

Donna White50... Well, I go for my check-ups about once a month. Since I’m just as sharp as you are, I’m perfectly capable of doing some of my own internal work...
I am actively trying to move away from this habit of seeing everything in such strict black-and-white terms.
Why is it so difficult to find the right words? It’s quite simple, really; when you're carrying a heavier burden of pain, you tend to think that if you just try harder, you'll express yourself more beautifully, but instead, you often just end up feeling like a complete idiot.

Fine, whatever, my bad. I guess I got called out.😁

I also struggle with black-and-white thinking and childish comparisons in relationships. Therapy helped me realize why I do it and what purpose it serves... which just brought me back to this whole thing about avoiding intimacy. On a rational level, everything is fine, everything works, but then you realize you're alone... and how am I supposed to rationalize that?!

Empathy absolutely needs to be shown, just like any other emotion. You have to show emotions because that's how we connect with people and build actual relationships. Of course, you can empathize without showing it, but I don't see much point if the goal is to create a bond rather than staying safe behind a wall of distance.

Donna White50 said:I just can't afford to fall apart. And the truth is, I fall apart the second I scratch beneath the surface. And that breakdown looks like this: right now, I'm functional—I handle my life, my job, my kid, my family, I put in the overtime if the job needs it... but the moment I start poking at my emotions, or a bad memory, or even just thinking about them for a second, I turn into a completely different person. I literally crumble. I can't get out of bed, I can't work, I can't take care of my child, my focus goes to zero, I feel empty and drained of any energy, and then the nightmares, the anxiety, and the pure dread kick in...
At 38, with everything going on in my life—especially now with my little one needing me, and after losing my dad without even fully processing it, and with my marriage hitting serious rough patches—I simply cannot allow myself to break down. I can't just say, "whatever, let the emotions and the traumas I've suppressed for 30 years wash over me" and hope the flood clears everything out...
I'd probably end up on heavy meds and stuck in a psych ward...
Right now, I’m basically just operating like a robot—zero emotion, either that or I just completely fall apart. My emotional tank is totally empty... I’m trying so hard not to feel anything at all, which means I’m burying even the good stuff deep down, not just the bad...
The only thing keeping me going is my own brain, honestly. Being smart enough to recognize when things are going south helps, and then I use whatever techniques I can find to chill out and channel the anxiety—it's basically just firefighting at this point...

I know deep down that one day I’m gonna snap like a dry twig and never quite pull myself back together. But what am I supposed to do? Lose my job? Spend years on heavy-duty antidepressants just trying to piece together all these different versions of myself while my kid watches me struggle like this? No way... I just can't...

OK, perfectly clear why you think maintaining the status quo is better... but look, therapy isn't some magic wand that will instantly fix tectonic shifts in your psyche. It takes time, and above all, it requires accepting change. Otherwise, you're just wasting everyone's time if you're resisting it. You don't have to "pop like popcorn." Start with "small" things. Every bit of emotional progress is a win. I honestly can't fathom how anyone can function like this for so long—giving up on themselves, discarding their emotional self. I get why you do it, really, but the only thing I ever gained from that approach was crippling episodes of depression and anxiety.

Matthew Cruz44 said:There isn't inherently anything wrong with the concept of "growing up," but there’s certainly nothing inherently good about it either; you can't just assume someone's intentions are pure, because more often than not, malicious motives hide behind a veil of philosophy, flattery, or a desire for control.

Personally, I find myself reacting quite negatively to excessive empathy—that specific kind where I pick up on a vibration from someone that they’re actually just pitying me.

I truly have so much I want to say regarding this subject, and even regarding other topics entirely, yet I simply find myself unable to do so. There are moments when I feel paralyzed, unable to even process a thought. It’s almost as if I have this deep-seated fear of venturing into that inner space where I formulate my actual opinions, feeling somehow inadequate, as if the mere act of voicing something coherent would drain my battery completely and leave me lifeless.
It all traces back to childhood, naturally. I doubt Donna White50 was particularly affected by this flying sensation, though perhaps it struck a nerve so sensitive that she avoids thinking about it just to prevent herself from falling apart.

...There is so much I want to express, so much I want to accomplish... and yet, a part of me wishes it could all just vanish. I don't mean that in a suicidal sense, but quite literally, I am terrified of the sheer exhaustion it requires; growing up, I was constantly being dragged into these long-lasting domestic scandals and shouting matches, and I’d wake up the next day feeling like a small child, lacking any energy to pull myself together.
And now, here I am, getting all tangled up in my own thoughts... falling into that same foolish, childish pattern of dwelling on the past. I honestly don't know why

I could have written a post detailing what I truly intend to say—about the fear of abandonment—but I refrained for two specific reasons:

First, I wouldn't have been able to pull it off,

And second, even if I had succeeded, I would still end up alone regardless.

In either scenario............................... I’ll just write another post properly later.

Of course there’s nothing wrong with it, provided it's constructive and well-intentioned. Period. I agree that you have to be careful when judging other people's motives.

Empathy has absolutely nothing to do with pity... though I get why you might feel that way. When some random person on the internet shows a decent amount of empathy, it's easy to assume it's fake and they're actually just looking down on you. But since I deal with this issue myself quite often, I prioritize having empathy for myself first, and then for everyone else facing the same struggle.

Like I said, I’ll openly push back against anyone I perceive as a bully. Your tone in those previous posts definitely gave off that impression (even without more context). I’m sorry you took it personally, but honestly, that shouldn't be my concern. I made my reasons for reacting perfectly clear. Anyway, have it your way ☕

Joseph Bailey41 said:It isn't "chatting," and it certainly isn't a joke. I genuinely believe that all of Donna White50's problems will be solved the very second she realizes she’s talking nonsense and finally decides to grow up. But the main issue here is that you're acting like her lawyer when you clearly don't have a clue what's actually going on. ☕

Fine, if you want to talk to each other with that kind of snarky attitude, go ahead. It's your business. I won't interfere. However, since I didn't realize the context at first, I found your post completely out of line—which I hope you can see why, given that I actually relate to everyone dealing with this mess. That kind of behavior really gets under my skin. Not because I want to play lawyer for radical change or anyone else, but because I can't stand insecure little weasels who feel the need to mock others and pass judgment. Anyway, I hope we're done here. 🙂

Joseph Bailey41 said:Honestly... Donna White50 and I have known each other on this forum for ages. I'm used to his constant whining and playing the victim, and he's used to me giving him a hard time. You're really the only one here who's out of the loop. That's why I asked you—plain and simple—what your deal is.

If you don't want to answer, that's fine—it's not like I need that info as badly as choosing bread for a sandwich. ☕

So, just write it in the chat... and how exactly am I supposed to know that? Clearly, it didn't cross your mind. Honestly, there are much better places for chat, and maybe you could have mentioned that before barking at me about my business.
In reality, both of you are just adding useless noise to the discussion and cluttering the thread. Use your PMs or find another sub if you're looking to troll and mess around. 🙂

Joseph Bailey41 said:Show empathy online? 🤣

And if I may ask, why exactly should I give a damn? ☕

Seriously, what part of this are you struggling to grasp? I assume it’s a foreign concept to you, hence the wide-eyed confusion. Look, we aren't sitting here debating which brand of deli meat to pair with cheese on a sandwich; we are discussing deeply sensitive issues. The absolute least you can do is stop acting like a judgmental jerk just because someone else's struggles feel trivial compared to your own ability to afford that damn sandwich. 😉

So... I'm done conversing with you like this. Go take your frustrations out somewhere else. 🙂

Joseph Bailey41 said:Of course you aren't. Honestly, I was trying to think of an animal to compare you to... but I can't find one that wallows in its own imaginary misery quite as much as you do. What is actually bothering you, besides being hooked on your meds? Please don't start with the "my mom didn't breastfeed me enough" routine, or how you spent your teenage years obsessing over adult magazines your dad hid under his mattress... Tell me what's genuinely hurting you right now. Are you drowning in debt? Do you, your wife, and your kid have enough food on the table? Do you have running water, enough money for the heat, or is someone at work making your life a living hell while you're too afraid to quit because you'd all end up on the street? Are you actually hungry for anything, other than our attention?🍿

I’d say you’re just fishing for attention with posts like this... and you’re doing a great job. If you don't have an ounce of empathy to show, even online, then don't spout off about how other people's problems are nothing compared to those lacking basic survival needs... and seriously, a little respect wouldn't hurt. 😉

Donna White50 said:That’s my biggest fear too. Honestly, even after three or four years of therapy, I haven't come anywhere close to untangling it...

It all started with this one night of pure trauma where my parents basically abandoned me—they just didn't show up when they were supposed to, leaving me alone for hours. Since they'd spent so much time before then threatening me, telling me I was bad or that I deserved to be left alone, I totally spiraled thinking they actually did it. They found me in a state of complete shock, just completely broken. After that, it was months of being unable to sleep alone, dealing with their aggression toward a kid who "wasn't normal" or was "sick" and "exhausting" because of his fears—but for me, the fears just kept stacking on top of each other. There was no professional help back then; they just tried to force the trauma down. Around that same time, I was first getting exposed to sexual themes and porn, and that's when the masochism started—deep, emotional, and sexual...
I think I might be one of those rare cases where everything collided during that specific phase of life, and honestly, most psychiatrists can't seem to unravel that knot of trauma and sexuality...
That fear of abandonment is what triggers my anxiety attacks today. I'm constantly popping Xanax just trying to keep my head above water. It doesn't matter how deep I breathe; the reality is that my ego just shatters into a thousand pieces. It isn't just the fear of being left behind, though—it's this pervasive masochism that's woven into every single fiber of my being. It's like this endless tug-of-war where one part of me wants to sink and drown, while the other is desperately fighting to stay afloat...
This constant struggle, this dancing on the edge of life and death, has become a defining trait for me. It's my way of trying to exert control—this fake sense of control meant to preserve the "self," vent tension, and smooth over that terrifying dread of falling apart when someone leaves...
I’d say, on average, I’m way more messed up than the typical person dealing with these fears, but I compensate for it way more than the average guy. My therapist is baffled by how much I've bottled up all these years, and how I swap out feelings—replacing sadness with laughter, love with sacrifice, and anxiety with sex... It's like having a computer that calculates 2+2=4, but for me, the math comes out as some weird, broken equation that somehow still equals four...
Because of all this, working through it with myself feels impossible. You'll only solve your problem if you actually face the trauma head-on and dedicate yourself to it—being clear, open, and not afraid of the pain, so you can finally embrace and accept that wounded child inside...
But me? I don't know anymore. I don't know where that child ends and where I begin, where my beginning meets my end, or even what I'm actually feeling or what my emotions are made of. It's a puzzle that makes zero sense, and honestly, nobody—not even me—can make sense of it anymore...

It’s good to see others here actually managing this mess despite all the absolute chaos we’ve endured. I truly believe that through relentless, long-term therapy—where you actually dive headfirst into those terrifying emotional whirlpools and untangle the knots you've spent years tying—you can almost entirely wipe out the suffering. The catch? You can't fight the process. That is incredibly hard. Dealing with the raw emotions and the fallout is brutal. But look, if it took us a lifetime to weave this massive web of toxic mental habits, it’s going to take just as long to unravel it and find some semblance of balance again.

I think anyone can do this. It really just comes down to how much time, effort, energy, and willpower they’re willing to pour into such a long process. Honestly, it’s a tragedy when people let these patterns calcify so deeply that they become totally oblivious; at that point, working with them in therapy becomes a nightmare. In most cases, I believe the price we pay for building those walls against trauma is simply too high.

It’s great that you’re seeing all of this clearly, Donna White50, including all those self-destructive habits and emotions you're dealing with. That’s the first step, obviously. You’re acting intelligently based on what you learn, and looking at your posts in other threads, it seems like you've managed to maintain a normal family life—and a normal life in general—despite everything. I think you’ve already achieved so much just by doing that. You’re clearly stronger than you give yourself credit for, even with those deep wounds from your childhood. I don't know you personally, but some of this hits close to home for me. It’s perfectly fine to feel this confused right now; it's often just a side effect of those subconscious processes where we start processing heavy emotions and experiences. For instance, I wasn't always aware that certain moves I made were driven specifically by that intense sense of confusion and disorientation.

Look, you say it’s impossible to work with you. Fine. I completely get the resistance toward any attempt to "mess around" with all that stuff. But once you strip away all the defenses and the rationalizations, the final call is entirely yours. Because, frankly, I don't think you'd even realize that what you're saying is truly absolute and categorical—just so 😉

Hi there!

First off, I really to encounter what you wrote, and I truly hope you find healing from this wound soon. 🙂

I deeply to encounter your struggle because I deal with abandonment issues myself. It constantly sabotages my new relationships and leaves me drowning in anxiety. If you haven't lived through this, you simply won't get it. So, just let yourself feel it. This is massive trauma. You can't just "fix your habits" or consciously "skip the hurdles," because that subconscious fear will always trigger in moments like that library incident you mentioned. You’re feeling the weight of emotional abandonment all over again—that fear of it happening once more. Your body freezes, you feel this sudden, intense rage toward whoever caused you such deep pain, and then the panic sets in. These are perfectly normal symptoms; your system is just bracing for a perceived threat of being left again. It's incredibly unpleasant, sure, but it's actually protecting you. In those moments, breathe deep. Remind yourself of the truth: the danger isn't actually real, and the symptoms will pass quickly. 😉

This kind of trauma leaves a mark on a person and colors every future relationship. Give yourself plenty of time and a lot of self-love. Embrace that abandoned child inside you and give them everything your parents failed to provide when it mattered most. It will be okay. 🙂

Oh, and... try not to judge. Often, parents don't even know any better because they were subjected to the exact same trauma by their own parents.

I relate to all that mistrust. But try your best not to project those feelings onto new people. Realistically, you know it's just fear masquerading as intuition to protect you from getting hurt again.

If you haven't done any therapy yet—whether one-on-one or in a group—I sincerely suggest looking for a support group that addresses these specific issues. You need a safe, professional environment where you can vent everything you're feeling and process these emotions holding you back. That is the key: facing it and processing it subconsciously. Otherwise, it stays a constant shadow over every new relationship.
😉Just take it one step at a time!

What exactly are the excuses for?

casualharbor9 said:... and honestly? If I had the chance, my first instinct would be to chop off the leg of whoever kicked that poor kitten and blinded the mindless crowd watching it happen... so much for being the "voice of reason." "I am human, and nothing human is foreign to me"... 🤷
But things need to be handled rationally... even if that means using a saw...

Hmm, true, but that wouldn't be a carefully considered or analyzed action. It wouldn't be rational; it would just be an immediate, reactive move driven by emotional feedback after such an atrocity. I agree it's hard for the average person not to think that way in these situations, but as you noted, it is a necessity. We have to strive for holistic idealism if we actually want to progress as a society.

casualharbor9 said:Whenever a headline breaks about someone being needlessly cruel—whether it’s toward people or animals—it always triggers this predictable chain reaction. First, you get the group of people with visceral, gut-wrenching reactions (myself included) who immediately call for heavy-handed sanctions or swift retribution against the perpetrator, fueled by pure empathy for the victim. Then, predictably, a second group emerges to lecture us on ethics, preaching compassion for the offender and finding ways to rationalize or defend their behavior through endless verbal gymnastics. I remember there was a debate over on Reddit regarding whether physical discipline is actually a primitive method for social reintegration—it's a shame that thread got buried.
In short, my take is that the penalties for such disgusting behavior should be genuinely transformative. They need to be harsh enough to ensure the offender never repeats the act, and terrifying enough to make anyone else contemplating something similar freeze in their tracks. If we applied that kind of deterrent, wouldn't the number of these crimes be reduced to an absolute minimum?

But it raises a deeper question: what is actually going on in the mind of someone capable of such cruelty? How does that psyche develop? Were we all, at some point in our early lives, potentially capable of this? I honestly think we were. Every single one of us carries both Mother Teresa and Mengele within us from birth. It really just comes down to which side of that duality we end up nurturing based on the circumstances that shape our personalities. Beyond that, it becomes a question of how much society is willing to tolerate or inadvertently encourage through its own standards and political manipulations.

Pairing Weedeemer's cynicism with a long-overdue voice of reason here. This perspective actually looks at all sides instead of reaching for the 'instant fix' that has unfortunately become the mainstream mindset today...

Taken from http://www.depresija.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=299:

"Since most antidepressants carry relatively heavy side effects and can be quite toxic—plus their effectiveness is hit or miss—there is a growing trend toward treating mild depressive symptoms with plant-based remedies.
Hypericin is the primary component found in St. John's Wort extract. It works through a dual mechanism: on one hand, it mildly inhibits monoamine oxidase (similar to an MAO inhibitor), and on the other, it slightly blocks serotonin reuptake (much like SSRIs).
Hypericin lifts the mood by tackling low spirits, sadness, melancholy, anxiety, irritability, hopelessness, and lethargy (that total lack of interest in daily life), as well as related issues like insomnia, frequent crying spells, fatigue, and appetite fluctuations. Because it has sedative properties, it’s a solid choice for mild depressive episodes characterized by restlessness and anxiety.
Even though hypericin is usually marketed as a 'natural remedy,' don't be fooled into thinking it's harmless. In fact, hypericin makes the skin extremely sensitive to UV rays, significantly increasing the risk of severe sunburns. Furthermore, there are reports of serotonin syndrome occurring in individuals using St. John's Wort preparations. There have also been observations that hypericin-based products can cause hair loss, and numerous reports highlight dangerous interactions between hypericin and other medications.
Therefore, while hypericin should be favored over traditional antidepressants, you must strictly follow all pharmaceutical and medical instructions.

Because it acts like a mild SSRI, it might help with OCD to some extent, but recent studies suggest its efficacy is often no better than a placebo. Honestly, just go consult a psychiatrist about proper medication therapy...
Especially if there is comorbidity, meaning other disorders alongside the existing OCD... I'm not saying it hasn't 'worked' for some people—maybe at higher doses—but please, don't DIY your own treatment... or perhaps use it only as a mild antidepressant/anxiolytic...

And obviously, if you are already taking any SSRIs, do NOT accidentally take additional drugs or alternative supplements due to the risk of serotonin syndrome...

Conceptually, the premise works, even if I’ve only caught the trailer. It feels like there's enough meat on the bone to develop into something decent... but honestly, I can already see a massive list of blunders coming. Just looking at the title alone, it's a mess. Hide my IP 😛 😍 👎

Zachary Clark64 said:Some people even suggested that things would improve if I just started being more sexually active, but honestly, I have absolutely no interest in that right now.
I'm wondering if this might actually be a side effect of the Democratic Party?

Medication might offer temporary relief through a sense of well-being, but it won't touch the root cause. Real psychotherapy is an absolute necessity.

Cases where the cause isn't organic are actually quite common—far more frequent than people realize. In those instances, drug therapy only eases the symptoms enough to allow for progress. It takes time, but don't lose heart; there is a way out. As your confidence builds, everything gets easier. Until then, stick to cognitive-behavioral therapy and maybe some supplements like flaxseed oil, B-complex vitamins, or foods that boost serotonin and dopamine, like bananas. If the symptoms are severe, a mild SSRI like Paxil can be incredibly helpful. Just stay brave.😉

Zachary Clark64 said:Since Sigmund Freud suggests that OCD stems from repressed sexual desires, I wanted to ask anyone living with this disorder if you feel that actually applies to you. Personally, I wouldn't say I have any repressed sexual urges, though I haven't really experienced them yet, despite being an adolescent myself.

From what I understand, Freud argues that if a child gets "stuck" during any developmental stage—oral, anal, whatever—or spends way too much time there due to overstimulation, certain fixations surface in adulthood. It’s because the natural flow of sexual maturation was disrupted. There’s definitely a link... though that subconscious stuff is murky.🙂

I haven't been specific yet. I just asked her about what Angela Wright mentioned—specifically if she’s experiencing any dizziness or vertigo. She went ahead and ordered an EEU. Her headaches haven't been quite as intense lately, so things are looking up slightly. It probably isn't anything too serious, but honestly, it's better to get everything checked out immediately.

They say they get occasional lightheadedness, hmm... Well, they're heading to the emergency neurology department in San Francisco tomorrow night to get checked out, so we'll see. Thanks for the advice. 🙂