Posts by Jeffrey Castillo77

It’s something I experience quite frequently, mostly during those hazy moments right at the onset of sleep, just before I’ve fully drifted off into unconsciousness...

Sometimes it feels like I'm dreaming that I'm walking and suddenly lose my footing, which triggers this sudden, jarring twitch, or perhaps it's just a random muscle spasm without any dream involved at all...

Andrew Stewart2 said:Man, I’m hyper-aware of it constantly... honestly, I’m always fidgeting with them. But my little trick is that I really only pull them out when I'm watching TV or at the movie theater, or maybe when I'm driving. So there are plenty of days where they don't even touch my nose. And when they *are* on, I'm always adjusting them because I can feel exactly how wonky they are... just constantly pushing them around trying to make them look somewhat symmetrical... 😁

I've been taking Melatonin for about six months now, though not every single day—maybe every other day or every third day. I mostly use it to help me drift off. In the beginning, it actually helped a lot, really relaxed me, but after a while, it felt like it almost stopped working. It still helps me get sleepy, though. But yeah, I also have those sleep aids (like Ambien) on hand too.

I didn't end up going to psychotherapy at Mayo Clinic... my first encounter with them was such an awful experience that I decided it just wasn't worth wasting my time there.

Anyway, I'm feeling way better than I was at the end of last year, and this whole thing with symmetry, washing hands, and stuff like that... I feel like it's just a reflection of someone's character... 🙂

What about you, though? Is asymmetry the only thing that gets under your skin?

You gave some solid advice to people, and trust me, I've been lurking on this forum (specifically this section) for a long time and it didn't make things any better for me... ☕

I find myself washing my hands significantly less often than I used to, though in my defense, I’ve always harbored this quiet, persistent suspicion that everyone else is just a total slob who couldn't care less about basic hygiene... 🙂 They weren't exactly sane in my eyes back then, and honestly, looking back on it now... I still don't think they were... 🙂

Carol Parker said:Scientists claim the human brain, at least the version we have now, started evolving
once our ancestors began hunting and eating meat. Honestly, that makes total sense to me, given how much protein is required for brain development...
It’s almost trendy to be a vegetarian nowadays, though I suppose eventually they'll stop having sex altogether since that's considered "pre-human" or just too primal. We'll all end up like that movie with Schwarzenegger where people just engage in virtual reality sex without ever actually touching...

If you're going to pose as an intellectual, you really ought to realize that protein isn't exclusive to meat...

Poor folks in Asia—based on your logic, they should all be complete idiots, shouldn't they? 🤣

Over the last three years, I’ve rarely dealt with any actual pain—maybe twice in an entire year, if I'm being honest...

The discomfort isn't intense, and honestly, I'm sitting here trying to recall the last time I actually felt anything at all, but my memory is failing me. For about the last year and a half, my periods have been quite light, almost minimal...

I'm actually finding these changes quite pleasant, though I can't quite say whether it's linked to the fact that I haven't touched meat in a very long time...

On those rare occasions when the pain does show up, I just take some 500 mg of Excedrin, which might be overkill, I suppose, but I've grown accustomed to that specific pill and it does the job just fine...

Bradley Cooper said:you aren't alone in this. it all feels to me like this specific psychological state has become some sort of mainstream phenomenon in modern societies. unfortunately...
and what am I supposed to tell you, coming from someone who has spent the better part of their life overthinking—pardon my bluntness—to the point where I’ve reached a stage where I can effectively relativize absolutely everything...
everything.
because if I start by relativizing the very concept of existence itself (which I frequently find myself doing), then what importance do people, emotions, the world, lofty and noble goals, various theories, or even the foundational pillars upon which people build their dreams—and more often than not, their entire lives—actually hold?
a person needs some kind of purpose in life. that seems painfully obvious to me. it's just that... I might set a goal for myself one day, only to tear it to shreds the next, simply because I am capable of dissecting anything with a bit of analytical surgery. my entire value system undergoes daily fluctuations. ethics, morality, you name it...
education? I finished my schooling mostly for the sake of others, I can admit that now. not because anyone forced my hand, but because I didn't truly know what I wanted to do with my life, and education serves as such a beautifully packaged, legal way to mask one's own insecurities. credit to those who have always known their path and walked it without hesitation. "for others," because it's considered "good" to graduate, to have the degree and the credentials. it provides "security" later in life. "later"??? and that is where the relativization begins... we take time for granted. time is something we view as certain, something we rarely pause to consider. it is perfectly normal for small children in preschool to be asked "what do you want to be when you grow up?". growing up is treated as a certainty. but why? is it not possible for that child to be struck by a car? or succumb to a sudden infection? or perhaps be hit by a stray bullet from some passerby celebrating a victory with an illegal weapon left over from a local conflict? etc...
no one, absolutely no one, ever tells us in life, "hey, nothing in this life is guaranteed. enjoy what you have right now. this exact moment. this sunset. this warmth. this breeze carrying the scent of wildflowers. the feel of the sand between your toes. the softness of the hand you are holding. the infinite depth in the eyes of the girl walking beside you." nobody tells you that. everyone is looking forward, like oxen yoked to a plow, staring toward the day they graduate. meet the love of their life. marry. have kids. buy a house in the suburbs near a little creek and a forest. until they eventually tackle a midlife crisis by buying a new Porsche. or perhaps they strive to become the next Michael Jordan, LeBron James, or Michael Schumacher, basking in fame and the envy of others. these are all just dreams. and we spend far too much of our lives dreaming instead of walking with our eyes wide open.
and yet, when I look at a human being as a creature dependent on a mere handful of senses... what are we? what is actually real? what truly matters?
is that sunset, that breeze, that scent merely a "response" from our brains to external stimuli? is my excitement while holding a girl's hand just a continuation of some uncontrolled instinct for species survival? and how can one not think that we are nothing more than simple puppets being manipulated by someone or something... all while failing to understand it, yet remaining perfectly capable of "explaining" it away just so we can maintain a clean conscience and push through another day, and another, and another...
and the society around us... it's a damn machine that has outgrown us all, and we don't even notice. we are just cogs. disposable. replaceable. and it's all so exhausting that I am slowly losing the will to fight it.
I lie down in bed, turn off the lights, put on some music, low, and slide into yet another restless night.

so... you aren't alone.

I really like what you wrote here. It's been a long time since I've read something like this.

Christian Castillo60 said:With OCD, what was the specific trigger that finally led you to scale back on all the washing?
My hands are constantly raw, looking like they’ve been sunburned and peeling because I just couldn't stop scrubbing... I'd use regular soap and then go at it with some antiseptic wash too.
I've started being pretty disciplined with my Zoloft lately, and I think there might actually be some small signs of progress, if I'm being honest...

Oh, and about the hand washing... while it's definitely happening less often now, back in elementary school, I was washing my hands over every single little thing.
How much is too much, really? What's the actual limit before it becomes excessive? For all I know, even my current habits might be overdoing it... it all seems to depend entirely on what I touch, and I'm not even talking about obviously dirty stuff...

I’ve been dealing with OCD since my elementary school days, and honestly, whenever life starts getting a bit too hectic, the symptoms tend to flare up quite noticeably...

Up until fairly recently, I was strictly obsessed with odd numbers—that was my thing. But now, it’s shifted to both even and odd, and I often find myself stuck because there’s this irrational, heavy reason why certain numbers just won't let me say them out loud...
If I open a webpage, I feel this overwhelming need to click exactly four times before I can move on... 🙂 And don't even get me started on the ritualistic "philosophy" involved in simply closing a bottle or a pipe...

It isn't necessarily cripplingly intense, but I would give anything to just be rid of it once and for all...
Sometimes I'll finish a task and then immediately have to go back and check it five more times, just to convince myself that I actually did what I thought I did, or maybe because my eyes aren't playing tricks on me... 😁

There is this unshakable conviction that if I don't complete the ritual, something terrible is going to happen, even though the logical part of my brain knows better. I know perfectly well it’s all happening inside my own head, yet there is still this persistent, nagging urge pushing me forward...
Only two people in my life truly understand this struggle, and one of them deals with the exact same compulsions, so they really do get it...

Walter Smith8 said:you’re probably the only idiot out there who doesn't listen to country music😛

but honestly, you’re just narrow-minded... 🙄

I don't go out of my way to follow anyone's posts, but when someone is being particularly foolish, it tends to stick in the memory, so I can say I never thought you were much brighter than this, and now you've gone and confirmed it... 😈

You're the one with the limited perspective, and that post above wasn't even directed at you!

I never had high hopes for your intellect either, and seeing this just proves me right, goodness... you really are a strange woman... 🙂

Just put on some country music and try to relax, because it’s pretty obvious you could use it... 🙂

Best regards, my little critic... 😘

Jacob Long said:Jeffrey Castillo77, I honestly had a better impression of you before; you seemed much more intelligent based on your posts... now, you remind me of that horse they put blinkers on so it can only look straight ahead and nowhere else at all...😂 😂 😂

It seems you've taken offense, mostly because you've decided to lump me in with the mindless crowd... Let me be clear: my stomach turns at the thought of modern pop-country trash and the people who obsess over it—and I’m not talking about the classics or anything with actual soul, I mean that specific brand of commercialized noise that dominates the airwaves today... you know exactly what I mean.😉

I simply have no taste for that kind of music, and even if we set aside the fact that it doesn't resonate with me, there remains the matter of my firm conviction that those who gravitate toward it lack any real depth. If I ever happen to cross paths with someone truly enlightened who enjoys it, perhaps I'll reconsider... but until then, I shall continue to find that genre absolutely revolting and its listeners quite dim-witted.

I am merely forming an opinion based on my own lived experiences... 🙂

As for you, you seem to think you have some sort of impact on me, but you really don't, because I don't spend a single second of my life thinking about you or your little remarks... I couldn't tell you a single one of your posts if my life depended on it, nor do I even remember your username, so please, spare me your judgments regarding the substance, intelligence, or stupidity of my writing... though, by all means, if you truly have nothing better to do with your time, feel free to entertain yourself by dissecting other people's posts and drawing grand conclusions from them...

Walter Smith8 said:🙄

It seems we're back at square one with more headaches... 🙂

Walter Smith8 said:absolutely 🙄

It’s patently obvious that you are such a progressive, highly intelligent, incredibly generous, open-minded, and tolerant individual... ☕

Let me reiterate: Only idiots listen to country music

Are you satisfied now, or would you like me to go through the trouble of repeating myself once more?

I honestly can't stand mainstream country music, and I find myself completely baffled by how anyone could actually sit there and listen to it...

My apologies to those who enjoy it, truly, but you’re just being foolish; people who gravitate toward that kind of lowbrow, kitschy stuff are simply unrefined. PERIOD.
What kind of headspace does one even have to be in to enjoy that? 🙄 It’s just repulsive...

brisknomad6 said:I won't bore everyone by rewriting everything from the ground up, so here is basically my post from the TV segment...

Now we have already drifted into BDSM territory 😁

I have done it before, and honestly, I might just find myself doing it again sometime down the road... 🙂

Death.