How do you find your purpose in life?

Following last night's heavy topic, today feels even more bleak...
I struggle to find any real purpose in my life. My childhood was wonderful; I wasn't wealthy like most kids back then, but I found happiness in the little things and was surrounded by incredibly kind people. The elders in my life were amazing, especially my mother, and my late father—who was rarely home due to his career—was my entire world.
High school was great, but then everything just fell apart. It was the turn of the millennium, specifically that infamous year 2000.
I couldn't land a steady job through 2001, so I enrolled in college. It’s almost 2007 now, and I've been an undergrad for two years without the motivation to even open a textbook to finish. (And please, don't tell me a degree is a golden ticket to success.)
Ever since I turned eighteen, I've been working manual labor from dawn until dusk just to avoid asking my parents for money; I can't stand the thought of being a burden.
The construction firm I work for keeps me on for eight months and then cuts me loose, only to call me back for another four because they need the help again.
I'm 26 years old. My romantic life has been non-existent for several years; I have zero interest. I even pushed away three people from my social circle last night for reasons I can't quite explain. Everything feels pessimistic, and... I really shouldn't keep writing this, or I'll spiral.
Criticize me, lecture me, or say whatever you need to say. Just say something.👎

Meaning in life doesn't exist out there in the world... at least, not independent of us. It isn't some distant destination you need to reach... it lives within you.
We are the ones who define purpose, and we do it individually.
Furthermore, meaning isn't a static thing. It shifts.
The worst mistake is building a highway through the wrong forest. Once people realize they've gone the wrong way, they just keep paving... because starting over feels too damn hard.

You aren't alone in this. It feels like this specific psychological state has become a sort of mainstream condition in modern society. Unfortunately...
And what can I say to you? I’m someone who has spent most of my life overthinking everything—pardon the expression—to the point where I've reached a stage where I am capable of relativizing absolutely everything.
Everything.
If I start by relativizing existence itself (which I frequently do), then how much do people actually matter? Emotions, the world, noble pursuits, various theories, and all those things people use to build their dreams and, more often than not, their entire lives?
Humans need a purpose. That seems pretty obvious. It's just... I'll set a goal for myself one day, only to tear it to shreds the next, because I can dissect anything with surgical precision. My value system fluctuates on a daily basis. Ethics, morality, you name it...
Education? Honestly, I finished school just to satisfy other people. I can say that openly now. Not because anyone forced me, but because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and education is just a nicely packaged, legal way to mask your own insecurity. Credit to those who always knew exactly what they wanted and stayed on that path without wavering. I did it "for others" because it's considered "good" to have a degree and a diploma. It supposedly brings "security" later in life. "Later"? And that's where the relativization kicks in... we take time as if it’s a given. Time is something we assume is certain, something we don't truly think about. It's standard practice to ask a kid in preschool, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Growing up is treated as a certainty. But why? Isn't there a chance that child could get hit by a car? Or die from bacterial meningitis? Or maybe a stray bullet from some drunk passerby celebrating a local sports victory with an illegal handgun? Etcetera, etcetera...
No one—absolutely no one—ever tells us, "Listen, nothing in life is guaranteed. Enjoy what you have right now. This very moment. This sunset. This warmth. This breeze carrying the scent of wildflowers. The sand tickling your feet. The softness of the hand you're holding. The infinite depth in the eyes of the girl walking beside you." Nobody says that. Everyone is looking forward, like horses harnessed to a plow, rushing toward graduation day. Meeting the love of their life. Getting married. Having kids. Getting a dog. Buying a house in the suburbs near a little river and a pine forest. Then they'll solve their midlife crisis by buying a new Porsche, or they'll try to become the next Michael Jordan, Cristiano Ronaldo, or Michael Schumacher, basking in fame and the envy of others. It's all just dreams. We spend far too much of our lives dreaming instead of walking with our eyes wide open.
Yet, when I look at a human being as a creature dependent on just a few senses... what are we? What is actually real? What matters?
Is that sunset, that breeze, that scent merely a "response" from our brain to external stimuli? Is my excitement from holding a girl's hand just an extension of an uncontrolled instinct to propagate the species? How can you not conclude that we are nothing more than puppets being manipulated by someone or something... things we don't understand, yet we are capable of "explaining" them away just so we can live with a clear conscience through another day, and another, and another...
And the society around us... it's a damn machine that has outgrown us all, and we don't even notice. We are just cogs. Disposable. Replaceable. And all of it is just so exhausting; I'm slowly losing my will.
I lie down in bed, turn off the lights, put on some music softly, and slide into another restless night.

So... you aren't alone.

Bradley Cooper said:You aren't alone. It feels like this specific psychological state has become a mainstream phenomenon in modern society. Sadly...
As someone who has spent most of my life overthinking everything—forgive the expression—to the point where I can rationalize just about anything, I understand.
Everything.
If I start by relativizing existence itself (which I often do), then what importance do people, emotions, the world, noble goals, various theories, or the very foundations upon which people build their dreams and lives actually hold?
It seems obvious that humans need a purpose. However, I might set a goal one day only to dismantle it the next, because I am capable of dissecting any concept with surgical precision. My value system fluctuates daily. Ethics, morality, you name it...
Education? To be honest, I finished my schooling for the sake of others. Not because anyone forced me, but because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and education serves as a nicely packaged, socially acceptable way to mask one's own insecurities. My respect goes to those who always knew their path and followed it without hesitation. I did it "for others" because finishing college and having a degree is considered the "right" thing to do. It supposedly provides "security" later in life. But "later"? That's where the relativism kicks in... we treat time as if it's guaranteed. We assume time is a constant. It’s standard to ask a child in preschool, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Growing up is treated as a certainty. But why? Is a child safe from being struck by a car? Or dying from an infection? Or perhaps being caught in the crossfire of a stray bullet from a passing incident?
No one ever tells us, "Listen, nothing in life is certain. Just enjoy what you have right now. This exact moment. This sunset. This breeze carrying the scent of wildflowers. The feeling of sand between your toes. The warmth of the hand you're holding. The depth in the eyes of the person walking beside you." No one says that. Instead, everyone is looking ahead like horses harnessed to a plow, racing toward graduation, finding a partner, getting married, having kids, buying a house in the suburbs, or eventually dealing with a midlife crisis by buying a new Porsche, or chasing fame like a pro athlete. These are all just dreams. We spend too much of our lives dreaming instead of living with our eyes wide open.
When I look at a human being as a creature dependent on a few senses... what are we? What is truly real? What actually matters?
Is that sunset, that breeze, or that scent merely a neurological response to external stimuli? Is the excitement I feel holding someone's hand just a biological instinct to ensure the survival of the species? It leads one to wonder if we aren't just puppets being moved by unseen forces... things we cannot fully grasp, yet we find ways to "explain" them away just so we can live with a clear conscience through another day, and another, and another...
And the society around us... it's a massive machine that has outpaced us, and we barely notice. We are just small, replaceable gears in the works. It is exhausting, and I feel my will fading.
I lie in bed, turn off the lights, put on some music softly, and drift into another restless night.

So... you aren't alone.

Man, this really gave me something to think about...

shadowfox75 said:After last night’s heavy topic, today feels even darker...
I honestly can't see the point of any of this. My childhood was incredible. We didn't have much—certainly not the abundance most kids were seeing back then—but I was happy with the little things. I was surrounded by truly wonderful people. My grandparents were amazing, especially my mother. And my father, who has since passed away, was my entire world, even if his job meant he was rarely home.
High school went fine, and then... boom. Everything crashed. The turn of the millennium... that infamous year 2000.
I couldn't find work through 2001, so I enrolled in college. It’ll be 2007 soon... and I’ve been an undergrad for two years now, yet I can't even bring myself to open a textbook to finally finish. (And please, don't tell me "a degree is just a piece of paper that opens doors." I know.)
Ever since I turned eighteen, I've been working manual labor from dawn till dusk just so I don't have to beg my parents for money. That would be too humiliating.
The construction firm that hires me keeps me on for eight months, then cuts me loose just so they can call me back for another four when they need the help again.
I'm 26. My love life over the last few years has been absolute zero. I'm totally checked out. I pushed three people away from my group last night for reasons I can't even explain. Everything looks bleak through my lens and... I don't want to write anymore. It's all becoming too much.
Go ahead. Scold me, judge me, say whatever you want. Just say something... 👎

I read your posts often... we're on the same journey... "the same path"... I completely understand you. It doesn't feel like you're dumping your pain on us. No one is going to judge you. If anything, you're the one who needs tenderness and understanding right now. 🙂

quietorca89 said:I find myself reading your posts often. It feels like we are walking the exact same path... I truly understand you. You aren't burdening anyone with your pain; nobody is judging you here. In fact, what you really need right now is tenderness and compassion.🙂

I hope you can see the light at the end of this tunnel, because mine is only just beginning.😕

shadowfox75 said:I hope you can see the light at the end of the tunnel for your trip... because mine feels like it’s only just begun. 😕

Not yet... 😢

But you? You’re actually the central figure here. This whole thing... it's really your story. 😘

quietorca89 said:not yet... 😢

but you are the central figure here, and this story belongs to you... 😘

To me, you seem too perfect to be real. I truly hope you aren't just a dream.
By the way, thank you for all the help you've provided through your advice. 🙂

shadowfox75 said:You’re just too perfect for me to believe you're actually real... I really hope you aren't some dream, but someone tangible.
By the way... thanks for all the help with your advice. 🙂

Just an ordinary girl, really. Just trying to let you know that you won't be spending tonight alone. 🙂

quietorca89 said:Just an ordinary girl letting you know you aren't alone tonight.🙂

And I am just an ordinary man who wishes I could hold you close tonight and stay by your side until the morning sun hits our faces. (God, I'm being ridiculous.)😛

shadowfox75 said:I’m just an ordinary guy who suddenly finds himself wishing he could hold you close tonight... stay like that until the morning sun hits our faces. (Man, I am really laying it on thick, aren't I?) 😛

Hehe, you really are cute...🤣

Now, now... be careful what you wish for, young man.😉

quietorca89 said:hehe, you're actually pretty cute.....🤣

Now, now... be careful what you wish for, young man. 😉

I really need to start a new thread because the masses seem completely indifferent to this one; it’s just us few left here.
I have plenty of depressing topics and enough material to shut this whole psychological forum down, I just haven't decided where to begin.

😳

Yeah, there’s actually a private thread for these kinds of chats 😉 and I really didn't want to derail your lovely topic... sorry, I was just responding to your sweet flirting and didn't mean to mess up your thread 😢

Bradley Cooper said:you aren't alone in this. it all feels to me like this specific psychological state has become some sort of mainstream phenomenon in modern societies. unfortunately...
and what am I supposed to tell you, coming from someone who has spent the better part of their life overthinking—pardon my bluntness—to the point where I’ve reached a stage where I can effectively relativize absolutely everything...
everything.
because if I start by relativizing the very concept of existence itself (which I frequently find myself doing), then what importance do people, emotions, the world, lofty and noble goals, various theories, or even the foundational pillars upon which people build their dreams—and more often than not, their entire lives—actually hold?
a person needs some kind of purpose in life. that seems painfully obvious to me. it's just that... I might set a goal for myself one day, only to tear it to shreds the next, simply because I am capable of dissecting anything with a bit of analytical surgery. my entire value system undergoes daily fluctuations. ethics, morality, you name it...
education? I finished my schooling mostly for the sake of others, I can admit that now. not because anyone forced my hand, but because I didn't truly know what I wanted to do with my life, and education serves as such a beautifully packaged, legal way to mask one's own insecurities. credit to those who have always known their path and walked it without hesitation. "for others," because it's considered "good" to graduate, to have the degree and the credentials. it provides "security" later in life. "later"??? and that is where the relativization begins... we take time for granted. time is something we view as certain, something we rarely pause to consider. it is perfectly normal for small children in preschool to be asked "what do you want to be when you grow up?". growing up is treated as a certainty. but why? is it not possible for that child to be struck by a car? or succumb to a sudden infection? or perhaps be hit by a stray bullet from some passerby celebrating a victory with an illegal weapon left over from a local conflict? etc...
no one, absolutely no one, ever tells us in life, "hey, nothing in this life is guaranteed. enjoy what you have right now. this exact moment. this sunset. this warmth. this breeze carrying the scent of wildflowers. the feel of the sand between your toes. the softness of the hand you are holding. the infinite depth in the eyes of the girl walking beside you." nobody tells you that. everyone is looking forward, like oxen yoked to a plow, staring toward the day they graduate. meet the love of their life. marry. have kids. buy a house in the suburbs near a little creek and a forest. until they eventually tackle a midlife crisis by buying a new Porsche. or perhaps they strive to become the next Michael Jordan, LeBron James, or Michael Schumacher, basking in fame and the envy of others. these are all just dreams. and we spend far too much of our lives dreaming instead of walking with our eyes wide open.
and yet, when I look at a human being as a creature dependent on a mere handful of senses... what are we? what is actually real? what truly matters?
is that sunset, that breeze, that scent merely a "response" from our brains to external stimuli? is my excitement while holding a girl's hand just a continuation of some uncontrolled instinct for species survival? and how can one not think that we are nothing more than simple puppets being manipulated by someone or something... all while failing to understand it, yet remaining perfectly capable of "explaining" it away just so we can maintain a clean conscience and push through another day, and another, and another...
and the society around us... it's a damn machine that has outgrown us all, and we don't even notice. we are just cogs. disposable. replaceable. and it's all so exhausting that I am slowly losing the will to fight it.
I lie down in bed, turn off the lights, put on some music, low, and slide into yet another restless night.

so... you aren't alone.

I really like what you wrote here. It's been a long time since I've read something like this.

shadowfox75 said:I definitely need to start a new thread because the masses clearly don't give a damn about this one... just you few here.
I'm drowning in depressing topics and I have enough material to crash this whole PSYCH forum, I just don't know where to even begin...

😳

It’s not that they aren't interested; we just missed the thread. Use your eyes. 😬 What are we going to do, fall into a coma? It's not like any of us haven't dealt with these issues before. :P

So many people are dealing with the exact same struggles you all described. I’m right there with you—this is all happening because of the massive societal shifts we've seen lately. Our lifestyles have changed so drastically, and our brains just haven't caught up because nobody ever prepared us for this. We were raised by "old school" parents who taught us how to function in a completely different era, and then we woke up in a world that bears no resemblance to the one we were trained for.

Following that logic, and echoing what someone else already pointed out here: meaning can only be found within yourself. That is the only place it exists. That doesn't mean you need to sit at home meditating for ten hours a day; it just means that once you find that internal sense of purpose, the world starts looking a lot brighter and more coherent, and you stop exhausting yourself with these existential questions. 😁 Basically, you have to start inward and ask yourself—where did that sense of purpose go? Where did it vanish to, and what exactly is standing in your way from feeling it again?

What parts of your life actually work for you, and what parts feel broken? Are you doing things you actually enjoy? When was the last time you actually paused, looked around, and really noticed the people standing right next to you?

Bradley Cooper said:you aren't alone. it feels to me like this specific psychological state has become some kind of mainstream phenomenon in modern society. unfortunately...
and what can I tell you, coming from someone who spent most of their life overthinking everything—pardon the expression—to the point where I’ve reached a stage where I can relativize absolutely everything.
everything.
because if I start relativizing the very concept of existence (which I do quite often), then how much importance do people, emotions, the world, lofty and noble goals, various theories, and all those things people use to build their dreams—and more often than not, their entire lives—really hold?
a person needs some sort of goal in life. that seems obvious enough. it's just... one day I'll set a goal for myself, only to tear it to shreds the next day, because I am capable of dissecting anything with analytical surgery. my value system fluctuates on a daily basis. ethics, morality, you name it...
education? honestly, I finished my schooling for the sake of others, I can admit that now. not because anyone forced me, but because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and education is just a nicely packaged, legal way to mask your own insecurities. kudos to those who always knew what they wanted and marched down that path without wavering. "for others," because it's considered "good" to graduate college and have a degree. it brings "security" later in life. "later"??? and that's where the relativization kicks in... we take time for granted. time is treated as something certain, something we don't bother thinking about. it's normal to ask a kid in preschool, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" growing up is treated as a certainty. why? because a child isn't going to get hit by a car? or die from sudden sepsis? or get caught in the crossfire of a stray bullet from some drunk passerby celebrating a win for the local football team with an illegal handgun? etc...
nobody, absolutely nobody, ever tells us in life, "hey, nothing in life is certain. enjoy what you have right now. this exact moment. this sunset. this warmth. this breeze carrying the scent of wildflowers. this sand tickling your feet as you walk. the softness of the hand you're holding. the infinite depth in the eyes of the girl walking beside you." nobody tells you that. everyone is looking forward, like horses harnessed to a plow, toward the day they graduate. meet the love of their life. get married. have kids. get a dog. buy a house on the outskirts of a suburb near a small river and a forest. until they solve a mid-life crisis by buying a new Porsche, or until they try to become the next Michael Jordan, LeBron James, or Michael Schumacher and live off the fame and envy of others. they are all just dreams. and we spend too much of our lives dreaming instead of walking with our eyes wide open.
and yet, when I look at a human being as a creature dependent on just a few senses... what are we? what is real? what actually matters?
is that sunset, that breeze, that scent just a "response" from our brains to external stimuli? is my excitement while holding a girl's hand just an extension of an uncontrolled instinct to propagate the species? and how can you not think that we are nothing more than mere puppets being manipulated by someone or something... all while we fail to understand it, yet remain perfectly capable of "explaining" it away just so we can maintain a clean conscience and move through another day, and another, and another...
and the society around us... it's a damn machine that has outgrown us all, and we don't even notice. we are just cogs. disposable. replaceable. and all of it is so exhausting that I'm slowly losing my will.
I lie in bed, turn off the lights, put on some music, low, and slide into another restless night.

so... you aren't alone.

You remind me of myself from two years ago.😁

Whether we’re just cogs in the machine or not really comes down to how you look at things. But there’s something else in what you wrote that I want to dig into—it’s the same dilemma, really. You mentioned you only went through school because everyone else told you that’s what you were supposed to do. So, let me ask you: what would you actually *do*? What’s your actual passion? What makes you genuinely happy, or what kind of work gets you so deeply immersed that you completely lose track of time? Is there anything like that for you?

Bradley Cooper said:Nobody, and I mean absolutely nobody, ever stops to tell you, "Hey, listen, nothing in this life is guaranteed. Just soak in what you have right now. This exact second. In this specific sunset. In this warmth on your skin. In this breeze carrying the scent of wildflowers. In the way the sand feels under your feet. In the softness of the hand you're holding. Or in the endless depth of the eyes of the girl walking beside you." No one ever tells you that...

But even if someone did say that to you, would you actually believe them?

Or wouldn't you find yourself waiting for something more substantial, something heavier, something that actually carries weight?

Aren't we just stubborn, headstrong creatures who usually have to go out and get bruised by life ourselves just to finally understand the lessons we were looking for in the first place...

Olivia Carter25 said:You remind me of myself from two years ago.😁

Whether we’re just cogs in a machine or not is really just a matter of perspective. There’s something else in your post that caught my eye—the same question, actually. You mentioned you pursued your education simply because others told you to. But what would *you* actually do? What do you want to do? What brings you joy? What are those things that make you lose track of time entirely? Is there anything like that for you?

The "others" don't necessarily have to be individuals (I won't assume you meant parents, since assuming someone's upbringing was the mother of all fuckups is a stretch 😉), but rather society as a whole. That idea of being "told" can be interpreted in a few ways. Think of it this way: there are established patterns of behavior and thought that get hardwired into us from a young age. They aren't implanted because people want to hurt us—whether it's through the school system or our social circles—but because they don't know any other way to live. They teach us what is deemed "necessary" for "normal functioning" in the world as it exists, or at least how it's perceived. (I know, too many quotation marks, but these are metaphysical concepts that can be viewed through a hundred different lenses). Anyway, getting off track... 🙂

I try to do whatever brings me joy, as much as I can. Time is usually the limiting factor, isn't it? But the important part is that analytical mechanism that kicks in... I don't just sit still. I don't take anything for granted. If I feel happy, I ask why. I'm capable of breaking that down in every possible way and searching through available literature for other perspectives.
What do I want right now? Where does that desire even come from? Is it perhaps the subconscious influence of someone or something else?

I lose myself in certain, probably instinctive, impulses. Like when I put on some music and just start dancing on my own... when a song carries you away to the point where you lose all perception of everything else. It’s similar with books... pure escapism. You get so immersed that you forget you're just some person lying on a bed reading; suddenly, you're Oliver Twist struggling through the slums of old London. People can lose themselves in plenty of things—a great movie, an attractive image, a compelling conversation. You can get lost in anything. But why do I get lost? That’s the demon that won't leave me alone... is it all just a chemical reaction in the chemical soup of my brain, or is it something more?
Where do we draw the line of reality? If you've seen *The Matrix* and are familiar with Descartes' brain-in-a-vat theory, you know exactly what I mean.

When a person is capable of relativizing and questioning everything presented to them... what is left to drive them forward? And ultimately... why go further? Is "further" the goal, or was where we were better than where we are going? And what are we even striving for?

😉

rustymaker5 said:And if someone told you that? Would you actually believe them?

Or wouldn't you expect something more substantial, something meaningful?

Aren't we stubborn, headstrong creatures who usually have to learn things the hard way—through our own skin—to get the experiences we're after?

I wouldn't. I don't trust anyone. Not authorities, not degrees, not geniuses, not the masses. I can listen to anyone and analyze what they say, accepting only what strikes me as rational and logical. But the real weight of the situation is that I don't even fully trust myself. If a person blindly trusted their own impulses and never questioned a single decision... well, let's not talk about deciding to use the restroom because your bladder is full, but take a major life choice like picking a college major... if you didn't question those, there wouldn't be a problem. You'd just be a robot. A satisfied robot. Set a goal. Achieve it. Set another. Repeat until death finally comes knocking. End of story. But I keep asking "why"... and I ask it too often. That makes living pretty difficult.

True, we are built that way... explorers. But even explorers hit limits. What if Columbo tried to walk over every single inch of newly discovered territory on foot? He’d probably die or lose his mind trying. And that's what I'm doing... metaphorically, of course. 🙂

jigsaw said:Yeah, that’s just how we’re wired... we’re explorers. But even explorers have to know when to stop—there are limits, you know? I mean, what if Columbo decided he had to personally stomp over every single inch of newly discovered territory? He’d probably drop dead or lose his mind trying to pull that off. And honestly? That’s kind of what I’m doing... metaphorically speaking, obviously. 🙂

You might actually go crazy, non-metaphorically too.😲

I remember being younger—way younger—and getting totally haunted by the thought of what lies beyond the edge of the universe.

Just this void... okay, but how far does the void go? It’s infinite, right? But how can something be infinite? Everything is contained within something else, which is inside something else, which is infinite because it's nothingness, which is infinite... god, it's enough to make you lose your grip, but somehow, you don't.

It's just that, eventually, the years pass and everything starts to click into place—sort of like a Rubik's Cube finally solving itself after a long time. 😛