OCD: General Discussion Thread
in Psychology & Therapy ·
analognomad81 said:Greetings to all. I am a new member here, and I believe I would find it immensely beneficial if someone could offer some guidance regarding WHO
I have decided to initiate this specific thread because I was unaware an existing one functioned in this manner; I simply required assistance concerning my WHO and wished to detail my circumstances.
The reality of the situation is that I have been contending with this condition for many years, dating back to approximately 2011 or 2012. Over the intervening years, it has evolved quite idiosyncratically because I have consistently attempted to resist it, resulting in a manifestation that deviates slightly from textbook WHO.
Initially, I lacked any inkling that I was suffering from a psychological disorder; rather, I assumed this was merely my temperament. I have always been a perfectionist, possessing an innate desire for everything I own to be precisely in its place. However, this was not standard perfectionism—for instance, when using a notebook, I felt compelled to write on every single line, and in my school workbooks, I had to fill every allocated space to the very last millimeter to ensure total order. While that may not strictly constitute WHO, the situation has deteriorated significantly over time. I often fail to achieve that sense of order, which triggers intense anxiety. When I encounter tasks that are impossible to complete perfectly, I become overwhelmed; instead of starting, I find myself sitting paralyzed to the side, staring blankly, even when I should be studying. This academic decline has been severe. In middle school, I participated in over twenty competitions, including five or six regional ones, and passed with straight A's without issue. Now, however, I am struggling just to pass my classes. I have barely managed to finish my junior year of high school; sophomore year was slightly more manageable, but the difficulty continues to escalate.
To be clear, those early tendencies were not yet WHO, but they served as the foundation for its development. I am currently seventeen years old, and it seems I developed true WHO toward the end of my freshman year of high school. At that time, I remained oblivious to the fact that it was a clinical disorder, only becoming acquainted with the concept during a psychology lecture in my junior year about six months ago.
How did I realize I was dealing with this specific pathology? I shall endeavor to list as many of the intrusive thoughts and compulsive actions that consume my mind as possible...
1. When searching for an object, such as a specific document within a pile of papers, once I actually locate it, I find myself unable to stop. I will set the document aside and continue to sift through the entire stack regardless of the futility of the action. If I do not complete this ritualistic search, a profound sense of anxiety takes hold, and I am unable to cease the thought process until the task is finished, despite its lack of logic.
2. Alternatively, when I imagine something that evokes strong emotions, I find myself ruminating on that thought incessantly. I replay it in my head over and over, meticulously analyzing every minute detail, until I reach a state where I feel I have processed the entire scenario perfectly. I must ensure I haven't missed a single nuance or failed to visualize a specific aspect, seeking a sense of cognitive "perfection" where nothing remains unconsidered. This can persist for ten minutes or longer, rendering me incapable of performing any other task. Furthermore, if I am interrupted during this mental process, I experience such intense discomfort that I find it nearly impossible to engage in conversation.
3. Regarding my handwriting, there were periods where I wrote normally, but every five minutes or so, an impulse would arise. After writing a particular letter or word, I would feel a desperate need to achieve a sense of perfection regarding that specific character. Consequently, I would repeatedly write that same letter over and over until I felt I had rendered it flawlessly. The problem is that the result looks utterly chaotic and bears no resemblance to actual lettering. I cannot stop this cycle until the urge is satisfied. Frequently, I will finish and think I have achieved that feeling of perfection, only for a voice in my head to tell me it isn't right, forcing me to start the entire process from the beginning. This can also last for a significant duration, and if I fail to achieve that sensation, I am plagued by a persistent, agonizing sense of unease that haunts my thoughts.
3.A) This same compulsion applies to using a computer mouse. I seek that specific sensation where, upon releasing the mouse, I feel as though my final interaction with it was somehow perfect. For example, when I have finished my work on the computer, I find I cannot simply let go of the mouse until that precise internal feeling is attained.
4. Lately, I have been increasingly plagued by my most debilitating issue, which tends to manifest roughly every thirty seconds depending on my current state of tension or relaxation. For instance, if I happen to brush against an object and subsequently direct my attention toward it—realizing I have made contact—a compulsion immediately arises within my mind. This force compels me to repeat the exact same action over and over again until I can replicate that initial touch with absolute perfection, or until I achieve a specific sensation of "correctness" that allows me to feel at ease. If I fail to execute this repetition perfectly, I am overcome by intense anxiety; my mind becomes utterly disordered and confused, leaving me feeling helpless. I simply find myself driven to satisfy these compulsions, even though I cannot begin to fathom why I feel such a desperate need to perform them. To provide a few illustrations: while walking through my high school hallway, if I accidentally graze a wall, I will turn back to that precise spot and attempt to touch it repeatedly until I attain that sense of internal peace—that fleeting feeling that the contact was executed flawlessly. Once that sensation is achieved, I can finally move on. Alternatively, it could be any object or even a complex sequence of actions; I might find myself forced to repeat movements or breathe in a very specific pattern, or shift my body parts in a precise manner that I previously noted. To an outside observer, these behaviors likely appear quite peculiar.
5. My dental hygiene follows a similar pattern; I brush my teeth with such exhaustive precision that I am searching for a sense of perfection, following the exact same routine every single time, and ensuring I rinse my mouth precisely three times.
6. I also find myself hoarding items that possess absolutely no inherent value, yet I feel a profound necessity to keep them, such as discarded utility bills, breadcrumbs, scraps of metal, small bits of paper, and various other worthless trifles.
7. Furthermore, I experience an overwhelming urge to turn around frequently because I feel compelled to capture the entire visual field of my surroundings. I must see everything in front of me and behind me; when this merges with the aforementioned issues, I often find myself glancing behind me dozens of times just to ensure I have witnessed every single detail, even if I have already verified it ten times over.
These are the primary symptoms that come to mind at the moment; should I recall any others, I shall document them later, but for now, this is the extent of it.
In essence, am I actually suffering from WHO, or could these symptoms indicate something else entirely?
If anyone possesses any insight or advice that might assist me in navigating this, I would be deeply appreciative. 😁
Thanks!
I do the exact same thing. It's constant. People in shops probably think I'm trying to shoplift just because I'm always spinning around and scanning the room.