silentraven6 said:So, my teacher pulled me aside this morning and mentioned that I really need to sit down and have a talk with him. She said he’s just... not really feeling the schoolwork lately, and that he's being incredibly difficult to motivate. She didn't go into a whole breakdown of what's going on, she just dropped that line on me, so I’m planning to try and gently nudge some answers out of him later today. It’s kind of confusing, though, because looking at his notebooks, everything is actually totally fine—all the assignments are done and there isn't anything missing. And get this: his after-school program instructor told me yesterday around 3:10 PM that while everyone else was still grinding away at their desks, he was already completely finished just sitting there waiting for the rest of the class to catch up. She even added that he’s got a real sense of self and a really great imagination when it comes to art. But then, when it comes to his social studies work? There’s absolutely nothing written down. It's such a weird mix of things.
I was just looking over his homework—you know, that assignment where they have to color in a butterfly—and I honestly had to do a double take at how he actually finished it. I’d already written him off, thinking he’d just scribble all over it with two random colors and call it a day while waiting for everyone else to wrap up. But nope, he actually sat there and did it properly.
I’ve gone through the rest of it—everything looks solid. All the checkmarks are there, the ratios are spot on, the assignments are completed, and I don't see any signs of anything being erased or tampered with. Usually, we just handle all this stuff ourselves at home, right at the school level.
It feels like everyone is talking about it lately. I can even hear the teacher reminding the whole class every single morning that they need to stop chatting during lessons. I try to have these little talks with him every day, you know? Since he wants to be a game developer one day, I’ll frame it around that—telling him he won't make it in that industry if he can't focus and actually listen to instructions. It's just one of those things... I wonder if I'm approaching this the wrong way? Then yesterday, his classmate's mom called me. She mentioned that all the kids actually want to sit near him. He told me himself that whenever the teacher reshuffles the seating chart, people always try to talk to him. Honestly, he says he's usually pretty quiet, but he does feel like he has to speak up sometimes when someone directs something at him.
I don’t even know how I’m going to come across here—whether people think I’m being dense, slow, or just some sensitive crybaby—but my kid has been this incredibly withdrawn soul since the day he was born. I’ve actually posted on here before about how I totally messed up by being way too authoritarian with him. It took me years to realize that, and even longer to try and fix it—trying to wake up his inner voice, build up some actual self-confidence, and help him find his own identity and willpower. I’ve always tried to teach him that having a strong sense of self shouldn't mean steamrolling over everyone else (which, honestly, has always been my biggest struggle). He never really knew how to stand up for himself growing up, and he ended up being a target for bullying. But then, around the time he was five and started preschool, everything just shifted. He has this amazing little circle of friends who genuinely adore him. Everyone just gravitates toward him when he walks in. He’s never been the "leader" type, if you know what I mean... he’s just someone who is deeply, naturally loved. I don't quite know how to put it into words.
I’m terrified. Honestly, I am just paralyzed by this fear that I’m going to screw everything up again. I’m scared that if I try to fix my mistakes now, I’ll end up sabotaging his progress. I have this sinking feeling that the sheer structure of our lives—the constant pace, having a rigid schedule nearly every single day—is going to strip away everything we’ve worked so hard to build. It feels like the momentum of life is just going to pull him right back into that shell. Right now, he’s staying with us for a week at a time—maybe until the 15th, or maybe the 16th if I pick up extra shifts. We’re living out of bags, packing everything up for the next day, grabbing gear for training... we don't have any breathing room. He doesn't get home until almost 7:30, eats, and then just collapses into bed. And I’m doing the exact same thing for my brother, too. It’s just constant.
Please bear with me while I dive into this epic saga about my kid. I honestly rarely feel the need to write like this, but I’ve found so much support here whenever I’ve come looking for help with my own fears and anxieties. I'm just hoping that maybe someone out there can relate to how I'm feeling right now.
Mandy, thank you. Honestly, I’m just glad someone finally had the guts to call out that whole boarding school thing. It feels like this endless grind—like they’re just trying to turn kids into cogs in a machine from day one. You start teaching them what's coming before they even know who they are. And that whole social aspect? It’s all just rigid structure and constant supervision. There's no sense of self, just forced socialization over and over again. Maybe I’ve just been reading too much lately... or maybe I'm finally seeing things clearly.
You wrote that so beautifully. It warmed my heart reading how tenderly you describe your little guy.😍
I think the answer to your question is pretty obvious. 😬 Honestly, you already know him.
The kid is a true individual. If you think—and I can tell you do—that he’s mature, independent, and actually keeps his word, then there's really nothing left to debate.
Look at how much his schoolwork surprised you; don't underestimate him. I bet he’d surprise you with how responsible and level-headed he can be when he's home on his own.
Besides, I completely agree with you about his schedule being too packed. He needs a break from that constant grind. Especially if he has sports or some other commitment after school.
silentraven6 said:I’m seriously considering pulling my kid out of after-school care. I honestly don't see the upside anymore. He’s become quite independent, and I have this nagging feeling that being there is just way too much for him.
And you can't even compare it to daycare or preschool. For them, preschool was actually a huge drag—it was such a bad setup given how school works. The teachers aren't really aware that they haven't done anything structured with the kids, so they struggle when they suddenly need to sit still and follow a routine. It's not even the teachers' fault, though; our local district teachers are actually great and incredibly patient. I feel totally solid about her.
But this thought is just starting to sink in, and it's constantly playing on loop in my head... Could he manage being home alone for a bit after school? If he's on the early shift, he'd be waiting for me until 2 PM. I might try to work with a colleague to switch to just morning shifts. With the winter days getting shorter, I can't pick him up before 3 PM, and I really don't want him sitting in after-school care if all they do from 2 to 3 is homework.
I know this is a pretty quick turnaround for such a big decision, and I'll probably be reading back on this in a few months thinking I was either completely crazy or absolutely right.
He seems fine with everything, but he isn't the type to really speak up about what he wants—unless it's his total refusal to attend religious ed classes. He hasn't really complained for months, and they do ask him to express himself, but he just doesn't.
Are there any other moms here who let their first graders stay home for a couple of hours after school? My job is super close—just five minutes from both home and the school.
Has anyone else ever had these mixed feelings about after-school programs?
Am I losing it, Lastane? (Honestly, I'm tearing up right now, thanks PMS)
What exactly would you gain by going home and being left alone for two hours without anyone watching you? Isn't it better if they're actually in school? At least there they can run around, have some fun, and stay engaged. Most importantly, they're actually around other people. In my neighborhood, most kids don't go to after-school programs. Instead, if their grandparents are still mobile and have enough energy left in them, they step up to help the kids knock out their homework. Kids who are independent tend to just burn through an hour or two of their free time glued to the TV or lost in video games.
It really just comes down to the kid and how mature they are.
No matter how much I grumble about being away from my little guy, I honestly think there’s more upside to this than having him stuck at home, mindlessly staring at a screen for hours on end.
Scott Howard74 said:Why aren't you checking out thrift stores? They’ve got every size under the sun, and half the time they still have the tags on. It's basically brand new stuff from Europe. Best prices $17
Thanks for the heads-up. Believe it or not, I've never actually stepped foot in a thrift store. 😬
Not gonna lie, those kinds of stores aren't really my scene. But after hunting for a basic maxi dress for ages and coming up empty, I’m honestly ready to walk into a Spencer’s just to find something.
feraldriver30 said:I just had to share this... I was out shopping with my mom yesterday at Lady XXL, that store for plus sizes. A regular there recommended it to her. Honestly, they have great stuff and the prices are actually decent compared to some other shops. Plus, it's cool that they sew everything themselves. It’s a solid option for us.👍👍
They apparently launched a website recently, so definitely check it out... www.lady-xxl.com (sorry if links aren't allowed, mods, feel free to delete this if it breaks the rules)
There’s even a flyer on the site for a 10% discount. If you bring it in, you get the deal. The woman at the shop mentioned since the physical flyers aren't ready yet, you can just say you found out about it online to get the discount. Pretty clever.😍 Anyway... supporting local businesses is always a good move, especially when we're constantly bombarded by all those big corporate brands from everywhere else. 😉
I bought some pants there about three or four years ago, mostly just because I needed them, not because I was browsing. $167. Just basic black pants.$167 From three years ago. So, if that's considered "affordable"... I remember getting a little booklet where they stamp it after every purchase $167 (!). After six or ten stamps, you get a generous 10% discount. It's actually a pretty good system. 😢 That said, their prices can be pretty steep sometimes. I'm not a fan of that. It feels like because they're one of the few shops that carry larger sizes, they can afford to act a bit arrogant with their pricing. 👎
Thanks a lot. I snagged the green one yesterday at the fog-heavy Žitnjak area. It was the last one, on sale, plus an extra 5% off—can't complain. 😬It’s not exactly what I was hunting for, but it’s close enough.
brightrider95 said:Dorothy Perkins—they’re black, they’re green, but let’s be real: they’re basically transparent since they’re marketed as "beach wear."
That sounds great. Thanks!
Did you see those at the Magma over in the East Side or at CC1?
Does anyone have an idea, or has anyone seen one of those strapless dresses—you know, the classic "party girl" style 😬 where the back is basically bare and it hits almost to the floor—maybe in a size 50 or something?
Man, I would love to buy something like that, but I have zero clue where to look. *Sigh*.
My mom just started chemotherapy, and we’ve decided to try supporting her with some natural supplements alongside her treatment. We’re looking to order a few things from the States, so I wanted to see if anyone here has experience with importing stuff. Does anyone know how to handle the shipping so it doesn't get hit with massive customs fees?
thanks. That link you sent was actually the first thing I even bothered to look up.
Can someone help me out with something else—where is she supposed to see an oncologist now? Like, what kind of specialist and where exactly? Is there much of a difference between one oncologist and another? So far, all I've heard is that she could go to Mayo Clinic, MD Anderson, or maybe Johns Hopkins. What would you guys suggest?
I managed to figure out that N0 means there aren't any tumor cells in the lymph nodes, and MX means they can't tell if the cells have metastasized. I think T3 would be stage 3 or something along those lines, though that doesn't seem to quite line up with the N0 label. The only thing I haven't cracked yet is what this AB part is supposed to mean.
Hey everyone... I'm finally joining the conversation. 🙂
I've lurked here from time to time just to see how everyone is holding up, but I never felt like saying anything. You can probably guess why... but things have changed.
Now, I have to speak up.
It’s about my mom. She got her results back today, and I’m desperately hoping someone can tell me what we’re looking at—what she’s facing—and if there's any light at the end of the tunnel.
Her kidney was removed two weeks ago, and the pathology report came in today. I don't have the paper in front of me, so I'm just typing out what I managed to catch over the phone. Bear with me, because I didn't catch everything, but here it is: renal cell carcinoma, grade 3, sarcomatoid; no residual areas found (not sure what that implies); markers are TT3, AB, N0, M1. Does this mean it's stage 3? And that M1 part—does that refer to metastasis? What does the "x" actually signify? Also, does "sarcomatoid" mean it's more aggressive?
Thanks for any help you can give. This is incredibly hard. Just brutal.
It’s about my dad. About a year ago, he had a stroke. Since then, his right leg—specifically the ankle and foot—has been swelling up. He actually recovered pretty well from the stroke itself; he did physical therapy at a rehab center, regained his speech, and has feeling back in his arm, though it's still weak. Thankfully, he's back on his feet, even if that right leg is a bit shaky. He’s diabetic, recently had surgery on his right carotid artery, and takes a bunch of meds for blood pressure and a few other things I can't quite recall right now.
Even before the stroke, a dog bit him on that same leg. The wound healed fine, but looking back, I thought the leg seemed slightly swollen even then.
After the stroke, that swelling just got worse. It only subsided a few times—once during his rehab stint and once while he was hospitalized for his surgery. Basically, when he was lying down most of the day and not straining himself, it stayed down. At home, he likes staying busy with yard work or walking the dog, just nothing too intense.
He saw his primary care doctor, who sent him to a neurologist. The specialist basically told us there’s nothing they can do and claimed it's just a reaction to the stroke—nerve damage and such. They recommended diuretics to get rid of the fluid and an elastic compression bandage.
The problem is, the leg keeps getting thicker. He won't be able to fit into any of his shoes soon. He isn't in pain, but it looks terrible, and I'm honestly terrified that if doctors just ignore this, he might end up losing the leg. I can't help but feel like no one wants to deal with him because he's elderly and has multiple health issues.
Who should we see? Who can I talk to to get him a proper exam? What am I supposed to do? Where can we find actual help?
Look, you don't even know me or why I'm posting this. I can tell you that I've seen Dr. Miller's work from both sides of the fence. I know firsthand how hard it is to help someone dealing with these kinds of issues and still expect to see even the slightest bit of progress. And that’s all while working with an experienced therapist who’s gone through countless workshops, seminars, and advanced training... It isn't easy... it's incredibly tough to offer support, try to provide it, and actually start making a dent in the problem.
Look, I respect your drive, but at the end of the day, what matters is experience. You shouldn't mess around with stuff like this. It's too dangerous.
I really can't get behind the idea of a student, someone with zero clinical experience, handing out advice to people dealing with serious issues in their sex lives or relationships.
Do you honestly think attending a single workshop, reading a few books, and studying under Dr. Štulhofer makes you qualified for this?
Does Dr. Štulhofer even know what you're up to?
And why would anyone bother coming to a student when they could go to trained psychotherapists with actual clinical experience?
Are you even aware of how much damage you could do to someone who’s genuinely struggling and looking for help?
