Posts by Jason Sanchez3

I’ve honestly never understood guys who feel the need to get into a physical fight just because someone insulted their mom or something...
I mean, it's really not that deep...

To me, those kinds of reactions just seem primal. I totally get why men would defend the author's right to speak—but when it comes to her actual words, most people wouldn't be able to justify her behavior either.

Instead of taking the high road and shutting him down with some clever comeback, she basically lowered herself to his level. In a way, he actually won.

Jerry Martinez5 said:People who reacted like the OP end up in jail or a psych ward. Honestly, I hope she manages to avoid that. Usually, people see the light for the first time, even if the case actually goes to court.

No, bosses don't physically beat their employees. Sure, bosses harass employees in all sorts of ways and work them into the ground, but proving that in court is nearly impossible.

People who reacted like the OP failed to protect themselves. You need to defend yourself without resorting to violence. I get her frustration. But if you respond to frustration with violence, you're headed for jail or a mental institution. Sorry.

It's natural for people on this forum to have different views. But not about this. There is no excuse for physical violence. Okay, maybe there is: if the guy had hit her baby, I'd understand her hitting him back. I think even a judge would see it that way when deciding the sentence.

Exactly... it's wild how many people think what she did was right..

Drew Morgan said:Unfortunately, we’re already living in the Wild West. You think bosses don't pull these stunts on their employees? You're just a lucky outlier with better terms, apparently.

With a judicial system that’s completely broken, where is a rule-follower supposed to actually exercise their rights? Bringing up the law has become an absolute joke.

People who didn't react the way the OP did are being systematically crushed. But look at the psychology here—I don't think her reaction was irrational; it was a natural response.

I disagree. Someone with real confidence can hold their own just by staying calm and collected. You can show someone they've lost without even raising your voice or being rude... it's actually more powerful that way.

Drew Morgan said:Hold on a second—who is physically stronger in most cases? Men or women?

And what exactly was the author supposed to do? It’s not like she’s made of steel.

she broke his nose🙄

She should've just shut him down and told him off.

Angela Wright said:Should we be the ones to file suit first?😉
Of course it isn’t made of steel, and she really needs to keep that in mind. A guy who is willing to spread slander so publicly without a shred of evidence is exactly the kind of person who might just decide to raise a hand to a woman.
Whether you're a man or a woman, resorting to physical violence at the edge of an argument is nothing more than a pathetic admission of defeat. It’s the ultimate sign that someone has completely run out of steam and lacks the intellectual capacity to hold their own in a real debate.

Here’s the deal: he can file a lawsuit, but that doesn't change reality. Everything he thinks he has against her? It’s all true.
I'm not sure what kind of nonsense you're trying to pull here, but let's get one thing straight: cut the crap.😳

Exactly...

So, a guy gets into an argument with his wife, she’s frustrated, crying, screaming—is it totally okay for him to just snap and hit her?
To me, it looks like...

I'm with Jerry Martinez5 on this one; the OP has some issues...

Besides that, next time she might end up in the ER...

Since her man might hit back a little harder...

I'm honestly just wondering why it wouldn't exist...

My sister spent years complaining about being exhausted. She was sleeping on a way better mattress than mine... and we always told her she was just making it up or needed to take some vitamins. Once she moved out, I tried sleeping in her bed and was totally shocked. I couldn't sleep at all. Every morning I felt completely wrecked. By 4 PM, I could barely keep my eyes open, and even after nine hours of sleep, I could hardly get moving. I finally gave up and went back to my own room after a month because it was just too much...

Zachary Scott67 said:Look, the "kid" is clearly just overcompensating—he can't handle his own frustrations. I say "kid" because he's the younger brother, not because of his height, and honestly, he just refuses to grow up. He won't drive his mom to the ER because he can't face the reality that she’s sick, or worse, that he might lose her—and if he does, he loses his status as the "baby" forever. So he digs his heels in and plays dumb about the whole thing. It sounds twisted, I know, but go talk to a therapist—they'll tell you it's textbook.

Ever since their dad passed, he probably got a ton of attention from his mom and brother, but in his head, it’s still never enough. He’s constantly fishing for it, using whatever works in the moment—whether it's being charming and helpful or just being a total jerk and acting out.

I wonder if there's anyone left in that family with enough backbone—an uncle or some older relative—who could actually sit him down man-to-man. Someone to look him in the eye and explain that he’s an adult now, and people expect actual responsibility from him, not this spoiled child act where he sulks over stuff that happened years ago. (And yeah, he feels cheated because he grew up without a father, but nobody did that on purpose, and everyone else in the family suffered just as much—if not more—than he did... and now they're suffering even more because of him).

You nailed this, seriously. It all seems so likely...
Sadly, there isn't anyone in the family who can actually lay down the law. I've told him a million times that he needs to step up, even if he has to be firm about it...
but he always says he doesn't want to deal with it, that he just wants to walk away from everything and be done.

As for what you said about Mom's health, I'm not totally sure...
I was at the ER with her once and asked him to come pick us up...
he took the long way around and ended up waiting 15 minutes longer than he expected. He lost it and nearly killed us on the road because he was so frustrated...
It's honestly awful... just thinking about it gives me chills.
Mom was feeling terrible and he was driving like a maniac because he had to wait 15 minutes in the car... and then he started yelling at her. I was just in total shock.

Zachary Scott67 said:So what’s your guy saying about all this? Like, why he acts the way he does? Does he think it’s just his personality—or maybe some weird upbringing or life stuff making him different from everyone else?

You mentioned his brother is close to him, so—maybe he doesn't really care about any of this drama? How does he actually treat his brother, then?

He won't even try to talk about it. He just gets upset and shuts down..
But yeah, it's definitely personality... and probably how they grew up too, since he looked out for him.. and honestly, more attention was likely given to the younger kid back when everything went down...

It bothers him, and he's awful to him...
He’s just so jealous.... he causes problems constantly. My boyfriend has a more demanding job and travels quite a bit, and the brother just can't handle hearing about it...
He’s mocked him in front of people so many times...
One minute he’s fine, the next he’s a jerk... it's just a cycle. One second he's great, the next he's a total idiot..
Like he has a split personality.

He isn't bad all the time, though. There are periods where he's awesome, and then there are times where he's such an idiot you wouldn't believe it.......

Mostly, he's at his worst with Mom... she's sick, and he’s constantly picking at her, mocking her, and being stubborn. If she upsets him, he refuses to drive her to the ER or stuff like that... it's honestly terrible...

He has such a warped view of the world, of himself, and of what he does versus what others do for him.... He's totally convinced he's the victim, always the victim.
And every single time—everyone else is just an idiot or a jerk, and nobody matters except him.

Zachary Scott67 said:You're gonna lose if you try to take him on. The guy is clearly a master manipulator—you'll just end up getting burned. And Mom? She’s always going to side with him, mark my words. She'll act all awkward around you and apologize, sure, but nothing "real" will ever change. She'll always stick by her little boy; it’s easier for her to let you get hurt than to deal with him...

So, bottom line: the house is his, Mom is his, and he's got all the freedom in the world to act out. Your only real move is to decide that if that's how it is, you aren't stepping foot in that house anymore. If you actually want to see your future mother-in-law, you meet her for coffee or invite her over to yours. You tell her straight up that her son is way too much drama—too rude and disrespectful for you to sit there and let him mess with your head or treat you like garbage.

I get that, which is why I usually stay out of people's business... since I don't really have a say anyway...
but she didn't even side with him! She actually took my side, which is why she got into it with him and ended up feeling sick about the whole thing. She shouldn't have gotten involved at all, let alone felt like she had to apologize to me...
plus, it's complicated because it's a boyfriend-brother dynamic. They're tied together, and I'm definitely not trying to make demands or tear him away from his family...

I mean, I don't know why I even started this thread. It's obvious nothing is going to change, but I was just curious if anyone else has dealt with people like this. Like, what's the reason behind it? Aside from maybe bad parenting or being spoiled too much...

Zachary Scott67 said:From what I'm gathering, your husband is the brother of that "problematic" one?
You're saying Mom feels awkward telling him to move out? She needs to suck it up and tell him; she should tell him she's overwhelmed, stressed, exhausted, and dealing with health issues—that she has a right to peace in her own home... and that she wants him to have his own peace and independence too, since he's an adult and needs to find his own apartment.

Even without all that, there are plenty of laundromats and dry cleaners in Washington, D.C. to go to—let him take his clothes there and pay for it out of his own pocket. She needs to drop those "housekeeper" duties first, and then the next time he gets disrespectful, let him know she's done with his crap and show him the door.

Man, if only it were that simple... it really isn't. She still thinks it's his house too, so she feels like she can't kick him out...

He actually pulled some nonsense on me recently, and when she found out, she got into it with him about it... but then she ended up apologizing to *me* for how he was acting. It's just pointless. A total vicious cycle.

Jerry Martinez5 said:Exactly. If someone is pulling in $1000, it’s pretty obvious they aren't ironing their own shirts; they just let Mom handle it.

😵

He probably has enough for $67 an iron and $33 monthly electric bills, but why bother paying for either when Mom is such a "saint"?

And if Mom is doing the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and everything else for her 27-year-old "baby"—and maybe even tossing him a few bucks here and there—it’s no surprise the kid treats her like garbage. Why wouldn't he? He gets away with everything.

Based on this, the mom sounds incredibly possessive. Not exactly a glowing review.

She isn't being possessive at all, nor is she giving him money. He earns plenty—by American standards, he actually makes quite a bit—but she secretly wishes he'd move out, she just can't bring herself to say it...

Okay, sure, she made some mistakes because she wanted to give them everything, but if I could pick my parents, I'd choose someone just like her... and honestly, it's because of her that my husband turned out 👍
He's been cooking since he was 16 and does everything himself, always helping everyone... same kind of parents... just goes to show upbringing isn't everything...
The woman gets a 10/10. From wanting to understand them to showing interest in their lives, being open, easygoing, and helpful whenever needed... everything.
She's nothing like other women... not controlling, not jealous, and definitely not possessive...

hollowgardener7 said:Hmm, this seems strange to me.

If he treats his friends well and would do anything for them, then he isn't purely selfish or negative. Furthermore, you say "everyone loves him." I do not understand the claim that they "have no idea who he really is." They have their own relationships with him, likely spanning years, where they have had ample opportunity to know his true character. It is unlikely that everyone is wrong or has misjudged him. People do not love someone for no reason. It is impossible for everyone to be fooled by a mask indefinitely. You can deceive one person, but you cannot deceive a whole group forever.

It seems to me that his pathology is strictly limited to his relationship with his mother at home. This does not mean she is entirely right, though to you—I am certain—she appears to be a martyr who gave everything while the "villain" treats her poorly.

If something bothers him this much, he could simply move out, regardless of his income. However, I find it hard to believe he is such a negative person if his friends consider him a good man and love him. It appears he only enjoys old conflicts. His pathology lies within the family dynamic. He holds a grudge against her, and clearly, both she and his immediate family trigger him. The healthiest solution would be to end the situation, move out, or attempt an honest conversation with her. Though, just as it is difficult for him to change, I suspect it might be even harder for her to change her behavior.

One can never truly know what has transpired between them.
An outside observer often reaches incorrect conclusions. I am not saying his mother is at fault, but she may have unintentionally made mistakes over time, leading to this deep bitterness.

I think you've got that one wrong...
I've been keeping an eye on things for years now, and I find myself over there pretty often...

When we first met, he was honestly the best guy in the world to me. For those first two years, while I kept my distance, everything was perfect. But once I really became part of the family... everything just changed.

He was telling me such tall tales that I actually started wondering if my boyfriend was lying to me... He was just spinning lies, playing the victim the whole time.
Whenever a friend or one of their acquaintances drops by the house, I turn into a totally different person. It’s like I have a split personality or something.

When he’s got guests over, he acts exactly the same way. Honestly, sometimes I wonder how his mom can even stand him belittling her like that in front of everyone.

Yeah, he’d probably do anything for anyone until things get too close. Honestly, she's such a genuinely good person that I don't even want to get into it... but she hasn't seen how it really is yet. She'll find out once they actually start living together.

Honestly, regardless of how someone was raised or their upbringing, there’s really no excuse for throwing a year-old dog against a wall just because it chewed up a rug. It’s indefensible. And another thing about this guy... he won't let anyone else even touch the dog or interact with it. If the pup runs up to someone happy and doesn't obey a command the exact second it's given? He beats it. Just awful.

hollowgardener7 said:Of course. Absolutely.
That is how it always works.

Oh, totally. But he handles such heavy stuff and then just finds ways to justify his behavior instead of actually talking about it... He's just cold. Zero empathy there...

And yet, he can't handle it when he isn't the center of attention...

hollowgardener7 said:You claim he grew up without any authority figures, yet some people suggest trying to discipline him now that he's 27. I believe that is impossible. It is simply too late. If anyone attempts to change their behavioral approach toward him now, he will likely react with hysteria or even aggression. That would only deepen existing family tensions and spiral into a much more serious pathology.

You also mentioned that this lack of boundaries stems from a specific tragedy within the family. Does this imply he lost his father? You haven't mentioned a father figure, but when you say he lacked authority growing up, perhaps that tragedy is the reason. It is possible his mother tried to play both roles, treating him like a "poor child" who deserved to have every whim catered to.

Does he hold any professional titles or degrees? How satisfied is he with his life and his supposed "achievements"? Furthermore, does his behavior extend to his romantic life, and how does he actually conduct himself with women?

yeah

hollowgardener7 said:You claim he grew up without any authority figures, yet some people suggest trying to discipline him now that he's 27. I believe that is impossible. It is simply too late. If anyone attempts to change their behavioral approach toward him now, he will likely react with hysteria or even aggression. That would only deepen existing family tensions and spiral into a much more serious pathology.

You also mentioned that this lack of boundaries stems from a specific tragedy within the family. Does this imply he lost his father? You haven't mentioned a father figure, but when you say he lacked authority growing up, perhaps that tragedy is the reason. It is possible his mother tried to play both roles, treating him like a "poor child" who deserved to have every whim catered to.

Does he hold any professional titles or degrees? How satisfied is he with his life and his supposed "achievements"? Furthermore, does his behavior extend to his romantic life, and how does he actually conduct himself with women?

he's got a great job, tons of talent, an awesome girlfriend, and amazing friends... everyone loves him.

but he's always dramatic. he insists his life is a disaster because everyone else is an idiot and nothing matters. he plays the victim and tells lies that he actually believes himself.

he's only good to his friends, though. he'd do anything for them... and they have no clue who he really is.

hiddenhawk3 said:Well, maybe they should just discipline him 🙂 There isn't much choice—you have to set boundaries, rules, rewards, and consequences. Being consistent is the big thing; you actually have to show some backbone.
But from the way you're describing things, it doesn't seem like they actually want to change how they treat him, which means he won't change either. They’d rather just stay stuck in this loop. I know it's easier that way, but if they really care about him, they should try to 😉
Change. I guess Mom and Dad should probably act like parents instead of just being friends.

haha, I'm pushing the one person I can, but the others just won't listen...
her health has totally tanked because of him... she just keeps giving and giving and giving...

It's a vicious cycle with no easy exit, but something has to change... I just don't feel like it's my place to tell her how to raise her kids😢... I don't know... maybe I'll check out some books and grab her something...

hiddenhawk3 said:No offense, but she might be great to you, though the question is how great she actually is to him.🤷 Maybe he’s just craving attention, or maybe he didn't get enough emotional support growing up... some people just need love and connection more than a warm meal or material things. Otherwise, if he's mentally and physically fine, why else would he seek out attention like that?😕

He’s just spoiled, honestly. Growing up without any real boundaries, plus that one terrible situation where everyone just let him slide... it was like trying to hold water in your hands. One mess just led straight into the next.
My mom’s my biggest supporter in every way. We've always been super close... honestly, she's more like a best friend than just a parent.

It’s almost too good to be true. He stays out of her business, but he’s always checking in to see how her day went—not to nag or pick a fight, just because he cares. He acts like a total fool sometimes just to make her happy, hoping that if he gives 110%, he'll eventually step up his game. Honestly, though? She's a keeper.

hiddenhawk3 said:I don't see the point in judging people like that... someone's 27 and living with their parents. Not everyone starts out with the same deck of cards, the same jobs, or the same income. I guess there isn't really one universal rule for how long you're supposed to stay at home.😢

That's exactly my point. If you're making less than $3,000 a month, there aren't many places to go... It's fine if he gets married, but how is someone supposed to cover rent or a car payment when they're barely scraping by for groceries and utilities?

He's got money, sure, but he's lucky. Honestly, anyone would stay put if they had a mom as amazing as his...

Donna Wood52 said:Look, is it really anyone's fault if a family isn't a perfect, cohesive unit? Should someone be kicked out of the house just because they don't fit that specific mold?

I’d kick him out myself and just leave him to deal with it...
The way he acts is just too much. It's all constant teasing, refusing to help out even when someone needs a ride to the ER while he's just sitting there, and then all that terrorizing...

I'm totally with you on this, they're definitely the ones to blame...
It's not even that they don't care, it's just that they care way too much...