Posts by Thomas Bishop64

Nancy Castillo40 said:Hi everyone, sending my best wishes to all of you!

I’m new here. I decided to register because I have this overwhelming need to share this "state of being" that just won't let me go.
I’m 20 years old. I’m currently a sophomore in college—it’s not exactly my dream school, but I don't hate it either, and I certainly don't think my studies are the root cause of my issues.
Back in my junior year of high school, I started feeling this occasional sense of dread toward everything. It was a depression that would grip me for a few days and then let go, and then repeat... until those few days eventually morphed into a constant, heavy presence in my head.
About two years ago, I had a realization that absolutely shook me. I tried to work through it with someone very close to me, weighing all the evidence for and against the things I was hearing... and I ended up pouring so much time and energy into trying to see the situation positively and simply choosing to believe them.
I think that was the trigger that accelerated everything. Since then, I’ve found myself trusting my family and the world around me less and less.

I’ve been in a relationship for two years now. We’ve had our ups and downs, just like any couple, but we love each other. Before this, I was in a three-year relationship during high school that ended terribly for me. I dealt with threats, being followed around town, manic phone calls... basically, ever since then, my tolerance threshold has been incredibly low, and I tend to snap quickly out of fear that someone might treat me like that again.

In that previous relationship, I suppressed so much of myself, and now it's all coming back to haunt me through my dreams and these intrusive thoughts. For my age, I feel like I've lived through a lifetime of chaos. I couldn't pull myself away from that relationship at first, but after two years, I finally stood my ground and realized he was unstable. Between that fear, the shock from what happened two years ago, my general hypersensitivity, and my tendency to overanalyze everything, it's taken its toll. I feel like I've been falling apart for a year now.

The anxiety is so intense sometimes that I feel like I’m going to jump out of my own skin. It’s often accompanied by heart palpitations or chest pains. I've even had a few bouts of suicidal ideation. I find myself distrusting everyone, and I try to control every single detail of my life just so nothing slips through my fingers again. I've become a total control freak—it's scary. If a friend calls me spontaneously to hang out when I hadn't planned on leaving the house (even if I don't have anything specific scheduled), I'll stay home. There are plenty of other examples, but I'm already rambling too much in this post. I constantly wonder what people are thinking or how they are feeling. There was even a phase where I thought it would be better if I just vanished so my family could breathe easier. At one point, I actually packed a suitcase and left... though I came back soon enough, because where would I go without a plan? 🤷I just don't know how to function like that. Lately, I've been afraid of people. I spend the rest of my day analyzing anything that deviates from what I expected. It’s hell... I haven't felt relaxed in years... I can't keep living like this.

Should I see a psychologist? A psychiatrist? On the other hand, the people who seem to understand this say it isn't anything catastrophic and that I just need to "work on myself." But how? I just don't have the strength.

Go to a psychologist. This isn't something you can fix just by talking to friends, family, or a boyfriend. Even though they help as much as they can, that only carries you for a little while before it wears off... you might be able to function for a bit, but it isn't a solution. You need something more substantial... don't wait until something happens that literally changes your entire life.

What have you actually done to the person you care about most?

You need to watch out for those friends who might not be on your intellectual wavelength, but are still your inner circle. When you start lowering your own standards to match their level, you’re just setting yourself up for a massive headache down the road.
If you want to look at this objectively—to a girl finishing high school and pulling sixteen-hour shifts working seasonal jobs at a coastal resort, or some guy with a GED grinding away at an Oregon lumber mill for six months without a paycheck, Sigmund Freud doesn't mean a damn thing.

But for someone who actually wants to build a life where they aren't just trading their soul to line someone else's pockets, understanding the ideas of someone like Sig becomes incredibly relevant.

You're only twenty, and you're staring down a series of decisions that are going to dictate the entire trajectory of your life. It’s a heavy weight to carry, and honestly, it’s never as easy as people make it sound.

I’ve been on Celexa for about two years now. It’s alright. It didn't really kick in at first, but much like Zachary Bishop5, I ended up doing most of the heavy lifting myself. I managed to quit smoking and cut out the alcohol entirely. Right now, I’m in the process of tapering off, so for the last three months, I’ve just been taking half my usual dose. In another three months, I plan to drop down to a quarter. There are occasionally stretches where I run out of my prescription—my doctor is on vacation and I can't get a refill immediately—so I end up going without it for three or four days. Honestly, the dizziness is absolutely infuriating!

Anyway, good luck to everyone!

Moza, I know this isn't exactly where this topic belongs—my apologies to the mods—but I’ve been tapering off my meds from Inc. for about two weeks now. I sat down with my doctor to discuss it, and she advised me to take it slow, suggesting either cutting the pills in half or just taking one every other day. I'm wondering if anyone has experienced specific side effects during a taper like this, and more importantly, is there a real risk of the condition coming back?

Brenda Sanders46 said:That sounds like an extreme scenario... I was on Lexapro for a full year while hitting the tanning salon once a week and spending the entire summer out by the coast.... Most often, you end up dealing with allergic reactions to the sun or skin blotches.

That would certainly explain those massive breakouts I ended up with on my arms after sunbathing.🍿div>

What kind of fallout am I looking at if I spend too much time out in the sun, say between 10 AM and 4 PM, when it’s hitting 90°F or so, while I'm on Lexapro? I think I read somewhere that it could potentially lead to something as serious as a ruptured blood vessel in the brain.

Depression.
Before this, I had been following a diet that was absolutely wrecking my health. In just two weeks, I managed to drop from about 150 pounds down to 136. Even before that stretch, I always had this tendency toward these inexplicable eating habits. My body was just completely spent, and I was teetering right on the edge of anorexia. I have a larger frame naturally, so no matter how much weight I lost, I’d still feel like I looked heavy.
After seeing a psychiatrist and going through some proper therapy—which, frankly, was the only thing that actually saved me during my last bout of disordered eating—I decided I am never again going to push my body to the point of exhaustion like that. Nowadays, I just eat when I’m hungry, and I try to steer clear of greasy foods and heavy dinners. Even though I’m carrying some extra weight, you wouldn't really notice because of my bone structure. However, after sitting at a desk for ten hours straight, I start feeling this ache in my back, specifically at the base of my spine and up by my neck. I have a nagging feeling that if I don't do something about it soon, I'm going to end up with some serious cervical spine issues.🙂

Is there any truth to this? Are there other medications out there where you have to strictly avoid sunlight after taking them?😢

Jesse Ortiz4 said:Clearly, the issue is more mental than physical. Once you actually get your head on straight, maybe then you'll start 😁

🙂

Don't waste your precious time circling back to questions where you already know the answer. Sometimes, a single image just says everything that needs to be said.🙂

Taylor Swift, I feel like I’ve finally found my tribe on this forum. Just as a quick update, I’ve swapped out heavy dinners for lighter meals for about ten days now, and whenever those massive cravings hit, I just stick to some fruit. I’ve already noticed I’m down just under two pounds.
Even though I’m pretty happy with the progress, I know I’m still being way too sedentary. After sitting for a long stretch, my whole body feels completely stiff when I finally stand up. It’s almost like I have this intense, restless energy bottled up inside me that just needs an outlet. I’ve actually been thinking about taking up dance classes in my spare time... To be honest, I have a larger frame, so the extra weight isn't even that noticeable. I don't even really care about the little rolls around my waist—they've actually become kind of cute to me—but I really do need to find a way to burn off all this pent-up energy.
🙂

So, what exactly constitutes a diverticulum? 😉

Hey everyone! So, here’s the deal. My job keeps me glued to a desk for up to 10 hours a day, which hasn't been great for my physique. Exactly one year ago, I was sitting at a solid 143 pounds, but now I've climbed up to about 163. I'm looking for some guidance on where to actually start with exercise, how to eventually maintain a healthy weight, and what a sustainable diet should look like.

I’m big on doing things the right way, so I'm definitely not interested in starving myself or jumping on those fad diets that promise miracles in a month.

Thanks.🙂

My mom was diagnosed with schizophrenia just a couple of years after I was born. Growing up, I never dealt with any bullying or teasing at school because of it—mostly because nobody knew, and those who did felt too ashamed to say anything. People tend to be cowards when it comes to stuff like this, so there’s really no point in playing the "what if" game with these situations. It is what it is. The reality is that the healthcare system in America is far from where it needs to be. The psychiatrists worth actually seeing charge an arm and a leg, while the ones we're stuck with usually just go through the motions unless they happen to be young and still driven by some sense of enthusiasm. Because of all that, I’ve learned never to take my own mental health for granted. 🙂

My family played a huge role in my recovery. At first, they were obviously being overbearing, constantly hovering and showering me with attention—and yeah, throwing some criticism my way too—but after a while, they finally gave me some breathing room.
The thing that really ate at me was my own inconsistency. I’d decide to start something new, only to lose interest and quit almost immediately, over and over again. It was like I’d make these grand plans, only to have my willpower just evaporate. Nothing seemed to stick, except for mindless TV watching, of course.
But then there's that line from Jose Davis13: "the world is a damn good place once you start taking advantage of it," 🙂 and honestly, he's spot on. I didn't even realize when I had actually healed. It wasn't some sudden epiphany; it was a slow, gradual process, happening at roughly the same pace as the decline itself. I truly believe that once you come out on the other side of depression, your self-confidence ends up being stronger than someone who’s never struggled, and you definitely walk away with more patience than you ever had before.

Relaxing tracks (Alan Turing, Eric Clapton), a pet, or maybe just a pretty picture


For anyone out there feeling a little down, I think this little guy might just be enough to pull a smile out of you...🙂

Douglas King9 said:Hey... figured I’d join the conversation for a bit. I really want to get back to feeling like myself again.

The thing is, nothing really hits the spot anymore—I just feel completely numb. The only time I actually feel anything is when I'm getting worked up or stressed out. Everything else? Nothing. Like, I'll go shopping after working my tail off to earn some extra cash at 🙂 Target, and even then, I can barely find the energy to try anything on. Movies, hitting the theater, grabbing coffee, nights out with the girls... nothing. And this hasn't just been a bad day; it's been going on for a while now.
I used to be the type to believe life is about those little moments of joy and making the most of every second, but I just don't feel any of that anymore. It's exhausting.

What hurts most is that I actually used to have the drive. I tried to push myself, to get moving—but because I kept slipping up (even after making progress...), I've lost all faith in myself. I don't believe I can change anymore. It feels like this emptiness is just... set in stone.

It’s scary. I’m terrified that life is passing me by while I’m just sitting here, not actually living it.
My sleep is a mess, I don't wake up feeling good, and there isn't even a specific reason for it. I know I have the potential to do great things, to be happy, to actually succeed... but right now, there's just nothing there.

Have any of you dealt with this? How did you get through it? I could really use some help.

I might be able to wrap my head around what you’re going through. But when you're battling depression, those kinds of feelings are unfortunately just part of the territory. What might actually help you right now is finding someone who is walking the same path and just sharing that weight with them.

I’ve been through something remarkably similar, though my approach was a bit different—instead of stepping back, I kept forcing myself to push through. Looking back, that might have actually made things worse. Whenever people tried to offer me those little platitudes or words of comfort, it felt less like genuine empathy and more like they were just trying to shut me up so they could move on. It felt patronizing, honestly. These days, I’m on antidepressants and I'm working through everything in therapy. Even when it feels like my doctor is just talking nonsense, I have to accept that there's a lot going on with my nervous system that is simply beyond my conscious control.

When it comes to sex, I honestly couldn't care less anymore. Those girlfriends I used to be so close with—the ones I once shared everything with—have become a total drag. Now, we just grab a coffee maybe once a month, and that’s about it. It's exhausting because I feel like there's nothing left to actually talk about; they always have some snappy comeback or an answer for everything, which just leaves me feeling like an idiot.
How did I get past it? Honestly, I didn't. I just accepted it for what it was. I’ve come to terms with how things are and focused on whatever small amount of agency I actually have left. I try to dwell on the good parts of life whenever I can and just do whatever feels right for me in the moment.
Just some advice for you: be careful about who you let into your inner circle. I get the impression you’re the kind of person who naturally wants to step up, help others out, and basically take the hits so they don't have to. But you can't do that indefinitely. Don't worry, though—it takes a while to settle, but you’ll start feeling more like yourself again eventually. Honestly, it takes real courage to be this vulnerable and actually ask for help. By being open about what you're going through, you're helping me, you're helping everyone else struggling with depression, and I truly hope that we can all find a way to help you, too.