Posts by frozenrider15

Andrew Wright2 said:Talking, sure, but don't call a speech therapist just yet. It’s not an ADHD thing. They're just being a kid.

Why wouldn't they need one? Look, if an American school admissions board recommends holding a child back due to speech issues, they almost always suggest speech therapy alongside it. It’s about giving the kid that extra year to catch up and thrive.
If that recommendation was made, then the speech difficulties are significant enough to warrant professional help. Usually, if it's just minor stammers or slight delays, the school just enrolls them in first grade and suggests therapy on the side.

That said, I suspect the board might have been playing nice—assuming you presented the same skeptical attitude to them that you're showing here on this forum. They probably gave you the deferral to settle the matter.

I don't know your kid personally, but if these speech hurdles are minor and the only thing holding them back, the kid would likely benefit more from being in a stimulating classroom environment where they can grow, paired with some regular sessions with a specialist.

Edit: Since you decided to add some "playfulness" to your update... let's be real, every single first grader is playful. 🙂 Unless we're talking about an actual ADHD diagnosis, it's perfectly normal behavior.

What skills is your kid still lacking?

Andrew Wright2 said:Fine, let it be 😉

Look, I love this country to death, but I absolutely hate dealing with government agencies—the cops, the Social Security Administration, all that junk. Healthcare and schools are actually decent, though. But honestly, after some of the crap professors pulled during my school years, and how my husband was treated by teachers back in the day, I just want to spare my kid from that kind of nonsense.

How am I supposed to explain to a six-year-old what I went through in first grade? Like, why was my teacher picking on me just because of my last name? Or why did my husband’s teachers call him a "dirty outsider" like it meant something? It had zero to do with hygiene.

We all have our fears, whether they make sense or not.

Like I mentioned earlier in this thread, I think delaying school is actually logical if it gives the child an extra year to build up the skills they need to keep pace with their peers or catch up if they're lagging behind.

So, what specific skills is your child working on right now? And how are you approaching it? Do you honestly think an extra year in preschool will actually make a difference in that regard?

Andrew Wright2 said:frozenrider15 feeling any lighter now that you finally added your signature? 🙂

The daycare took everyone, so we didn't steal anyone's spot. It’s not like it's some massive crisis all over the US where there aren't openings.

Yeah, I'm feeling better. 😁

It wouldn't even cross my mind to panic about the government snatching my kids away based on some arbitrary whim.

Joseph Stewart7 said:It’s funny how you don't seem to have an issue with cutting in line for preschool spots, though I suppose where you live, those openings are popping up like weeds everywhere.

From where I'm sitting, everything seems so perfect and seamless in your world that you wouldn't even know what to do if you actually had to deal with the CDC.

Signed.

Andrew Wright2 said:Same old crowd running this school I went to, too. You’ll never get anywhere here unless you play their game.

The kids of the local political elite basically run the place. Even that junkie who runs gymnastics with the kids—he and a bunch of others from my generation got all the perks just because their parents were party loyalists, not because they actually worked hard.

Just asking... would you even let your kid join an activity if you knew exactly what kind of person was running it and what they've done in the past?

If I were in your shoes, I'd be homeschooling.

Honestly, you're getting too bogged down in the politics of it all—who's a Democrat, who's a Republican, who belongs to which club... Just find a different school that actually fits your kid. But a word of advice: don't wait until you're hunting for a third school once you realize the second one is just as broken. Because trust me, it will be.

Andrew Wright2 said:Every parent knows what's best for their kid—they're the ones actually living it.

Same here. My kid, my headache. Not the government's, not anyone else's. When things go south, like with health issues or whatever, nobody else is gonna jump in to save the day.

And look, this isn't some weird obsession or me just making excuses. It's straight from experience after dealing with our broken-down school system.

Latest disaster? Our local elementary school. My kid spent the whole year coasting with Cs, learning absolutely nothing and just being a total nuisance in class. Then, right at the end of the term, suddenly he's pulling Bs. The teachers basically handed him those grades just so they could be done with him.

So you've got these "experts"—yeah, right—who are supposed to be shaping kids' futures. They have all these resources like tutoring and specialized programs, yet my son didn't see a single bit of help or an adapted curriculum all year. But sure, under the watchful eye of the principal, the counselor, and the school psychologist, they just gift him passing grades to clear their desks.

"Experts"!!

Not really the point, but I have to say it: with an attitude toward schooling as toxic as yours, it won't be easy for you or your kid once they actually start school...

You might think it doesn't matter since you've already finished your own education, but you're already sabotaging your child. You're robbing them of a life experience that could have been positive, all because of this negativity you're harboring—a negativity that, let's be honest, you are inevitably going to pass down to them.

coppermarlin14 said:I don't have any issue with anyone; I’m an open-minded person and I respect everyone's choices... which is exactly why I allowed my child to attend religious education and everything else, and why I tolerate my husband's views... 😂
But I absolutely will not tolerate using intimidation against a child by saying, "We’re going to pull you out of the program and you won't receive your sacraments if you don't show up for Mass or class." It breaks my heart to see a child who has been up all night taking Ventolin and struggling with a fever, crying because they feel forced to go to church just to avoid being kicked out of the group...👎 They don't realize that these people are essentially brainwashing them by forcing their hand... they don't understand that the child is actually sick and physically cannot go... they just cry because they are terrified of the consequences of missing a service...🙄
That is why I want to withdraw them from religious education now; I don't want them going through the motions for a Confirmation that isn't even happening for another year...
And what has all this achieved? All it does is result in fewer kids attending classes and, eventually, fewer kids receiving the sacraments altogether....

Look, a child who still has a few years before they hit high school is old enough to understand that when you're sick, nobody expects you to show up for church or religious ed—just like nobody expects you to drag yourself into public school with a fever. Sure, I'll concede that there might be some intimidation happening via rhetoric about "mandatory attendance" or whatever, but I also believe a child is mature enough to process things if the parents actually bother to explain them properly.
Don't get me wrong; I am firmly against putting any kind of pressure on a child regarding religious classes. However, when I enrolled my child, I viewed it as a commitment we made together—both as parents and as a child. If I view it as a commitment, then I tell my kid that we intend to honor that obligation. Of course, obviously not when they're genuinely ill and physically unable to go, but we make the effort.

We never experienced anything inappropriate in our religious classes (at least my little one never complained about anyone forcing or threatening them), though there were a few bizarre moments we had to clarify for her (honestly, why on earth would you mention Leopold Mandić's severed hand to a second grader? That was completely unnecessary), but we also maintained the stance that if she wanted to opt out, we would allow it (at the end of the school year, naturally).

Edit: I absolutely condemn any indecent behavior from teachers, priests, or anyone else attempting to terrorize children under the guise of religious education. They can set requirements for receiving sacraments, certainly, but they have no business using fear tactics on kids. If you don't meet the requirements, you don't receive the sacrament. Period. Beyond that simple fact, no one should be coerced into attending.

swiftstag14 said:This is my first time posting here, and I honestly wasn't sure if I should even 😁
My son is starting first grade, and during enrollment, they asked about religious education. Should we say yes or no?
We chose yes, but even now—just like so many times before—I find myself questioning if we made the right call. To give some context, I am an atheist, while my husband is a believer (not particularly observant, but he does have faith). Our son hasn't stepped foot in a church, nor does he know any prayers, as we don't pray at home. He is prepared for the curriculum, though; he knows Mom isn't religious, Dad is, and Dad has expressed interest in attending. Truthfully, I'm not even sure he fully grasps these concepts of God and faith yet; he’s mostly just picked up terms like "Sunday school" or "First Communion" from his older friends, and it seems to have sparked a curiosity in him. I would really appreciate hearing from anyone else navigating a similar dynamic in their household.

We enrolled our little one back in first grade (she’s finishing second now). It was a toss-up, honestly. We went through this mental tug-of-war about whether to sign her up at all. In the end, we decided it was better than having her pulled out of the classroom while the others were in religion class. I even briefly considered just asking if she could stay behind in the room during those sessions instead. I know, it sounds messy and contradictory, but we figured the social stigma of being "the kid who left" would be far more confusing for her than actually sitting through the lessons.

We aren't exactly practicing believers. We celebrate the holidays, sure, but we tend to be critics of the Church as an institution rather than opponents of the curriculum itself. She’s had her fair share of questions. Our standard response? Usually something along the lines of, "That’s just what people believe," or "Go ask your teacher."😁.
Now that First Communion is approaching, some anxieties are starting to bubble up. She's worried about the confession part—what is she confessing for? What does the host actually mean? It’s hard for her to grasp that these are stories and beliefs; she struggles to understand that they don't have to be taken as literal, scientific facts. Now she's just a ball of nerves. To be blunt, I refuse to let fear take root in her childhood. I want her to explore things on her own terms. It's tough explaining that faith is... well, faith. It isn't a proven historical certainty.
We'll see how long she wants to stick with it. As soon as she decides she's done, we're pulling her out. No drama, just done.

Harold Cook2 said:So you gotta do the church stuff too. But could you, like, just do the church classes and skip the school ones? Would that still count for communion?

I'm honestly not sure. In my experience, mine had to knock out both just to be eligible for communion in NYC. I can't tell if it's a local rule specific to the diocese or if it’s some universal standard they enforce everywhere.

Harold Cook2 said:So you're saying both? Like, you can't just stick to the school curriculum?
We've got this priest at our local parish—God help us, what a total piece of work. Just some young, self-important "philosopher" type who thinks he's God's gift to the world.
Just thinking about all the massive headaches he caused me during my wedding and my little one's baptism... honestly, unbelievable.👎

You can't even get to First Communion if you don't take the parish religious ed classes. That's how they explained it to me—that the school program and the church program are supposed to complement one another. Honestly, I was asking all those questions because the idea of getting a letter grade for something rooted in faith seems totally absurd to me, so I wasn't even sure we'd sign her up. In the end, we decided against it because we didn't want her to feel left out from the rest of the kids, so we went with the school's curriculum instead.

Harold Cook2 said:That whole thing with the priest—man, I won't even go there because I don't want to get banned for being too blunt, but it’s absolutely sickening.
It's tragic, honestly. And the worst part? There's plenty more where that came from; it just hasn't hit the mainstream news cycle yet. Poor kid, and man, his mother... if he were my child, I think things would have gone a lot differently. I doubt there isn't a single TV station or newspaper in the States that hasn't picked up on this. When I saw that footage, my heart just broke. It was like seeing someone who serves the devil instead of God.👎

I've got a question...
If I don't sign my kid up for religious ed classes at school, can they still take communion and do their First Communion or Confirmation later on?
Because when I see this kind of filth happening, I lose all desire to be involved, but at the same time, I am a believer and I'd still love for my kid to go through those milestones just like I did.

Someone please correct me if I’m wrong, but my understanding is that they have to attend both the school-based programs and the parish classes if they want to receive First Communion and Confirmation. That is, assuming they want to stay on track with their classmates, of course. From what I've gathered, you can't really have one without the other.

I have no idea how many kids in my daughter's school are opting out of religious studies—clearly, I’m not exactly plugged into the local grapevine 😁—but just so you know, you can actually withdraw them from the class. It’s not a mid-year thing, though; you have to submit a formal request by August 15th if you want them excused for the upcoming school year.

Mine couldn't actually read when she started school; she could spell things out and understood what the sounds meant, but it wasn't until December that she could tackle syllables at any decent pace. They start introducing reading materials in the first semester, but usually, it’s just picture books used during class discussions, so it’s hardly a high-stakes ordeal.
As for math, they don't need to be experts yet. We're talking basic number recognition and counting up or down to ten. If she seems to have the hang of it, I'll test her with something tangible—usually using Skittles 😁—to see if she can figure out what 2+3 is. If she nails it, great. If not? It doesn't mean she isn't bright, and there's no reason to let it turn into a meltdown.
Mine saw a speech therapist before kindergarten (private sessions, specifically to work on those tricky 'R' and 'L' sounds, though it helped with other things too). Even though we aren't seeing the therapist anymore, we still work on stuff at home—expanding her vocabulary through reading and practicing storytelling since she struggles with sentence structure. During first grade, she practiced reading every single day, even on days she stayed late for after-school care. And math, too. Well, as much as her attention span allowed. Some days that was five minutes; other days, it was thirty.

It is perfectly standard for first graders to be unable to focus on one thing for more than 20 minutes. That is precisely why teachers rotate activities within a 45-minute period.

Honestly, I suspect that aside from legitimate reasons, some parents push for a gap year just so they can enjoy one more easy year of daycare. You don't have to drop your kid off at daycare just because you have a free day, but you *do* have to send them to school. You can't just send them to Grandma's place in the suburbs on a Wednesday because there's class, and you certainly can't just bridge Friday and Monday because you took vacation time and want to head to the coast in May...

Since we’re talking about grading physical education and home workout routines, let me tell you about my kid's summer. We spent the whole break jumping rope, playing catch, running drills, and doing hopscotch. This year, she even tried attempting forward rolls on the bed. And honestly? Despite all that effort, she’s completely uncoordinated—it's like she has two left feet and two left hands. She can barely manage two, maybe three jumps with a rope before she loses her rhythm 😵. As for those forward rolls, she still needs help, and single-leg hops require an exhausting amount of concentration. The only thing she’s actually mastered is throwing a ball.
She isn't flexible at all. To be blunt, I won't be surprised when her PE grades drop to Cs or Ds. Right now, her marks are fine, but how long can you expect hard work to pay off when the results just aren't there? I'm prepared to sit her down and explain that failing a forward roll doesn't matter, but showing up and giving it her best during gym class does.
Her motivation isn't being killed by the grades yet, because they're still decent, but she knows deep down that athletics isn't her thing. She hates it. She watches other kids nail these moves and realizes she just can't. I can't stop that comparison, though. It’s like when she comes home with a C and starts comparing herself to Kate, who always pulls an A. The world is cold like that; everyone has their own lane.

Carol Smith13 said:shadowcrane91, I totally get where you're coming from.
I went through something pretty similar with my oldest daughter recently—though hers was more about physical performance...
She ended up getting a C in PE because she couldn't master the jump rope—she could barely get past three jumps before tripping—and then there was the whole awkward situation where she felt like she was being mocked by the teacher because she was the only kid in the class who couldn't keep up...👎

That is terrible teaching—frankly, it’s worse than that. But honestly? A C in gym class sounds about right given the circumstances.

Lawrence Torres56 said:I don't know, maybe...
In my experience with the school system here, the teachers are pretty thorough with their explanations, so you can usually tell just by listening to a kid vent when they walk through the door exactly where things went sideways.

If grades didn't exist—if so many life milestones didn't hinge on them—I bet nobody would be shedding tears over them... especially not in first grade.
And the fact that a grade might actually stress a parent out more than the kid isn't even surprising,
because, let's face it, parents are way more aware of the cutthroat reality of the society we live in than little kids are.

As a parent, it honestly drives me crazy when I hear about a teacher or professor trying to convince first graders that a C is actually "great." Then, when those kids actually start believing that a C is perfectly fine, people turn around and complain that the kids aren't working hard enough or studying enough... it's such a loop.

Look, a C is a passing grade. That’s literally what it represents. There's a massive difference between being content with "good" and actually striving for "great" or "excellent." A C means you grasped the material. Period. In first grade, a C tells you the kid missed the mark—maybe they didn't follow directions, lost focus, rushed through the work, or left a trail of errors in their wake. It means they need more practice. They need to sharpen their reading comprehension and drill the basics. A C doesn't mean a child is dim-witted or has hit a ceiling. Speaking as a parent, my take is this: those Cs teach a child the value of effort. It shows them they need to buckle down, do the homework, double-check their work before turning it in, stop fooling around during class, and actually listen to instructions.
Sure, some kids might get complacent with Cs and stop pushing themselves. But an attitude toward learning is built over time. I highly doubt a kid who gets a C in first grade is going to throw in the towel by seventh grade just because of that one grade. If you explain the *why* behind a C, they learn to pivot and try harder, especially while they're still young.

shadowcrane91 said:Whatever, I’m heading to the info session tomorrow anyway since I already signed up.
Honestly, I’m not even sweating my grades; they aren't my top priority by a long shot.
But I don't know why, this C just really rubbed me the wrong way. Like, personally.
Maybe it’s because it’s Art—it feels weirdly rare to get a C in a class like that (at least it was back when I was in school), but it still stung way more than getting a C in any other subject (especially when the grade book is full of A's through F's). This one actually got under my skin. Me. I get that there are grading rubrics and all that, but for Art, they aren't presented nearly as clearly as they are for other subjects, so you almost don't expect it to happen.

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Back in my day, we didn't just get Cs in Art; we got Fs. You forgot your supplies? That was an automatic zero. These days, there is virtually no chance a kid gets anything lower than a C in Art—and let's face it, nobody is celebrating a C—let alone an F. I truly cannot recall ever seeing a kid in middle school pull an F. Even if they show up without their gear (which is rare since most schools keep supply kits in the classrooms anyway), the teachers try to help them scrape by or borrow from a classmate.
The core issue here is highlighted in bold. It’s the C that bothered the parent. You. Not the child. The kid might have been a little bummed, sure, but a mediocre grade isn't going to leave a scar on their soul or ruin their entire week. We are the ones—the parents—who end up feeling insulted by a gradebook because we believe our kids are smarter or deserve more than what those letters reflect.

Lawrence Torres56 said:Honestly, what breaks my heart most about this whole situation is how they didn't take the time to actually sit the little one down and explain things nicely—you know, explaining what went "wrong" and why she ended up with a C instead of an A.
If, for instance, she drew someone with legs that were way too short, you could gently point that out so she learns for next time, right? Or if her handwriting was just a bit messy or her math was off... you just guide them through it.

Hey, shadowcrane91, you should really head over to the school and have a real chat with the teacher; maybe ask her to please just show the kid where she messed up next time so she can actually learn from it...

Maybe the teacher *did* tell her. Maybe the kid just forgot or didn't relay the message to Mom. We could sit here debating the mechanics of a C grade until tomorrow for all we care. To me, the real tragedy is seeing first graders shedding tears over grades already. It feels like it’s often the parents doing more crying than the children are actually experiencing any real heartbreak.

shadowcrane91 said:See? In our case, she told us during the meeting that for Art, Music, and PE, the most important thing is just putting in the effort. She didn't even give us a specific grading rubric, other than saying if you try hard, you'll land a B or an A...
That's why I'm feeling more bummed out than actually angry...
I mean, even if that "bird" she drew looked absolutely nothing like a bird (even though she claims that's what it is), she should've given her a B just for trying, if not an A for some other reason.
I didn't even ask about the grade specifically; we talk about what they did in class every single day, so she just mentioned it while talking about my kid's work (even though I already knew what the grade was)....
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First off, you weren't sitting in that classroom (and from what I gather, you haven't even seen the actual assignment) so you can't claim the kid was working their tail off. I assume the teacher was monitoring her entire process and based the grade on both that progress and the final product. Of course there are grading rubrics for every subject, including Art. Effort is one metric, sure, but effort alone doesn't magically conjure an A out of thin air. Based on your logic, it wouldn't matter what she actually painted, how much it related to the prompt, whether she solved the artistic problem, followed instructions, or used the correct technique—all that would matter is that she tried. That's not how school works.

The teacher really ought to have laid out the grading criteria clearly for the parents. In the US, that usually happens during those back-to-school nights at the start of the year, before the report cards even start rolling in. Check the school portal and ask the teacher to show you the artwork and explain the reasoning behind the grade. And honestly? My advice: don't lose sleep over a C.