Posts by Kate Flores4

The problem is that my ideals are just too perfect. Nobody can actually reach them, and even if they were realistic... I can't apply the "to err is human" logic to myself. When I mess up, it feels unforgivable, yet I hold everyone else to completely different standards.

That’s incredibly foolish and damaging. Don't do that to yourself. It would be helpful if someone explained why we behave this way. Is it the result of toxic parents or a childhood lacking affection, where you were burdened with excessive responsibility? Like when a child feels more responsible than their own parents and isn't allowed to just be a kid. I don't know, but I do know it's destructive and you have to stop. You're going to burn yourself out one day.

Regarding the topic, I think self-confidence—even if built on shaky ground—is quite common among people who had a rough life and whose parents didn't coddle them, but instead burdened or abused them in some way. It's only natural that everything falls apart after that, sorry for the expression.

Self-respect is tied to self-confidence in the sense that it remains stable as long as there are strong "external results." However, in the face of failure or a string of setbacks, a major psychological crisis can occur because the person doesn't love themselves unconditionally; they love themselves based on their achievements. This happens because healthy self-respect is rooted in love—specifically the love and support provided by parents. If you didn't have that, you have to learn to love yourself unconditionally. That means loving yourself when you fail, when you aren't the best, or when you fall short. You have to learn to speak kindly to yourself instead of criticizing yourself when things go wrong. You need to accept the objective reasons why you weren't at your level that time instead of attacking yourself. I think it's important to have a clear image of both parents so that after a failure, you can silence those harsh voices in your head—the ones representing your father's words or your mother's reaction to your failure—and finally hear the words you should be saying to yourself. Basically, what a kind, mature, and responsible parent would say to their child in that situation. I don't know what comes next; I haven't reached that stage 🙂 yet, but I assume those harsh voices get quieter over time while the gentle voice becomes automatic, allowing self-respect to eventually settle within you. 😘

quietranger14 said:You aren't being pathetic. I get it—everyone deals with their own baggage, and honestly, I’d love to just sit down for a coffee with my dad and actually talk, too. But I know deep down that wouldn't change a thing. I'm sorry you're going through all this—I was just reading your thread and 👍
He didn't just say those things to me once upon a time; he kept it up during everything, even afterward. I don't try to wrap my head around his logic because I feel like I'd end up becoming him just to understand... and that scares the hell out of me. He had to control everything—every single detail of my life. Where I went, who my friends were—he'd even wait for me after school just to watch who I hung out with, making sure there wasn't some guy nearby trying to steal me away. Now, I worry that I’m subconsciously trying to micromanage the people around me, even though I swear I'm not. I work so hard to avoid the kind of aggressive outbursts he had (including the physical stuff). I’m terrified I'll wake up one morning and realize I've turned into him.
That is the last thing I ever want to be.

Dear quietranger14, since you grew up being controlled and abused by a narcissist, it’s perfectly natural that you struggle to know what "normal" looks like and feel a lack of self-esteem. That fear of turning into him is also completely understandable, because a father plays such a massive role in building a child's ego and sense of worth. Instead of helping you build yours, he tore it down just to keep you under his thumb forever. Since you've chosen a different path and are working to fully break free, this phase of identifying with the toxicity of your father is a standard part of the process. Your ego wasn't nurtured when it should have been; it was dismantled. His ego is still exerting more influence over you than your own has had the chance to emerge. This is likely why you tie your self-worth so closely to external achievements and competitions—it stems from the relentless criticism and abuse you endured, which stripped away your confidence. You know this feeling well because that is exactly how victims are made to feel. It takes time and a solid therapist, but I think you are incredibly brave and intelligent. You are already navigating much of this on your own, which is proof enough that your ego and self-esteem can be healthy. You aren't anything like him. You will get healthier, happier, and eventually, you'll be in a position to help other kids going through this. 👍

Best, 😘

You should have them write PCOS on the diagnosis just to be absolutely certain. It’s actually normal for ovaries to be filled with tiny follicles because that’s how a dominant follicle is eventually selected to mature. I’m no expert, but from what I recall, with PCOS, those follicles behave differently since they're being stimulated cycle after cycle by pituitary hormones that are meant to trigger a single Graafian follicle to mature.

Hang in there before you start ovarian stimulation. You first need to figure out why you aren't ovulating, so they'll likely try using progestins—synthetic progesterone—to jumpstart the process. Everything will become much clearer once you get your blood work back. I know this is tough, but this might just be a minor, temporary issue. 🙂

It’s entirely possible that there isn't anything unusual going on. If you have an anovulatory cycle due to ovarian cysts, your periods can be either regular or irregular. Breast soreness is caused by hormonal shifts, and those happen even without ovulation. Your body is essentially trying to trigger ovulation every single cycle, even if it doesn't succeed, which results in similar hormonal fluctuations to a typical cycle. It's the hypothalamus or the pituitary gland "ordering" the ovaries to act.

Nicole Richardson36 said:I was just reading that taking too many minerals can actually be harmful.

So I should probably get checked out first?

Yes. The body can handle higher doses of vitamins, but minerals are different; the upper limits for daily intake are much stricter. Even multivitamins have to be carefully balanced because of that. You should definitely get your thyroid and other vitals checked first to make sure everything is functioning correctly. Multivitamins won't necessarily hurt you, but they might be completely useless if they aren't addressing your specific issues. Generally, supplements are meant for pregnancy, boosting a weak immune system, managing low body weight, or supporting athletes—basically, when there is a clear physiological need. Find the actual root cause of your hair, skin, nail, or dental issues before relying on pills.

Edward Taylor78 said:I’ve been dealing with quite a few issues lately. My hair gets greasy very quickly, it's thin, and I've noticed significant hair loss recently—plus, I never had much volume to begin with. My skin has also flared up; over the last six months, my face has basically broken out with acne. On top of that, my nails are brittle and breaking,
and my teeth have weakened lately, becoming much more sensitive.

I would appreciate any recommendations from someone who understands this stuff.

Thanks.

You didn't mention your age. Before assuming it's a vitamin deficiency, you should consider if there's an underlying hormonal issue. You need to check your reproductive hormones and your thyroid. It's easiest to start with thyroid levels (TSH, T3, T4), because if your thyroid is off, it easily disrupts your sex hormones. If the thyroid looks fine, then check your prolactin levels, as high prolactin can throw off female hormones enough to cause dental issues too. Generally speaking, hair, skin (though yours is oily while mine was dry), nails, and teeth are most often affected by thyroid dysfunction, which leads to mineral imbalances before even touching your vitamin levels.