Posts by jadeowl2

Paul Howard9 said:It isn't really an abstract concept; a person either is honest or they aren't. I simply can't stand dishonest people—I tend to see through them far too quickly, which, I suppose, ends up frustrating them as well.
Well, I've certainly moved twice a year. And I "observe"—or scan—their behavior and intentions precisely because I don't socialize just to fill the monotony; I do it to find people I can actually talk to comfortably, avoiding those repetitive house-work-kids topics. Hmm... casual socializing... well, where I am now, people don't really socialize all that much; it seems everyone is tucked away in their family lives, focusing exclusively on that. They aren't particularly interested in picnics or going for walks with acquaintances.

Dammit, moving twice a year is a hell of a lot. I can barely catch my breath in six months.😁.

I don't know, everyone has a different definition of what being "honest" even means. So for you, does that imply having pure intentions? Is it "honest" to just look someone in the eye and tell them, "Hey, I'm only hanging out with you because I need someone to fill my time"? Would you actually find that acceptable?

From what I've seen, people hang out casually everywhere... the thing is, it’s harder to make that happen depending on how you live your life (like, it’s totally different in a small town where everyone knows everyone versus an anonymous suburb, or if you work at City Hall versus a university). Nowadays, there are tons of apps, and then there are those Meetup groups where you can find people who share your interests and maybe spend an interesting day together without all that boring small talk. Who knows where that leads...

Paul Howard9 said:I realize I skipped over your questions.
I'm looking for honesty in a friendship.
As I mentioned before, the era of being exploited ended when I started college.
The intolerance specifically refers to the example you gave—that sort of baseless conservatism.
Am I taking action? That's a fair question. As I noted, I don't really take active steps, other than carefully observing the people who approach me. If there's a chance for a genuine connection, I'm open to it, but most of the time it's difficult—my job keeps me constantly moving from place to place. But the people I get along with and can communicate with openly are very sincere and transparent; unfortunately, they are quite far away. It makes things hard. Especially with this Easter lockdown, I can't even visit them during my time off. We're talking about a distance of roughly 622 miles miles.

That is absolutely true; everything you listed is a compensatory mechanism, which is actually quite satisfying in its own way, provided the individual finds meaning in it.

Ugh, "honesty"... that's such a vague concept 🙂, can you give me an actual example?
When you say you're constantly moving, how often are we talking? A few times a year? I ask because I move around a lot too, but it's more like once every couple of years, which is enough time for things to actually happen, even if I don't go out of my way to meet people. Also, I'm more than 622 miles away from everyone close to me, but honestly, seeing them whenever I can is enough for me... though when I finally do see them, I wonder how the hell I survived not seeing them for so long 😁.

What do you mean by "observing" people? Is just hanging out casually not an option for you? I mean, I get that you don't want to waste your time with just anyone—personally, I can't stand socializing with people where the conversation is just house-kids-job bullshit. But grabbing a drink with a chill group, going on a trip, hitting the movies (yeah, I know, now is the perfect time 🤣), without needing everything to be deep... that can be refreshing. It shifts your focus, and maybe something could actually grow from it.

Paul Howard9 said:This issue has been weighing on me for quite some time—though, admittedly, it tends to fade whenever I get buried under a mountain of work. Fortunately, my workload is heavy enough that free time is a luxury I rarely afford... though...
I’ve always been the type of person who struggles to connect with people, let alone build actual friendships. To be honest, my elementary and high school years were pretty miserable; back then, I was desperate for social validation and just wanted to find a group where I could "blend in." I can't even begin to describe how much that hurt. Once I finished my responsibilities, all I wanted was some company, but it always seemed to boil down to people only reaching out when they needed a favor. Otherwise, nothing. It led me to bury myself in books—it was my way of building a world to disappear into, trying to forget the constant sense of emptiness that haunted me. When I started college, my circle was limited to my ex-boyfriend and a few acquaintances. Surprisingly, I actually found a group during my university years; we were close throughout our studies, but the differences between us became too glaring to ignore, and we drifted apart without a word. There was too much superficiality, too much opportunism, and frankly, my own total intolerance for how most of them thought. A lot of time has passed since then, and while I have no desire to reach out to anyone, I still occasionally struggle with the absence of friendship. I suppose humans need their "pack" to make life more bearable. I don't know how I've made it this far, but I feel like a Hess Wolf. Everything is fine as long as I'm busy, but once the work stops, it’s pure misery. Does anyone else here have similar experiences? Please, share. Thanks 🙂

So, what kind of friendship are you actually looking for here? What’s the endgame? And if you’re whining about being used, why on earth are you handing stuff out that you don't want to give... seriously? Is it just that you can't stand certain ways of thinking? Look, some people are just incredibly closed-minded, and yeah, trying to be friends with them is exhausting and a total drain (not saying that's you, by the way)... But then again, if they’re out there acting like bigots or beating up anyone who isn't "normal," and you can't stand that, well, that's pretty obvious to me...

Look, everybody needs some kind of connection, that much is obvious. I’m saying this as someone who actually thrives on being alone... honestly, I can go months without seeing a soul and be perfectly fine. Those two things aren't even related. So, yeah, I get why you're struggling if you've got nobody in your corner right now. But what's the plan? Are you actually doing anything to change the situation or just sitting there...?

Carl Cox3 said:It’s just how things work. Men still tend to hang out in packs; my buddies can walk into any local pub at any hour and always find a crowd. But as a woman, you often find yourself feeling isolated or alone. That idea of friendships straight out of X and the City—those four best friends navigating life side-by-side, always there for one another—doesn't actually exist for 90% of people.

I don't even know... I mean, most of the time I end up hanging out with guys (just how things turned out, I guess), but at my last place, I was mostly running with a crowd of girls (that also just happened...). 😁Honestly, we were all just out there having a blast together... total group vibe. Even at the local pub I hit up back home in the States, you see guys and women hanging out regardless of how old they are. I don't really notice any massive difference in how people act, either—I mean, sure, the women might be slightly smaller on average, but it’s not like it's a huge deal or anything...
Honestly, I’ve always preferred hanging out with a whole crowd rather than just one person... there's way less pressure on me that way. If I need to bail, go silent, or just totally zone out, I can do it without making anyone feel insulted or anything. Plus, groups are more unpredictable, which is something I actually value when I'm being social. Don't get me wrong, one-on-one time is huge, and those deep, soul-searching conversations matter, but I don't need them constantly or I'd be completely burnt out. But when it counts, I can always talk things through with my inner circle, grab a coffee alone with a close friend, go for a walk, or ask for help—or offer it myself.
I have to admit though, with everything in life, you need a little bit of luck on your side. I mean, I've definitely sat there wondering what I ever did to deserve having such interesting and genuinely great people in my life.

Ugh, family... what a nightmare. It’s not like you can just cut ties easily, especially when they're breathing down your neck instead of being halfway across the country. Honestly, you're probably obsessing over the past because they basically hardwired those patterns into your brain. I learned the hard way—whenever my folks start preaching stuff I don't buy, I just nod and say "yeah, sure, whatever." I start counting in my head, trying some deep breathing exercises, or anything else just to stop myself from getting sucked into their toxic loops...

And yeah, obviously it sucks that they're footing the bill for your apartment. That is a massive lever for them to use to mess with your head, which is 😬. I mean, I get where they're coming from—maybe they're terrified they'll have to bankroll you forever, or maybe they're just worried about your future, even if their ways are totally messed up (if I'm reading this right). But you gotta look at the reality: Are you looking for a different job? Would you actually quit just like that? Can you scrape together enough cash to survive a few months on your own? Or maybe find some roommates to split the rent so you aren't so dependent?

As for how soul-crushing the job is... man, you gotta be pragmatic. You need money, and right now, this is where it's coming from. I know people around here can be weird about that kind of thing (I couldn't even get hired myself because I was overqualified 🙄), but who cares? At the very least, it's experience that teaches you exactly what kind of life you *don't* want to live 😁.

Regarding all that past trauma stuff... you eventually learn how to cut it out. There are plenty of techniques to stop the endless spiraling and regretful overthinking. It doesn't happen overnight, but you'll get there.

Like I said, just take it slow. Dedicate just a tiny sliver of every day to actually working on that idea of yours. Don't obsess over whether it's working or getting burnt out by the lack of results. Just... slowly.

I think a ton of people are feeling exactly the same way you are right now. I don't know if it actually helps, but there’s some kind of comfort in knowing you aren't alone in this misery. If everyone you know still has their social life intact, how can you be the one left out in the cold?

It honestly sucks being ripped away from everything that actually makes life worth living... it's a brutal situation to be in, especially when you're trying to make a living in the hospitality industry. I'm gonna throw a bunch of ideas and advice your way, though I have no clue if any of it will actually do you any good.

Feeling unfulfilled isn't weird at all, especially given how things are right now. Don't go expecting it to just vanish tomorrow or thinking you can wave a magic wand and make it disappear.

I really believe a massive amount of people can relate to that feeling that things were just better before this mess started, because let's face it, the odds of that being true are pretty high 😬. But, man, try not to beat yourself up over it too much. Everything passes, this too shall pass, and things will get better eventually. Just cut those thoughts off the second they start creeping in... that's all past tense.

Since you can't play basketball, just try to stay active somehow. Find some follow-along workout videos on YouTube, or if you can, go for a run or even just a walk. Fresh air and moving your body works wonders... it's what helped me survive the darkest stretches of my own life.

As for acting, maybe you could try filming some videos? Like monologues? It’s an indirect way to keep playing with that hobby (sort of like how people used to record themselves singing solo for choirs or something).

You can still look for work, even though, yeah, you're right—the tourism sector is in a real bad spot right now. In the meantime, maybe pick up a language from a country you'd want to move to; just do 15-20 minutes a day, but do it every single day.

Just focus on the day-to-day stuff, those little things... working out, learning, finding joy in small moments. Direct your daily routine toward your end goal, but otherwise, try to think about it as little as possible. I know, I know, sounds like a total cliché, but it's true. I just want to emphasize that I'm not telling you to force yourself to believe everything is "great," because it isn't. It's bad. But even in the middle of the bad stuff, you gotta find those tiny positive bits to keep you going through the daily grind... build those small habits that'll eventually let you climb out of this hole step by step.

Again, you aren't alone. So many people feel this way, even regardless of the pandemic. It’ll get better 🙂.

Robert Reyes4 said:I honestly never know how to read a situation. It feels like there’s always ten different ways to spin things.
But, making a call is the hard part.

Yeah, I'm pretty much the same way. There are definitely perks to seeing all those angles sometimes, but honestly? I think my life would be a hell of a lot easier if I could just see things from one perspective and actually trust that I'm right about it.
As for making decisions, uh... I think I finally made a tiny bit of progress there. If I can't make up my mind, I just pick something at random and call it a day.

You thinking something like this 🙂?

Sean Cruz said:It really depends on what kind of "culture" we're talking about. Personally, I find my best inspiration in total silence and out in the great outdoors. 🙂

Whenever someone starts preaching about "cultural enrichment," my mind immediately jumps to the definition you'd find on Vicksburg. 😬

🤣
Pure cultural enrichment, no strings attached :aureola:
An interesting gallery show, a killer concert, maybe a dance performance...

Jeffrey Ramos4 said:Having had the "luck" of moving around constantly throughout my life, I actually know the difference between big-city living and life in some tiny rural town. And look, while a small village or some backwater suburb might offer pretty views and clean air, they also come with a lot of baggage. In those places, nepotism is everywhere. It’s all about who you know and which political lines you run in. People stick their noses into everyone else's business, and the stereotypes and prejudices are just constant. A major US city, on the other hand, offers much better opportunities—better healthcare, social services, non-profits, cultural institutions, free resources, education, jobs, and a chance to actually meet diverse people...

I’ve moved through at least five different places myself (counting only spots where I stayed longer than a year or two). This is just my own opinion and experience. And obviously, I get that some people don't feel the same way. We don't all have the same priorities.

Bigger cities are probably way more important for people whose work relies on interacting with others (like artists, for instance). For me, no amount of "cultural enrichment" can make up for fresh air and peace and quiet. And like I said, whenever I need a dose of culture, I just head into the city for the weekend to get my fix.

While there's truth to what you're saying about politics in small towns, I have to admit I haven't really had any bad experiences. I just don't get involved in that mess—politics isn't my thing, and nobody’s ever suffocated me because of it. I just live my life. I say "good morning" and that's that.

As for those prejudices... it depends how you look at it. In a small town, you don't really have a choice. But in my experience, people eventually learn to accept you for who you are, sooner or later. In the city, you don't have to deal with that. You can just hang out with "your own kind." It's funny, though—all the friends I've actually kept in touch with are the ones I met in small towns. And they are incredibly diverse. It's wild how a tiny place with maybe 1,000 people can hide...

Regarding healthcare, there is a point there. Not that I really needed much, except when I was pregnant. I was a little picky about it, but honestly, I never saw it as a huge issue. Actually, I'm only just realizing that now.
If you're talking about psychological help, thank God you can pretty much handle that over Zoom nowadays.

Look, I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything; everyone knows what works for them. And it seems pretty obvious which lifestyle is winning since most people end up living in cities anyway 😉.

I mean, look, it all just comes down to what actually matters to you in life.
Back when I was stuck in that absolute dump, I used to get involved in way more stuff than I do now. I actually had the damn time...

I don't even know where to start with this one... just absolute nonsense. Honestly, it's like people aren't even trying anymore. Just total chaos and zero logic... it makes my blood boil... kaže:
Look, the real issue here is that we’re basically stuck in this endless grind just to keep our heads above water. We need cash—plain and simple—for ourselves and to take care of our families, so obviously, you gotta go where the jobs are actually being offered... It's not even a choice at this point. Plus, moving to a bigger city like Chicago or Austin is a huge draw. You want to catch a massive concert, have actual stuff to do, and find a decent variety of things without getting totally ripped off by prices... It's about the lifestyle too...

Pollution, wasting half your life stuck in soul-crushing traffic, that constant, frantic rush to stay ahead of the clock... honestly, none of this is good for you. Not even a little bit. It’s just killing us...

It’s not really an apples-to-apples comparison or whatever, but I was watching this documentary a few years back about hedge fund managers—some of them are straight-up billionaires, too—and how they basically bail the second the work week wraps up. They just jet off to some total nowhere... I think it was somewhere in Connecticut, actually. Just a massive house, complete peace and quiet, total isolation from everyone else...

Ever since that whole smog mess back in New York City... man, those rich folks are just booking it, trying to get as far away from the cities as they can possibly get...

Not really the main topic here, but it honestly feels like those folks out in the rural sticks are gonna end up getting way more perks than all the wealthy elites living in the big cities... 😛

Oh, please... nice comparison you've got there. Really top-tier stuff... 🤣.

Look, if you move to a smaller town in the States, you honestly need way less cash to get by. It’s not even about the math... it's more about what kind of person you actually are. If you're the type who constantly needs fancy upgrades, high-end thrills, or someone constantly entertaining you just to stay sane, then living in the middle of nowhere is gonna be a disaster for you. You'll just end up miserable...
So, in my last massive rant, I mentioned how most of my cash actually stayed sitting in my bank account because I literally didn't know how to spend it... though honestly, since then, I’ve basically moved everything online. Before that, I didn't even realize you could just buy whatever you wanted with a click... like, seriously... 🤣).

Nature, wide open spaces, those deep connections—which, let’s be honest, can be a total double-edged sword if things ever go south and you end up having a massive fallout... Not to mention the sports scene was actually pretty solid too... I guess those "quiet" midwestern vibes just draw in a certain type of person. People who actually know how to be alone with their own thoughts for once...

Look, you can always head into the city if you feel like it. But honestly? Hardly anyone around here actually goes out to catch a show, hit up a theater, or catch a concert unless they’re some college kid or absolutely loaded—and let’s be real, having cash doesn't always mean you have the time... Back in the day, we’d make a whole thing out of it maybe once every three months. We’d hop on a train to catch a big concert in a major hub—it was a solid three-and-a-half hour trek just to get to the nearest big city, but we’d push even further on the weekends. You’d crash at a buddy's place, stay out late, just live it up... it was always such a blast and a total vibe. But I’m not saying I need that kind of chaos every single day or every damn week. Not for me...

Man, I’m stuck in the middle of this massive concrete jungle, and it’s driving me insane. It’s not even just that everyone is loaded... it’s the sheer pressure. Like, there's this unwritten rule that you *have* to jet off somewhere fancy for vacation. If you don't, you're basically failing at life. You can't even catch a break because the whole culture is built around this constant need to escape. Honestly, back when I was living in my old hometown, I didn't even feel like I needed a vacation. Everything was just... chill. Low stakes. Relaxed. Now? It’s all just performative nonsense...

Look, let's be real here—this whole experience is actually pretty interesting, provided it's just a temporary thing. You see all kinds of weird stuff when you're riding the subway, and even in a massive, chaotic mess like that, there are still these weirdly set patterns. Like the beggars. At first, they totally creeped me out, but now? Now they feel like old acquaintances or something... And then there's the million different streets and side alleys I've stumbled into. Honestly, even someone who’s lived in a city like Chicago their whole life probably hasn't seen half of these paths because people usually just stick to the main drags. Every weekend, it’s just me wandering through these unexplored corners of the city for hours on end. I can't even lie and say I'm not kind of loving it...

Honestly, looking at the big picture, that whole setup just doesn't do it for me anymore... especially now that I’ve got a kid to think about. I really don't want them growing up breathing in all that smog and nasty city air. Plus, you can't even see the stars through the haze. And don't even get me started on the crowds... everywhere you look, there's just way too many people...

Honestly, I’d take a quiet life out in the countryside with a bird in my hand over living in any version of a big city 🤷.

I live and work in a metropolis that half the world would kill to call home. Look, it's fine—I appreciate the opportunities—but every single time I head back to my hometown or wherever I used to hang out (if you can even call those places anything but tiny rural towns), I just sit there wondering why anyone would choose this concrete jungle over a gorgeous little slice of nowhere 😍.
I am actively making moves to get back to the middle of nowhere ☕.

Carol Turner3 said:I don't really feel like doing any of that, but thanks anyway...

I'm glad to hear things are looking up for at least one of us and that you're having a good time. Wishing you nothing but the absolute best...

Don't believe it, I'm just gonna go for a walk by myself🤣

Thanks for the good vibes. But seriously, don't give up on yourself. I mean, since you're already here...

Carol Turner3, honestly, reading this feels like looking in a mirror... maybe not at 26, but I’m definitely in that same headspace somewhere down the line.

To be real, I spent most of my youth just totally lost, and things got even more intense once I finally finished college. I always had this massive issue with authority and rules, and the thought of being stuck in some soul-crushing corporate grind, dragging myself out of bed every single morning... man, that terrified me. (I mean, I was always a hard worker, but strictly on my own terms, you know?) I hated the idea of everyone forcing me to "grow up," but mostly, I just felt pathetic because I had zero clue what I actually wanted. Nothing made sense. I had zero motivation for anything, and honestly, neither good nor bad relationships helped fix that void.

I struggled with suicidal thoughts quite a bit—not just during that specific window, either—and it wasn't until much later that I realized I’d probably been dealing with some form of depression or maybe even burnout for a long damn time.

I eventually pulled myself together, though if I’m being totally honest, I don’t even know how or what the tipping point was that dragged me out of the gutter. It wasn't some overnight transformation; it was this long, grueling process over years.

In the beginning, I think autogenic training actually helped me find some footing. In the years following that, life hit me with two massive setbacks (which I bear some responsibility for, which only made the healing process way more brutal), and God, I suffered through so much because of my own perfectionism and negativity, both in my career and just living my life. Looking back now, it feels like those hits forced all these deep-seated issues to the surface—things I absolutely had to deal with, things I wouldn't have been able to handle before.

Then, almost by total accident, I started getting into fitness, and I really think that played a huge role. Physical activity just resets your brain and brings everything back into balance. Plus, I was living in such a beautiful part of the country, and since I've always been an outdoorsy person who needs fresh air, that meant the world to me.

I’m happy now. Objectively speaking, my situation isn't perfect, and by certain societal standards, it might look way worse than it did ten years ago. But I feel good. I get excited, I laugh, I get pissed off, I cry, I dance. I don't spend all my energy obsessing over the past or worrying about the future anymore. I accept things... or at least, I’m doing my absolute best to just embrace life as it comes.

Just take small steps. Go for a walk, move your body (healthy body, healthy mind, or at least there's a better shot at it), apply for a job that actually sounds cool to you, anywhere in the world, even if it’s not what you studied. Try something like Workaway, or go volunteer somewhere. I don't care what your interests are or what your major was, it doesn't even matter. Just lower your expectations and just *start* somewhere. Mess up. Laugh it off and keep moving. Good luck!

First things first: books aren't everything. The older generation—and honestly, most academics—tend to act like formal schooling is the only path to success if you consider yourself "smart." Look, I’m a highly educated woman myself 😁, and I am telling you right now: I don't buy it. Don't let yourself subconsciously build up these complexes or insecurities just because you aren't following that specific track if it isn't what you actually want to do.

Second, and way more important: regardless of the first point, you won't achieve a damn thing in this world without putting in the work. Sure, Mozart was a genius, but if he hadn't spent every waking hour composing and playing, he wouldn't have written any of those masterpieces (obviously, being a genius meant it came easier to him than it would to me, but the principle is exactly the same). Of course, the real trick is directing that effort toward something that actually feels worth it to you... whether that's "saving the world" or just obsessing over rock climbing because it makes you happy.
So, the big takeaway here is to find your own motivation, find your direction, and actually grind for it. Because nothing is just "waiting" for you to show up... believing that is just pure youthful delusion 😁. People use that excuse all the time to mask laziness or total inaction, and if you let that mindset take root, it spreads like cancer. The longer you wait to deal with it, the harder it gets to fix. Unfortunately, I've seen plenty of incredibly talented, high-potential people fall into this trap. And all they're left with is bitterness and regret because deep down, they know they could have done so much more.

Just so we are crystal clear and there's no confusion: when I say someone is "high potential" or "could have done more," I'm not talking about grades, money, or social status. I mean that a person works toward and achieves what *they* personally find meaningful and fulfilling, no matter what anyone else thinks about it. A good friend of mine, a doctor, finished med school just to please her parents, and then she ended up moving to Denmark to pick apples before eventually opening a bar with her husband. She is freaking thrilled with her life. To me, that is success—a hundred times more real than staying a respected, miserable doctor.