Walter Davis said:Basically, they’re saying if you call someone you love a "partner," you just don't get what real romance and true love are all about. Honestly, I'm surprised you're buying into that. 😁
Look, I agree that everyone sees things differently, but I don't buy into that "subtle" 😁 little dig at people. Honestly, I don't even notice that kind of stuff 🤣 anymore. (And hey, at the end of the day, that's just his take, so whatever... we're all different, right?...)
feralranger said:A companion can be both a lover and a confidante, and when two people share a bond built on true passion and deep friendship, I refuse to reduce that connection to some mere transactional arrangement or a simple business partnership.
But then again, to each their own. Personally, I would find a world without music—along with many other things—to be an utterly desolate place, yet for someone without a sense of rhythm or melody, music holds no significance at all. People are fundamentally different in that regard.
I'm totally with Limerica on this one... to me, a partner isn't just some lover or someone you're just riding the romantic/physical high with. It’s about having a life partner by your side, you know?
feralranger said:No poet in history would ever refer to his beloved as a "partner." That is a term born from the boardroom and corporate offices. Furthermore, it has nothing to do with the concept of a pair but is instead derived from being a part (a component). Partnership and equity are inherently unromantic, decidedly anti-erotic concepts. No poet would ever feel the need to clarify this; it is simply understood.
I have certainly never degraded a woman by using such a clinical term.
Look, if you ask me, I’d say only one of them actually managed to rise to that level... barely... 😬. Look, maybe it doesn't sound all poetic or romantic at first glance, but there’s more to it than meets the eye. It touches on so many different layers of a relationship... things you just can't really capture if you only use a word like "lover."
I don't know, I've just never been really into those big grand gestures or that whole "classic" romance thing... though, honestly, you could probably argue about what even counts as romance in the first place. I honestly don't know... I’m starting to think romance isn't actually dead, it's just hidden. Like, maybe it's still out there exactly like it's always been, we just can't see it anymore...
To me, being romantic is all about that initial rush... that way you see someone else at first. It’s about how you perceive your partner, you know? That whole idealized vision of them... 😬So, how does that actually play out? Honestly, it all just comes down to whatever someone’s personal preference happens to be in any given situation... it's all subjective...
We’re using names just to make talking easier, I guess, though honestly, there’s plenty of other reasons why this is a mess. Personally, I think what Grandma said is fine, even if my go-to move for questions like that is usually just throwing it back at them: "Well, what do *you* think?" 😁.
If one of my kids hits me with a question where I know my actual opinion is a bit different from the standard answer—like, "Why do I have to go to preschool?"—I try not to overthink it, but I definitely steer clear of giving them a straight answer.
Look, I'm a mom, and yeah, it's tough. But unless someone forced her at gunpoint to have a kid or she was victimized—sorry, but she chose this life for herself. And sure, we all mess up sometimes, but this is one of those rare (maybe the only) situations where the responsibility falls entirely on one side, on the parent. A child didn't ask to be born, and they definitely didn't have a say in the matter.
That doesn't change the fact that Fatty is an adult now, and she has both the opportunity and the responsibility to decide how she's going to carry herself moving forward. Fatty, honestly, it's great you're doing therapy. I really hope you can get out of that toxic environment ASAP, because it's damn near impossible to heal wounds that someone else is reopening every single day.
Amanda Allen4 said:Ever wonder why the latest COVID variant was slapped with the name Omicron instead of just following the usual alphabetical sequence we've seen with previous versions?
It’s pretty simple—after Delta comes Xi, and since that’s a common Chinese name, they couldn't exactly let that slide if they wanted to stay politically correct.
Uhh, yeah, no... Epsilon comes right after Delta. Xi is way at the end of the list.
Honestly, whenever I say the word "never," I’m basically adding a giant asterisk to it. It's conditional at this point... I’ve lived enough life and seen enough about how the human psyche actually works—and how many curveballs life loves to throw at you—that I can't bring myself to take a "never" seriously. Life always finds a way to prove you wrong...
Sometimes I’m all about the deep learning stuff, totally an introvert... other times I’m down to go out, though that depends on what you even call "going out," and some days I just don't feel like it at all. I've never been one to climb the corporate ladder, and honestly, I wouldn't say I'm a big materialist either.
I'm single, not exactly a spring chicken but definitely not old, and I've always managed to keep my money in the bank—except back in my early twenties when I’d blow my entire paycheck in three days straight. I ride a bike, don't bother with a car. I never really dreamed of starting some big business or anything; I'm just into books, working out, peace and quiet, or hitting up a five-day music festival.
I mean, seriously... what's actually going on with you in all of this? Like, have you even learned how to respect yourself yet? And what was honestly going through your head when that miscarriage happened?
ruggedorca5 said:Having kids would solve it. Then you're living for them.
Poor kids, honestly. Imagine when they don't need you anymore, but they're suddenly your entire reason for existing... doesn't sound particularly healthy to me.
I guess I call someone crazy if they’re just acting outside the norm when it comes to stuff that actually matters to me personally, or if they're just being interesting... It can be positive madness or just straight-up negative, depending on how you look at it.
But it just hit me... when I'm talking about people who actually have a diagnosis, I never call them crazy. I always say they're sick.
It’s like people say, everyone handles things differently, but six years is just way too damn long. Life is passing you by...
How often are you actually thinking about him? Honestly, judging by how much you bring up Nicholas Bailey3, it’s probably become part of your personality at this point. You really need to just face the facts, move on from obsessing over him, and start filling your life with actual stuff... There's a lot of work to do there. Maybe a session with a therapist wouldn't hurt?
Eric Gray2: And darksurfer4 has a point. I feel like it’s pretty much always been that way.
Sarah Ross21 said:Basically, you stop offering comfort when you feel they don't deserve it anymore. And honestly? That's fine. Even I hit that wall sometimes.
If people want unconditional listening, they can find a therapist in NYC. Those professionals charge for a reason; they don't do it for free. 🙂
I remember reading some expert advice once suggesting we should just tell people they have no right to demand we act like therapists. We're their friends, not clinical specialists. No one is obligated to play that role.
It's not even about whether they "deserve" it or not... it's more that I just can't give it without it draining me dry. And why would I do that to myself? It makes zero sense.
E: Just like how doing math wouldn't make any sense for me, since I almost never seek out comfort by venting my problems to others. For me, just having my favorite people around is what actually feels therapeutic.
But honestly, you nailed it. Offering comfort—just like offering love—isn't some transaction where you expect a payout later. And even if there is a "payback," it usually comes from somewhere else entirely, if it shows up at all.
Look, if you’re feeling low and trying to be there for someone else just leaves you feeling drained and bitter, then don't do it. It's not always easy to tell if you can give without subconsciously looking for something in return (I've definitely tricked myself into thinking I could, only to realize I couldn't...), but you get better at reading yourself over time. Can you actually give without wanting something back? That's the big question you have to ask yourself... once you answer that, everything else falls into place.
Personally, I wouldn't call myself much of a shoulder to cry on, but I'm a good listener. Though, when I see someone spinning their wheels in the same mud, making zero effort to actually change anything? That just wears me out. In those cases, I just pivot to a different topic...
Specifically regarding meditation... People have suggested it to me a million times, but I just can't find the motivation. I always end up feeling like I'm doing the whole thing wrong.😁
Like I said: "I think"🙂, maybe it’s just been a matter of time before I went from being this unstable, depressed, high-strung mess to becoming (relatively 😬) stable and chill. It didn't happen overnight, and I also started hitting the gym harder during that period (even though I've always walked a ton). The human body was built to move, you know.
But I really think what helped was learning how to create some distance, developing a bit of internal discipline, and just learning to unwind (honestly, I mean more autogenic training than actual meditation). Basically, learning how to pull the brakes before I spiral down into some endless pit of misery and despair.
But like Michael Smith2 said, everyone is wired differently. I know plenty of people where this stuff doesn't work at all or they just think it's useless. I'm naturally a bit slow-paced; everything feels too fast for me. I run pretty slow, swim relatively slow... I just walk fast and occasionally dance fast 🤣.
Anyway, a colleague of mine was studying people who have been meditating for years and found some epigenetic changes showing they age slower (like, their epigenetic clock ticks slower). But you have to meditate for years for that—it's not some quick fix 😁. She also found changes after intense sessions that show up immediately, but that's mostly seen in long-term "seasoned" meditators. So clearly, you can still get yourself somewhat sorted through it, both short-term and long-term, even if just a little bit.
Honestly, coffee has only really started hitting for me in the last few years, but tea? Tea still absolutely wrecks me if I drink it. If I actually need to stay awake, I have to chug some tea... which I totally don't even like.
I suppose that’s true—though I’m honestly not convinced that’s a mandatory trait for everyone who identifies as sensitive, nor do I believe that every single sensitive person fits that exact mold.
I’ve always possessed this certain natural sense of detachment—it’s like having a built-in buffer zone that saves my skin more often than I’d care to admit—but as for everything else? Well, I’m fairly certain that consistent practice and meditation have been the real game-changers.
Perhaps that isn't necessarily a required trait—though, of course, that really depends on what the experts have to say about it. So, I’ve been thinking lately—how exactly do you all approach your fitness routine? I mean, we all know the importance of staying active, but everyone seems to have such a wildly different philosophy when it comes to actually getting moving. For some, it’s that disciplined, early-morning grind at a place like Equinox—strictly scheduled, high intensity, and totally non-negotiable. Then you have the folks who prefer something much more laid back—maybe a long, winding stroll through Central Park or just some casual yoga in the living room while listening to a podcast. It’s almost like comparing a high-performance engine to a steady, reliable cruiser; both get you where you need to go, but the experience is night and day! I’m curious to hear your take—are you a "no pain, no gain" type of person, or do you treat exercise more like a way to decompress after a long day at the office? What does your daily movement look like?
That's me—guilty as charged!
So, I just had a sit-down with my neurologist—and let me tell you, it was quite the revelation. She explained that I’m dealing with a chemical deficiency in my brain—specifically, a chronic lack of serotonin. It’s one of those things that could be baked into my DNA from the jump, though she did leave the door open to the idea that it might not be purely genetic. It’s a bit like having a faulty fuel pump in a high-performance engine; the car is great, but if the fuel isn't flowing right, you're going to feel the drag.
I’ve gone through endless rounds of testing—everything from scans to specialist consults—because I just couldn't ignore these constant pressures in my head, that strange numbness in parts of my body, and the general aches that seemed to follow me around. It was exhausting. To my relief, both my neurological exams and cardiac tests came back perfectly clean—no red flags there. So, predictably, the focus has shifted entirely toward my mental health and getting an assessment from a psychiatrist.
So, I finally got some clarity—I’ve been officially diagnosed with anxiety disorders and somatic symptom disorder. It’s one of those things where the mind and the body basically decide to hold a meeting without your permission, and everything just goes haywire. To tackle it all, I'm diving into psychotherapy to work through the root causes. It feels like a long road ahead, but at least now there's a roadmap.
My neurologist actually suggested ramping up my physical activity—and I don't mean a casual stroll through the park. We’re talking intense, high-intensity workouts that really get my heart rate climbing. The idea is to flood my brain with enough oxygen and serotonin to help pull everything back into balance. If that doesn't do the trick, she mentioned we might have to look into starting an AD.
It’s actually quite fascinating—my psychiatrist picked up on my anxiety almost immediately, yet she didn't see any signs of depression. It’s a strange distinction, really, because while I certainly deal with those periodic low moods that dip into depressive territory, I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm a depressed person per se. To be perfectly honest—and I mean this from the bottom of my heart—I don’t come across as depressed at all to the outside world. In fact, quite the opposite! I’m often the one driving the bus—the initiator, the spark plug, the person making sure things actually happen. But there's a catch—it’s exhausting. It’s a constant, parallel drain on my energy because, more often than not, I feel like I’m pouring everything I have into the glass, only to realize I'm receiving next to nothing in return.
And now, we turn our attention to the intricate web of human connections—whether we’re talking about the bonds of friendship or the complexities of romantic love. To be perfectly honest—and I say this with all due respect to the previous points made—that particular field isn't exactly a perfect solution either, and frankly, it’s for the exact same reasons I just laid out. My past relationships have almost always followed the same exhausting pattern—they were short, intense, and ultimately draining. I had this habit of gravitating toward what I call "emotional vampires." It was like being caught in a constant cycle of empathy where I’d end up carrying the emotional weight for both people. I would pour everything I had into making things work, constantly overextending myself, while the other person just sat back and took advantage of that energy. It left me feeling completely depleted every single time. Because of everything I've been through, I struggle quite a bit with attachment—it’s become a real hurdle for me. These days, I’m incredibly cautious and selective about who I let into my life. It isn't just about being picky, though; it's a defense mechanism—I simply have no desire to endure that level of heartache during a relationship, nor do I want to face the absolute wreckage that comes after a breakup. I’ve walked away from quite a few friendships myself—often because the reciprocity just wasn't there. It’s a frustrating imbalance. Most of the time, my approach is to simply fade out—sort of a quiet withdrawal where I stop engaging and let the connection die a natural death through silence. That said, there have been a handful of instances where things were messy enough that I felt the need to be much more direct about cutting ties. A lot of my friends have insisted—or at least used that word quite a bit—that I’m "needy." Even my housemate has thrown that label my way. Honestly? I don't think it's accurate at all. If anything, the only way I could possibly be considered "needy" is that I sometimes feel like I'm not getting the level of attention or connection I need from the people around me.
I almost threw my coffee out the window this morning—honestly, I was that close! It triggers such a massive wave of anxiety in me, which is so frustrating because it seems like everyone else around me just sips their lattes and goes about their day without a single issue. For me, though, it’s a total nervous system overload. I only manage to catch some sleep when I’m feeling truly, deeply at peace—which, let's be honest, is a pretty rare occurrence around here. That’s exactly why matcha and other teas work so perfectly for me—they hit that sweet spot without the chaos—though, let’s be honest, they just don't provide that same massive kick I get from a cup of coffee.
Yeah, the news cycle absolutely wrecks me—especially lately with all this COVID stuff. Honestly, I’m a total skeptic when it comes to the whole thing, but that lingering doubt just feeds right into my anxiety. Growing up, I was basically obsessed with reading the crime section in the local paper and bingeing true crime shows; I'm convinced that's where the seed of my anxiety was planted. It colors how I see everything today—for instance, even though I have my driver's license, I rarely actually get behind the wheel because I'm constantly fretting over those endless highway accidents you see on the news.
It isn't just that I don't feel a sense of national pride—I actually feel a bit of a disconnect, almost a distaste, toward the culture here. Having spent so much time in international circles, I can say with total honesty that you tend to encounter much higher-quality people abroad. Sure, there's trash everywhere, but generally speaking, the mindset out there just aligns with mine much better. Because of that, I spend most of my time daydreaming about moving overseas. The only thing holding me back is my career path—I studied sociology, which isn't exactly the most lucrative field, and since I'm in my late 20s without a solid professional foundation due to a lack of opportunities, I feel stuck in these dead-end agency jobs with zero upward mobility.
In short, I'd say frequent mood swings and a general sense of dissatisfaction with life are pretty much hallmark traits for people like us.
Have any of you found effective ways to set boundaries and stop yourselves from soaking up all that negativity?
I've noticed that if I drink store-bought, processed teas, my irritability and emotions feel way more intense. On the other hand, brewing my own herbal tea at home really helps me unwind, so that's my go-to ritual in the evenings.
First off, I was thinking more along the lines of stuff like autogenic training and meditation (that really helped me build up some kind of shield—let's call it that—and create some distance), plus physical exercise too. My absolute favorite thing is whatever completely occupies my brain (for me, it’s dance classes, which unfortunately I’m not doing right now) because it "clears" me out way better than things like yoga or swimming (which are also great, don't get me wrong).
Oh, and one more thing—I don't work with people. Just the thought of it is a total nightmare (I only like interacting with others in very small, controlled doses). And since we're talking about news, I don't read the papers or watch the news on TV either; the essential info eventually finds its way to me, but I just don't have the mental bandwidth for anything else...
Yeah, I guess, though I’m not totally sold on whether that’s a mandatory trait for empaths or if everyone with high sensitivity actually functions that way.
I’ve got this built-in sense of detachment that honestly keeps me sane, and as for everything else... I think some solid meditation and practice really helped pull me through.