Posts by coppermason

goldenwalker5 said:Give me a break—you know those lines dealers use about giving you a free sample the first time? Total bullshit. I tried that exact move once, and I got screwed over big time..................

So it's your "first time" every single time!?😂😂

I mean, I seriously have zero life!!!😢

Adam Miller46 said:In my view, a person should be considerate toward everyone. Then, based on how people react and interact with you, you filter out those who deserve kindness from those who earn a "tit for tat" approach... because it is madness to offer bread to someone who is constantly throwing stones at you.

So here’s how today went down: On Friday, the three of us realized this one friend was already pissed at us—specifically at me. But it turns out she was actually mad at the second girl because she totally misinterpreted something in her head without even asking her first. Then the second girl got mad at her, and today I’m over here playing peacemaker, basically saying, "Hey, it wasn't even that big of a deal," trying to defend her. Long story short, those two told me I’m not all there for trying to justify her totally idiotic behavior. It really was stupid, but personally, I would've just forgiven her, had a quick chat about it—nothing heavy, just a little vent session—and moved on like it never happened. Instead, the second girl is going to sulk for a while, and then in a few days, everything will go back to "normal," but the rest of us are stuck feeling awkward whenever they hang out. People have this insane need to make life miserable for each other just to feel superior or smarter. Honestly, sometimes you just have to ignore stuff you can't change.🤷

So, by that logic, am I just the idiot here because I let it slide easily? And is the girl who’s going to "get over it" in a few days somehow more intelligent than me, or does she just love herself more, or what???

Jerry Martinez5 said:And why? You think you don't deserve a guy who actually puts you first instead of treating you like an afterthought? Someone who doesn't just ditch his plans with you the second someone else walks into the room? From what I can tell, he isn't even making a choice; he’s just doing whatever it takes to avoid being with you. But sure, he shows up on time for work or a midterm, right? Just think about how many times he actually manages to be punctual. Yeah, those are the only moments where he actually gives a damn about anything.

I’m not saying he doesn't care about you. It’s just that he’s gotten used to the idea that he can act however he wants because you’ll always tolerate it. If his buddies at the pub call him out, they’ll just head out without him if he says no. But you? You'll still be there waiting for him, I guess.

People don't change just because you have endless patience or because you lose your mind and snap at them. You aren't going to change your brother, I guess. Your only real option there is to cut communication down to the bare minimum. But a boyfriend? You can actually change that situation—by finding someone new.

The thing is, this is just how he treats everyone and everything. He's late to work every single day—either because he works somewhere where they don't care, or because he's a freelancer who sets his own schedule—but he's constantly late for everything except maybe one meeting. Appointments mean nothing to him. He'll invite friends over for dinner and then just ghost. Now, nobody invites him anymore; he basically forced the whole world to revolve around him. He pulled it off simply by being stubborn about it. People just accept him for who he is, and honestly, it's easier for him to be late and make up some stupid excuse than to just show up on time. It's like he's obsessed with being late!!! I mean, he works a ton, seriously, but it's only because he's disorganized, not because he's actually busy. I've already cut my brother down to minimal contact.

The only thing I can actually change is making sure my "occasional" outbursts become a regular occurrence instead.
But I don't want that, because like you said, that would just undermine all the effort I put into trying to keep it under control in the first place.
When I snap like that, it’s honestly just to show him how ugly it really is—to make him feel it firsthand. He knows this isn't my normal vibe; I have zero desire to be rude to anyone. It’s just pointless. You've got me all wrong.😉
I'm armed with enough patience and love that, even if I know I won't ever be perfect, I'm still more than willing to fight this battle.😍

Jerry Martinez5 said:Why don't people realize their behavior is wrong and that they're just making life harder for everyone? I don't know, maybe they just lack the habit or the drive for self-reflection. It's easier to live by blaming others than by realizing you're the architect of your own happiness. I mean, if your boyfriend realized he was treating both you and himself poorly, he'd have to change, right? And that’s hard. It's much easier to just keep bothering everyone else.

You're thinking about it yourself, yet you aren't exactly leaning toward professional help either. You have all sorts of excuses for why seeing an expert isn't useful. Now, just imagine how it feels for your boyfriend or brother, who won't even accept the idea that they're acting poorly and need to change.

It’s a deeply ingrained way of behaving, and it doesn't just flip overnight. It’s not a decision like "I'm going to stop buying Kraft and start buying Nestlé." A real change requires massive internal shifts, and most people just don't want that.

Maybe try correcting them slightly: like, when someone shows up late, you just pick up and leave. And if you have to, do it again. If they actually care about you, they'll be on time next time. And if they don't? Well, then I guess you just accept that they don't care and stop wasting your energy.

Look, I have a relative who's a psychiatrist, and honestly, she's probably the weirdest one in the family. It's not that I don't talk to therapists, but believe me, there isn't a specialist in this entire country who could actually help us properly. I know what I'm talking about.
I handle it my own way. Yesterday he was late again—honestly, I've lost track because I've become so used to it. I don't sit around waiting for him anymore; I stay home, and when he finally shows up, he shows up. We've fallen into this lazy pattern where we just drift. It just drives me nuts because he still acts like he's afraid of any kind of confrontation. I want to teach him to just say, "Hey, I don't know when I'll be there." He acts like everything has to be perfectly timed, without realizing that's impossible. After he showed up late yesterday with some excuse about staying late for my uncle's 50th birthday... when I told him what I wrote above, he just called me a perfectionist. To him, life is just one series of unpredictable events where he never knows where he'll end up. Me? I actually like knowing where I'm going, why I'm going there, and at least roughly when I'll be back.
Anyway, this whole thread is getting derailed by my venting about my relationship, which honestly isn't even the main issue—my brother is the one giving me more grief...
Basically, I just want to tell everyone: please, go see a counselor more often! The world would be a much better place.😉

quietpilot87 said:People act that way simply because they can.

And yeah, you can change it, but you have to start with yourself.
There’s no shame in speaking up when something bothers you. 🙂

Look, I say my piece too. I rebel, and sometimes I react pretty aggressively, but the problem is they change so incredibly slowly that it feels almost pointless.

rowdyotter65 said:I tend to be so considerate of others that, honestly, it sometimes leaves me feeling pretty drained and down on myself.

I mean, I could say the same thing about myself, but honestly, when I see the payoff for all my patience, let's call it that, it gives me enough fuel to keep going.😉
Every once in a while, people finally realize they're being jerks and we're actually the decent ones—it's like their conscience finally kicks in. That’s a win. Being kind is one thing, but having the self-control to stay chill when others aren't? That takes way more energy than trying to control everyone else.😁

Jerry Martinez5 said:- because his inner circle lets him get away with it
- because he doesn't know any better
- because that's how he was raised; that's how his family treated him
- he has zero self-respect, so obviously he won't respect others either
- honestly, he's just miserable, because happy people don't go around hurting others

The real answer—why a specific person acts that way—probably needs a professional. You aren't going to find it based on a few posts on an internet forum.

If your boyfriend realizes there's a problem and starts therapy, he might change (it'll take time, maybe a year or two). If he doesn't, and he probably won't, your only real option is to break up with him. Or just endure it. You'll likely choose the latter, though, since it isn't just him bothering you, but your friend too. Plus, you were probably raised to think it's normal to be mistreated, that you should be "considerate" instead of standing up for yourself.😢

I know exactly why my specific cases act the way they do.
My brother, for instance, is like this because ever since he was born, being the first and only boy among three kids, he was basically coddled to death. It wasn't that he wasn't loved; it was just too much love and way too much tolerance. Then life gave him a reality check, so he ended up with a girlfriend who basically runs his life and does all his thinking for him. It makes total sense that he’d vent his frustrations on whoever is closest. As for the guy, I won't say anything derogatory about his background, but if he hadn't had the mother he needed, combined with the crowd he chose later on—people who are just as arrogant and rude to one another—it explains a lot. Same goes for my friend; she's going through a phase because of some past trauma.
I wouldn't say they're "bullying" me, because then I'd sound like a pushover, and that's not it. I intentionally mentioned in my opening post that I'm a tolerant person and blah blah blah, just so I didn't come off like I think I'm perfect. I work with small children, so I probably have a professional bias where I don't take every little cry, whine, or tantrum too personally. Instead, I try to handle things with a conversation or by distracting them, whether it's with kids or adults. And look, I love and respect all three of them unconditionally, and they respect me too—that's proven. Honestly, I'm just sharing this to get it off my chest and show what it looks like from my perspective.
It’s clear to me that we all have our outlets; in a way, they are mine. I get why they filter things this way; I see that they do it because they're weak and pathetic. But what I don't get is why a person feels no need to help themselves or pull themselves together. Their way of "solving" problems actually just creates a whole new one, making things worse with their families and everyone else.

Regarding psychiatric help, with all due respect to the doctors here in the States, I don't think a psychiatrist can provide the kind of help he actually needs. I'm basically acting as his therapist without the antidepressants or the nonsense a doctor would prescribe just to send him home... but that's a whole different topic.

Quentin Tarantino

Jerry Martinez5 said:Masochism is when you let people walk all over you. Did you check out the thread about salaries on Lonely Hearts? I think you'd find it useful.

You aren't being considerate toward your boyfriend or your friend. Why would you even call someone a friend if they "wouldn't lift a finger for anyone"? Haven't you heard that friends are the people who actually love you and are happy to help?

Maybe you care about them, but that doesn't make you a considerate or good person—it just means you're letting those close to you treat you like a doormat. In other words: masochism. A total lack of self-respect, etc. 😢

It's nice to be considerate and mindful of other people's opinions and needs. But if you do that while ignoring your own needs and letting others trample you, that's bad. It would be healthier to just tell them to fuck off and find people who will actually treat you well. Let them go look for new victims to humiliate with their lateness, canceled plans, and drama...

Quentin Tarantino

Jerry Martinez5 said:Why would your boyfriend change his behavior if you just sit there and tolerate it? I guess it doesn't make much sense. Maybe he won't.

Some people just never change. I guess once you finally unlock the door and walk away, they just find someone even more pathetic to tolerate their constant lateness, neglect, and disrespect. Maybe that’s just how it goes.

It’s pretty obvious to me that people are only going to treat you the way you let them. And let's just say, if we're being honest, I’m usually the last person to set any kind of boundary.Total garbage.I don't know what the term is for this phenomenon, but I honestly can't wrap my head around why people act this way. It’s not just me, either—I only brought them up because I actually know them, but they treat everyone with that same level of disrespect. They tend to run into similar types over and over again, too. Depending on the person, they either cut them off entirely or just let the relationship fizzle out into nothing, and those rare few who actually stay close usually end up in constant conflict. So, I'm genuinely curious if anyone here knows what drives someone to be that incredibly tactless. Like, seriously, why?

Maybe they knocked them all out in those thirty minutes or so.🤷

bluefalcon122 said:I’d like to think I’m a pretty tolerant person! I always try to step into someone else's shoes and keep from judging them. My whole motto is basically just treating people the way I want to be treated. I'm never late for meetings, either—honestly, the only thing that really gets under my skin is when other people show up late. I don't feel like it's my job to judge anyone else.
The people you're talking about? I bet one of these days it'll finally click for them. They'll realize that if they keep acting this way, society won't accept them, and they'll end up totally alone without a single friend left.
Anyway, that's just how I see things...😛

I'm on the same page and I try to live by that, but we're talking about people here. These guys in their thirties... seriously, if it hasn't hit them by now, when the hell will it?🤷

I’m curious to see how much consideration people actually show to those around them.
The reason this is on my mind is because I’ve spent basically my entire life in conflict with three specific people, mostly due to their total lack of awareness for anyone else—not just me, but everyone.

First, there's my brother. He basically steamrolls over everything and everyone without a second thought. He thinks he's entitled to snap at anyone who gets in his way, but God forbid anyone looks at him the wrong way. His life is sacred; nobody is allowed to comment on it, even if it's something positive.

Then there's my boyfriend. His job drains him mentally to an almost absurd degree. Even my mom, who’s a surgeon, wasn't as physically or mentally exhausted after her toughest surgeries in 25 years of practice.
I don't have a single legitimate excuse for being late or missing a deadline, yet he’s almost always running behind and can't stick to a plan to save his life—and it's not just with me. It’s happened a hundred times where he’s just lying at my place, napping, totally forgetting about a meeting, and then I hear him on the phone lying through his teeth, claiming he's already driving there. But of course, he feels entitled to criticize everyone and pick fights with anyone.

And finally, my friend. She wouldn't lift a finger for anyone. She’ll go out of her way to stir up drama just to shut me down, but if I do something without consulting her first, she stays mad for three days. I've realized she lives for the manipulation, but honestly, I'm just tired of playing along.

Look, I'm a pretty good person... blah blah blah, but I truly cannot wrap my head around how someone can be so oblivious that it starts feeling like actual masochism.

So, let's see how many toxic people are hanging out on this forum.

Honestly, the lack of empathy these days drives me nuts. It’s wild how the people who are the most tone-deaf to everyone else's vibes are always the ones expecting you to walk on eggshells around them. Personally, I’m way too sensitive to other people's moods—I constantly overthink everything just to make sure I don't offend anyone. Sometimes I go overboard with being careful, which is my own fault, sure, but even I have those days where I just don't have the bandwidth to be "on." Yet, somehow, the expectation is that I should always be perfectly pleasant. It’s fascinating, really. People just won't say, "Hey, sorry, I was having a moment and took it out on you, don't take it personally," or even just "My bad, leave me alone for a bit." Instead, they either act like nothing happened the next day or, even worse, expect *me* to be the one to apologize or check in.😕

Ever have those moments where people basically manufacture a reason to be mad at you for absolutely nothing? Like, I call my friend this morning to grab coffee, and she tells me she’s staying in all day—she was even venting yesterday about having a mountain of chores to tackle at home, so I just said "cool" without making it a thing. Fast forward two hours, and there I am, stuck at a red light next to her and another friend. We're honking and yelling, "Hey, lookin' good!" since she didn't hear us, and then suddenly she gets pissed off because I'm out and about with someone else when she supposedly wasn't. It makes zero sense... ugh! Honestly, I'm mostly just annoyed at myself for letting these stupid little things get under my skin.😠😠😠

Then there's my brother, who's being a total moron, acting like he has the right to critique every life choice I make while completely ignoring the mess his own decisions have created.

Hey agrusinho, you should probably just sit down across from your coworker and have a heart-to-heart. Tell him straight up he needs to go wash up, then suggest he take a few vacation days, call in sick, or even just offer him one of your own days off. Then, tell the boss you'll happily pick up his slack and handle everything so all his problems disappear.