Jose Ramirez36 said:Lately—well, perhaps "lately" is an understatement, as this has been weighing on me for quite some time now—I have found myself feeling rather stressed. It has led me to wonder: is the fault lying with my environment, or is it simply my own internal reaction to the circumstances that trigger this tension?
It brings to mind a specific period during my high school years—a stretch of several months where I had adopted what one might call an almost relentlessly positive outlook. Back then, I held the conviction that people were fundamentally good at their core; that love, empathy, tolerance, and understanding ought to take precedence over the ego. By this, of course, I am referring primarily to our interpersonal connections. If a conflict arose, or if someone should happen to offend me—whether by design or mere accident—I would simply forgive them in that very moment and let it go.
Over time, however, I drifted away from that mindset toward something more... conventional—a state where the ego plays a far more prominent role. I didn't even notice the transition; I certainly didn't give it much thought at the time. Now, looking back after all these years, it seems to me that during that phase of constant forgiveness, I was significantly more carefree and composed. I moved through a larger social circle, and there was a certain pervasive positivity within my own mind.
One might argue that forgiveness is merely an escape from reality, given that it doesn't actually rectify the external event that caused the initial sting—that bruise to the ego, as it were. But then again, does that truly matter if the act of forgiving allows the individual to feel better and more optimistic? At least, that was certainly my experience when I lived by that particular philosophy.
I find myself curious about how others approach this. Do you weigh your relationships and friendships based on a sense of equilibrium—feeling that both parties must receive an equal measure of benefit? Or is that less important to you than minimizing the sensitivity of your ego and simply forgiving whatever causes friction?
Thomas Garcia71 said:Then it hit me... I remember back in high school, there was this stretch of a few months where I’d totally adopted these super positive habits and just a different way of looking at everything around me. Back then, I really believed people were inherently good at their core... you know? That love, compassion, tolerance, and empathy should always win out over the ego. Mostly thinking about how we deal with each other, obviously. If any drama popped up, or if someone bumped into me or said something rude—whether they meant to or not—I’d just forgive them right then and there and let it go...
I was just surrounded by a lot of good people, and honestly, my headspace was just full of positivity.
That’s actually how I feel right now, and it works for me. When you step back and look at the big picture, there's just no point in picking fights over every little thing or holding grudges against everyone... You've gotta live your life the best way you can, focusing on your own peace and staying positive and stuff like that.
Even with the people I wouldn't want to run into ever again, or people I wouldn't even suggest meeting to anyone else... I don't hold it against them. I don't carry around this heavy resentment or anything... they aren't the cause of all the world's problems, so you just have to move on.
So yeah, that's where I'm at. I try to forgive everyone and just keep moving forward. I weigh out those moments of conflict really carefully, and they happen pretty rarely... having a clear conscience is such a beautiful thing.
Great topic, and some really interesting thoughts here...
We all go through this daily, really... the only difference is how aware we are of our own ego's deceptions—those illusions our perception relies on, which the ego creates to "protect" itself from perceived slights. In reality, those slights are just cracks that allow a person to enter their Spirit, into the realm of God. Forgiveness is the hardest, yet most effective way to escape not the problem itself, but the ego that manufactures the problem in the first place. If we're dealing with a heavy conflict or an injustice, it's still wise to forgive, because the person we think caused us pain is actually causing harm to themselves, driven by their own egoic judgments... it just reflects back onto us. Thus, the illusion only becomes reality once we experience it as such.
When we are ruled by the ego, we judge the world solely through our own narrow lenses. Exclusivity and narrow-mindedness are the cancers of any relationship or communication, and ultimately, they stunt our spiritual growth... because it's through our connections with others that we truly progress, being "tested" and growing, rather than staying isolated within our own four walls.🤷
Various thoughts on forgiveness:
"When I hate, I deprive myself of something; when I love, I become richer for what I love. Forgiveness is the reclaiming of alienated property—misanthropy is merely extended suicide; egoism is the greatest misery of a creature."
Friedrich von Schiller
"One should forgive enemies incessantly, for that is precisely what irritates them most."
Oscar Wilde
"Always forgive others, but never yourself."
Seneca
"True healing only begins once we find the strength to forgive those who hurt us most."
Alan Paton
''To err is human; to forgive, divine.''
An old proverb
"A woman might overlook a man's darkest vices, but she will never forgive another woman, even for her greatest virtues."
Jovan Dučić
"When women love us, they'll excuse anything—even our crimes. But when that love fades, nothing is excusable anymore. Not even our best qualities."
Honoré de Balzac
"A person is never more beautiful than in the moment they are begging for forgiveness, or when they are the ones granting it."
Jean Paul
"There is nothing quite as degrading as loving someone so much that you actually find it in you to forgive them."
Jerry Hall
On the nature of the ego:
''Society constructs the ego because an ego is something that can be managed and steered. You can manipulate an ego. But the true Self? That’s impossible to control. No one has ever managed to bend the actual Self to their will—it just can't be done.
...
The ego is constantly hunting for drama. Why? Because without attention, the ego starves. It feeds on being noticed.
That’s why even a heated argument or a fight is somehow 'good' for it; at least people are looking at you. If someone loves you, fine. If they don't, even being hated or yelled at is better than being ignored. As long as the attention is flowing, the ego stays fed. But if you’re invisible—if nobody thinks you matter or hold any weight—how is the ego supposed to survive? It craves that external validation.
...
Don't mistake the ego for your identity. It isn't yours. The ego is a social construct—it belongs to the collective, not the individual. It exists to give you a slot in the social ladder, a little rank to cling to. If you get too comfortable playing that role, you'll completely miss the chance to discover your true Self. And that's where the misery starts. How can you find real happiness living a scripted, plastic life? How can you feel genuine bliss when everything is a facade? This ego creates endless layers of suffering. Honestly, the ego is a living hell.
...
And here's the thing: there is no way to just 'drop' the ego. It’s not that simple.
If you try to force it away, you’ll just end up creating a more sophisticated, sneaky version of it—one that whispers, "Look at how humble I've become."
Don't fall for that trap. Trying to act humble is just the ego wearing a mask... it hasn't actually died.
Stop trying to be humble.
You can't manufacture humility through sheer willpower. No one can. Real humility isn't something you build; it happens naturally when the ego finally clears out of the way. It’s not a performance; it’s just the shadow cast by your true center.
A truly humble person doesn't go around thinking about how humble they are, nor do they act superior.
They are simply... simple.
They aren't even conscious of their own modesty.
Because the moment you realize, "Oh, I'm being so humble right now," the ego has already moved back in.
Just look at all the people claiming to be humble... there are millions of them. They bow low and act submissive, but if you watch closely, they are actually the most subtle egoists you'll ever meet. For them, humility is just a new way to get fed. They announce their modesty just so they can sit there and wait for you to notice and praise them.
What is the ego, really? It’s just a hierarchy designed to say, "I am different, and I am above you."
It’s incredibly easy to spot everyone else's ego. But pointing fingers won't help anyone.
Instead, try looking inward.
Just observe your own ego.
from: ''Beyond the Frontier of the Mind'', Osho
Anyway,
here is a lovely song that captures this perfectly.