Posts by ironjackal20

Michael King2 said:There are all sorts of mothers and all sorts of fathers out there, and honestly, nobody is trying to diminish the role of a father or a husband, but I still think there’s a fundamental difference between us... I know my husband would move mountains for our family, and nothing is ever too much trouble for him. I truly believe he’ll excel in certain areas more than I will. And in other areas, I'll step up where he can't, and that's perfectly fine.
I didn't quite catch what you meant by "lying around" being a way of forcing an issue🤷 I was really just making a comparison, because let's be real—you don't truly understand until you experience it firsthand. They just can't experience pregnancy or those initial fears the same way we do. He might feel the baby kick against his hand, but I feel that baby in every single moment of my existence... and I'm the one who has to go through the labor. No matter how much he tries to understand, no description could ever actually convey the reality of it to him.
It doesn't make him any less of a parent than I am, and it certainly doesn't lessen his love for our baby, but it does create a distinction between our experiences.

Look, we spent three years trying to have a baby—between being at home and visiting doctors... and I think, in the end, he might feel left out because I'm the one carrying the physical weight of this pregnancy right now. But for that same reason, I'm not sure it's actually easier on him than it is on me.

I definitely interpreted the "lying around" comment from the previous post as someone being condescending to another member... but online forums are places where people constantly misunderstand one another.

Charles Moore49 said:listen....based on how you're describing things, I wouldn't say you're just lying around during your whole pregnancy, because if you were actually resting, worrying, and feeling all that anxiety, I’d assume your sacrifice, your stress, and your desires were just a little different from your husband's... I won't even say they're stronger or more intense, because you're the one living through it... but clearly, you haven't a clue what I'm talking about...

I've been homebound since November of 2011, and I don't cook, clean, wash, or iron anything; my husband handles all of that... honestly, not my mom, not my mother-in-law, not anyone else...
My job is to protect this pregnancy and make sure I deliver this baby right on schedule...
So please, don't lecture me or judge when you simply don't understand...

And regarding the diaper changes and soothing the baby, I think you missed the point entirely... I truly believe a woman finds it much easier to "handle" a baby than a man does, simply because it's natural to her, regardless of how much you might dislike or fail to grasp that concept...
Of course, there are women out there who don't have that instinct either...🤷

What I find even harder to stomach are the views of a woman who carries a child for nine months and then claims the difference between her and her partner is just that he doesn't have to breastfeed or give birth; I don't see myself in those descriptions, nor do I see my mother or any of the mothers of my friends and people in my life....
Sorry, but you can love your dad and he can be the greatest guy in the world, but... a mother is a mother!!!

That bolded part really hit home for me. I think it's totally unfair to start counting who is resting and who isn't. I've been on bed rest since my embryo transfer; I get a new diagnosis at almost every appointment, and I'm seen by doctors every two weeks. I've been stuck in bed constantly, and I'm only in my 23rd week... but that doesn't mean my husband isn't worrying, fighting, or showing his fear and sadness. He helps me with everything, holds my hand on the hard days, and strokes my hair when he sees me crying. I wouldn't have this little miracle without him; honestly, I think I would have given up a long time ago if he weren't by my side.I wouldn't have survived the miscarriage, the D&C, or the assisted delivery... not to mention how hard it was for him to give me injections while I just kept crying... eventually, I stopped crying because I realized it would be easier for him if I were the one doing the poking instead of him doing it to me.

We ended up laughing about it, seeing the whole journey as just another challenge leading to great happiness. I know for sure that without him, I'd be a much bigger coward than I am right now.

And I know he’s going to be a great father. Right now, he's working 12-hour shifts so that once the baby arrives, he can stay home with us for at least two or three weeks. I know he'll be the one getting up at night and changing diapers, and he's going to adore his child. That's why I chose him. At 36, if you make a massive mistake in choosing a partner, that's on you.

A very close friend of ours became a father at 16, and his mother abandoned him at birth. He's in 8th grade now, and they are the most beautiful father and son I know. I just wanted to say that there are all kinds of moms and all kinds of dads out there...

Honestly, the biggest surprise has been how wonderful and peaceful everything feels during this pregnancy... aside from the fact that it’s been high-risk since day one 🙂. I’ve found myself being more patient, disciplined, and positive than I ever thought possible.

Yesterday, my husband gave me the best compliment... he told me that for months now, everyone has been warning him to watch out because I’d eventually deal with schizophrenia, panic attacks, or rage just because of "the hormones"... and then he looked at me yesterday and said, "I've been waiting and waiting... when is this hysteria actually going to 😂 happen???"!!!

graniteraven14 said:It's the same with another friend of mine; her place is always a wreck, whether I call ahead or just show up for a weekend stay. I have never once walked into her place and found it remotely organized. Even my husband commented on it, and he’s really not the type to nitpick stuff like that.
As for everyone saying they'll deal with tidying up later—it works the opposite way for me. Honestly, things are cleaner and more orderly now than they ever were when it was just the two of us. Back then, it was always, "I'll do it later," or "Let me just rest first." Now, with a toddler nearly two years old, you can't leave things for later because something is bound to pop up. Plus, there's no more sleeping in on weekends (though man, do I miss that). By 9 AM, the beds are made, breakfast is done, the dishes are washed, the dust is wiped, the floors are vacuumed, and the laundry is sorted. The day is already moving. Before 9 AM? I wouldn't have even been out of bed. It comes down to priorities... I won't claim everything is sparkling or perfect every second, but it certainly isn't a disaster zone.

To stick with the theme of family drama: it drives me crazy how my mother-in-law managed to turn me into such a neurotic mess. I literally grabbed a scale and started weighing our laundry just to prove to myself that she was running half-empty loads while I was being perfectly reasonable by filling the machine properly without overstuffing it.🙂🙂🙂

I think the most important thing is for every new mom to feel comfortable in her own skin and act in whatever way feels best to her. Honestly, I don't care what someone else's house looks like; I'm not walking around checking if people have tidied up or not. Likewise, nobody needs to come to my place to perform an inspection.
I simply don't comment on certain things; I have my own opinions and I keep them to myself. All my friends who keep their homes perfectly tidy—and I don't mean a single dirty pot on the stove, I mean they don't even have any pots out—believe me when I say they don't cook. At the same time, I'm surprised by how I make sure to cook soup or stew and put effort into making a dessert regularly.
I have a dear friend whose place is perfectly organized whenever I visit, but she and her husband pick up takeout from Walmart every single day... I couldn't survive that; after three days, I'd probably end up on an IV drip.

The same goes for gardening; I'm obsessed with it and love it. Anyone who has never even kept a single plant in their house or yard has no idea how much love, attention, and patience it takes to make a garden look like something out of a commercial.

I just want to be happy, and I don't like feeling suffocated or setting impossible goals for myself. My child will always come first... everything else can wait for a while. I don't judge anyone who thinks or acts differently, but I see some people setting their standards so high that they won't be able to reach them for at least five years, wasting themselves on nonsense instead of enjoying their little kids.

Lawrence Doyle3 said:People told me the exact same thing—that having one kid is fine and another will be on the way soon, all while the house stays spotless. Honestly, I think calling it anything other than pure laziness is just wishful thinking.

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I think it really comes down to priorities. I like things clean, but I’m not a slave to housework. For me, making sure meals are freshly cooked every day is much more important. A lot of my friends spend all their time cleaning instead of cooking—one friend has three kids who eat at daycare, so her place is dust-free, but that's it. Another spends her whole morning cleaning, then cooks, then cleans again, and ends up totally stressed because she can't even get out for a walk with her toddler.

I'm more the type to cook a great meal for my kid, go for a healthy walk, and then clean the house later if I actually feel like doing it.

Morgan Kim2 said:Apparently, I’m not the only one listening to people who love starting sentences with "just you wait..."—I was at a birthday party yesterday and someone actually said: "Just you wait until the kid arrives, then you won't have such a clean house anymore." Like, okay? So what, I should just turn into a total slob and live in a pigsty?🙂🙂🙂🙂

Everyone told me I would change drastically during my pregnancy, but honestly, I just became even more cheerful and positive, despite some tough diagnoses and being put on strict bed rest.
I can't wait to meet our little guy and teach him about the world. I'm not afraid of anything, and I know that my partner and I are going to have an even better, more meaningful life together.

Honestly, all I find annoying is when certain friends or moms call me up just to lecture me or recount their own motherhood experiences... I find the whole thing incredibly dull. ☕

Instead of actually entertaining me with lighthearted topics, they just drone on about postpartum recovery, breastfeeding, baby gear, or what kind of extracurriculars their kids are doing. It’s just 🙄... I really can't deal with it.

slybadger99 said:well, that doesn't really comfort me 🤣 because my libido is through the roof right now 🤣

are you kidding me?

and then I wake up feeling totally worked up 😂😂

Well, just go for it then. ☕ Who cares what the doctor thinks?🤷

Arthur Newman77 said:Man, reading all this just makes me feel kind of bummed out. My mother-in-law is actually incredibly sweet to me. Look, obviously we all have our own partners and lives, but we always manage to talk things through—it's never a huge drama—and she’s always there when we need an extra hand or some advice. It's the same deal with my mom, too. She basically told me she isn't trying to play God or micromanage our lives; she gets that times change, and the old-school ways they used to do things just don't fly anymore. She said she'll follow our lead on how we want to handle things.
I've actually realized that whenever they try to poke their noses into our business—even in the smallest way—we just shut it down calmly and give them a solid reason why. Since we actually respect each other, there's never any real blowback or fighting.

This is the most important part. If you don't have that foundation, none of the advice in the world will help.
It's good to see someone else feels this way. Even though I won't agree with my mom or my mother-in-law on everything, I still give them a chance to speak, and then I just calmly explain my side of things.

feralmoose32 said:You can limit how much time she spends with the baby, but at the end of the day, that woman raised your husband, and she is going to be the grandmother to your child—like it or not.

I honestly don't understand how your husbands turned out so wonderful despite growing up with such toxic people? 🤷

I find myself wondering the same thing all the time. I am incredibly grateful to my own mother for the man she raised.
Even though we are worlds apart in almost every way, she loves me and I love her, regardless of our massive differences in culture, religion, politics, and everything else.
She gets so excited about the baby that I truly can't find it in me to hold anything against her.

The only thing that gets to me is the constant mental noise... this overwhelming surge of energy and drive I carry inside. Unfortunately, my aging body just can't keep up, and it ends up messing with my head in a hundred different ways. 🙂

As for everything else—people, events, circumstances, all the chaos happening around me... none of it touches me. It simply DOES NOT reach me. 😁

copperraven53 said:Look, I don't mind if they want to manage my diet, but I draw the line at people touching my stomach. 🤷

Next time, I'm just gonna tell them to back off, even if it makes things awkward.

If it bothers you, just say something. They'll probably be annoyed, but who cares? If you aren't close enough with them to want them touching your stomach, you have every right to set that boundary.

copperraven53 said:It’s driving me nuts that people are already starting to poke at my stomach, and I barely even have a bump yet 🙂 If they were just random strangers, I would’ve shut them down immediately, but since it’s my husband’s family, I don't really know how to politely tell them to back off—plus, they always manage to touch me before I even realize what's happening 🙄

A friend of mine actually tried to "forbid" me from letting anyone else touch my stomach, which I think is pretty ridiculous. Personally, I love being pampered like that by people I care about; it’s actually really comforting.
She didn't let anyone else hold her for at least seven or eight months; she was even constantly nagging her husband about how much she wanted to hold her. I really hope I don't end up being that type of parent.

James Cox6 said:Wait—so this actually happens? (What was I thinking?)
People really do that?
And here I thought she was just messing with me. 🤔

Okay, then why involve religion at all? If money is priority number one, the whole point becomes meaningless.
Isn't being a godparent supposed to have a different kind of significance?

Godmother Lara lives on a standard paycheck from $1167, living modestly with her husband, and we chose her with our hearts... she loves my child and my child loves her. Every time she visits, she brings a little something to make my kid smile, calls to check in, and is genuinely caring. 🙂
I couldn't have found anyone better 🙂 and she was chosen from my side.

On the other hand, this other godmother was chosen from my side too—she's a long-time friend (we went through college together, through thick and thin) and yes, she’s wealthy, but that wasn't the motive. She loves me, my child, and respects my husband. She’s a good person, a sincere believer who felt honored I even asked, and I know I could trust her with everything if I ever needed her to look after my child.
I trust her completely. That's how I made my choice.

My godmother was the poorest person in my father's family, but she was definitely the richest in spirit. My father never acknowledged her, which I think was a heavy burden to carry back then.

We are so close and I'm so glad they chose her... every time we see each other, she mentions how embarrassed she still feels that she couldn't afford much more than a tiny little fawn pendant. I still have it today and it's such a precious keepsake. I really don't know if it's worth $33.

Jerry Bailey47 said:The hypochondriac pregnant women on this forum drive me absolutely insane—they’re paranoid about every possible ailment, real or imagined, and they spend their entire day spreading that anxiety to everyone else. 🙂

Oh, please 😬

jadejackal said:ironjackal20 I completely get where you're coming from—that's honestly just as frustrating for me.
Regarding breastfeeding, our visiting nurse was actually really helpful during our prenatal classes. She mentioned there's a dedicated nutrition and lactation clinic over at the local community health center on Main Street—she suggested we check it out too.
Try giving them a call at 555-0123 and ask to speak with Alice.

🙂
Exactly. We have all the time in the world right now, and who knows when we'll actually have the chance to learn something useful again. I really want to, but I just don't have the capacity, which is frustrating. Thanks for the tip!

On another note, off-topic... did you guys settle on plans for the weekend? If the invite is still open, I'd love to join.😍
My only worry is the crowd. I always feel a bit claustrophobic in tight spaces, though I'm sure a lot of people feel the same way.🤣

It’s frustrating that there aren't any workshops in my town, like Cleveland, covering things like cloth diapering, breastfeeding, or car seats 🙂

I honestly feel like just heading up to New York City for a few days to get all this information at once. I’m a very visual learner; if I see something in person, I can process it and decide what works for me immediately. But reading about it online is overwhelming because there are a million different opinions out there, and I just can't make a decision 🙂.

My friends who have already had kids don't help much—they just complicate everything. I don't even have the energy to argue with them since they all think they know best ☕ 😍

Ronald Reed2 said:We have one little girl, and now I’m pregnant again, just waiting on 😍
And whenever people ask what I'm carrying, I tell them happily—a little girl 😍
But they just look at me with all this pity and sympathy, saying, "Oh, you'll probably go for a third one soon..."

Yeah, right, because apparently every woman's sole purpose in life is to produce a son. Are daughters not even worth mentioning? I honestly thought we had moved past those kinds of outdated mindsets long ago. Clearly, I was mistaken... 😢

🤷

People laugh at me because I'm having a boy... even though they know I spent my whole life hoping for a girl. Then my friends go, "Oh wow, so what now?!"... I don't hold it against anyone, though. People just don't always know what to say, so they end up saying something stupid.

Peter Adams58 said:She meant that life would be twice as happy just having you around... 🙂

👍

James Nguyen5 said:I hear the same thing constantly...
Honestly, I almost feel bad for them. They aren't enjoying the kids when they should be...

Your life is going to be twice as hard🥳🙂🙂