Posts by feralotter8

Carl Rivera43 said:That’s just a trigger. Honestly? Let it go. It’s time to drop the baggage and start building some fresh principles of your own.

I am sick. Seriously, I am losing it. What I’m feeling isn't right, what I’m doing isn't right. It’s not normal that I just spent my time vetting 600 of his friends one by one. Why can't I just stop??

Reading all your comments, there are moments where I actually convince myself that what I'm doing is ridiculous. But then a minute later, the whole cycle starts all over again... endless analyzing, replaying the movie in my head, trying to piece together this mosaic of people I basically made up out of thin air... I honestly can't tell anymore what's real and what I just hallucinated up.

So here I am, staring at the ceiling because I’ve managed to completely wreck my entire morning over one specific, stupid "problem."

Basically, on that damn Facebook app, he used to have his birthday hidden—you know, so he wouldn't get bombarded by 300 random acquaintances, just keeping it for the people who actually matter. His birthday is in July, and I was just scrolling through his profile and realized he finally flipped the switch to make it public.

And that was it. Total meltdown. My head is spinning, my stomach is in knots, I'm just straight-up agitated... my whole day is shot. All because of him. Who is he even doing this for? Who does he want seeing it and sending wishes? I've been stuck in this obsessive thought loop since 8:00 AM.

Absolute disaster.

Robin Foster7 said:How long have you guys been together, how old are you both, and are you living separately right now?
Maybe the word "relationship" just doesn't feel right after marriage, or maybe you're looking for something more substantial, which might be why you're feeling so unsure about everything.

I remember being incredibly jealous back before my husband and I finally moved in together—honestly, I can't even explain why I felt that way.

William Hall61 said:Did you basically just tear apart your old marriage in your head?
Why do you feel like you aren't pretty enough, smart enough, or interesting enough?
What happens if you guys just call it quits? A few months ago he wasn't even part of your life, and you managed just fine without him. You could easily go back to that.
And what if he cheats? Does that actually mean you weren't good enough, or does it just mean he’s a man with zero integrity who lies and cheats?

When you're snooping through his phone, are you actually certain you won't get caught, or are you just playing a dangerous game hoping he doesn't walk in?

I definitely processed the marriage beforehand. Long before the papers were even signed, it was basically over. Everything just faded out—no massive blowups, no trauma, it just died.

This thing started out super casual. We were seeing each other, but he wasn't looking for anything serious. For a few months, it felt like I was doing all the heavy lifting while he just cruised along. He wasn't ignoring me or blowing me off, but you know that feeling when you realize you're the only one actually trying...
Eventually, things leveled up and got serious. His behavior toward me is totally fine now. The real issue is the distance. Since he works in another city, we don't see each other for like a week at a time most weeks; he usually just rolls in on Fridays. We talk constantly, but still... It would probably be better if he were here all the time, though I'm not even saying we should live together yet...

As for the phone, yeah, he could technically catch me anytime. I wait until he's in the shower or steps out for a second. If he's in the room—like if he's sleeping—I won't touch it. I don't dare. I'll jump on Viber just to scroll through contact names, and if I see a random woman's name, I'll peek at the messages or check the call log... I don't do it all the time, but I do it.

Jonathan Gray62 said:Just walk away from him. You’ll save yourself. Just imagine waking up one morning and not giving a single damn about whether he liked a photo or not. Imagine how much peace you'd have.

What I really don't get about all this is, why are you so terrified of catching him doing something he shouldn't be doing? Are you scared of the breakup, or are you just scared of the embarrassment?
If it's about the embarrassment, then the reason is stupid. And as for the breakup, it was going to happen anyway, regardless of whether you were stressing out this much. Basically, you're completely powerless here, whether you play detective or not.

I know this sounds wild after everything I just said, but I constantly find myself wishing we had never even met. If that were the case, I wouldn't be dealing with all this drama. I’d just be living my life, chill and relaxed, enjoying the little things, waking up without that knot in my stomach... you know the drill.

But then again, when we're actually good, it feels great. I love it. I really don't want to be alone again...

It’s not about the embarrassment. It’s the fear. Like, how am I supposed to handle it if he leaves me or finds someone else and I have to see them? Just the thought makes me sick...

Everything is just so incredibly contradictory. You can probably imagine what a wreck my head is right now...

William Hall61 said:Given how she reacted to everything else—only jumping in when someone suggested he shared some of the blame instead of actually addressing any questions aimed directly at her—I really doubt we can do anything to help her.

I tried writing a full post, but it wouldn't go through.

Look, I'm not saying he's guilty. Period. He reacts however he wants to my questions, but I have never once sat him down and said, "Hey, let's debate this" or "Help me, I'm struggling!" No way. It's purely out of fear—fear that he'll walk away or get disgusted by who he's dealing with. I ask things in such a vague, surface-level way that he has absolutely no clue what I'm actually battling or what's going on in my head.

I don't know how to explain it. I know I have a problem. I know my total lack of self-confidence is the root cause of all this, I just don't know how to stay afloat or make it stop.

Like, how am I supposed to just not care when I see some random "like" on Facebook, or see him texting? How do I stop that mental spiral—the rage, the anger, the pure panic... whatever it is.

Take this morning, for example. We were on the phone for a few minutes, then I hear his phone ring. He tells me he has to go because some colleague is calling and we'll talk later. Fine. But immediately, my brain goes into overdrive. Who's calling him? Who calls you at 9 AM? It's gotta be some woman, maybe asking him to grab coffee... It just keeps looping. These scenarios, these combinations, they just play on repeat forever. Nothing I do, no matter how busy I get, can get those thoughts out of my head. Literally all day long.

Or if he's just in a bad mood, or isn't talking much, or says one thing that doesn't sit right with me... I immediately think it's the beginning of the end. That he's gonna leave me. That it's over. He found someone else, and now I'm just annoying and a burden.

Writing this out, I realize how crazy this sounds. I totally get it. I just don't know how to stop. How to shut down these thoughts and reactions... that's it.

Aaron Ruiz22 said:I’m checking in because I’m dealing with the exact same thing.
I recognize this part of my personality, and frankly, I hate it; it just wrecks the harmony between me and my partner. Objectively speaking, I know my strengths and weaknesses, and this specific brand of jealousy is undeniably my biggest flaw.
I haven't quite figured out how to manage it yet.
The author seems to have more control over it than I do, mostly because I can't actually hide how I feel. Even when I try to sweep it under the rug, it just resurfaces with much more intensity. It’s honestly embarrassing.
For instance, I'll decide to go a few days without checking up on his best friend—a married woman with kids living halfway across the country whom he hasn't seen in years—only to cave and see that she liked one of his photos. It completely destroys me. I realize how irrational it all is, but the emotions just swallow me whole.

Same here. I know what I'm feeling isn't normal and it's totally insane, but once it catches me, there's no letting go. It's just this sudden, uncontrollable wave of thoughts and feelings. It's a total nightmare.

Nancy Lee84 said:you're being rational. your jealousy has roots. it isn't baseless. there's a reason or several.
claiming jealousy is just an expression of insecurity is ridiculous and shows a total lack of understanding of the human psyche. people love to label things they haven't actually thought through.

Jealousy is totally natural, basically an evolutionary leftover that serves a purpose in keeping a partner, so it has its own adaptive value.
and importantly, nobody is immune to it. there's no such thing as a perfectly self-sufficient human being, except maybe those monks in India who chose the sun or a bed with a cobra as their partner.

what I managed to read from your text is a lack of trust in your partner, which is most likely the result of a breakdown in communication and dishonesty from both you and him. you, because you aren't telling him what you're feeling, and him, because he acts from a position of power and gets satisfaction from it—which doesn't help you much. he's flexing his power and keeping you submissive. because you said yourself that he "catches on." well, if he catches on, he should probably be more intuitive toward the person he's in what's called the deepest kind of relationship with. and instead of thinking about his actions, your actions are screaming distrust.

things will settle themselves out simply, and according to the words of great Fyodor Dostoevsky: either jealousy will kill love, or love will kill jealousy.

not sure if I need to explain that last quote? 🙂

p.s. this is actually a bit of a tribute to all jealous people, myself included.

Exactly. That’s the heart of it right there. Total breakdown in communication and zero honesty. And yeah, it’s not "helping" me at all—it’s non-existent. He acts like it’s some big joke, and maybe he even enjoys it. The only thing I can't gauge is how hard this jealousy hits me before I finally snap out of it. Like, I see some random guy liking a photo on Instagram that crosses the line for me, and boom—my head starts burning, my heart is racing, and my mind goes straight to the gutter. In my head, they're already grabbing coffee, hooking up, the whole nine yards—all behind my back. I get so blinded by rage I just want to yell at him or kick his ass. It's a total blackout. Then I try to chill, take deep breaths, put the phone away... eventually, the initial madness fades, but the day is totally trashed. I'm left feeling wired, anxious, and stuck in this loop of intrusive thoughts. I can't focus on anything else. Things might feel slightly better the next day, until the next trigger hits. It’s a nightmare. I know it’s a nightmare and I know it’s not healthy, but I have no clue how to make it stop.

We’ve never actually sat down and talked about this. I’ll, like, casually bring up some woman—a waitress, someone at the grocery store, a coworker... whoever—and he just stays totally chill. He’ll explain things or even make a joke out of my jealousy. But here’s the thing: he has no clue half the stuff I’m doing. He doesn't see me spiraling internally, just obsessing over everything and eating myself alive.

I don't even know why I’m so jealous. It’s probably just low self-esteem, plus let's be real—he is seriously, incredibly hot, and he's four years younger than me. Everywhere we go, women notice him. Period.

And then there's this massive fear of losing him. Like, what if he meets someone better, prettier, smarter, more chill, more interesting... and he just walks away from me?

Every little hiccup or change in routine feels like the beginning of the end to me. Like, if he says he’ll call me at 10:00 AM and he calls later—even if he was just busy or whatever—by 10:01, I'm losing my mind. I start thinking, "Oh, he's not calling. He's not gonna call you. It's because you're stupid or you said something dumb or you're just boring him." I just beat myself up over nothing. Most of the time, the guy just calls later, explains what happened, and we talk like normal people. But it doesn't matter, because by the time he actually rings, I've already shredded my nerves to pieces.

Please move this post if there’s already a thread like this; I couldn't find one.

Seriously, I need some help here. I’ve had one marriage behind me that ended without much drama—the love just fizzled out, we grew apart as people, that kind of thing.

After a while, I got into a new relationship with a guy I care about deeply.

But I have a massive jealousy problem. Everywhere I turn looking for advice, it’s all written for people dealing with a partner who is pathologically jealous. I can't find anything about how to help yourself when *you* are the one with the issue.

I know what's wrong with me. Every single time, I swear I'm going to change, that I'll never do it again... but it just doesn't happen.

So, here's the deal: I stalk him. I track who he adds on Facebook, what he likes, I dig, I investigate, I watch his last online status on social media, you name it. I build entire conspiracies out of tiny things. Like, if he adds a woman on Facebook and likes one of her photos, my brain goes into overdrive: first, I have to figure out who she is, then I start imagining where they met, if they talk regularly, what they say to each other... I'm terrified he's going to leave me, or that he's cheating and I'm too blind to see it. I check his phone whenever I get the chance. If he gets a text while I'm in the room, I immediately spiral. This disgusting wave of nerves and anger just takes over. And there's plenty more.

I don't show all of this to him directly, though he definitely catches on when I start grilling him with questions. But I keep it bottled up. I'm constantly on edge, scattered, unhappy, and moody. The reason might be something stupid, like seeing him online on Viber at 2 AM... because I *know* he was messaging some girl.

I am fully aware that I'm being irrational. I have no idea why I have this massive fear of being cheated on or abandoned (it never happened during my marriage), but I know if I don't do something, I'm going to wreck this relationship. I seriously doubt he'll put up with this for long.

Does anyone know how to fix this? Any good books, resources, anything at all?

Thanks

fadedsailor3 said:The second you're connected to the internet, you're effectively "online" on WhatsApp... messages come through, calls can hit you, and the status updates automatically...

I get that, and it’s the exact same deal with WhatsApp. I’m basically glued to the web all day long. But on WhatsApp, it keeps flagging me as "last seen" two minutes ago, then five, then ten... it’s constantly jumping in and out of being online. And the thing is, I'm not even opening the app.

The status itself isn't what's eating at me—I figured out how to turn that off. It's the thought that someone might be hacking into my phone, or maybe my PC, and actually tracking me or spying... I don't know. It's just super weird.

So I recently downloaded WhatsApp—I used to just have the one app, you know? Well, my coworker basically cornered me this morning, totally accusing me of ghosting her. She claims she saw me sitting there "online" every few minutes all day long. But I swear, I haven't even opened the app once. My Wi-Fi was working fine, my email was fine, everything was running perfectly, I just wasn't touching the app. Is it actually possible for it to fake my status like that? How do I make it stop? This whole thing never happened back when I was just using my old setup.

I need some help here. Who should the writ of execution be filed against for unpaid HOA fees if the apartment owner is dead, probate hasn't been settled yet, and the deceased's daughter is still living in the unit?

Anyone actually tried this stuff? Apparently, it’s a lifesaver for eczema. Sounds almost too good to be true, though—now I'm wondering if it's legit or just hype.

Looks like my last post was just wishful thinking, nothing more 🤷

Now, about five days before my period is even due, all the symptoms have totally vanished. Even my boobs stopped hurting—usually they’re sore right up until day one of my period, then they start to chill out, but this morning I woke up and nothing. Not even a little bit. I feel completely fine!

So now I’m just waiting on my period, which I’m sure is coming, and then I'll get back at it 😂

Better luck next month!

Thanks, ladies! 🙂

I know I’m seeing the title here, but I’m still gonna throw out a question that’s probably been asked a hundred times already. Still, every single one of us thinks we’re some kind of special case, right?😉

So, here’s the deal; my husband and I decided this month to start trying for a baby. No pressure or anything, we just stopped using birth control and figured if it happens, it happens!

My period should be due in about seven days. We were active about a week ago, right during the fertile window—literally every single day through that whole stretch.

And what I'm rambling about is... yeah, I know it's way too early for any tests, but I'm wondering how soon symptoms actually kick in. It feels way too early, but I've got this tension in my lower abdomen and cramps like I'm about to get my period any second. My breasts are super sore to the touch and feel heavy, and two veins have popped out on them (crazy things)😁, and they're really noticeable. Plus, yesterday and this morning, I could barely get out of bed because of dizziness, which isn't normal for me.
I've also broken out in pimples on my chest, which I *never* get!

Appetite and nausea haven't been an issue yet.

Is it too early for all this stuff? And honestly, could it all just be some hormonal imbalance? Has anyone else dealt with these exact same symptoms?

Even though we planned to take it slow and not stress, obviously my nerves are shot now. If I'm not pregnant, I might actually try to delay my period because I've been spending the whole Sunday running the math in my head like a total idiot.🙂

Sorry for the long post, but if anyone knows...🙂