Posts by Laura Jones56

Joseph Bailey41 said:Honestly, this situation isn't even worth the headache. 🤷

I suppose I wouldn't know; I haven't actually tried it myself. 🤷

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Alexander Williams512 said:The guy clearly struggles with social skills. He didn't lay everything out on the table, but I suspect his real issue might just be a profound sense of boredom in his life.🤷

I'm not entirely sure. My initial reaction to your first post was mostly because you seemed to rely so heavily on stereotypes—shoving everything into these rigid little categories. You adopt this somewhat patronizing tone, acting as though you've already mastered life while anyone who hasn't is just some naive kid. Honestly, this whole persona of the wannabe, the "special snowflake," or the edgy rebel—it’s just typical behavior from older folks who are currently stuck in a cycle of doomism, and it really gets under my skin. It's that air of intellectual superiority, where people assume everyone else is an idiot just for being different. It's almost like saying, "Kid, you have no idea how the real world works, so just stay quiet." To be honest, those types of attitudes irritate me even more than the actual disoriented teenagers themselves. I did write a post earlier clarifying that I see him as younger and that this is all likely just part of growing up, but I don't approach it with your level of cynicism. There's a difference between observing growth and dismissing it as "immature stupidity" or thinking one is uniquely special.

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Alexander Williams512 said:I’m glad you finally decided to step forward. Just another self-proclaimed urban explorer looking for deep meaning—basically a philosopher with a high school diploma, at best. 🤣

Good grief... 😢

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Alexander Williams512 said:Dear artists,
you remind me of those young creatives who seem obsessed with playing the victim, acting as if being miserable and broken is some kind of aesthetic choice. They treat mental illness like a trendy accessory—something to make them feel special or different from the crowd. Honestly, trying to project that kind of manufactured elitism just comes off as pathetic to me. The last artist I knew who leaned into that whole persona was barely seventeen.
And what about experimenting with drugs? Is that also considered "cool"? Why even mess around with that if you can't handle the consequences?
If you had ever actually witnessed the reality of true mental illness, you’d be grateful for your sanity instead of trying to "summon" it for the sake of an image.
Go hang out with friends, find a girl, get some exercise, and see how much better life feels. It’s really not that complicated.

Oh my god, what a disaster, haha

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Emily Rivera45 said:Sometimes I feel completely depressed and lost, other times I'm totally fine, even happy... but through all those phases, one thing remains constant: I am intensely drawn to death and the thought of it.

When I'm lying in bed at night, boredom kicks in and I start wondering what being dead is actually like—just never waking up again. That idea pulls at me. It’s enough that I’d consider doing it just for the hell of it, simply because I can. It feels like something straight out of a recent episode of Black Mirror (spoiler alert before I hit enter! 🙂 Colin sits on the balcony of an apartment and calmly asks Stephen, "One of us is going to jump, who will it be?" And when Stephen says, "You," he just nonchalantly hops over the railing, says "ok, see ya," and plunges to his death.
(end spoiler)

Sometimes, when I've played around with substances a bit too much, I get this feeling that I could actually pull off that exact scenario with the right person—just jump and not care at all. My survival instinct is incredibly low...

I wasn't always like this, of course. The hardest part is trying to fight back when life knocks me down and throws me into the dark, and since I'm pretty much broken in every direction, those moments happen almost daily...

And I wonder how everything became so complicated that my head feels heavy every single day. I think it all started a few years ago when I was in a deep depression and seriously considering suicide. Back then, it terrified me; I cried because I didn't want to leave my loved ones behind. For the first time in my life, I accepted that it could be over—that my end was coming, whatever that meant. I could cry and pray and plead to God or the devil, but life is merciless and won't offer you even a finger to hold onto...
As I sat there shaking and falling apart inside, replaying it a hundred times, suicide slowly stopped being a problem and started feeling like an option... or a solution.

Today, I don't really have the mental safeguards that healthy people have regarding death. I've played out scenes of my own death in my head far too many times...

I wonder if it's ever possible to get those safeguards back... so that when I have a bad day, I don't immediately think about leaving, but instead try to distract myself or fix the situation, just like everyone else does...

How young are you, Emily Rivera45?
I went through similar trips a few years ago—obsessive thoughts along the lines of "I'll just jump in front of a bus, who cares." Then there was the "philosophical" pondering of death, imagining life without me on Earth, and so on. But eventually, it just evaporated, probably due to some level of maturity or self-awareness. My low survival instinct manifested itself as a tendency toward extreme sports or picking fights. It was all very much in that "what does it matter if I die" vein... starting conflicts just as a way to prove to myself that I didn't care. I suspect it's just a normal part of self-definition during adolescence.
Google "intrusive thoughts"; I know there are videos on YouTube about it from people in our neck of the woods. Regardless, if you can't navigate it on your own online, I think the best move is to talk to a psychologist—especially if you're still in school, they're easily accessible.

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