Posts by Rachel Jones8

Brenda Booth5 said:Netflix, I wouldn't close things off, but I definitely agree with the rest of the post.

You can't just wave a sign that says puberty (or midlife crisis , or the terrible twos ...) and just shrug your shoulders. It's fine to realize that certain stages of life come with unpredictable behavior, but you don't have to accept that chaos as an unavoidable stroke of fate.

What you really have to do is stay involved, rather than being a 🤷 passive 🥳 parent.

I've been digging through the threads on the terrible twos too, and it feels like everyone treats it like this phase you just have to white-knuckle through.
It doesn't seem like people are actually doing much about it... besides just taking the hits (the screaming, the floor-throwing, the judgment from neighbors)....and letting kids vent. Most people just say, "That's just how it is... it'll pass when it passes."

ruggednomad5 said:It doesn't have to be her, obviously. The point is that unbearable adolescence... that's the parallel. When life doesn't let you go through an unbearable adolescence, you just learn to settle for a tolerable one...

Maybe we should just lock kids up somewhere so they never see the light of day.
Not a bad thought.
😁

Nicholas King said:If that were actually true—which, let’s be honest, it isn't—then there is no cure, I suppose; the only solution would be to just sit there and wait for that awful cause to simply... pass.

Blaming absolutely everything on "oh, it's just puberty" is pretty much like justifying every single instance of female irrationality with PMS🙂.

Wait... just sit tight and do nothing? Let a kid steal, scream, go out whenever they feel like it... just tolerate all kinds of nonsense without reacting?

Nah... even if you realize you've been doing it wrong for the last ten years... how would you even fix that? Especially since you're clearly someone who didn't know any better... And let's be real, it's way harder to fix things when the root cause is buried somewhere deep.
I mean... by the time a kid becomes a total wreck, they're already in puberty and stopped listening... so then finding out some specific mistake caused it all... what then? You just "fix" it and suddenly everything is fine? I don't really get how that would actually work in practice.
All I know is once things head down the wrong path, it's incredibly hard to turn them around.
It would be great if someone could give a concrete example of how to actually spot and solve these problems.

Nicholas King said:She mentioned that she could basically reprogram the little one in just three or four months—that they’d be completely transformed.

Since both of those notions strike me as somewhat alarming, I found myself wondering.

If it were me, I think I’d first need to take a massive step back and try to figure out what's actually driving the child's behavior—specifically, whether there is some level of accountability on my part for how things have turned out.

Ugh, you always say this stuff... but never anything helpful.
The cause is just puberty... either you can't figure it out, or maybe you aren't even to blame. Or maybe you just can't wrap your head around it.
Either way, the kid is still doing exactly what you don't want them to do.

Nicholas King said:Alright, let's get real here—how does that actually work in practice?

The kid talks back to you or treats you like garbage for the very first time—what do you actually do or say in that moment?

Then, after you’ve tried your first "correction," the kid doubles down and disrespects you all over again—what’s your move then?

And what happens when you’ve gone through two, maybe even three attempts at handling it, and they still just keep pushing your buttons and acting out—what exactly are you supposed to do at that point?

I need some actual specifics here.
What would you personally say or do? And what happens if the same thing keeps looping and talking just isn't fixing anything?
Or... if you're stuck and don't have an answer... anyone else got thoughts?
What's the play in these situations? Just endless, boring arguments that go nowhere while the kid keeps acting out?

Susan James said:In my opinion, she actually *is* stifling her personality by not letting her go riding whenever she wants.🤣🤣🤣

If you look closely at your example, the mother actually did set a boundary. She gave the child a limit, showing her that she can't just have everything she wants all the time.
The fact that the child couldn't get her way proves that boundaries are being set. 😳

The child reacting with anger to being told "no" is actually pretty normal and expected. However, the fact that she expressed that anger with a sentence so vile that it turned your stomach tells me that this kind of language is likely common in her environment. To her, this is just how people talk.
It sounds like she simply hasn't learned any other way to communicate.
And honestly, you aren't going to fix that kind of communication through punishment. You fix it by modeling better behavior and teaching her socially acceptable ways to express frustration and disappointment. My gut feeling is that a 9-year-old hasn't seen many examples of that at home.
At the end of the day, I'm not even sure what kind of punishment would actually help in a situation like this.

Look, a kid who spends most of their time in preschool, school, or at home... basically living in a pretty decent environment with mostly okay behavior and healthy communication... can still suddenly start using trashy language or picking fights.
It doesn't necessarily mean their parents are talking to them like that at home.
Kids soak up garbage from everywhere. They pick things up incredibly fast—it could be from TV, video games, or just kids on the playground.
And then, out of nowhere, they start doing it. Could be at three, could be at twelve.
I totally disagree with the idea that if a kid says something like:
"I really want to take a dump on your head and in your mouth"
...that it automatically proves they live in a house where everyone talks like that or that they've never seen a healthy way to get angry.
There are plenty of parents who work super hard, watch their language, don't hit, don't yell, and actually teach their kids how to handle frustration properly.
But things still go sideways.
A kid learns bad stuff elsewhere... maybe they decide to swipe money from a wallet or use profanity, and all that good teaching at home just doesn't stick in that moment.
It isn't that simple. You can't just point to one cause and effect without looking at all the different factors involved.
If it were that easy, no teacher, counselor, or psychologist in the US would ever have issues with kids at home, since they'd all know the "perfect" way to do it.

Linda Morris61 said:Quincy:

I suppose I should begin by saying that there is a certain quiet elegance in how things unfold—sometimes quite unexpectedly—though one can never truly be certain of the outcome until the final moment arrives. It is much like watching a slow-moving storm roll across the Midwest; you see the clouds gathering, you feel the pressure drop, yet there remains this persistent, almost stubborn sense of anticipation. I was thinking earlier about some of the points raised by Charles Murphy6—who, if I may say so, possesses a rather singular way of viewing these matters—and it struck me that we often overlook the most fundamental truths in our haste to reach a conclusion. We rush toward the finish line without considering the texture of the track itself. It is an interesting oversight, really—an oversight that many seem content to make, though I find myself unable to join in that particular brand of complacency. There is a dignity in patience, even when that patience feels somewhat heavy or burdensome. Charles Murphy6 says: Dear friend...

How sweet.
Linda Morris61 said:

The foundation of upbringing—if we are being truly honest about it—begins much earlier than most people care to admit. It isn’t some distant milestone you reach in grade school; rather, it is a process that starts almost from the moment a child enters the world. One could argue that the earliest influences—those quiet, formative years at home—set the entire trajectory for the adult they will eventually become. It is a profound responsibility, really—one that requires a level of intentionality that I find many modern parents seem to overlook in the rush of daily life.

No one is claiming otherwise.
Quincy:

By then, it will already be too late—and I mean truly, irrevocably too late.

It is certainly not too late at that stage of life—not by any stretch of the imagination. While there is an argument to be made that starting early is ideal—it’s true, of course—one must realize that even a twelve-year-old can be guided toward proper upbringing. It isn't about the specific number on the calendar, really; it is about the intent behind the guidance.
Quincy:

At that point—if things truly reach such a level of instability—it seems the only viable path forward is the implementation of strictly enforced measures.

It simply requires a great deal of dialogue—extensive discussions and thorough explanations—to truly get through to people.
Linda Morris61 said:

It’s simply because she was never properly raised—she lacks any real sense of boundaries.

So, how does that all actually shake out in the end? To penalize—or rather, to impose a consequence upon—is an action that requires a certain level of gravity, wouldn't you agree? It isn't merely about the act itself, but the underlying necessity for accountability within our social structures here in America. One must approach the concept of punishment with a deliberate sense of justice—a very serious matter, truly—to ensure that the integrity of the system remains intact. What’s your take on the matter?
Quincy:

And naturally—of course—I will discipline my child if they pull some kind of nonsense—though I prefer to think of it as correcting a lapse in judgment—if they truly mess things up.

Punishment. Fine. No one is actually stopping you from doing that—if that’s really what you want to do.
Quincy:

Or should we just sit here and wait for him to go ahead and bash his head against a wall—at which point we’ll all be left picking up the pieces—before anyone actually does anything?🙂

You can certainly do that—if you really want to.
I must say, I can certainly relate—I was quite the little troublemaker myself when I was growing up. Truly, I committed all sorts of mischief back then. It seems most of us were a bit rebellious during those formative years—or perhaps "naughty" is the more appropriate term. One could call it that, at least.
Firehouse was truly my absolute best friend.
My parents used to yell about how dangerous everything was—though, looking back, I truly couldn’t see any danger at all—they were just throwing around these words and sentences that made absolutely no sense to me at that age. Just constant lecturing. It felt like they were using restrictions as some sort of punishment; one day I wouldn't be allowed to hang out with my friends on the block, the next I’d be banned from practicing my instrument. Or, quite frequently, I would be forced to sit in my bedroom on my bed for who knows how long. And occasionally—it happened—there would even be a hit, just so I would finally "learn my lesson."

And yes—I have finally come to my senses.
Do you have any idea how long that actually takes? It’s a full seven days—a complete week, to be precise.
And so it begins once again—Firehouse. It’s setting everything ablaze. It’s quite funny—really, if you stop to consider the sheer absurdity of it all—how certain things just strike a chord. And what exactly is within my power to change? Whether it’s inside the house, somewhere near the property, out in the yard, or even just down the street—it doesn't matter. I don't make a distinction between them. It is all quite frankly maddening.
And my parents? They didn't have the slightest clue what I was actually up to—not even a hint. They were under this persistent, rather misguided impression that their strict parenting methods had somehow "corrected" my behavior and made me more sensible.

It wasn't until some time had passed that they finally figured it out—and my father actually sat me down for a long talk about it. We spoke at length. He was trying to explain exactly why she is such a dangerous influence, illustrating what a firehouse can truly do when things spiral out of control. He even went as far as showing me footage on the television of a house fire—the kind of disaster that could just as easily strike our own apartment building here in the States. He used the literal power of a firehouse as a physical demonstration of how destructive things can get, making it very clear why her presence poses such a genuine threat to my well-being.
And that was more or less when it all came to an end—whether you call it karma or just a personal decision, I simply stopped.

Of course, that is merely my own experience. There are thousands upon thousands of other cases out there—all varying in nature—that might very well contradict my own perspective.

So, back when you were around 12, you honestly didn't realize the dangers of fire or that a blaze could hit your own apartment?
Did nobody ever sit you down and explain that stuff?
Well, whatever works... glad it worked and you're still here today. 😉

Nicholas King said:Take Venice, for instance—sitting down in Times Square is actually prohibited there. It doesn't matter if you're in a costume, dressed casually, or just wearing a coat... they basically tell you, "Don't you dare sit down."

I don't speak Italian, so that link doesn't really help me... but wow, that sounds bizarre.
Then again, if I remember right, there aren't many benches or anything around there (at least not in the photos... unless they added them in the last hundred years), so there isn't much to sit on anyway. It probably means they don't want people sitting on the ground or something. 🤷
I mean... surely they wouldn't fine me if my legs were killing me and I had to sit on the sidewalk because there wasn't anywhere else nearby? 😕

Michelle Ward3 said:Sure, there are plenty of tech-savvy kids that age, but there are others too. That’s why I think starting slow with the basics is perfectly fine.

In our school, computer science is a mandatory elective (an oxymoron, I know) starting in first grade. Along with the kids who are already pros, we have students who don't even own a computer at home.
My daughter falls into a third category. She has her own laptop, but she’s incredibly hesitant, distrustful, and lacks independence when navigating the digital world.

That said, I notice that as she learns more, that fear* of clicking the wrong thing or "breaking" the machine starts to fade.

To head off any questions 😬
I have no clue why she’s so afraid. God knows I’m constantly diving into all sorts of experiments and deep dives that usually end with me having to reinstall macOS, and 🙄 then the boys have to come save my skin.

Regardless, even though they take computer classes, they've never actually been given a task where a computer was truly essential.

Which school is this... or if that's too personal, maybe just what city?
Are there many schools doing this?
Do they have to pick another one, like religion or a language, meaning they end up with two extra electives on top of the core classes?
Or is a second language actually required?

brightheron64 said:Well, since you’re really putting me on the spot...

They definitely know their way around Word, and they’ve actually gotten quite good at formatting text properly. They tend to spend more of their time messing around with digital art tools—not just simple stuff in Paint, but much more sophisticated programs—and while PowerPoint and Excel haven't quite caught their interest yet, they can pretty much navigate anything on a computer that they want to do. If there's something they don't know, they just ask and figure it out as they go...

Based on what was said earlier,

For example, my kids have been at a computer since they could sit up and move a mouse around, maybe around age 2. Aside from some basic stuff, I never hovered over them too much; I just let them explore the digital world on their own. Honestly, it blows my mind every time I see what those kids are actually capable of doing.

They can handle typing in Word and formatting text just fine. They love playing around with drawing apps—not just Paint, but much more advanced stuff. PowerPoint and Excel haven't caught their eye yet, but they can pretty much do whatever they want on a computer. If they hit a wall, they just ask and move right along....

Since they know so much and are totally self-taught...
...I'm curious (if you don't mind sharing) how old they are...to be playing with pro software while teaching themselves everything.
But I guess... they ask questions, so someone probably shows them the ropes... right?

fadedtrucker8 said:So, my son tells me they only get about three hours of computer science a week at his school—apparently, it’s just one two-hour group session and then everyone together once more per week.

Finished first grade already?
Think they'll have them in the next three, too?
So, what kind of group are we talking about here? Like half a class?
Three hours a week for everyone?
One group for an hour, another for an hour, then everyone together for one more? Makes sense, right?
Did everyone really have three hours a week to spare?
I mean, if high school only gives us two hours a week... and only English and math get any more than that? Seems a little sketchy, doesn't it?

Nicholas King said:Honestly, I don't think the total number of hours even matters—it's more about the quality of the instruction and what they're actually doing during those hours.

Of course that matters, but honestly, isn't it also kind of a big deal whether you only get one year of computer science for two hours a week, or if you actually get four or eight years of it?

fadedtrucker8 said:Even culinary students have computer science as a mandatory course in high school; I suppose they expect to one day manage refrigerators via an android app..

🤣 I find it somewhat ridiculous... I truly have nothing against computer science itself, but I do take issue with assigning PowerPoint presentations as homework to third graders in elementary school.

Honestly, I'm not totally sure what the deal is with schools lately... but here's what Google says about freshman year.
Just two hours of tech class in the first year, and that's it. If you didn't take electives back in middle school, you probably aren't learning much here.

Jessica Chavez4 said:I checked out the computer, but since the power was out at the school, staring at it didn't really get me much out of it. 🤣

The real issue is that this whole situation is a massive mess. Back when we were using computers in college, sure, we used them—but the way they were taught and the outdated software we were stuck with... that’s a whole different headache.

Look, kids definitely need to learn computer science, but it actually has to be taught in a way that makes sense for the real world.

Fair enough.
But... if you're saying my assumption is wrong, are you really claiming that kids in elementary school today aren't doing anything useful with computers? Like, is there zero value in modern tech education? (Let's set aside your own experience in school for a second)
Because if we follow that logic, we'd just have to scrap computer science entirely since we've moved on.

Jessica Chavez4 said:What’s the connection there? All I hear about our schools is how much they're sliding. Besides, even back in my day, they weren't exactly top-tier.

It ties right into what I was thinking. 😉
If you graduated a while ago, I'm guessing it wasn't weird to pull an A in computer class without ever actually touching a PC.
But I figured nowadays, if you're taking a tech course, you're actually using the gear. At least a little bit, right?
Maybe some kids have one-on-one access and others don't, but I just assumed everyone was getting hands-on experience by now. You can't really have a computer class without the actual computers, can you?

Jessica Chavez4 said:Look, I don't know. I had computer science classes back in school, but we didn't actually have computers to use, so... honestly, it doesn't matter if I "took" the class or not. It’s like saying I learned to drive when we just sat in a parked car. For all intents and purposes, I didn't learn a thing. 😬

When I said computer class, I meant actually getting hands-on with a PC.
I'm guessing you didn't just graduate high school yesterday, right? 🤷

Jessica Chavez4 said:Honestly, it’s probably for the best they don't have them. Knowing how our American school system operates, I can only imagine what a disaster that would turn out to be. 😬

You really think so?
Even if the facilities suck and the teaching quality isn't always great—do you seriously think it's okay for an 18-year-old to graduate in this country without having taken a single computer science class? 😕

Grace Kern3 said:I honestly don't even know how to approach her. Should I just tell her straight up that this assignment is totally inappropriate for these reasons and suggest they make a poster instead? 😁 Just kidding... sort of.
But seriously, you hit the nail on the head—we really need computer science integrated into the curriculum starting as early as first grade.

I wasn't asking what you'd say to her, I was asking what you'd say about her.
Is she just clueless?
Since when is calling someone out for doing something stupid the same thing as calling them dumb?

Actually, like you said, computer science should be a mandatory subject starting back in first grade.

It’s honestly wild to me that computer science hasn't been a required class for ages... doesn't matter if it's first grade or fourth, but it's definitely bad that kids can graduate high school today and be totally tech-illiterate.
If it were a required course, even kids with parents who don't know a thing about computers or just aren't interested would actually learn something.

Grace Kern3 said:Hell no. 🤣 I’m just simplifying things. What I’m really trying to say is that if parents weren't already totally defensive against their teacher, they might see this as a nudge to get kids off gaming and social media and actually use those home computers for something productive.

A teacher demanding kids use computers for "useful stuff" in ways they haven't even been taught at school isn't being tough—she's just being clueless.

...So you're actually enjoying insulting the teacher? 😕
I'll give you this: a project like that only works if the kids have had computer lab since first grade and if they've already been doing this type of work in class, which is exactly what I said before. 😉A teacher demanding kids use computers for "useful stuff" in ways they haven't even been taught at school isn't being tough—she's just being clueless.

...So you're actually enjoying insulting the teacher? 😕
I'll give you this: a project like that only works if the kids have had computer lab since first grade and if they've already been doing this type of work in class, which is exactly what I said before. 😉A teacher demanding kids use computers for "useful stuff" in ways they haven't even been taught at school isn't being tough—she's just being clueless.

...So you're actually enjoying insulting the teacher? 😕
I'll give you this: a project like that only works if the kids have had computer lab since first grade and if they've already been doing this type of work in class, which is exactly what I said before. 😉
It’s not an insult, it’s just the truth. Right?
What would you even say to someone like that? Imagine being assigned programming homework when you never even had a computer science class in school, nobody ever showed you what coding actually is, and you might not even have a laptop at home. How is that even fair?

I'm all for a project like that, honestly. But is it really enough? What if? Kids are already taking computer classes starting in first grade? Seriously? What's up? They already pulled that stunt back in school, just like I said before. Didn't I tell you? 😉

When you look at the big picture, this project just doesn't sit right. Most of the younger kids haven't even touched computer science yet, and let's be real—not everyone is sticking around for the advanced classes anyway. Is it really fair to give that kind of assignment to everyone? Not really.

They’re graduating high school without ever touching a computer science class? In this day and age, that’s just wild.
And honestly, expecting kids to nail their homework—no matter what grade they're in—is kind of a joke, right? It's just not fair.
If the trend is that everything from assignments to basically life happens on a laptop... isn't it about time computer literacy became a mandatory subject?

Grace Kern3 said:Yeah, emphasis on if and an even bigger emphasis on gamingfor five hours a day...😉
How is that supposedly a better option? 🤣
I mean, that’s what computers are for, right? If a kid pulls straight A's by the end of the school year, Mom and Dad reward their little genius with a top-of-the-line, high-end PC loaded with a massive library of games just so their "investment" stays busy and doesn't bother them.
Then some bratty teacher has the audacity to suggest actually using that computer for something productive, and—shocker!—everyone is appalled. They even go so far as to reward the collective effort of the whole family, friends, neighbors, passersby, tech support, the Democratic Party... and anyone else who helped get that assignment done.🙂

It's just wrong to assign homework on Google Classroom if the kid isn't even taking a tech class.
And let's face it, computer science isn't even a required course in most schools.