Dealing with the teenage years is a nightmare

How much of a head start do girls actually get when it comes to puberty? I know they usually hit that stage before boys do, but does anyone have a specific number in mind? 🙂

Hey there.

dejoo said:How many years ahead of the boys do girls usually hit puberty? I know girls go through it first, but does anyone actually have a specific number? 🙂

Hey there.

I’d say somewhere around 6th or 7th grade. At least, that’s what I noticed back when I was going through it myself and looking at my friends. That would put it right around 12 or 13 years old. Correct me if I'm off base here, but I don't think there's some strict, universal rulebook for this kind of thing...

I honestly feel like I’m still stuck in my awkward puberty phase... even though I’m turning 19 soon.

dejoo said:I honestly feel like I'm still stuck deep in my awkward puberty phase... even though I'm turning 19 soon...

Honestly, maybe you're just acting that way! 😉
I swear, guys back in high school were just incredibly immature—like, absolutely unbearable! 🙄

I really hope I can finally grow up... honestly, I think I just need a serious girl to come along and keep me in line...

And obviously, nothing older than 16... she’s right in that same teenage phase I'm going through...

Heh, heh 🙂

So, you’re suggesting someone under sixteen? 😲

dejoo said:I honestly get this nagging feeling that I'm still stuck in puberty... even though I'm nearly 19...

And what makes you say that? 🙂

I honestly just feel like I’m stuck this way—like I’m barely even out of puberty... It’s kind of embarrassing to admit, but it really feels 🙂

dejoo said:I just have this overwhelming feeling that I’m stuck, like I’m barely even through puberty... It feels pretty embarrassing to admit, but honestly, that's just how it is. 🙂

Hey, don't go painting everyone with the same brush—puberty isn't some one-size-fits-all experience. For me, things were pretty much standard. Maybe you're already past that stage and looking back thinking, "Man, I was barely there." I don't actually know how you act, so I can't really say if your assessment is right or not. Come on, give us some details! And seriously, why be embarrassed? Nobody here knows who you are anyway. 😉

So, basically:

It’s just endless drinking and mindless nonsense. I’m a mess, my dating life is non-existent, and I offend pretty much every girl I meet. Half of them can't stand me. I’m the guy always looking for a buzz, blowing through cash, and acting like a total clown—whether I'm at school, at home, or sitting in a lecture. Everyone’s laughing at me, though I usually just make fun of myself first... even my professors have started giving me a hard time in class.

Sometimes I just stop and think, "I've got the beard, I've got the deep voice, so why am I acting like I'm still in middle school?"

Yeah, that's the reality.

Oh, please, I dealt with the exact same type of crowd back at my university 😁
But really, wouldn't you be better off looking for someone a bit more mature? 😎 😁

dejoo said:and I'm nearly 19...

that’s probably just what it says on your ID 😛
but who actually trusts paperwork anyway?😳

dejoo said:Look, it's basically this:

Just constant drinking and acting like an idiot. My life is a mess, I can't get a date to save my life because I insult every girl I meet, half the people I know hate my guts, I'm always the one causing trouble, blowing through cash, just being totally unprofessional everywhere—whether it's at high school, home, or sitting in a lecture hall... Everyone's laughing at me, even when I try to make fun of myself. Even my professors have started giving me a hard time about it....

Sometimes I look in the mirror and think, "Man, I've got the beard and the deep voice, but I'm acting like I'm freaking fourteen."....

And that's the problem.

The whole "can't get a date" thing really worries me. 😁
Believe me, most guys end up like this (at least the ones I've met, even in college). It’s pretty obvious you don't have anything better to do than just "mess around." This isn't some unavoidable teenage phase. 🙂
But hey, if you actually want to find a girlfriend someday, maybe start by trying to be a decent, organized human being for once. 🙂

Useful and insightful. 🙂

damn, if being messy means you aren't serious about life, then... I don't know, I can only think of a handful of people who actually are. And even some of them are pretty damn goofy 😁 😁 😁

I honestly didn't even realize I was going through puberty. If I hadn't started smoking weed back then, I might have wondered if it even happened to me at all. Even my friends tell me you couldn't tell anything changed mentally.

It’s not even that he’s "dirty" in the sense of being gross or smelly... it’s more just this whole unkempt vibe. He’s got the stubble, the long hair, and basically lives in the same rotation of a few basic tees and jeans.

So I find myself drifting back to these parenting forums way too often. It’s always just endless chatter about toddlers or newborns, you know? Yeah, yeah, I know we’ve touched on this before, but it feels like everyone just stops talking about it once the kids hit a certain age. So, let’s get into it: how are you all actually handling the puberty phase? What’s driving you up the wall? What’s the breaking point for you? For me, it’s the total lack of interest in actual conversation. It’s maddening. You ask how their day went at middle school and it’s just "boring." You tell them to go outside and burn off some energy and suddenly everything is "boring" and they have zero clue what to even do with themselves. And don't even get me started on the clothes situation. One kid couldn't care less about looking decent, while the other acts like they need to haul half their entire wardrobe out of the closet every single morning just to head to class. How are you guys dealing with these teenage tantrums?😉

Reading your post—where you basically tell me to go play outside!—I get the feeling you might have a kid who just hit puberty. Well, I have a daughter who’s been right in the middle of that storm for three or four years now, and if there is one thing I can tell you, it’s this: I would give anything to never live through it again. Honestly, I'm exhausted. During those few years, we went through absolutely everything—bad crowds, drugs, drinking, being reckless, constant defiance, hatred, failing classes, you name it. I truly, deeply wouldn't wish any of that on you. She’s 17 now, and she is head-over-heels in love with some total loser who already has four theft charges on his record; when he's around, she's completely deaf to the rest of the world. How am I coping? I take my Xanax and I pray to God that this phase passes, because at this point, there isn't much else left to do. Whatever you managed to teach her up until about age 12, you've done your part—now, just light a candle and pray to God that your child turns out a bit wiser than mine, and that they actually kept some of the values you spent a lifetime trying to instill. Believe me, I have tried every single thing under the sun, and after all that time—all that wasted energy, money, and sheer mental exhaustion—I’ve come to the conclusion that I am powerless.

Gregory Wells6 said:Reading your post—where you basically tell me to go play outside!—I get the feeling you might have a kid who just hit puberty. Well, I have a daughter who’s been right in the middle of that storm for three or four years now, and if there is one thing I can tell you, it’s this: I would give anything to never live through it again. Honestly, I'm exhausted. During those few years, we went through absolutely everything—bad crowds, drugs, drinking, being reckless, constant defiance, hatred, failing classes, you name it. I truly, deeply wouldn't wish any of that on you. She’s 17 now, and she is head-over-heels in love with some total loser who already has four theft charges on his record; when he's around, she's completely deaf to the rest of the world. How am I coping? I take my Xanax and I pray to God that this phase passes, because at this point, there isn't much else left to do. Whatever you managed to teach her up until about age 12, you've done your part—now, just light a candle and pray to God that your child turns out a bit wiser than mine, and that they actually kept some of the values you spent a lifetime trying to instill. Believe me, I have tried every single thing under the sun, and after all that time—all that wasted energy, money, and sheer mental exhaustion—I’ve come to the conclusion that I am powerless.

God, that sounds incredibly difficult... but there is always a chance they will snap out of it once the hormonal storm finally subsides. Looking at how you described her, I see a reflection of my own younger self and the crowd I ran with, though most of us eventually just grew out of those adolescent idiocies. We explored what we wanted to explore, lived life to the fullest, and now we are just living out our quiet, settled lives. 😁

I really hope you’re right and that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Honestly, that little bit of hope is what keeps me going—though I just wish it wouldn't take forever to get there. It feels like it happens so suddenly, almost overnight. One evening, you have your sweet little angel tucked into bed, and by the next morning, you're dealing with a tiny, grumpy monster. Then come the lies. Just yesterday, they were the most honest kid in the world; now, you can't even trust your own ears when they look you in the eye. Before you even know what hit you, your house feels like a madhouse (especially if you're raising a daughter). Boys tend to burn off that frantic energy through sports, but girls? Their moods shift every three seconds from pure euphoria to total despair. One moment they're laughing and giving you a hug, and the next, they're slamming doors and throwing hysterics like they've been struck by lightning. Suddenly, "tidiness" is a foreign concept, schoolwork feels like science fiction, and every basic responsibility is treated like a heavy burden imposed by a tyrant. And when you're a single parent like me, all that redirected tension lands squarely on your shoulders—you become the scapegoat for everything. It’s terrifying; I am genuinely dreading the teenage years!
Unfortunately, everyone seems to focus on one thing: how hard it is for the kids during puberty. Does anyone ever stop to ask the parents how *they* are doing, or how they're managing all this chaos? No one prepares you for the reality of what to expect, and nobody gives you a manual on how to handle it. All you can do is pray to Quincy that your child doesn't turn out like mine—or worse, veers toward something dark like self-harm.

X, hang in there 👍

My eighth grader is going through a massive puberty phase, but at his core, he’s still very much a little kid—I guess boys just take longer to catch up emotionally. He actually told me he fell asleep right in the middle of a club set because he was so exhausted 😂 (I honestly couldn't believe it, considering the noise, the crowd, the lights, and that whole overwhelming "first time at a rave" feeling 😁). He can be incredibly naive sometimes, which is sweet, but what really gets to me are those sudden bouts of grumpiness and these random waves of mild depression that seem to come out of nowhere (it makes me wonder how kids growing up in broken homes handle it all 😲). It’s even harder when he starts whining about having nothing to do, and if I try to suggest something, it’s just 😲🙄. Then, this past Sunday, he looked me straight in the eye and declared that he’s officially the smartest person in the house—meaning he's smarter than both me and his dad 😂 (honestly, I just lost it laughing
).