Posts by Jason Jones40

There are really only two major pitfalls here:

1) Spoiling a kid rotten.

2) Neglecting them entirely.

Everything else is secondary. A child just needs a safe harbor to come home to; if they have that, one parent is more than enough.😉

Nicholas King said:Three years after saying "I do" on a beach somewhere, you find that partners hold onto each other—or let go—just as much as those who have already tied the knot legally.

You’re right. That was my first thought, too. But honestly? I want to see what else is out there.🤣

Walter Davis said:What do you mean you can't just leave? Plenty of people bail, live apart for ages, and basically end things without even a formal divorce. And honestly, if both sides are on the same page, getting a divorce is pretty quick and easy.
After three years of living together, the law basically treats it like a marriage anyway, just without the official paperwork. Especially if there are kids involved, it gets complicated even sooner. 🤷

That’s a fair question... how can one just "not be able" to leave? I did mention the contracts and signatures earlier, which can just as easily be signed to end things—aside from the shared mortgage, of course.

For me, the kids were the main hurdle. I felt they needed a father, and I was terrified that if we split, I might not end up with custody of both children. Beyond that, my own sense of commitment held me back. I kept thinking maybe there was some way to fix what was broken. Then there were just my emotions getting in the way.

Breaking a bond between two people isn't simple. I wanted out, but it wasn't easy for me. In the end, he was the one who ended it. That's just how I am—when I commit to something, I go all in, and walking away doesn't come easy.

Walter Davis said:You really think someone’s got leverage over you just because you signed that paper?
Honestly, I guess it's more likely people are held hostage by shared assets, mortgages... whatever.

The truth is, a signature carries weight. You sign those documents, and then during every argument, there's that nagging thought in the back of your mind—that you can't just walk away. It leaves you feeling stuck.

Once you're married, you aren't just signing marriage licenses; you're signing mortgage papers, car loans, and all sorts of financial commitments.

That's where the real disaster happens. You go through a divorce, but you're still stuck paying off a massive loan for years to come.

Ashley Vaughn79 said:03/23. What are the ideal ages to get married?

Is there actually an ideal age, or is it entirely up to the individual?
Does marriage even matter to you, or do you see it as just a formality?

What is your motivation for wanting to get married?

__________________________________
This topic was pulled from the 105th post of the topic of the day.

Once you finish school—I finished at 24—you really ought to enjoy yourself for at least five years. That was my experience with my ex-husband. After college, we were out hitting concerts, going on weekend trips, and skiing all over the place until we finally got burnt out and decided we wanted to settle down and start a family.🍿

For me, the sweet spot for marriage is around 30. That’s when I did it, and it worked out fine.☕

However, looking back on my marriage now, I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Relationships aren't always meant to be forever. If you're with someone, you should stay because you want to, not because you signed some legal document with the government thinking it acts as some kind of guarantee for love. Give me a break! 🐔 Once someone starts acting entitled, they know they have you in their grip just because of that paperwork.

If I ever do it again, we won't be signing anything. We'll just head to a beach and exchange vows privately. No crowds, just the sound of the waves, sand under our feet, the sky, and the seagulls as our witnesses. We'll love each other for as long as our love lasts.🙂

mistybison said:😢

You have a point there...

🙂

😁

Oh, come on, Maleficent, don't go anywhere. I actually enjoy reading your posts.🙂

Drew Moore5 said:So, honestly, you probably need to question both yourself and the world around you.

Be critical, but make sure it's a moral kind of criticism—and try not to jump to conclusions too quickly.

Critical thinking is essential, certainly. But so is balance. Finding that sweet spot between being a dreamer and keeping your feet on the ground... honestly, you could spend a lifetime trying to master that. ☕ At least, that's my experience. 😛

Drew Moore5 said:Well, that's basically common sense.

There is definitely an internal and external component. Initially, we tend to doubt everything external while putting total faith in the internal because it comes from within ourselves. But the moment we start doubting our own nature, the real journey of self-discovery begins—and trust me, it's much harder than it looks.

For me, it was the exact opposite. I spent a long time doubting my own gut while putting all my trust in external factors.
Now, the pendulum has swung the other way.

It isn't easy, it really isn't. 🙂

Charles Wood73 said:You're a good person... sometimes I feel like I want to drive a stake right through their hollow hearts. 😳

Well, you caught me off guard there. 😲 😛 Don't hold onto any resentment. At the end of the day, we all paid a price for what we have now, regardless of how it looks to outsiders.

Even the guy marrying into money is paying a price; he's the only one who truly knows the cost.

So, don't waste your energy hating.

darksurfer4 said:I honestly find myself wondering what kind of massive, life-altering problems a person could possibly face when they actually have it all figured out—you know, someone holding down a high-paying career they actually enjoy, a stable family life, solid friends, good health, and none of those typical daily struggles.

I can take a guess at what she meant when she said that once you have everything, the problems start rolling in. Since material things can't provide lasting satisfaction—and frankly, no single pleasure lasts forever—it stands to reason that even someone who seemingly has "everything" won't find true contentment.

Problems are everywhere. Everyone deals with them, including those who seem to have hit the jackpot.

It really comes down to distinguishing between satisfaction and fulfillment on an internal versus an external level.

Even if you check every box for your "external" needs, there’s always something brewing deep down inside. Not to mention, the more you own, the more you have to manage and worry about, which just increases the surface area for potential trouble.

A person might have a great career, a healthy salary, a solid marriage, and kids who are doing well, yet they’re still dealing with a hundred tiny irritations that we simply don't see.

That’s why the highest spiritual goal—the real internal one—is to achieve a sense of balance and peace. It’s about reaching a state where, regardless of the chaos happening around you, you remain steady because you've already found that center within yourself.

Someone lacking material wealth might be convinced that having it all is the ultimate point, but anyone who has explored a spiritual path knows that accumulating stuff isn't the endgame. That’s why they keep searching.

I know plenty of people with perfect marriages and luxury homes who don't have to work jobs they hate, yet they still look completely miserable.

Sometimes I feel like telling them to go out and chop some wood or find something difficult to do. Life is getting a little too easy for them, and they could use a reality check.

Carl Rivera43 said:Is it just me, or is life getting a little too heavy on the quick fixes?

Why does it feel like the good stuff is so rare, {while the half-measures or the real heartbreaks seem to stick around forever}?

I don’t know, I kind of get the feeling that by chasing all these tiny, temporary distractions, we end up hitting what people call—life saturation. Basically, we're just burnt out on this way of living.

It really hurts, honestly. That sense of emptiness in my love life... I'm not trying to be bitter, but sometimes it's hard not to feel a bit envious.

How do you actually go about finding lasting goals {instead of just settling for temporary comforts}?

I’ll try to answer your questions from my own perspective.

When you go through painful experiences, that energy stays tethered to those core events in your subconscious. That's why you often find yourself lacking the drive or the will to set and reach for actual goals.
We tell ourselves it's in the past and that we're moving on, but it doesn't really work that way. It works exactly how I described above.
That reservoir of suppressed emotions—sadness, pain, fear, disappointment, shame, guilt—can act as a massive brake on your progress and your zest for life until it’s finally resolved. It’s a huge reason why anxiety and depression are so prevalent.

Some people find their way through yoga (as > mentioned), others make a conscious effort to pivot toward the positive (like > suggested), and some seek out a therapist to help process those repressed feelings so they can finally move forward freely.

Every significant painful event leaves a mark. Unfortunately, if it isn't processed, life tends to pull similar patterns back toward you, almost as if trying to force you to resolve the underlying consequences.

This is why many people struggle to build successful relationships even when they want to; there are internal brakes from the past that haven't been "fixed" yet.

Those temporary comforts aren't much more than attempts by the body and nervous system to soothe the turmoil boiling beneath the surface of the subconscious.

Setting a long-term goal isn't even the hard part. The difficulty lies in the fact that memories from the past can drain the willpower needed to pursue them and stay consistent.

Dealing with complex trauma or PTSD often requires professional help; we can't always do it alone. Once those traumas are resolved, we are finally free to live the life we've always wanted.

Hmm, romance. What does that even mean? It usually implies this palpable attraction or love between two people that manifests in some tangible way... but I’ve always been a pretty grounded person. For me, romance is more practical. It’s finding someone who actually helps you dig your car out of a snowbank after your summer tires fail you.
I tend to develop romantic feelings pretty quickly, though, uh... mostly once we're already married...
Or maybe just when my partner helps me zip up a dress. Now that's something.
And don't even get me started on receiving a poem... oh boy.

You're the only one sleeping in my heart, darling,
know that I'll love you as long as I live,
while you're awake and even through your nightmares,
no matter who you are, know that I love you.

I'm not one for grand gestures,
though I'd gladly be that man,
it seems I simply had to meet you,
to finally learn how to show my heart.