Posts by Sarah Ross21

I think you’re dealing with a mix of anxiety and social phobia. You might want to look into CBT therapy. Just my two cents.

I’m calling your bluff. What’s the medical consensus here? Would something light like a low-dose Ambien actually help?

Look, I haven't seen that used in practice, so I'm genuinely curious.

Have you actually sat down with a neurologist yet? There’s a specialized sleep clinic over in Silicon Valley—you should probably just give them a call.

I had no idea that was even a thing. Sounds pretty exciting 🙂

It’s just like when your immune system crashes and you suddenly become a magnet for every virus going around. Emotional sensitivity works the exact same way. When you're burnt out or completely drained, you're way more vulnerable. You have to build up that immunity—on every single level.

Yeah, exactly. I spent a few days at the beach, stayed off the grid, didn't touch the TV or pick up a book, and it finally hit me: the media spends all day shoving these fake, unrealistic lifestyles down our throats.

If it weren't for that constant noise, I wouldn't even realize half the things I feel like I'm missing. 🙂

@VK, she was being blunt, but she was right. She doesn't have time for trivialities; she’s focused on what actually matters to her. And if she wants to prioritize those things, she has the time and the money to do it. 🙂 You have to learn to look after yourself and handle your own mess instead of worrying about everyone else's.

@Ench, remember when people actually had some tact? Back when you wouldn't brag about your high-flying career to someone who just lost their job, or talk about your kids when you knew the other person was struggling to make ends meet. It wasn't polite to rub it in.

That decency is dead. Now, everyone just talks about themselves, totally oblivious to how they come across. And this constant whining about money has become a joke. When I'm broke, it means I can't even afford a decent pair of shoes. But when certain people say they're "short on cash," it just means they're deciding between a penthouse or a condo in Malibu. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve picked up the tab for people claiming to be struggling, only to watch them buy luxury real estate a month later.

p.s.
I used to view socializing as a transaction—like, I'll give this much if I get that much. But then it hit me that people bring different things to the table. Some people are great for a night at the Broadway shows, some are hilarious, some never leave the house but will bail you out with a loan or show up to your funeral. Others just provide solid advice. Not everyone fits every circle. Everyone has their niche.

mistybison said:You can't always play nice, waiting for someone to realize their mistake, explaining yourself, and trying to reject them gently just to avoid hurting feelings. Sometimes you have to be blunt and meet their hostility with your own just to protect yourself. It isn't pleasant and nobody enjoys doing it, but occasionally there is no other way.

Those "leeches" actually need you more than you need them. You're the one in the stronger position, yet you're choosing to act powerless. No matter how you shake them off, they'll likely circle back sooner or later because their urge to drain others is stronger than anything else. 😁 They might get angry or sulk, but they will come looking for you again. 😁

Thanks for the great insight 👍🙏

You're spot on. They always find their way back. 🙂

Joseph Bailey41 said:I get it. Sometimes you just want to give someone a little reality check without totally crushing their spirit. At least, not all at once. 🕺

I'll never forget when I was 25, calling my best friend to meet at a Starbucks to have a "talk about us." I could tell she was pulling away and avoiding me, so I decided to lay it all out there. I got emotional, poured my heart out, asked what was wrong—nothing. She just stood up and walked out. No explanation, no comment. I was left standing there looking like an idiot. I didn't want to be clingy, so I let it go.

Fast forward 25 years. I'm hanging out in my parents' backyard when she happens to walk by. She sees me and goes, "Hey! Oh my god, how are you? It's been forever!" She was being incredibly friendly. Suggesting coffee, maybe a hike, acting like we hadn't drifted apart decades ago. Same phone number, too. Like nothing ever happened.

Honestly, I don't think I even promised to call her back; I was just stunned. 😁 She probably has her own issues—psychological stuff, most likely—but man, did she catch me off guard.

The point? Make your own life decisions based on the facts you have. All those heavy "talks about us," whether in a friendship or a marriage, are just a massive waste of time. That's how therapists make their living. Personally, I didn't get anything out of it. 🙂

Back when I was younger, I used to think we constantly needed to "talk about us." And you know what those talks always got me? Absolutely nothing.

Now that I’ve reached an age where I actually accept people for who they are—you just have to take them as they come. If you feel like grabbing a coffee with someone and you already know their deal, fine. If not? See ya. I'm busy. 🙂

When you demand things from people that they simply aren't capable of giving, you aren't changing them; you're just stressing yourself out. You're the one suffering, not them.

You're spot on—you have to prioritize yourself and your own mental health. I refuse to let anyone walk all over me, whether they're trying to drain my wallet or my spirit.

Don't sweat it. Most people aren't actually looking for advice, and they sure as hell aren't going to take it. They just want an audience to vent to. Honestly, the more of them there are, the better. 🙂

You definitely have the most intense username on this whole forum, haha.

Honestly, I struggle with setting boundaries and dealing with my own insecurities, so it’s no surprise these types target me. But really, the responsibility is on me to learn how to deal with people like that.

Some people eventually give up, but the most toxic ones? They never let go. They cling to you like leeches.🙂

Yeah, just for the record... I know a few people who keep me in the loop.

I finally figured out how to stop absorbing everyone else's baggage.

I realized that most people just want to dump their problems onto someone else—usually me—without ever stopping to ask how I’m actually doing.

Ever since that clicked, I just repeat the word IGNORE to myself while someone is whining or venting. Even though I’m listening and can repeat back everything they said, this little mantra keeps that negative energy from sticking to me. You should try it.

A friend used to tell me to just shut down or tune out, but that didn't work because they would still drain my battery regardless.

Think of it as an active rejection rather than being passive. It's like someone blowing smoke at you and you're actively swatting it away with a piece of cardboard. Tuning out is passive; if you just sit there, the smoke is going to get in your lungs.

Hope this helps someone. Peace.

mistybison said:Since they've already shown they lack empathy, I wouldn't let it weigh on me too much. Listen briefly when you're in a good mood, but don't let their drama become your own. 🙂

That sounds much easier than actually doing it if that isn't your nature. 🙂 I have a friend who is constantly drained by people dumping their problems—real or imagined—on her. She gets deeply invested, feels guilty if she can't help, and even though these people never reciprocate, she just can't help herself. 🤷

I believe this struggle hits hardest for those who hope to be heard themselves one day. You can't force reciprocity; you simply have to find people who share your temperament and are willing to listen in return. 🙂

I don't mind listening to someone vent, provided they respect boundaries and it remains only a small part of our conversation. If the entire chat turns into a constant stream of complaining, I step away.

That’s a solid point. It took me a while to realize it myself, but honestly? That should be Rule No. 1.

Here’s a fresh example from the office—we have a new hire. The other day, right when I was buried in work, I spent half my shift helping her untangle some issues she couldn't handle. She’s my age, so she should have a decent amount of experience by now, but she’s incredibly smart and even more arrogant. It’s been like that since day one. If anything goes wrong, it’s always someone else's fault.

Fine, whatever. I figured I’d help since she’s the new girl. So I spend the entire day running myself ragged, cleaning up both my own messes and hers.

And the payoff? She actually went to our manager and complained that neither my colleague nor I would lend her a hand!!! Luckily, there was a witness present—someone from outside our small office suite—so I’m confident this will blow back on her, but I still can't believe the nerve.

My takeaway? Stop helping people. Or at least vet them properly before you bother. Don't just be a pushover for everyone. NOT EVERYONE DESERVES YOUR HELP OR YOUR TIME. Not even close.

mistybison said:Since they've already shown they lack empathy, I wouldn't let it weigh on me too much. Listen briefly when you're in a good mood, but don't let their drama become your own. 🙂

That sounds much easier than actually doing it if that isn't your nature. 🙂 I have a friend who is constantly drained by people dumping their problems—real or imagined—on her. She gets deeply invested, feels guilty if she can't help, and even though these people never reciprocate, she just can't help herself. 🤷

I believe this struggle hits hardest for those who hope to be heard themselves one day. You can't force reciprocity; you simply have to find people who share your temperament and are willing to listen in return. 🙂

I don't mind listening to someone vent, provided they respect boundaries and it remains only a small part of our conversation. If the entire chat turns into a constant stream of complaining, I step away.

Thanks for this response. You nailed it perfectly.

It hasn't been long since I started this thread, but I can tell you things are looking up. 🙂 I simply started treating people exactly how they treat me, and suddenly, they started listening to me. Sure, there's conflict, but that doesn't matter. Self-respect matters more.

And yeah, growing up, I had this desperate need to be "heard," which never happened. That's probably why I feel this compulsion to listen and validate everyone else, while still wishing they'd do the same for me.

You hit the nail on the head—find people who actually want to listen. Don't waste your breath trying to change the egocentrics. 😁😵😵

I think you nailed it. I was talking about the topic, but you actually identified the core issue better than I did.

And as for those city folks romanticizing rural life? I’ve seen it happen more times than I can count. It’s all fun and games until they actually have to haul heavy buckets of water from a well just to get through the day...

I was catching up with an old acquaintance today, and honestly, I think he’s actually figured it all out. He bought a house 16 miles outside of Austin with his wife and kids, and they’re pouring everything they have into renovating it. They live off the land out there—he’s got a massive plot, a greenhouse, and grows just about all their food because he’s obsessed with being self-sufficient. They don't even own a TV, and cell service is basically non-existent unless you stand in one specific spot.

It’s pretty clear to me now that the guy deals with PTSD, and this lifestyle is his way of finding some peace.

He works as a house painter and makes decent money. Like, really solid money—which just goes to show you can make a living without a college degree.

The bottom line is he’s happy, and from what I hear, his family (I think he has four kids) is happy too. He finds genuine satisfaction in the dirt and the work. Between the manual labor and spending his afternoons outdoors, he’s definitely leaned out, but he looks much healthier than he did xx years ago when I last saw him. All in all, he's doing alright.

Anyone got any decent shop recommendations in the city?

I hit up the C&A Jessica department today looking for plus sizes, and honestly, the quality was garbage. They had this one lovely blue sleeveless blouse—because apparently, everyone loves sleeveless tops now... just piles of collarless shirts everywhere. No way am I buying that again. It just makes me look even heavier. I have no idea why they’re being so cheap with the collars these days!

darksurfer4 said:We seek out company because, at the end of the day, we’re looking for something better than just sitting alone with our own thoughts. Now, don't get me wrong—offering someone a bit of comfort is a noble thing, truly. But if you find yourself constantly acting as a shoulder to cry on for someone who refuses to stand on their own two feet, you’re going to end up completely drained and depressed. And honestly? It isn't even helping the person you're trying to support in the long run.

Exactly. You end up exhausted, pouring everything you have into a bottomless pit. These types don't just take; they vacuum energy from everyone they meet—you, then the next person, then the next.

Someone asked earlier what the point of this thread even is.

The point is this: people who refuse to show any empathy themselves—never listening or paying attention—suddenly think they're entitled to demand it from everyone else the moment things go south.

Sure, friendship involves bits of "therapy" now and then. That happens during certain phases of life. But if a friendship is nothing more than a continuous, unpaid therapy session, it isn't really a friendship anymore.

Maybe I missed the mark, but at least we had a conversation. :-)