Posts by Michael Diaz6

I don't know... I still don't see how this makes me selfish...
Sometimes you just don't have the energy, but you can't even turn your back on people...
Here’s an example...
For years now, I've been doing hair for my family members... look, I'm not a professional stylist, but I've got a knack for it, so why not...
Soon it spread to some friends and neighbors...
I figured, okay... you know... I don't charge them, it doesn't even cross my mind. I know what things are like right now and it's easy for me to do...
But now it's spread through the whole town.
It's always something—go dye your neighbor's hair, or help some local kids get ready before school...
The peak is the old guys who still want me to give them a shave on the go 🙂
I get home from work... I'd love to just crash, but nope...

Then there's "can you watch the kids?"

Or "help out in the garden," which isn't a big deal for me...
Or "run to Target for me, lady..."
Then there's this guy who's falling apart because of a breakup... or that woman who's totally spiraling...
And that third one, God knows what she wants...
😂 Honestly, I'd rather just stop feeling sorry for everyone and be mean, just tell them all to fuck off...

But I can't...
I think to myself, "Look, I'm young, he's old, damn it... no, I just can't do that." If I did, I'd feel so terrible that I'd probably end up apologizing for not being able to do something.

And at work...
People asking for favors, swapping shifts, working when it's not even my scheduled time...
Screw it...

It's easy to say no, but when I see someone actually struggling... I always end up thinking, "Whatever, screw it, I'll rest when I'm dead anyway."

Since I work retail at a grocery store... man... the seniors have a thousand different requests, and it's not just that... those poor souls just want someone to talk to since they're lonely...
So you listen, even when you're not really in the mood because it gets exhausting... but whatever... it's not like I'm gonna die...

And so...
Anyway... yeah... I wish I could be the type of person who could just say fuck off. It would be easier to accept myself if I didn't force myself to be "better" all the time...

So now, after work, I'm heading out to do stuff that isn't even for me, even though I'm exhausted... what a crappy day.

Donna White50 said:Personally, I love seeing people happy and helping them out, but not necessarily because I’m some saint—it’s more about protecting myself from bad vibes. Call me a selfish narcissist if you want, but I’m mostly chasing my own satisfaction—emotional, physical, whatever—and other people are just tools I use to make sure I stay feeling good... or at least, not bad.
Bad emotions just gross me out, honestly.
I only get blunt with people if they mess with my dignity or my personal space; otherwise, if I'm not feeling someone, I just ghost them without a second thought. I mostly stick to surface-level relationships that don't demand much responsibility, deep thinking, or constant attention...
I know I should try to change that, BUT these are just my defense mechanisms...
The only person I give genuine, full-throttle love to is my partner—with her, I’m 100% in.
I don't think I'm "strong," I've just learned how to endure like a beast... and that's not strength, it's just running away from reality instead of facing things head-on. Real strength is actually being the opposite of how I just described myself...

Then you really are hot and cold.

To be fair, I'm the same way. When I'm with my partner, I totally melt and lose... well, a bit of myself... to that love.
Get what I mean? I think most of us do... 😂

Plus, I have this weird quirk where if I see anyone struggling, even a little, I basically absorb their problem.
I literally go looking for people who need help. I surround myself with broken people and underdogs just because I want to fix them.
I can't stand seeing someone in a crowd looking down, or I start feeling this massive wave of pity, and then I'm immediately buzzing around them trying to make them laugh. No one is allowed to be sad around me. If I can't help, even in a tiny way, I feel like crap...
I’ll end up calling people and organizing whole damn rescue missions for them.
And because I'm this sensitive, I'll tear up at a sad song or a depressing movie...
People don't see my real flaws.
Not that it matters to them anyway.
There's zero benefit for me... except I can sleep peacefully and avoid feeling guilty.
I'd fly across the country to help you if you were in a bad spot.
But for myself? I wouldn't do 2% of that.

Donna White50 said:That's just because you're such a balancer...😛
You're always caught between two extremes—chasing things that aren't even real, making everyone else happy while you're basically struggling to help yourself...🤔
Honestly, I'm at my best when I lean into that narcissistic side—people say that's a bad thing, but hey, maybe it isn't for everyone... some people are just built that way...

Honestly... I’ve definitely used narcissism as a way to rebuild my confidence during my low points. But even then, I do it to make others feel better, not myself...

If there weren't other people around...
I could spend my whole life stuck in my own little bubble without ever having to fight for anything.
Just stay in my room... let it all go... honestly, who cares...
It’s my love for others that keeps me moving...
Even at my absolute worst, I can't bring myself to actually hurt anyone.
Even when I have to be tough, I stop and think if the other person can actually handle it without breaking...

I could never get into a physical fight. Not because I’m scared of getting hit, but because I’m afraid I’ll hit too hard.

At the end of the day, I’ve got nerves of steel...
The only thing that bends is my path and my thoughts...
Someone else would lose their mind living in my skin, but I just have this coldness...
from being so used to dealing with problems.

They say strong people strike gently...

But self-love isn't something you can hold onto with the same intensity forever...
at least not for me..
Even when I’m acting narcissistic, it’s not coming from a dark place...

The most negative thing about me is that I don't even know how to be negative.

Look...
Sometimes I realize I’m not perfect and that I’ve got flaws. But I also get that I don't *have* to be perfect—that I'm a whole person, warts and all.

Other times, though, all I see are my mistakes. I can't find a single good thing about myself, or if I do, the bad stuff just feels way heavier.

Then there are those moments where I really want to be better and I actually fight for it...
I trip up, sure, but the drive is still there. I’m constantly pushing to improve, hoping one day I'll finally be able to shake off everything I hate about myself.

I’m not out here hurting anyone else. My flaws are self-destructive; they only ever hurt me.
It’s a clear sign that I haven't made peace with who I am yet.

I can't honestly say I love myself all the time.
Honestly, I feel the most self-love when I stop thinking about myself entirely—like when I'm busy taking care of someone else or just getting lost in a project.

I look pretty average, but when I'm feeling low, I end up feeling ugly, and that really trashes my confidence.

The truth is... my life feels like one long struggle to find some peace of mind.
A friend once told me that the song "hot and cold" perfectly describes my vibe.
I feel like I'll be working on myself and grinding forever, never truly finding that inner calm...
but hey... that's just me. That's how I am.
There are stretches where I'm at my absolute best...
but they always rotate with these dark periods where I just shut down and withdraw.
And it never ends.

I’ve always wondered... what would it be like to actually feel stable all the time?
I can't even imagine it...
So it’s just this cycle of loving myself and hating myself...
an endless loop of shifting back and forth.

Look, I’m not a believer...
But honestly? Believers are closer to the "truth" than atheists are.
Though, truth itself can be weird—multiple contradictory things could both be true at once...
It's all relative...
But atheism? There isn't a single ounce of logic in it, no matter how you slice it.
It's just...
They lack the big picture. They're missing that extra dimension of perspective...
They can't see past the box they're stuck in...
They don't have the capacity to reach an epiphany without reading it in a book or seeing it somewhere else...
They lack creativity and a sense of imagination...
The very stuff that sets humans apart from animals...
That ability to look further than what's right in front of your eyes...
They're completely lacking in that department.
And man, I can't decide who's worse...
The believers who get handed a tiny scrap of truth wrapped in a mountain of lies... making them impossible to reason with...
Or the ones who act all proud of being atheists...
Acting like it's just wonderful that this massive universe—which somehow managed to create this mathematically perfect setup of life, plants, planets, galaxies, and ratios from atoms to stars—just happened by pure accident without any intelligence behind it. Like, everything is just randomly placed.

You need intelligence to build a basic stool...
but apparently, they think you don't need a single brain cell to build their heads.

Why doesn't nature just accidentally stumble into building a car or a watch? If it's so easy to make complex stuff by accident, why not those? It's a billion times harder to build something like that without design.

Still... I really can't tell which group is more blind...

Our objectivity—our actual vision—is filtered through lenses shaped by our past, what we know, and how we think...
Those lenses? That’s just perception.

The guy who’s actually willing to ditch old, wrong lessons, someone who constantly questions everything—especially himself—has an edge. If you realize you might be wrong and try looking through someone else's "lenses," you get a much clearer view of reality than the people who think they're always right.
Sure, those ego-driven types might feel more confident, but they're missing out on the fact that truth isn't just one thing.

I've spent years studying how people tick, and I can say this with total confidence:

The ones who are overly sensitive, constantly showering you with attention and big emotions? They usually don't have much else to bring to the table, so they overcompensate.
Then you've got the people who seem cold or detached—those are the ones who actually have something valuable to offer, which is exactly why they’re careful about losing it or handing it to the wrong person.

People ALWAYS act the complete opposite of how they present themselves.
Every single time. Life is just one big masquerade ball.

Bryan Martinez72 said:That bolded part? Spot on. Are you like that, though? Or do you think some random stranger is somehow more important than you, like you'd put their opinion above your own?

Why do people try to make an impact anyway? What's the point of a better impression? Maybe it's just because they want to present the best version of themselves when they're trying to build a connection—whether that's a relationship or a job interview. I don't see anything inherently wrong with that, as long as it doesn't turn into forcing some fake persona on everyone.

Of course I am. If I weren't, I’d basically have zero self-awareness.
Everyone has self-awareness, and that's what makes you who you are.
Is that a flaw or a strength?

Some things can't just be labeled "bad" or "good"... Some things just are. They simply exist.
People can use them for good or bad, but the thing itself exists outside those labels—it's just there.

Like the universe... Is it good or bad?
Neither. It just exists.

copperpanther27 said:Look, once you stop performing, society tends to move on without you... but the real kicker is that you should probably stop trying altogether. If you feel like you *have* to try just to be accepted, then you've already been rejected from the start, haven't you? If acceptance requires an act, then you aren't being accepted for who you actually are; you're just being tolerated for the mask you're wearing.

And let's be honest, one way or another, we're all essentially outsiders anyway.😁

Once you finally stop trying so hard, you'll actually find yourself ahead of the curve.

Beyond just getting a better read on the people you work with—seeing their strengths and their flaws—you become the kind of person people actually want to hang out with. Why? Because you actually listen. In America today, people CHRONICLE a massive lack of anyone who TRULY listens or makes someone feel like what they're saying ACTUALLY MATTERS.

You become ESSENTIAL.

When you're the one people need, you're a step ahead of them and everyone else, because they'll always be coming back to you.

So my advice? Just stop giving a damn. Stop worrying about how you look or how you act. Honestly, most people don't care that much anyway. Just be real and use your own slang.
People are starving for someone who cares, someone who genuinely listens and gives advice out of actual empathy. Be that person. Focus on the individual...

Before you know it, you won't even be able to keep up with all the friends and connections you've made.
It'll get to the point where it drives you crazy.

People crave it. Most people are just too weak to handle it.

rowdytiger said:Why are people constantly on these massive ego trips? Why does everyone act like they’re the center of the universe? Why is there this desperate, pathetic need to force an impression on everyone else—like, love me or hate me, just please, for the love of God, acknowledge that I'm special? 😉Seriously?

What’s even the point? Who actually cares about making an impression? 🤷And why can't people just be themselves for once?

It’s because people naively assume others are actually paying attention to them. Usually, when you feel like someone is fixated on you, it's just because you're in love or caught up in some crush. In reality, nobody is sitting around thinking about anyone else...
Everyone’s got too much going on in their own lives to worry about you. And trying to impress people? It's a waste of time. You're basically performing for someone who isn't even truly listening while you're talking to them...
Everyone's wired that way
They care about themselves more than you.

When two people are talking, Person A is busy trying to look good, and Person B is doing the exact same thing...
Both of them are so wrapped up in their own heads that neither one is actually giving the other any real attention.
So why even bother?

Ethan Bishop2 said:Hey everyone.

Look, I know I’ve got flaws. Probably some people here have worse, but nothing too crazy.

Basically, I’ve been pretty miserable since my early 20s. I can't figure out what my purpose is, where I fit in, or what I'm even doing on this planet.

That goes for dating, friends, and just general life stuff.

Long story short, how do you "get right with yourself" when you're:

-not a great person, in general—just not someone I'd want to be around.

-pretty unhappy, dealing with issues at college that I've spent a ton of money on but still haven't finished...

-not the type to just grind and study 24/7, though I'm not stupid (college isn't the best metric anyway, given how much everything went sideways)....

-clumsy as hell, basically all thumbs.

-coming from a pretty broke background.

-stuck with an oblong face and a big nose that's paired with significant balding—it's a killer.

-socially awkward...

-quiet, but once I actually open up, I usually just end up venting.

And there's plenty more.

Bottom line, I don't see anything positive here.

Is it possible to be down on yourself while putting everyone else on a pedestal?

Not everyone is meant to do everything. You don't have to be a superstar at everything, either. There's definitely something about you that stands out.
Stop selling yourself short. You have to find the good stuff in yourself. Come on, try writing down a few positive things about yourself. Find one thing that's actually okay.
Don't be humble about it now.

You don't need to be paranoid.
Personally, I'm an open book—I trust everyone until they give me a reason not to.
I don't go around acting suspicious or looking for trouble.
Honestly, I especially tend to believe the people I couldn't care less about, even when they're lying straight to my face.

ambercrane722 said:Look, shadowheron49, I totally get where you're coming from, and honestly, it’s probably hitting a lot of us just as hard... we aren't missing anything, we just need to actually look at this...

I've got Venus in Scorpio, and man, this is spot on. Seriously. It’s so accurate it actually trips me out because they're using the exact same words I use to describe myself.
Thanks for sharing this, ambercrane722.

Honestly, I’m kind of relieved I can blame this on bigger forces 😂 because I hate that I’m wired this way... I look up to certain people, even though I know deep down they deal with their own flaws too—they just don't beat themselves up over it. They just own it.
I started doing the same thing lately, and man, it’s the only way. It's the only way to stop being fake instead of just being two-faced, to stop acting like I'm someone else to cover my tracks, and to stop hiding what I actually think and feel. My feelings are valid. They’re fine. Why hide the good stuff inside just to keep people around who won't accept the real me?
The second I cut those people out... things finally started changing.

Yeah, I’m different. A little weird. I get it... anyone could figure me out if they tried, but for some reason, some people just can't.
Does that mean I should stop being myself?
Hell no.

I really hope the OP realizes how self-destructive all this is. This is the first time since I started following her posts that she's actually admitted she’s stuck in this pattern.
There’s an issue here, and I hope she figures out exactly where it's coming from.

Perfection isn't real. It doesn't exist.
If you spend your life chasing it, you'll just feel like a ship drifting without a rudder, tossed around by whatever wind hits you. You'll end up in a mess, dating guys who don't deserve you simply because you're trying too hard to play the "bad girl" role. In the end, you just end up with a jerk, even though underneath, you're soft and kind—not at all what he thinks you are.
It's a recipe for heartbreak and failed relationships.
Follow your heart, but let it actually speak to you. After enough years, even your heart runs out of words.

Trust me... you'll know when your heart is talking.

ambercrane722 said:It’s not like you guys have any trouble pouring your hearts out or overthinking everything... it's always either one thing or another with you people, just a constant stream of descriptions. Honestly, I feel like I’m looking in a mirror seeing myself in all of you, yet I can't even find a way to comment on it. What else is there to say?
Everything—my logic, my gut feelings—it’s all dialed up to eleven, just like my entire life.

You’re a Sagittarius, right? That explains why you’re such an outlier compared to your sign. That's why you relate to this.

I'm not sure how much self-reflection you've done lately, but let me tell you the real curse of being in this headspace.

Picture some idiot who has no clue he’s an idiot. He can't even be blamed for it because he's totally oblivious...

Now picture an idiot who is fully aware of himself and everything going on around him... but he stays an idiot regardless.

This is what happens when you try too hard to be rational about feelings 😂—the two of you just don't click.
It’s either love or it isn't. That applies to everyone else on the planet except us.
We want to pick and choose... and that kind of mindset just lands you in a psych ward.😂

You don't realize you're actually in love until you lose control of your emotions for the first time.
Once you fall.
But what happens when that person doesn't feel the same way?
Looks like you haven't dealt with that yet...
It was a total system failure because I couldn't pull off what I used to do effortlessly...
controlling my feelings...
I ended up hitting rock bottom, then realized how much trying to micromanage my emotions screwed me over. Now that I can't control it, I feel like I've lost my mind. I'm constantly swinging between loving everything and hating everything, and I can't stop. One minute I'm professing undying love, the next I'm full of rage. "You're an angel," then "You're trash."
I just went totally feral.🤣
Those exact extremes you warned me about...
I actually lived through them...
A textbook case for a therapist. I needed someone to calm me down, but honestly, I just needed to admit to myself that it hurts. Let it hurt. Just let the pain exist.
Don't punish yourself for it.
Don't punish the other person either... just let it go.

Radical shift here. I especially want to quote what you said about feelings and love. I think I was actually in love with "perfection" for the first time, and I was acting out exactly the way you described;

As for whether I let myself feel things... I either go all in or I shut down completely.
It’s never enough, or I force myself to act cold as
ice. I try to be the dominant, cocky type, sure... but on the inside,
it eats me alive. Everything inside me is screaming "no," and I feel terrible whenever I end up
hurting someone!!!

radical change

😂 man, it’s actually creepy how much we think alike 🤣 it’s kind of unsettling.
Psychologically, you and I are cut from the exact same cloth. Now, if someone claims astrology is total nonsense... I don't know. I wouldn't normally buy into that stuff, but I pay attention to what people believe. It matters to me, and honestly, I'm terrified of being wrong about things. So... I know I'm not tripping, and seeing this? That's proof right there.

Reading your last two posts gave me actual chills.
We both have this one massive flaw: we have no clue how to handle feelings. It’s like they don't even belong to us. We can't show them, we can't listen to them, and we rarely trust them. We always default to logic and try to rationalize everything. But when it finally hits—when you've suppressed every single emotion, from anger and rage to love, until you hit a total mental breakdown...
You end up on meds, and I start spiraling into these extreme personality shifts just trying to find myself because I lost everything in the process. Emotions are supposed to tell you who you are, but we've become people without faces.

The worst part is, we're pretty dominant and stubborn. Being with "free spirit" types just makes the damage worse. If those partners don't know how to reel us in—because we act like we've got it all together—then they won't stop us. If they just follow our lead, we'll end up dragging them down with us.
If I hadn't had a father as strict as your wife, I probably wouldn't be doing any better than you. I don't have any inner fire left, just cold logic and emotions. My dad was pure Aries energy—all fire and fury. I grew up getting yelled at and dealt with through force. Some might say that's messed up, but words never reached me.
I only react to two things:
Fear.
Love.
Out of fear, I'll let someone take control.
And out of love.

So, someone with strong Capricorn energy—or a Capricorn specifically—actually works, provided you share the same outlook on life.
Anything else is a disaster.
As flighty as we are, we can do amazing things, but without real direction, all that potential just goes to hell.
I try to be my own spark, to keep myself in line...
But I always end up overdoing it. So far, the only people who've actually brought out the best in me are two Capricorns.
Everything else has been a bust.

Take care of her 🙂

Donna White50
Reading your posts... I feel like you’re reading my mind.
Seriously...
It hits home.
A perfect description of who I am.
Especially those examples you gave. Case in point: I went shoe shopping the other day, spent two hours agonizing over every pair, eventually lost my damn mind, and just grabbed the first ones I saw...
Just to stop the mental spiral.🤣
But there's one thing where I'm actually the total opposite. Once I make a choice—even if it's a bad one—I own it. I don't complain, and I definitely don't backtrack.
I've realized I'm ten times more effective when I'm busy digging myself out of a hole or dealing with a mess I made, because all my energy goes into fixing it instead of just drifting aimlessly through life.
You could probably use that too.
Notice how much raw strength you have even in the worst situations, as long as you aren't just floating between whims. You find power when you're facing the consequences of what's already done, good or bad.
Once I pick something myself, I'm a pro at accepting it exactly as it is. No second-guessing.

What does your horoscope say about women😂? I gotta ask, because as an idealist... nobody can ever be perfect to me. Even though I feel things so deeply, I can't just tell myself, "Okay, that's that."
Love seems to be my biggest struggle... Honestly, up until now, I've just been throwing myself into relationships that were basically self-destruction, exactly how the author (Libra 😂) describes it.

Donna White50 said:Why would I mess with you? My username pretty much gives it away, doesn't it?😁
To be honest, I don't usually buy into any of that horoscope stuff... but then a few years back, I decided to check what my rising sign was (never really cared before)... turns out it's Scorpio... I was like, cool, maybe I've got something edgy in me to balance out this boring romantic Libra vibe... so I go looking up "Scorpio rising with Libra sun"... and man, I couldn't believe my eyes... I was just sitting there thinking, holy crap, that's literally me... just the worst possible combo, total internal conflict, basically a recipe for madness... it hits way too close to home... 😵😵😵
Just watch those extremes... but if you can channel them the right way, there's nothing better... like, say, in the bedroom... you get that blend of deep emotion, an incredible capacity to give and receive, plus that wild passion that comes with being a Scorpio...😁

😵 Look, it's right there in black and white. 😂

Man, it’s wild... I know so many people out there who are just totally aimless, but I don't fit into any of those groups myself. Then I read your posts and it's like looking in a mirror. It hits home every single time.
😂
Same exact thing went through my head when I found out Scorpio was my rising sign.
Hell yeah! Might as well embrace my wild side for once. 😂 Man, that's just the way it is... I’m reading this and it describes me perfectly. A total mess.
Scorpio is basically that one guy everyone avoids at the party. They’re intense, kind of dangerous, and honestly? Nobody really wants to mess with them. 😂
Honestly, you can take that horoscope and shove it. The only thing actually true about it is that inner turmoil everyone deals with—the kind of stuff that’d land you on a therapist's couch in Chicago if you weren't careful.
I’ve basically been fighting this battle on my own. I'm a bit of a philosopher at heart anyway, so if I actually brought a psychologist into the mix, I'd probably just end up confusing them. 😂
Like, whenever I start doubting myself, everyone immediately jumps in with the answer. Like Michael Diaz6... man, that's just too easy.
If I actually laid out all the facts and showed everyone exactly why I’m hesitating, nobody would have an answer. They’d just end up as stuck and confused as I am. 😂 So, this just goes to show I'm not just spinning my wheels for nothing.
So you’re basically saying I’m a saint to everyone else, but when it comes to my own life, I’m a total lost cause. That's a hell of a way to put it.
I usually play the phlegmatic type—nothing really rattles me. I'm that person who’s always upbeat, always smiling, just happy to be here. Plus, I tend to show up with a mountain of advice and all these "wise" little nuggets of wisdom. Just calm, through and through.
Sometimes I just have to step away from the grind when things get heavy. I don't really know how to handle it, and honestly, nobody else does either.

I don't think either you or I would ever go to extremes just to screw the other person over.
Look, I don't really have that typical Scorpio malice people always talk about. It’s more like that self-destructive streak you get when you start spiraling. Once I convince myself I'm a bad person or that I've messed up, I just start tearing my own life apart. I basically become my own worst enemy.
Pushing away the jobs I don't want, grinding through stuff I absolutely hate... honestly, it just leaves me in a total funk.
I used to have zero self-love. I just couldn't stand looking in the mirror because I wasn't hitting the goals I set for myself. It sucked.

I finally started functioning like a normal person once I realized I don't actually have to be perfect.
Scorpions have this one crazy thing about them: they always find a way to reinvent themselves. They just rise from the ashes like a phoenix every single time. They can completely flip the script on who they are.
It’s all being driven by Libra energy.
Basically, Libra can really make the best out of that sign.