Posts by Nancy Johnson9

Matthew Torres2 said:I can't quite remember his exact diagnosis, but it was something very similar. He was on some kind of medication. I tried everything—constantly checking in to see what he needed, talking whenever he felt like it, giving him a hug when things got heavy, or just backing off when he needed space. I tried being more careful about how I brought up problems and worked on being way more patient... all while trying to cheer him up and nudge him to stay active because I didn't want him feeling useless. And yeah, I was juggling all of that with my own life, too. Then yesterday, he looks at me and says he never actually had what he needed to be happy and at peace.

Well, at least you can sleep easy knowing you did your part, and hopefully he'll eventually figure his own stuff out.👍

Jessica Miller51 said:What caught my eye was seeing you write out this exact checklist of demands—what he needs to say and how he needs to act. You've put yourself front and center, which makes sense since you're struggling. But you seem to have forgotten he isn't sick. He can't read your mind or meet every single need exactly the way you've scripted it in your head. From what I can tell, he isn't treating you poorly. It feels like you might be suffocating him with these requirements and these blowups because he isn't catering to you constantly. Even here, you criticized him for playing games, only to defend him a second later. In reality, you're letting him slip away from you because he dares to take a moment to unwind instead of focusing entirely on your crisis. Look, I don't have a diagnosis, so I'm looking at this from the perspective of your husband. He’s shown he cares, yet you keep pushing him to the edge just to force a confirmation that he does. Why? Because he missed a beat or didn't say the exact thing you programmed him to say? If you can, stop doing this. You're going to drive him away. It's not easy carrying the weight of two lives on his shoulders while managing his own life, which isn't easy either, all while helping with the kids. Try showing a little empathy for someone else's reality instead of only looking inward at your illness.

He doesn't need to check in on your every move if he's present and stepping up with the kids. Don't you see that's his way of showing love and support? You seem to need verbal validation constantly—needing to hear he loves you, that you're okay, that your illness isn't a burden. I'm sure it isn't a burden to him, as long as you don't turn it into one. Remember, this illness affects both of you. To actually make this work, maybe talk to your doctor about how to build a peaceful home despite the struggle. This condition might be part of you forever, but that doesn't mean you can't have a good life with your husband and kids without the constant insecurity and drama. Take your meds, follow the doctor's lead. You have everything you need for a happy life. You're dealing with a health issue, but you aren't the center of the universe, and you aren't alone just because he isn't giving you 100% of his attention every single second. If you can grasp that, things will get easier.

Thanks for this calm post, even if it feels a bit unnecessary to me. Sometimes you just have to step back to see things clearly. It's true that I've been leaning on him too hard and ignoring the fact that he isn't feeling the same way I am. It crossed my mind the other day—maybe I should change myself, you know, work on breaking these negative patterns, the judging, and the constant worrying. Focus on what I actually have (and I really do have a lot) and just do my best. Then maybe things will fall into place. I feel terrible when I weigh him down with my demands, and life has taught me that things settle down when you just take a breath and try a different path, because banging your head against a wall doesn't fix anything. For now, I'll just settle for knowing our love has been solid since day one. We both mess up sometimes, him and me. But I guess that's just how it is. It's the path we decided to walk together. Right now, I'm busy getting the nursery ready since we have a little one on the way, and I caught him giving me that look... that happy look. Honestly, I feel happy too. And I thought, if he's happy, and I'm happy (and I'd say I am), then everything's gonna be okay. Thanks again, everyone!

Thanks everyone for the replies and sharing what you think. I didn't post this on Facebook because the whole situation is kind of specific... given the circumstances. I gotta admit, I’m a little surprised by some of the responses, but honestly, that’s why I started this thread—to see what other people think and what they’ve been through. I constantly have this feeling that maybe I’m overreacting or asking for too much... and I’m really sitting here thinking about it. I guess everyone starts with themselves. You do what you’d want someone else to do for you. He probably thinks he doesn't need to do anything, just leave her alone. But meanwhile, I’m sitting here hurting and just craving a hug. We’ve always been close, always making each other laugh, but now it feels like I’m just a burden to him or like he’s trying to avoid me. At least, that’s how it looks from where I’m standing. Life is exhausting, I know—the grind, the kids, the jobs, the mortgage payments... it wears you down. But we used to talk about all of this, how it’s just a phase and how things will get better. Like, once we catch our breath, get some sleep, once the kids are more independent... then we'll be okay. Someone wise said it earlier—it’s all about acceptance.

Thanks everyone for all the replies and input. I posted this here instead of on Reddit because the whole situation is kind of specific... given how things are going. I gotta admit, some of your responses caught me off guard, but honestly, that’s why I started this thread—to see what you guys actually think and what you've dealt with. I constantly have this feeling that maybe I’m being too much or just asking for way too much... and I’m really sitting here thinking about it. I guess everyone starts with themselves, right? You do what you wish others would do for you. He probably thinks he’s doing the right thing by just leaving me alone, thinking she doesn't need anything from him. But meanwhile, I’m just sitting here hurting and craving a hug. We’ve always been close, always laughing together, but now it feels like I’m just a burden to him, like he’s actively avoiding me. At least, that’s how it looks from where I’m standing. Life is exhausting, I get it—life, burnout, little kids, jobs, mortgage payments... it wears you down. But we used to talk about all that, how it's just a phase and how things will pass once we catch our breath, get some sleep, and the kids become more independent. Like
wisely said, it’s all about acceptance.

Hey everyone. So, my husband and I have been married for nine years, and honestly, I’ve always been so proud of us—our bond, our relationship, everything. But lately? I just feel so let down. About two months ago, I finally saw a psychiatrist, got diagnosed with mixed anxiety and depressive disorder, and started taking Zoloft. My husband knows everything because we’ve always been totally open with each other... but now, I get this feeling like he just doesn't care anymore. We've been through such a brutal stretch. First, my depression and anxiety hit me hard, and just when things were starting to look up, my dad almost killed my mom. That just absolutely broke me all over again. And look, he isn't some jerk—we get along, and he's technically "there" for me. But it feels like he's not really *there*. We have two kids, ages 7 and 3. I’m basically running the whole show for them, doing everything I can to hold it together so they don't feel the weight of what's happening to me. All I need is him. Just a hug, someone to ask how I'm actually doing, or if I need anything... just some encouragement. Or even just a laugh. But nope. He just says "it'll be fine" and plays video games (and yeah, he does spend time with the kids, it's not like he's ignoring them entirely). Work is stressing him out so much that I feel like he's just focused on his career and nothing else. I work too, and I make just as much as he does, yet I'm still the one carrying the entire mental load of the house. It’s exhausting. When I try to tell him, or even write it down, he gets a little defensive, but then nothing changes. It's like he's decided to just tune me out. I get it, I really do—it’s not easy being with me right now either. But damn, we said "in sickness and in health, for better or for worse," didn't we? Yesterday, I finally told him I'm done. I'm throwing in the towel. I told him I accept this is how it is and I'm done begging him to actually notice me. He was completely blindsided. Like, "Wait, why??" Well, for crying out loud, I told him why. Because I just can't do this anymore.

Nancy Johnson9 said:Hey guys, has anyone actually submitted their application for those Associated Press rental units out in some small rural town yet? Or maybe you're just getting ready to? I'm trying to figure out what the deal is. From what I've gathered, they're looking at about 150 apartments for rent, but I heard a rumor that the first building isn't even part of the rental program. Honestly, I don't know anything else. What about you all?

Man, seriously. A thousand views on this thread and not one single person replies. I'm starting to think I'm just invisible on this forum or something.

Hey guys, has anyone actually submitted their application for those Associated Press rental units out in some small rural town yet? Or maybe you're just getting ready to? I'm trying to figure out what the deal is. From what I've gathered, they're looking at about 150 apartments for rent, but I heard a rumor that the first building isn't even part of the rental program. Honestly, I don't know anything else. What about you all?

thanks Zac Efron 🙂

I don't know, Michelle Evans. It took me forever to finally realize they basically chose this path for themselves. I still drop by once a month, and I talk to my mom every single day... but she doesn't really open up about her problems anymore. I mean, I still feel bad for them, I guess, but I try to just move on and think about something else pretty quickly.

With my sister, though, it’s a totally different story. I feel like it's on me to help her out, to give her advice and stuff... because we're the same age, and because I feel bad, and because we both dealt with our own versions of trauma from growing up in that house... but I honestly think she got the raw end of the deal. Like, it hit her way harder and just made her miserable. So, yeah.

thanks to everyone helping out

Michelle Evans said:Sometimes people obsess over everyone else's business because it’s easier than facing their own issues. It gives them this false sense of purpose, acting like they're actually being productive when they're really just wasting emotional energy on things that don't matter...
That's why I was asking about your life.

I mean, yeah, that makes sense. But I don't think that's really what's going on with me. I guess it's more like... I don't know, a learned pattern that just spiraled out of control. I've mentioned this before, but for most of my life, I was constantly terrified for my parents. I basically lived for those tiny moments when they weren't fighting, always scared he was gonna kill her. Now that I'm finally done with them, I'm just stuck being terrified for my sister instead.

I've got my own life sorted out. I could probably find ten husbands if I wanted to. But whatever.

Michelle Evans said:And just how much of your life is actually perfect? I mean, are there truly no worries or issues to navigate when it comes to your spouse, your surroundings, or even yourself...

I mean, I’m pretty happy with my life, I guess. I have an amazing kid, I love my husband, he loves me... we have a great relationship and our paychecks are fine for now. Yeah, we’re renting and we’re driving an old beat-up car, but when you crunch the numbers and look at the big picture—we’re happy.

It just eats at me that I can't help my family more (aside from sending them a little cash here and there).

To be honest, maybe I didn't even fully get what you were asking. It just bothers me that it doesn't feel normal to be so wrapped up in everything that it basically paralyzes my daily routine. And that I tend to catastrophize everything. I guess.

Hey everyone.
Something’s been eating at me. Honestly, probably for a long time now. I’ve got an older sister by a year and a younger brother. The three of us are really close. Since she’s my big sis, we grew up practically attached at the hip—you know, girl stuff. We were always there for each other, studied together, lived together, graduated together. Fast forward to today, we’re all married with families of our own, living in different cities across the country.

I’ve always been the chill one, while she’s definitely the loud, high-energy type. I don't go looking for trouble, but she kind of does. We have totally different personalities, which is fine, I guess. But what’s killing me is how much my mood depends on her. I care about them (her specifically) so much that when she’s happy, life is great, but when she’s spiraling, I literally get a stomachache.

She’ll come to me for advice, but then she just does whatever she wants anyway. She makes these impulsive moves that I would never dream of—she's pretty reckless, whereas I’m way more cautious. And then, when the plan blows up in her face—cue the drama. I sit there listening to her vent about how the world is against them and everything. Now, because I can basically predict the script, I try to suggest better ideas beforehand... but no. It always ends up with her saying I'm trying to control her or push her around or make her look stupid.

I know this sounds like some cliché sibling story, but I’m posting here because I don't have the time or money to see a therapist right now. If I could, I totally would. I think I have a problem. I catastrophize their lives so much that it actually makes me feel physically sick. Like, her husband lost his job, so they decided he should move overseas to find work so she and the kids can follow him later. It's constant.

I don't even know how to explain it. My husband is seriously wonderful and so patient... but when he finally told me to stop bringing them up because I'm stressing myself out over nothing, it really made me wonder.
I’m constantly complaining about them, mourning their struggles, thinking... why them? Why is this happening to them? Logic tells me everyone is responsible for their own life, but the second I start thinking about it, I start spiraling internally again.

Honestly, if I won the Powerball right now, I’d give them everything just so they could clear their debts and be set, but I have a feeling that wouldn't even stop the drama. Or am I wrong? Maybe they're just going through a rough patch... and I just want them to be happy. Maybe. But this "rough patch" has been dragging on for five years. It’s always something. I’m always the one listening and comforting. When my phone rings and I see it's her, my stomach literally knots up because I have no idea what bad news is coming. Is it money issues? Did one of the kids get hurt? Is there fighting in the house? Sometimes things are fine and I feel relieved, but other times, I actually feel guilty that my husband and I have steady jobs and things are going smoothly. We have a little girl, and I try so hard to make sure she doesn't sense my anxiety, but sometimes I just can't help it.😕

Sorry if I sound crazy, but please, give me some reality check. If I was clear enough, though... have any of you ever had this kind of toxic, rollercoaster relationship with someone, and did you actually manage to fix it?

So, how long is it actually worth waiting for a urologist appointment once you finally get that referral from your primary care doctor here in Washington, D.C.?

What’s been your experience with the wait times? thanks

Hey everyone,

I urgently need a solid GP in Washington, D.C., ideally somewhere downtown. Like, someone actually decent?

Also, I’m looking for a gynecologist—someone who takes Blue Cross Blue Shield or similar insurance—who isn't a total nightmare to deal with.

There's a possible pregnancy on the table here, so things are getting pretty frantic. Thanks in advance.