Posts by Jonathan Hayes

Timothy Cook4 said:I suppose what you said holds some truth. I did attempt to start with myself. When these difficulties first emerged, I found myself repeatedly asking him if I was truly enough for him... many times over... and my lack of self-assurance was something he found somewhat amusing. As for why I fell in love and why I yearn to be with him—it is because he was the very first person who, during my moments of deepest insecurity, would essentially "slam his hand on the table" to prove to me just how capable and worthy I truly am. He has never allowed anyone to speak ill of me; he listens to me with an intensity I have never experienced elsewhere. He offers such unwavering support, even when I am busy defending my own father against him, yet he also possesses the ability to open my eyes to my own faults so clearly that I am moved to tears.
That is precisely what I fell in love with, which is why it is currently so excruciatingly difficult; we are facing the fallout of a third party, combined with my own inability to grasp the need for space from someone who is battling his own internal storms.
Being with him is incredibly taxing... especially with someone who seems to live under a constant emotional blockade, where you can only discern their love through their actions rather than their words. It is difficult, but I must admit that I am also being difficult, which is painfully obvious. It breaks my heart to realize that I have become a burden to him because of this entire situation, and that realization causes me such immense pain and exhaustion. This is why I struggle to maintain patience, though I know I must; until I can find peace within my own heart, I fear we won't even be able to remain friends. :-(

So, how exactly did he "prove" you're such a high-quality person?
Honestly, you might want to look into building up some actual self-esteem and realizing your own worth. As long as you're hunting for external validation just to feel okay about yourself, you're going to keep falling into these toxic, codependent messes...

Timothy Cook4 said:It isn't that I am inherently unstable; rather, I feel as though I am losing my mind because I am encountering this kind of behavior for the very first time. It isn't that I desire a breakup, but I certainly need some distance.
It is incredibly difficult to say that I should just walk away, because doing so wouldn't be for our sake, but rather for the sake of a third party.
I don't believe anyone could remain composed in my position, receiving accusations of infidelity from a jealous friend—someone I have known for four years—regarding a man I have only been seeing for four months.
It is hard to accept his sudden withdrawal when I know it stems from the overwhelming baggage of his past relationship rather than any actual flirting on his part.
We shared such a profound connection because we have navigated similar struggles, though he eventually buckled under the pressure while I managed to stay upright.
Breaking up because of someone else—someone whom we both agree is a toxic individual—is an agonizing prospect.
That is precisely where the conflict lies.
He leaned on me for everything; during our time together, he was actually quite a decent person, holding onto these optimistic visions that he would eventually make something of himself.
For those first four months, he was a completely different man, but now, he has descended into this state of crisis.

Wait, let me get this straight—you guys have only been together four months and he's cheating?
I'm confused, because on the other hand, you're saying he loves you and you're the only one he "feels" anything for.
I get the impression you've taken this relationship much deeper and more serious than he actually has.
Reading what you wrote about how he treats you, it sounds like he's getting on your nerves and probably wishes you'd just "chill out" a little.

Timothy Cook4 said:To be quite honest, I have been in a relationship for about six months now with a man who relies on heavy-duty antidepressants alongside several other ongoing medications. His history is quite heavy; he has struggled with severe depression, made a few suicide attempts, and even underwent neurosurgery to address issues with his brain chemistry—I seem to have forgotten the specific medical term for that procedure, though perhaps someone here might recognize it. All of this occurred before we met, so when he entered my life, he was already navigating these pharmaceutical supports. He is the kind of person who feels an urgent need to stay constantly occupied just to keep his own thoughts at bay, largely because he struggles deeply with self-satisfaction. Over time, however, he has worked hard to manage his anger and ensure he never engages in physical confrontations.
Following some turmoil caused by a third party who refused to respect our relationship, his demeanor shifted significantly. Because I am certainly no expert in psychology, I began misinterpreting his periods of withdrawal as typical male behaviors—assuming things like infidelity or a simple lack of interest. Despite his emotional distance, and despite my constant pressure on him, he remained adamant that he did not want to end the relationship.

We eventually broke up, but only after I badgered him thirty different times one evening while we were out in a crowded place, asking if he truly wanted to end things. Now, I find the aftermath much more difficult than the relationship itself. Perhaps most painfully, I allowed a third person—who turned out to be a toxic influence—to poison my perception of him.
For the past month, I have been sending him several messages every single day. We still see each other once a week at his workplace, but he is understandably angry with me due to my constant texting and what he describes as my "psychotic state." Yes, my own psychotic state.
The truth is, I never actually wanted this breakup; I am still far too in love with him... currently, he is simply waiting for me to calm down and stop driving him to the brink with these incessant messages...

Could someone please help me make sense of his behavior or offer some guidance? I would specifically value input from someone who has actually lived through clinical depression and managed medication. Treating him like an "average guy" without acknowledging his mental health reality has led us into these profound difficulties.

Just stop harassing him.

Timothy Cook4 said:To be quite honest, I have been in a relationship for about six months now with a man who relies on heavy-duty antidepressants alongside several other ongoing medications. His history is quite heavy; he has struggled with severe depression, made a few suicide attempts, and even underwent neurosurgery to address issues with his brain chemistry—I seem to have forgotten the specific medical term for that procedure, though perhaps someone here might recognize it. All of this occurred before we met, so when he entered my life, he was already navigating these pharmaceutical supports. He is the kind of person who feels an urgent need to stay constantly occupied just to keep his own thoughts at bay, largely because he struggles deeply with self-satisfaction. Over time, however, he has worked hard to manage his anger and ensure he never engages in physical confrontations.
Following some turmoil caused by a third party who refused to respect our relationship, his demeanor shifted significantly. Because I am certainly no expert in psychology, I began misinterpreting his periods of withdrawal as typical male behaviors—assuming things like infidelity or a simple lack of interest. Despite his emotional distance, and despite my constant pressure on him, he remained adamant that he did not want to end the relationship.

We eventually broke up, but only after I badgered him thirty different times one evening while we were out in a crowded place, asking if he truly wanted to end things. Now, I find the aftermath much more difficult than the relationship itself. Perhaps most painfully, I allowed a third person—who turned out to be a toxic influence—to poison my perception of him.
For the past month, I have been sending him several messages every single day. We still see each other once a week at his workplace, but he is understandably angry with me due to my constant texting and what he describes as my "psychotic state." Yes, my own psychotic state.
The truth is, I never actually wanted this breakup; I am still far too in love with him... currently, he is simply waiting for me to calm down and stop driving him to the brink with these incessant messages...

Could someone please help me make sense of his behavior or offer some guidance? I would specifically value input from someone who has actually lived through clinical depression and managed medication. Treating him like an "average guy" without acknowledging his mental health reality has led us into these profound difficulties.

Stop using his "illness" as an excuse for the fact that he just doesn't love you the way you want him to.

So, what’s his actual diagnosis?

Chris Robinson25 said:So, what you're saying is I've actually got a shot if I go for it. Awesome. 😬

Why not? There are plenty of girls—myself included—who aren't really looking for the "standard" guy. We actually prefer someone who doesn't quite fit the mold... someone with a little quirk or a weird personality trait that sets them apart. Of course, if you're looking at something long-term, you just want to make sure that little flaw isn't something that makes living with them a total nightmare 🙂

Chris Robinson25 said:So where does that leave the depressed folks who are actually making killer progress, even if they’re still total weirdos? 😬

Under B 🙂
Being a "weirdo," or just being unconventional and different... that isn't a mental disorder. Honestly, for some people, it might even be considered a charming or desirable trait...

Chris Robinson25 said:Yeah, normal because they don't deal with mental health stuff.

I usually run into that first type.

I mean... saying someone "has or doesn't have mental health issues" is such a massive, vague umbrella term.
If we actually break it down like this:

a) someone dealing with psychosis
b) someone with neuroticism who’s actually doing the work (they have self-awareness and are trying to improve their quality of life)
c) someone with neuroticism who isn't doing the work (no real insight into their issues, no attempt to make life better)

d) someone without a diagnosis who just lacks any capacity for perspective or understanding different ways of being e) someone without a diagnosis who actually possesses empathy and the ability to understand others

Personally... I'd be perfectly fine starting a relationship with anyone from groups B through E.😁

Chris Robinson25 said:I’d love to keep this thread right here because I have a specific question about my particular "situation."

Long story short, I’ve got a crush on someone. Lately, I've found myself drawn to girls who deal with mental health diagnoses, mostly because they actually give me what I'm looking for. I need mutual support and genuine empathy—things I just haven't found with "neurotypical" guys. Honestly, I'm just relieved I can open up to her without worrying she’ll laugh at me or judge me. With most regular guys, if I mention anything personal, the reaction is usually just: 😲 + 🙂 .

The reason I’m posting is that my former therapist thinks I should be looking for a "healthy" partner, which I really don't buy. 😬 My mom feels the exact same way. I haven't asked my current doctor yet, but I definitely plan to. 😁

Anyway, for those of you in relationships—whether your partner has a diagnosis or not—what’s it like? Are you happy with your choice? Do you find that level of understanding even when things might seem "unclear" to the outside world?

Let me know. 😁

Wait, you're actually going to ask your psychiatrist for girl recommendations? 😁

Richard Brooks80 said:Does that mean I don't really have much ground to stand on if I'm hoping for a positive outcome?

To put it another way, am I just waiting... while waiting is essentially a wasted effort?

Unfortunately, neither you nor I can say for sure on that one.

Richard Brooks80 said:Yes, I love him and my intention is to help him.
Regardless of the current circumstances, my feelings for him have not wavered; if anything, one could argue they have intensified, as difficult as that may seem.

He loved me long before these complications arose, and I am hopeful that his feelings toward me haven't shifted despite this crisis.
Is it even possible for a crisis or depression to fundamentally alter the core emotions a person once held for someone else?
I suppose I will find out the answer soon enough, though likely through direct and personal experience...

If we're talking actual clinical depression... yeah, they can.

Richard Brooks80 said:Perhaps "getting through to him" isn't quite the most precise way to phrase it.

I am struggling with how to navigate this situation. How can I support him effectively? How do I let him know I am standing by his side when he won't answer his phone—whether he has it on silent, is sleeping, or simply lacks the energy to engage? When he goes offline for days at a time and ignores the supportive messages I send... how do I actually reach him?

Should I just show up at his doorstep?

I actually drove by his place one evening, but I couldn't find the courage to take even a single step toward the house. Given how chaotic his domestic life is right now, I hesitated... I worry that an unannounced visit might actually backfire.

Should I follow the advice of his friend and... just wait?

Just let him know you're there. If he needs space or is feeling completely drained—don't push the conversation. Don't get frustrated if he isn't responding. Just let him ride out whatever storm he's in. Don't expect him to "have strength" if he simply doesn't have any left right now. You kind of have to put your own needs and expectations on the back burner for a bit, at least until the crisis passes. Tell him you understand and that you're available if he needs anything. That's it. Everything else... that's what therapy is for. He needs a professional to work through this.
When I'm going through my own depressive episodes, the absolute worst thing is when someone tries to force me to "get out and enjoy life."
Good luck.

casualmarlin4 said:Do you hit the gym or just stick to working out at home? I’m guessing you prefer the house—I personally head to the gym to get some social interaction—especially when hanging out with the guys. 🙂Just go out and make some new friends—honestly, you’ll find that all that anxiety and stress just melts away in no time at all.

I honestly think it’s better to just sit down and talk face-to-face—skip the texts and the internet entirely. Even if the idea feels a little nerve-wracking right now—and I get that—just go for it. It’ll make things easier, believe me.

Yeah, socializing with guys at the gym... honestly, most of them spend more time staring at their own reflection in the mirror than even glancing at the women 😁

ruggedskipper11 said:It’s been a minute since I last posted. Since December 5th of last year, man... things have changed so much. Just look at how much life can throw at you in a few months!
Where am I at right now? Honestly, I don't even know if I've actually "moved forward." Sure, I've been crushing some great books, working out, keeping up with my vitamins, and my appetite is finally back. I've been getting my walks in and blasting music... but then there's the other side—still smoking way too many cigarettes, leaning on meds, and dealing with all this lingering fear and insecurity.
As for the relationship, it's just... dragging along. I don't even know what to call it or how to define it, but it's still there. We're communicating better and seeing each other here and there. But weirdly enough, now that things are actually improving, my anxiety is hitting harder. It's like back when I thought we were totally done, I felt this massive sense of relief—like the waiting and the constant torture were finally over, even though I was falling apart at the time.
You guys agree it's better to just vent everything out here rather than sending a text, right? 🙂

I'd recommend two books for you:

-How to Break an Addiction to Another Person and
-Women Who Love Too Much

🙂

Larry Campbell said:Hey everyone.
I’m not sure if there have been similar threads before, but if you’re willing to share your own experiences, I’d really appreciate it—it would help me out quite a bit..😉

The question is: how do you manage your struggles at work? And does anyone else deal with colleagues who are actually aware of your "situation"?
To give some context, my issues—mostly anxiety and panic attacks—actually started at my previous job. Back then, we were dealing with severe workplace harassment, but it was over a decade ago, long before people even knew what that term meant or talked about it. I stayed for a while longer, but eventually, life happened, I left that role, and ended up staying home to raise my child. After a four-year break, I finally landed a job last year working a seven-month contract. At first, it was a total disaster; I found myself taking Elon Musk almost every day before heading into the office. Surprisingly, it wasn't bad—everything felt different because I finally had peace and nobody was harassing me... but clearly, the trauma stuck around. Now, I'm feeling that same tension again just thinking about the job hunt and the prospect of starting all over from scratch once more...
Hopefully, you get what I'm getting at. That’s pretty much the gist of it.

I just pace around the yard or walk laps around my room... try some deep breathing exercises, talk to the colleagues who are already in the loop about my situation, or attempt to just 'sink' into whatever task is in front of me... Basically, I just try to stay busy enough to wait it out. I avoid taking Xanax because after a panic attack, I just feel wiped out... the pill knocks me out even harder, and being exhausted is one of my biggest triggers for another attack...

Hey everyone. I’ve been lurking on this forum for a while now, just reading through everything, but I can't seem to find any straight answers to a few things I'm wondering about. If anyone happens to know, could you please help me out:
- is it actually safe to mix Johnson & Johnson & Xanax & Ashwagandha powder together?
I already know you aren't supposed to mix marijuana with prescription antidepressants, but what about the rest of this stuff...?