Dating a "normal" person vs. someone "unstable.

I’d love to keep this thread right here because I have a specific question about my particular "situation."

Long story short, I’ve got a crush on someone. Lately, I've found myself drawn to girls who deal with mental health diagnoses, mostly because they actually give me what I'm looking for. I need mutual support and genuine empathy—things I just haven't found with "neurotypical" guys. Honestly, I'm just relieved I can open up to her without worrying she’ll laugh at me or judge me. With most regular guys, if I mention anything personal, the reaction is usually just: 😲 + 🙂 .

The reason I’m posting is that my former therapist thinks I should be looking for a "healthy" partner, which I really don't buy. 😬 My mom feels the exact same way. I haven't asked my current doctor yet, but I definitely plan to. 😁

Anyway, for those of you in relationships—whether your partner has a diagnosis or not—what’s it like? Are you happy with your choice? Do you find that level of understanding even when things might seem "unclear" to the outside world?

Let me know. 😁

Chris Robinson25 said:I’d love to keep this thread right here because I have a specific question about my particular "situation."

Long story short, I’ve got a crush on someone. Lately, I've found myself drawn to girls who deal with mental health diagnoses, mostly because they actually give me what I'm looking for. I need mutual support and genuine empathy—things I just haven't found with "neurotypical" guys. Honestly, I'm just relieved I can open up to her without worrying she’ll laugh at me or judge me. With most regular guys, if I mention anything personal, the reaction is usually just: 😲 + 🙂 .

The reason I’m posting is that my former therapist thinks I should be looking for a "healthy" partner, which I really don't buy. 😬 My mom feels the exact same way. I haven't asked my current doctor yet, but I definitely plan to. 😁

Anyway, for those of you in relationships—whether your partner has a diagnosis or not—what’s it like? Are you happy with your choice? Do you find that level of understanding even when things might seem "unclear" to the outside world?

Let me know. 😁

Wait, you're actually going to ask your psychiatrist for girl recommendations? 😁

Jonathan Hayes said:Wait, you're actually going to ask your psychiatrist for girl recommendations? 😁

Nah, I'm just curious. I've heard from plenty of people that "hanging out" with unstable types usually ends pretty fast... just wanted to get a real perspective.

Personally, I've been dealing with depression and anxiety, and I also have a history of being in a long-term, abusive relationship.

My partner is mentally healthy and very stable—of course, she can't fully grasp everything I'm going through, but she’s such a huge support system. In the early days, this actually put a lot more strain on our relationship because I would spiral into crises more often; I'd find myself ruminating over a single sentence for an entire week or something like that. Fortunately, I finally started seeing a therapist a few months ago who is a perfect fit for me, and I've been feeling so much happier lately. 🙂

Honestly, I'm just glad she's healthy and steady for several reasons. First off, she acts as a sort of reality check for me—like, "Okay, is this a normal reaction, or is this just part of my illness?" Second, it means I can focus entirely on myself when I'm in a crisis. I tend to be pretty empathetic, and if I were with someone unstable, I’d end up wasting all my energy trying to hide my own struggles just so I wouldn't trigger theirs—which wouldn't be good for anyone involved. 🙂

Brenda Hughes2 said:Personally, I've been dealing with depression and anxiety, and I also have a history of being in a long-term, abusive relationship.

My partner is mentally healthy and very stable—of course, she can't fully grasp everything I'm going through, but she’s such a huge support system. In the early days, this actually put a lot more strain on our relationship because I would spiral into crises more often; I'd find myself ruminating over a single sentence for an entire week or something like that. Fortunately, I finally started seeing a therapist a few months ago who is a perfect fit for me, and I've been feeling so much happier lately. 🙂

Honestly, I'm just glad she's healthy and steady for several reasons. First off, she acts as a sort of reality check for me—like, "Okay, is this a normal reaction, or is this just part of my illness?" Second, it means I can focus entirely on myself when I'm in a crisis. I tend to be pretty empathetic, and if I were with someone unstable, I’d end up wasting all my energy trying to hide my own struggles just so I wouldn't trigger theirs—which wouldn't be good for anyone involved. 🙂

This is such a beautiful post. 🙂

Hmm... about that part. 😬

I need a reality check every now and then too, since my perspective isn't always the most accurate. I get all the theory, but in practice, it all feels pretty silly to me. 😬

I'm actually a really good listener, and honestly, I think two negatives can make a plus. I just love being around people who are "my kind" of person. I truly think it could work.

And who exactly counts as "normal"?😁
I don't know anyone like that. I haven't met a single person who doesn't deal with some kind of issue or struggle, though none of them have an official diagnosis.

Forget about normal people; they just don't get us!

jadelynx2 said:Forget about normal people; they just don't get us!

Glad to see you're still around. 🙂

I've been thinking along those same lines myself. 😁

Chris Robinson25 said:This is such a beautiful post. 🙂

Hmm... about that part. 😬

I need a reality check every now and then too, since my perspective isn't always the most accurate. I get all the theory, but in practice, it all feels pretty silly to me. 😬

I'm actually a really good listener, and honestly, I think two negatives can make a plus. I just love being around people who are "my kind" of person. I truly think it could work.

I've heard about certain couples who met in psychiatric wards and things ended badly—like, you have two people struggling with depression, one gets hospitalized after a suicide attempt, and the other ends up isolated at home and takes their own life—all those kinds of horror stories. Of course, nobody ever talks about the ones where the relationship actually succeeds. 😁

Now, I don't browse this subforum very often, so I have no idea what your specific diagnosis is, but I think it's worth asking how one person's illness might impact the other. What's the likelihood of you being hospitalized? Could that act as a trigger for your partner? Would you be able to handle the fallout? And so on, and so forth.

I mean, it seems to me like you've already made up your mind—I'm just rambling here. 😁

Jack Jones7 said:And who exactly counts as "normal"?😁
I don't know anyone like that. I haven't met a single person who doesn't deal with some kind of issue or struggle, though none of them have an official diagnosis.

It's not just people who lead lives without any struggles at all who are considered mentally healthy. 😁

Brenda Hughes2 said:I've heard about certain couples who met in psychiatric wards and things ended badly—like, you have two people struggling with depression, one gets hospitalized after a suicide attempt, and the other ends up isolated at home and takes their own life—all those kinds of horror stories. Of course, nobody ever talks about the ones where the relationship actually succeeds. 😁

Now, I don't browse this subforum very often, so I have no idea what your specific diagnosis is, but I think it's worth asking how one person's illness might impact the other. What's the likelihood of you being hospitalized? Could that act as a trigger for your partner? Would you be able to handle the fallout? And so on, and so forth.

I mean, it seems to me like you've already made up your mind—I'm just rambling here. 😁

It's not just people who lead lives without any struggles at all who are considered mentally healthy. 😁

I haven't made a final call yet. I just know I don't want to be selfish, and the last thing I want is to hurt her. I just need to see how my story ends..

"Normal"? You think they're normal just because they don't have mental health issues?
Nobody's actually fine. Everyone's pretty much screwed deep down at some point. The brain's always working against you.

There’s a massive difference between someone who judges you based on a diagnosis and immediately wants out, versus someone who hasn't lived through your shit but actually tries to listen and get it.

You stop stressing about whether they're just like you or "normal."

Brenda Hughes2 said:I've heard about certain couples who met in psychiatric wards and things ended badly—like, you have two people struggling with depression, one gets hospitalized after a suicide attempt, and the other ends up isolated at home and takes their own life—all those kinds of horror stories. Of course, nobody ever talks about the ones where the relationship actually succeeds. 😁

Now, I don't browse this subforum very often, so I have no idea what your specific diagnosis is, but I think it's worth asking how one person's illness might impact the other. What's the likelihood of you being hospitalized? Could that act as a trigger for your partner? Would you be able to handle the fallout? And so on, and so forth.

I mean, it seems to me like you've already made up your mind—I'm just rambling here. 😁

It's not just people who lead lives without any struggles at all who are considered mentally healthy. 😁

The key is to sit down with that person and agree to be each other's support system, ensuring you both commit to getting better by working on yourselves together.

If you actually manage to pull yourselves out of depression, the relationship can end up being incredibly resilient because you navigated those darkest moments side-by-side.

Kyle Grant62 said:"Normal"? You think they're normal just because they don't have mental health issues?
Nobody's actually fine. Everyone's pretty much screwed deep down at some point. The brain's always working against you.

There’s a massive difference between someone who judges you based on a diagnosis and immediately wants out, versus someone who hasn't lived through your shit but actually tries to listen and get it.

You stop stressing about whether they're just like you or "normal."

Yeah, normal because they don't deal with mental health stuff.

Kyle Grant62 said:"Normal"? You think they're normal just because they don't have mental health issues?
Nobody's actually fine. Everyone's pretty much screwed deep down at some point. The brain's always working against you.

There’s a massive difference between someone who judges you based on a diagnosis and immediately wants out, versus someone who hasn't lived through your shit but actually tries to listen and get it.

You stop stressing about whether they're just like you or "normal."

I usually run into that first type.

Chris Robinson25 said:Yeah, normal because they don't deal with mental health stuff.

I usually run into that first type.

Just because they're mentally stable doesn't mean there aren't people out there who've hooked up with someone like us—doesn't matter if it's a parent, a partner, or just a friend.
How they react when you finally decide to come clean? Depends on them. And yeah, sometimes it depends on if they've dealt with this kind of thing before.

Chris Robinson25 said:Yeah, normal because they don't deal with mental health stuff.

I usually run into that first type.

Anyway, how have you been? Usually, once you start seeing women, things tend to look up.😁

jadelynx2 said:Anyway, how have you been? Usually, once you start seeing women, things tend to look up.😁

I've actually been diving into some R.L. Stine lately, which has been a blast. Honestly, I think I need to spend less time online.

Chris Robinson25 said:I've actually been diving into some R.L. Stine lately, which has been a blast. Honestly, I think I need to spend less time online.

I’m having the exact opposite experience. Whenever I go Away From Keyboard, everything just falls apart.

Especially with the state of this country being as ridiculous as it is right now. I'm already prepping for a great exodus. Maybe if I head somewhere further north in Europe, I'll actually have a reason to get out of bed, haha.

Chris Robinson25 said:Nah, I'm just curious. I've heard from plenty of people that "hanging out" with unstable types usually ends pretty fast... just wanted to get a real perspective.

A psychiatrist once told me the same thing. Back then, I had a friend who had been through heart surgery just like I was going through my own struggles—he was pretty unstable, just like me. My doctor basically said we were drawn together by the mutual venting, but that those aren't solid foundations for a healthy relationship. You tend to attract exactly the kind of partner you are at that specific moment. Since I wasn't stable, happy, or even mentally healthy back then, that was the only type of person I could pull in. And he was right. I didn't need that relationship, though I did learn something from him. Still, that whole experiment cost me way too much.
I shouldn't have been with anyone at that time. I was actually looking for a friend, someone for support, not a partner. Whatever. I didn't realize it then. I should have listened to the doctor.

boldnomad45 said:A psychiatrist once told me the same thing. Back then, I had a friend who had been through heart surgery just like I was going through my own struggles—he was pretty unstable, just like me. My doctor basically said we were drawn together by the mutual venting, but that those aren't solid foundations for a healthy relationship. You tend to attract exactly the kind of partner you are at that specific moment. Since I wasn't stable, happy, or even mentally healthy back then, that was the only type of person I could pull in. And he was right. I didn't need that relationship, though I did learn something from him. Still, that whole experiment cost me way too much.
I shouldn't have been with anyone at that time. I was actually looking for a friend, someone for support, not a partner. Whatever. I didn't realize it then. I should have listened to the doctor.

I guess I also have to learn everything the hard way. 😬

boldnomad45 said:A psychiatrist once told me the same thing. Back then, I had a friend who had been through heart surgery just like I was going through my own struggles—he was pretty unstable, just like me. My doctor basically said we were drawn together by the mutual venting, but that those aren't solid foundations for a healthy relationship. You tend to attract exactly the kind of partner you are at that specific moment. Since I wasn't stable, happy, or even mentally healthy back then, that was the only type of person I could pull in. And he was right. I didn't need that relationship, though I did learn something from him. Still, that whole experiment cost me way too much.
I shouldn't have been with anyone at that time. I was actually looking for a friend, someone for support, not a partner. Whatever. I didn't realize it then. I should have listened to the doctor.

This really brings up some new questions. 🙂 What happens if you finally find your footing and start feeling better, but your partner doesn't? Or vice versa? Does it even matter? I wonder, can an unstable partner actually motivate you to become a healthier version of yourself? 🙂