Posts by Edward Howard

I’m feeling pretty anxious lately, so I’ve been looking to chat with some mature adults. Honestly, I just need a way to vent my frustrations in a somewhat productive manner. I'm not interested in talking about my age or going into the details of what's actually happening in my life. I just want to talk about normal, everyday stuff. I want someone to get fired up about something! I feel like I want to set myself on fire—figuratively speaking, obviously. If anyone feels like they can relate to this, let me know.

Patrick Reyes5 said:I’m 31. Or at least, I will be in a few months. Currently, I’m unemployed. I have some experience—temp work through the court system—which is my only official employment history. I’ve passed my professional certification exam, too. It’s not the work itself I dread; I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life scrubbing floors or cleaning hotel rooms (though I do currently clean under the table to get by).

And honestly? I’m terrified. I’m scared my mother is right when she says my career ceiling is a janitorial position. I’m scared it’s too late to ditch this dead-end path everyone keeps preaching about and actually enroll in a program I care about, like studying English Literature. I’m scared it’s too late to master the languages that actually interest me: French, Russian, and Turkish. I’m scared I’ll never get to spend a weekend in New York City, which is a massive dream of mine. I’m scared I won't master English well enough to pass an Oxford proficiency exam. I’m scared I’ll lose the few real friends I have left. I’m scared I won't be able to pick up video editing, even though I love the idea. I’m scared I’ll be the only one in my social circle with just a vocational degree, and people will assume I’m not as bright as them. I’m scared I’ll never land a job because I don’t have the right connections. I’m scared I’ll never find a partner or have children, especially since people keep telling me I'm "running out of time." I’m scared to cut my hair short; I’m tired of managing long hair just because I can tie it in a ponytail. I’m scared I won't have enough money and will always rely on my father, when I should be the one helping him. I’m scared to call the registrar at St. Louis to ask about transferring. I’m scared to call the gym and ask if they charge for demonstrating proper form like a private trainer would. I’m scared I’ll never learn to dance the tango. I’m scared I’ll never learn to sew my own clothes, since shopping isn't really my thing. I’m scared I’ll never find a chemical peel that helps with a small scar I have. I’m scared the marks from my skin-picking disorder will never fade. I’m scared I’ll never find the right skincare for my face. I’m even scared that I’ll never learn how to express myself better.

I am afraid that I will stay stuck exactly where I am forever, with nothing ever changing.

Most of all, I fear waking up one day to realize my life has passed me by while I was still sitting in this same spot—never having moved away, never having found a job (even on Mars), never having had kids, and never having accomplished a single thing I actually planned.

I’m scared there isn't enough time left to fix anything. I’m scared of how people will react if I try. I’m scared of everything.

How do I stop being afraid?

Fear. It's just fear. That's all it is.
Why can't you just pull yourself together? Would you let someone rip your skin off or gouge your eyes out? Because this isn't your skin, and those aren't your eyes.
So, you move away from the source of the fear—even if it's just mentally at first, if you can't do it physically.
And you're damn intelligent. 🙂 I'll say it again. You are intelligent.
That's my take on it.

Terry Lopez18 said:How old are you now, and does your mom have a partner she’s living with?
The fact that she’s actually reasonable gives you a massive leg up over people dealing with mothers who are—to put it politely—completely irrational.

Just take it one day at a time. You have to internalize the idea that you are responsible for your own life, and your mother is responsible for hers.

Man, that's a whole other story. She’s reasonable, sure, but she just doesn't get me. I feel like I've spent countless hours every single day doing nothing but emotional labor. I spend my time dreaming about my grandma and my dad, and now, it looks like I'll be dreaming about my mom too. It's going to take forever to actually change how I react, which is why this community is honestly helping me so much. My grandma was a narcissist in the worst way, my dad was basically her servant, and I ended up being my mom's emotional slave. She constantly pushes guilt onto me, when the truth is she's just retreated into this role of the victim and the caregiver. As she's gotten older, she's only become more unstable in that regard. She’s always trying to mold me into someone else. I used to try to change her too, but those were just mistakes I made when I was younger. I'm pretty much over it now. I don't even know how long this healing process is going to last, especially since I grew up thinking they were all perfectly fine and that I was the one who could never do anything right.

It’s not even about being afraid to leave; it's more that I'm carrying this massive weight of guilt over the fact that I eventually have to move out from my mom's place. She’s a totally reasonable person, honestly, so she gets that growing up means moving on—there's no conflict there. But man, how do you actually shake that sense of guilt and the heartache that comes with it? Does anyone know what actually helps?

"My guys" are swamped at work, so I haven't heard a peep from them in ages. But honestly, if you told a woman that her guy was actually getting some action, maybe then they’d finally get the hint and back off? 😁

Reading through various threads on Psychic has hit me a little hard, but I guess it was enough to make an actual difference.

Something about this screams avoidant personality disorder to me. I don't really get why you're even stressing over it, though, if you guys aren't even close, right?