Posts by shadowheron49

ambercrane722 said:Whatever, man, it’s all just water under the bridge now, right shadowheron49?

Exactly, baby...
Honestly, I'm getting absolutely nothing out of this whole flirting thing... like, zero benefits...
I'm just gonna end up wrecking my own head while he doesn't give a single damn.

hiddenpuma3 said:Exactly—it's an addiction.
"Heartache"? Please, give me a break.😁
It hurts because he blew you off—plain and simple. Get over it, shake off the dust, and move on. If you want some comfort, remember this: if he were actually the right one for you, he would have stayed. But he didn't.

well, who doesn't hurt when they get dumped... but I'm not really the type to sit around moping when someone leaves me, instead my spite just kicks in... pure anger... I won't hear his name, see him, or even wave at him again... pffff, who cares... I'm not even gonna talk about that guy, let alone write about him...

But this is actually different...
It's not about that... he blew me off, and obviously... I wouldn't be hurting if I weren't... but even though it is... I'm grieving because of the rejection itself and how pathetic I feel... I don't want to be pathetic, but I am, and it sucks. This time, it's just this ugly feeling.
It feels... different.
It's not like I'm mourning him... it's not... I know myself... I know what would happen if it were just my ego...

My ego came out back when my fiancé told me, "If you don't like it, leave," and I walked right out—I don't need to be told twice.
I didn't forgive him then. You try to force me? Fuck off... there were tears and apologies later and all that... but I refused to go back because I wasn't going to let anyone talk to me like that. Go get a dog if you want to act like that.

This is something else... I don't even know what...
An illusion.
That's why I'm here.

And I’m definitely not saying this is just about my ego...
It’s not even that... damn... it’s just my heart that's hurting...
I’ve honestly never met anyone quite like him, there just aren't people like that around here, someone who feels so deeply connected to me...
I guess I just bonded with him in a way that's hard to explain...
It isn't even like I'm grieving... it's more like that constant knot in your stomach because you realize you're never going to see that person again...
That's all... That word "NEVER." I absolutely hate it.

I don't know... I still remember how things used to be, you know? It was just... simple. Those human connections... and that kind of love... I never really had issues with myself or anyone else back then.
I didn't exactly have a roadmap for what I wanted, but I definitely knew what I *didn't* want, so I just used that to guide me...
There wasn't any self-doubt...
I wasn't. This. Messed. Up...
But now... yeah, now I'm a total wreck.
I can't even put my finger on why or when it all started going downhill...
Maybe it's because he completely trashed my confidence and left me with a million complexes about the way I carry myself...

I honestly don't even know what I fell for... He was just different, so unique, he was... special... but everything about him works against me... he doesn't want me, yet here I am, head over heels and totally obsessed.
This would never happen to me in real life; I've never even fallen for someone like this IRL, not at first sight, not through that "spark" everyone talks about... I'm not the type to fall easily like that...
And yet, here I am, falling for... HIM!???? Over the internet!????

I really don't know where my parents went wrong with my upbringing...

Frank Thomas92 said:I honestly don't know how to put this into words, but spending thirty minutes face-to-face with someone doesn't suddenly turn you into a lunatic or some obsessed stalker... especially not after you've been in a relationship for two years. Whether that connection was strictly online or not, those represent two full years of your life.
Whether he agrees to it or not, I would personally demand that meeting just to get my own peace of mind.
I truly believe that sitting down face-to-face would either settle the matter once and for all or provide the closure you need to move on rapidly.
To me, having the chance to clear the air, only to choose instead to suffer and leave everything stuck in some idealized fantasy, isn't a healthy way to live.
Stepping up and facing the situation head-on doesn't make you crazy; it makes you someone with the backbone to see things through to the end. You’d only be acting like a lunatic if you started stalking him *after* the meeting, which, frankly, I highly doubt you'd ever do.

Yeah... honestly, the only reason I'd do it is for my own sanity too...
But you know what's actually tearing me apart right now?
He used to tell me... about how so many girls fell for him exactly the same way I did...
And he never ended up seeing any of them...
Now I can't help but wonder if I'm actually anything special at all... I've seen photos of some of those girls, and they are gorgeous, seriously stunning... and he turned them all down...

It's not even that... it's just... it opened my eyes to the fact that I might just be another girl in a long line of people who fell for him, and that I don't mean a damn thing to him...

I don't know how to explain it... my ego... my pride won't let me humiliate myself like this...
All I wanted was for him... to carve out even just a tiny sliver of his life for me, even just one hour...

But it's not that I'm a bad person... it's just that I feel like I'm not "worth" that single hour because I'm nothing special, and that completely kills my desire for him... my drive to even try...
I just wanted him to show me, in his own way, that I actually matter a little more than everyone else...
And now, he's been gone for two weeks, knowing full well I'm worried sick (I'm terrified something happened to him), yet he could easily have just decided to ghost me... by doing that, he proved I'm no different from the rest... which I already realized before this...

Honestly, it just killed any urge I had to see him, to work for him, or to care about anything at all...

Frank Thomas92 said:Is there actually any way to track him down in real life?
Any way at all?
Honestly, if I could just wrap everything up and get some closure, I’d find him in a heartbeat.
I would love nothing more than to look him straight in the eye and tell him exactly what he deserves.
Now, if—and this is a massive "if"—there truly is no way to find out (and let's be real, there's no way you haven't picked up some kind of lead over the last two years), then I suppose I'd follow the path you're already taking... but before I did that, I would exhaust every single tiny clue I ever had on him.
The chances of you being disappointed are incredibly high, but honestly? That sense of relief you'd feel afterward is absolutely necessary.

I've been thinking about that too...
There's always a way... when you really want something, you find a way...
But... I want him to *want* to meet.
It's simple... I feel like I deserve for us to meet in a normal, decent way...
I mean... I'm not some crazy person looking to hunt someone down...
If he doesn't see anything in me... even just enough to get his damn ass off the couch... even just enough to stand in front of me for five minutes... after two years... after everything we've been through... if he still doesn't see it...
Then I don't even want to meet him... I don't want him to see me... I'd honestly rather suffer and seek comfort from you guys than deal with his damn mercy... 😢
He wouldn't be worth it then.

But I know I'm not that bad... I know I'm not...
I know I'm not ugly, or stupid, or bitter, and I'm not even rude unless he starts being rude first; I know there's so much more to me than what I can put into words here, and I know I didn't do anything to deserve being tossed aside like a dog... I really didn't...
If he's really that cruel and heartless... then I'd rather stay right here asking you all for advice on how to move past this illusion... this trick... this whole mess I naively fell for... because I naively believed that people actually cared about each other here...
I'd take that over forcing him to show up for someone who clearly matters enough to grab a coffee with... if he can't see that... it's his loss...
My loss feels massive because of his blindness... but I can't explain that to him and I don't want to anymore...

ambercrane722 said:Like some old relic, haha, everything's chill. But I seriously don't get why the guy didn't even try to link up with you, just as a joke or something? He’s acting totally clueless. Honestly, I’d show up just to see what that guy is all about

Exactly... that was my whole plan too... but I wasn't about to go throwing myself at him or acting like some crazy stalker right off the bat, right?
But I didn't.
I've got too much pride for that.
😂 I just hope he doesn't see this here 😂
I really just wanted us to meet face-to-face, plain and simple...
I can love him from a distance and just move on with my life if I have to...
I just wanted to finally see the person I've fallen for.
And I know that wouldn't change how I feel...

I'm just as confused as you are...
Maybe he was scared I'd punch him, 😁 or heaven forbid, try to kiss him 😂 ...
I just wanted to look the man in the eye—someone truly one-of-a-kind.
And he is... he really is special, period.

ambercrane722 said:Trust me, you'll find someone just like them once you actually step out of your house

Haha, well... I'm really not a huge fan of clubbing, and honestly, the guys I see there aren't really my type anyway...
But I'm actually super social and love being outdoors...
you know, hanging out with people...
I've got boyfriends and stuff too...
It's just that those types of guys are impossible to find because they're always tucked away at home...

Hmm... maybe I should just go apply for a job as a mail carrier instead😂

Charles Wells71 said:I haven't read every single comment, but people have probably already pointed out that you aren't actually in love with him, you're just head over heels for some perfect guy you built up in your own imagination. It’s way too easy to project all that onto someone online because you don't have any of those annoying real-world flaws to ruin the fantasy.😉

There’s no magic way to snap out of it, honestly; you’ll always be chasing that "perfect" version of a man until you eventually find someone who hits close enough to the mark, and then you just learn to live with the rest of their quirks. And hey, call me stupid if you want, but time is the only thing that’s actually going to fix this mess for you.

Yeah... honestly... nobody could ever wreck me quite like I've wrecked myself.
I'm the one who brought myself to my knees.
No guy has ever been able to do that to me before...
Usually, my motto is just "whatever, who cares?" 😂
but right now, I'm craving something that isn't even real.
Even if he were actually that perfect... what does it matter? He doesn't exist in my world... he isn't part of my reality.

The internet is just... kind of a sick place.
It won't happen again.

ambercrane722 said:I think you’re tripping... thinking this is actually real. Like, who even knows what's going on with people these days? I fall for some actor's vibe a hundred times over, just picturing them in my head, then I see them in person and they've got this grating voice or some awkward posture that totally kills the mood. Or God forbid, the physical chemistry just isn't there. Stick to real life like you always have. I leave the virtual stuff to the total psychos—and me, when I feel like jumping in here to read the drama and chime in:☕you're delusional if you think otherwise, but you'll realize it eventually

lol, okay, I know I'm tripping, which is exactly why I'm asking how to snap out of it...

There isn't much else to do... just log off the forum and call it a day...

ambercrane722 said:I’m literally tearing up here... part from the sheer absurdity and part because I can't stop laughing my head off. You have no idea how ridiculous this whole thing is, man, seriously, I’m losing it. Just hang in there and wait, you'll see the punchline eventually. Good luck! :-)

Before you edited that post, it felt way more sincere and I honestly liked it better...

😉
Don't kid yourself. You're going through the exact same thing I did, but now you're just trying to pretend you aren't hurting or wounded...
if only it were that easy for me...
I've tried, but the more I run away from it, the harder it gets, whereas once I finally let it all out here, it feels a bit lighter... I really believe that eventually I'll be my old self again... like, no lasting scars or heartache left behind... that I'll fully recover...

I’m fully aware it’s all an illusion...
even if it feels incredibly real deep down inside...
that feeling is totally genuine, everything about it...
nothing would actually change, even if this whole thing moved into the real world... I just know...
I really do.

One day, it’ll all just pass by...
Time eventually heals every wound and fades every memory...

But right now, I’m heading out to grab a massive Hershey's bar, and honestly, I don't care what anyone thinks... call me crazy if you want, I love being this way and I wouldn't change a single thing...
It's all just proof of how much I live within my own dreams and fantasies...
And honestly... I truly believe I could stare down pure evil with just a look, though I'll never bother trying because I can feel in my soul that it's possible, and the whole world is basically just a hologram anyway...
I believe there are spirits all around me, and they're good, even if they scare me and stay out of sight...
I believe in God too—He’s such a great guy—I haven't seen Him, but I feel His presence in my heart..
The truth is... I believe in so many things I've never actually seen, simply because I see them through my heart...
I don't trust my eyes...
I don't trust my own words...
I only trust my heart.
All I really have is... me... and my soul just wants to believe in fairy tales, in love, and in some kind of magic that makes the grass grow and the planets spin...
My inner self refuses to accept this harsh reality, because it isn't even harsh at all when I look at it through my heart.

I saw him with my heart, just as clearly as if he were right here in front of me... I'd recognize him with that exact same feeling... my eyes might be blind, and eyes have a way of lying... but the heart never lies.

I’m going to keep believing in him, because that's the only way I feel truly alive.
Even this pain feels sweet... because it comes from him.
It’ll pass, I know it will...
I can feel it in my heart.

ambercrane722 said:Nah, absolutely not, that just doesn't fly with me. What are we even fighting for? Give me a break—the world is yours, yet it feels like you're constantly being boxed in by men. I’ve lost count of how many powerhouse women I’ve sat down with who ended up telling me they wished they’d just walked their own path solo. You’re just like me—someone who’s seen it all, traveled the map, and now you're sitting here acting like you're going through some deep tragedy? Please. What "struggle"? What "battle"? It's nonsense. Love is love, period, and it shouldn't come with a list of rules or a bunch of lies. Honestly, enough already. I am so done with this virtual nonsense, let's get out of here!

👍 You're totally right.

This is the first time I've ever felt this way about someone... and it'll be the last.

ambercrane722 said:Give me a break... you're totally overthinking this. You're stuck in your head worrying about who we are or aren't—acting like we're all just some group of crazies wearing masks, feeling miserable, pathetic, or lacking any backbone. It’s all complete nonsense. Just chill out and put that energy into chasing your dreams and hitting your goals instead.

hmmm, so what you're basically telling me is that I should fight for him?

ambercrane722 said:Look, if you’re feeling this way, trust me, I’ve been exactly where you are. Honestly? I just have to laugh at myself because there’s no logical way to explain it—it’s like we’re all just settling up some cosmic debt from a past life or something. I actually buy into those wild theories... plus, who knows? Maybe it's just one long lesson after another until we finally evolve into the absolute best versions of ourselves.

I'm right there with you on that.
Looking back at him... if he hadn't come into my life... things would be totally different, but like, *completely* different.
That guy had such an impact on me... seriously... I was already heading in the right direction, but I just didn't have a clue how to make it happen or where I was tripping up... he was my wake-up call. He basically gave me a little "hey, wake up!" slap because he's super spiritual and we're both into that whole alternative scene, but he's way ahead of me on that path and he passed on exactly what I needed to hear...
I guess that was his "mission," too.

It's such a shame... that's all there is to it.

ambercrane722 said:Seriously, you're just cracking up constantly? Look, either go out there and live some actual adventure or just go find someone else to bother! It’s honestly pathetic how people act nowadays... everyone is obsessed with being like Angelina Jolie or Madonna, while regular, normal people just don't get any love anymore.

It’s so easy to just slap a laughing emoji on a screen...
just to hide the stuff you don't actually want to show...

😂but at the end of the day, everyone is just human, you know? I've realized that so much that I don't even take everything in textbooks as gospel because, let's face it, humans wrote them too... and he's just a human😁
But he's a human I'm really into.

ambercrane722 said:Forget about him, just grind for your own dreams and let fate handle the rest. It’s not like he’s some one-in-a-million legend; there are plenty of guys out there just like him... you're just blinded because you've got it bad for him right now.

I mean, sure, there are guys who are similar... but honestly? It's just not the same thing...
I can't even find the right words to describe him properly... if you could just peek inside my heart for a second... seriously, if he could see what I see when I look at him, he'd fall for himself too! 😂

Maybe I am a little blinded... but I really do try my best to stay grounded and logical... 😂though clearly, I'm not exactly giving off that vibe right now.

Anyway... after him, there's no way. I don't want anyone even remotely like him because I know I'll just end up falling for him all over again in someone else...
I need his total opposite...

George Clark19 said:Something tells me—just from skimming through this whole mess—that you're both just masochists at heart. Like, you're out here suffering for him, and he's out there suffering for someone else. 👎

And honestly? You’ll probably just keep hunting for the next person to pine after—someone more dominant, someone stronger, someone "successful"—someone who at least pretends to be perfect. Because let's face it, nobody's actually perfect, but since you don't really love yourselves or see your own worth, you try to make up the difference through someone else.

Anyway, still haven't gotten an answer to my question. 😁

😁 Hey, I am definitely not a masochist, this whole thing is just absolutely killing me... seriously...
I just saw in him exactly—and I mean *exactly*—what I need to fall in love, to cherish, and for it to last forever.
Because... I've never really done the whole "love at first sight" thing... I never felt those wild, overwhelming emotions before... but he just has that spark, that trigger... it’s simple... even if it feels totally weird and confusing why I feel like he's meant 😂 to be my soulmate (ugh, I'd die of embarrassment if I actually said that out loud)... how is it possible that I feel this way and he doesn't?

I can't make heads or tails of this love.

It'd honestly be better to just stay single and skip all this drama.

😁 Wait, what question? I've completely lost my train of thought...

mistypanther98 said:What exactly did you see in him?

What was it about him that made you fall?

It’s just how incredibly straightforward he is—he doesn't put on any acts, and you always know exactly where you stand because when he makes a promise, he sticks to it. He can be stubborn as hell and pretty intense, but there’s this softness to him too... like, he has such a huge heart, and seeing anything unfair really sets him off like a wildfire, though he cools down pretty quick.
And if he’s wrong, he actually owns up to it instead of being one of those idiots who just doubles down on everything regardless of the facts.
He has this unique kind of intelligence; if he tells you something, you can take it to the bank because he’ll back it up.
He treats everyone exactly the same and never plays the suck-up, and even though he loves me, he won't sugarcoat things when I mess up, but he only does it because he wants what’s best for me.
Honestly, his advice has saved me from myself more than a few times.

He isn't addicted to anything on this planet; it’s almost like... he’s just built differently.
He won't eat meat because he's sensitive about animals, he doesn't smoke, he hits the gym, avoids sweets, and stays away from basically 90% of what people think is "good food"—for him, just some salad is plenty. 😂
He uses Training Inc. to master his willpower and keeps total control over all his impulses... honestly, he’s just independent. Not even dependent on love.
He really has no time for modern society.
He’s gorgeous... like, angelically beautiful, and he definitely has plenty of opportunities to just "mess around," but he’s looking for something real and won't compromise on his principles, so... while waiting for someone like that, he's become pretty disillusioned with women.

He is incredibly smart.
His intuition is insane, like he can see right through you, so trying to lie to him is pretty much impossible.

He's simple. Positive.
He has this soothing, gentle voice... paired with a rock-solid backbone.
He's got a sense of humor... and a massive heart... he’s forgiven my countless outbursts (which were totally my fault), but hey...
He truly has a giant heart and a pure soul...

He’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met.
I fell for his simplicity most of all; talking to him is just so easy.
He listens way more than he talks..
He really thinks before he speaks... he won't just blurt something out and leave me reeling.
He can be sooo harsh sometimes, like, seriously brutal to the point of tears, but... but it’s never without a good reason...
Because I’m definitely no angel myself... I know I could be pretty rude and go overboard... thank God I wasn't closer to him back then 😂
But after half an hour passes, you can talk to him again.
You just have to let him cool off and settle it.
He doesn't hold grudges.

mistypanther98 said:Wait, did he disappear because you were just a distraction, or was he actually terrified that seeing you in person would shatter his little fantasy?

Honestly... I'm not even sure... it could be both...
Maybe I was just some fun little distraction for him (actually, let's be real, it definitely was)
But hey, what am I even doing overthinking this right now...
Was I just a good time for him? Yeah, most likely.