Posts by Olivia Smith75

Look, your parents are being a bit dramatic, and if I’m being honest, I’ve noticed this pattern tends to come from parents who didn't pursue higher education themselves. I know that stings, but you really need to learn how to tune them out. Things will look up once you start again next year—I promise. Just approach it with more focus and better strategy this time around.

I went through something almost identical. I enrolled in a major I absolutely hated and had zero interest in (my own mistake, admittedly), and by the end of the second semester, I just hit my breaking point and laid it all out for my family. At first, my old man took the "you signed up for it, now you finish it" stance. But once he realized that wasn't happening, his support suddenly turned into, "You should have gone to a trade school," "I knew you wouldn't amount to much," and "My son is a complete failure." Then he didn't speak to me for three months, which was honestly pretty ridiculous considering we live in a tiny one-bedroom apartment.

Fast forward three years: I just finished my third year, and switching majors was easily one of the best decisions I've ever made. My dad eventually admitted he was wrong, and we're good now. Not to mention the endless threats about being kicked out of the house and all those other blowout arguments. Let's be real: maybe 15% of people actually graduate from a serious university—I'm talking Ivy League or heavy STEM programs, not some easy business degree—without losing a year along the way. You aren't a failure by any stretch. Take this as a lesson, learn from the mess, and next year will be much better. Good luck.

Most of the time, you can actually deal with an injustice if it's directed specifically at you. There are very few situations where you truly have to just shut up and take it.

What really gets under my skin is when things are completely out of my hands. Like seeing a headline in the New York Times about some kid from a wealthy family hitting a five-year-old in a crosswalk and getting nothing more than six months of probation because his parents pulled some strings. In a moment like that, I’d honestly want to tear that driver, his parents, and that pathetic judge limb from limb. I just try to ignore that kind of garbage; it sends my blood pressure through the roof for absolutely no reason, especially since there isn't a single thing I can do to change the outcome.

I was actually thinking about starting a thread similar to this one recently. What I find particularly fascinating is how much our individual perception of reality bleeds into every single aspect of our lives.
Take any random post on a forum, specifically those "my girlfriend is like this and that" type of stories. You see these massive discussions erupting about what kind of person she is, what’s wrong with her, what she should do, or how things could have gone better. But the reality is that this entire analysis is built solely on one side of the story—it's based entirely on events filtered through the lens of the person telling it. If that girl were to tell her version, it would likely be a completely different narrative that would flip the whole discussion on its head.
Meanwhile, the objective truth is an entirely different story altogether.

In my view, the ego—or rather, a fundamental lack of self-criticism (that innate human inability to be truly honest with ourselves or hold ourselves accountable)—is the primary driver behind these drastic discrepancies in how we perceive reality.

What really gets under my skin regarding this topic is the question of how far one should go when trying to analyze or reflect on things to achieve some semblance of objectivity. It’s much easier to just trust your initial gut feeling and run with it, but I am painfully aware enough that my own perspective isn't nearly accurate enough to let myself drift aimlessly with the current.

neonsurfer2 said:THANKS SO MUCH for this!!

(I don't know... just my childish logic and way of thinking, I guess..)

Come on now, 🙂

Give someone a chance to actually get close to you. Honestly, I think a little love and attention would do you some good. And stop being so reckless with these wild conclusions and theories—someone else will eventually hear you out.

You’re still out here desperately searching for a reason to keep him in your life. Look, I hate to be the one to say it, but using his physical labor or the fact that he drives you around as an excuse is just that—an excuse. There is undoubtedly someone else in your orbit who could help you with those things. It feels to me like you’re trying to force a resolution through sheer willpower. You’re holding onto this hope that he’ll suddenly have an epiphany, fix everything, and make it all right in some magical, painless way.

And that whole "he isn't a bad person" argument? In my opinion, that’s just a reflection of your refusal to accept who he actually is so you can finally move on without him. Nobody is purely evil; everyone has their redeeming qualities. But you shouldn't use those tiny sparks of good as a shield to justify all the wreckage he causes. If you do that, you could find a way to justify absolutely anyone.

You aren't a helpless child anymore. You're dealing with trauma that has bled into every single corner of your existence. You’ve constructed this internal universe where everything is inextricably linked back to your parents, but honestly, that’s just your own fixation. You crave parental validation so intensely that you’re blind to the fact that love exists elsewhere. You just have to give yourself permission to see it.

"How can anyone love, respect, or value me if my own parents didn't? How can I ever be special to someone when even my own family rejected me?"

To be perfectly honest, reading that part breaks my heart. I can't even begin to tell you how wrong you are. Where on earth did you get the idea that this was somehow your fault? Do you realize that your parents would have treated any other child exactly the same way? This has nothing to do with you; it is entirely about who they are. You aren't the culprit here—you're the victim. There is absolutely no reason why someone won't love, respect, cherish, and protect you. But more importantly than that, you have to start loving and respecting yourself, as much of a cliché as that sounds.

Take a look at the post above mine. Really sit with it and think about facing him head-on. Realize that he has no power over you; you aren't that vulnerable little girl anymore. You're carrying an irrational fear inside you, and you don't need this man in your life. Stop looking for excuses for him; you're torturing yourself and preventing yourself from living a normal life. Only once you purge him from every aspect of your existence will you realize he was never actually the center of it all. You’re the one who turned him into that. And you’re the one who has to dismantle him. Meanwhile, there’s a guy somewhere just grabbing a beer, completely oblivious to any of this drama. Don't let him win—these illusions and fixations are creating far too much chaos for you.

What if you just laid it all out on the table and told him straight up that you're done? I know, I know—that isn't exactly the "zen" approach, but don't fall into the trap of thinking there's only one way to handle this.

People have this exhausting habit of making excuses for others, often to an absurd degree. It’s especially rampant when it comes to family. "But he's your father, you can't just..." Honestly, why not? Since when did he earn the right to derail your entire life? Why on earth should he be entitled to your forgiveness? Let's call a spade a spade: the man is garbage, and I suspect you already know that deep down. If anyone else treated you this way, your friends would be screaming at you to cut ties and never look back. Family is supposed to be a support system, but what are you actually getting from yours? Just a toxic cycle that's draining the life out of you. And while you're suffering, this jerk probably sits there thinking he was a "decent enough dad most of the time."

You don't need this baggage. You've tried making it work, but don't let a shared DNA profile force you into a lifetime of misery and depression. Tell him exactly what he put you through. Tell him you can't stand to be in his presence anymore. Be brutally honest with him, and more importantly, be honest with yourself.
Otherwise, you can just sit there reading self-help books and trying to forgive a man who has spent the last 30 years destroying you—a man who, from where I'm sitting, doesn't seem particularly sorry about any of it.