Posts by graniteeagle3

Michael Diaz6 said:😁 I’ve already cooked up a thousand dirty little schemes😂
If this were a real PDF, it'd be a joke...
😁

You really seem to be enjoying my struggle here... It honestly feels like you might be a bit of a sadist😁

Michael Diaz6 said:Whatever, man... if it's just a fantasy, anything goes.
You just gotta realize it's a dirty little fantasy you're into... not some actual sickness.

Actual sickos don't have doubts... they know exactly what they want.

Go ahead then—keep laughing and finding your little joy in someone else's misfortune.😁

Donna White50 said:I’ve got some seriously dirty thoughts that drive me crazy—until I actually try to make them happen. Then it’s usually just tears... because imagination is one thing, but real life is a whole different beast...😁

So you're really out here hitting us up on a Saturday afternoon, huh...
Man, you’re honestly just terrified of your own sexuality—you’re carrying around this massive amount of guilt over nothing more than some random fantasies... you've got yourself all wound up and repressed, your libido is basically non-existent, and now you're gonna try to claim you're going after kids? Give me a break...
Look, just stop messing with everything—seriously, just leave it alone. Between all those unanswered questions, the constant anxiety, that feeling of being stuck, and all that guilt... it’s no wonder you're feeling this way. Honestly? Your biggest issue isn't what's happening around you, it's that you won't just give yourself a break and you're overthinking every single little thing...🤣

Alright then...

Michael Diaz6 said:What do you mean "you haven't"? What are you even talking about here
"The only thing left is necrophilia."

Look, just play dead. Relax, stay still, and if you actually get an erection, then you lost. Then he's the corpse and you're just... well...

Go ahead and pretend he's your brother since incest used to turn you on too.

You guys are all freaks.🤣

And I guess all gay guys are just like you...

Your posts have actually made me laugh a few times before, but this? This isn't funny at all.
I was being honest when I mentioned having had thoughts regarding incest or zoophilia—that necrophilia is the one thing I haven't experienced yet. But honestly, it's just something that's still on my list.
To be perfectly clear, I am not actually attracted to incest or necrophilia.
Don't try to mess with my head—it's hard enough dealing with my own self-deprecation without you jumping in.🙂🙂

Michael Diaz6 said:oh man...
damnnnn.
Seriously though, you just need to find a guy who will satisfy all your—well, YOUR specific kinks. As long as it's just between the two of you, nobody else is getting hurt.

Let him play dead, then go to town...
you know how it is...
yeah...

Problem solved.

Just find a guy like that.

I'm not quite sure why you'd think that? Why would he need to play dead when I haven't exactly been having any necrophilia fantasies up until now? :P

Lawrence Anderson19 said:Once you get past the phase of pedophilia or zoophilia, something else will pop up—maybe necrophilia or even incestuous thoughts.
What you’re dealing with are classic symptoms of OCD. There is no reason to worry; you aren't going to assault a child or an animal. People with OCD never act on their intrusive thoughts.

The zoophilia thoughts have passed, much like the ones involving incest did. Now, the only thing left is necrophilia.
But it feels like the fear itself is what feeds the cycle—I realize that intellectually, I know these are just intrusive thoughts, yet there is this persistent, nagging unrest in my mind that keeps whispering: "But what if they aren't?"

Right now, I find myself terrified that if I even brush against a child or catch their eye, I'll suddenly feel an attraction. And if that happens... what then?

Michael Diaz6 said:Give this method a shot...

Sometimes I’ll just be sitting there, listening to a track or watching some documentary or movie...
Man, I honestly feel like breaking down and crying over this too.
I feel the same way. The more I push myself, the more it actually pays off—even at my day job. 😂

Then I just lost it... and told myself, "Go ahead, you idiot, pay up since you're clearly out of your mind."
And then I just couldn't bring myself to pay them anymore. 🤣

I’m telling you, I actually broke down crying too—and it hit me way harder just because of how they suspended him.

Maybe try getting a little mad at yourself for a second. Next time, just force yourself to sit there, look at your kid, and let your mind wander. Just be present.
The craving will disappear instantly if you aren't some kind of creep. You’ll start feeling sick to your stomach immediately. Honestly, you can take off all those ridiculous rose-colored glasses yourself when you're acting this stupid. You don't need anyone else to do it for you.
If you realize there’s zero resistance and you’re actually kind of digging it...
So you're basically admitting you're a pedophile then? You've got those urges, and if that's the case...
Doc.

You eventually have to stand up to whatever's been haunting you. Usually, it happens right when you're already completely burnt out.
Then you just plant your feet and charge straight at it.

Facing your fears is pretty much the only way you're actually going to get past them.

As for what you said about the fantasies—I can tell you right now that as soon as the thought even crosses my mind, I find it repulsive. I immediately try to change course so I don't think about it; it's so revolting that I don't even want to dwell on it. At least I am certain about that part.😁
It's just... like I mentioned, I'm afraid it will start attracting me—that if I touch or even imagine a child, I'll become aroused. o.O
And then, if I do get aroused, my brain starts screaming: "See? You're a pedophile."
So, honestly, I'm terrified of intimacy because I'm scared these thoughts will surface during sex...
And then... if it ever happens that I feel an attraction toward a child (which hasn't happened so far),
I'll start wondering: Is this because I am one, or is this just a false sensation I've manufactured in my own head? And it goes in circles, and circles, and circles... it just never ends.

Donna White50 said:It doesn't really work like that, though... He’s spending all his energy trying to convince himself he isn't, but deep down he's wondering why he keeps obsessing over it if he isn't—why it takes such a toll on him, why those thoughts and images keep popping up if they aren't true...
He needs to realize that these associations are just a symptom of an anxiety disorder—basically, the brain likes to trip itself up with these intrusive thoughts. He's gotta tell himself, "Okay, even if I were, life goes on. Plenty of people deal with this, they get help, and they move forward. I've overcome plenty of things in my life, so I can handle this too..." He has to find peace with that thought just to make the fear fade away. Honestly, the fact that the whole "I'm not a pedophile" mantra feels like a lie is what's actually killing him... he just can't bring himself to admit it. If he could just accept that he has OCD, that these thoughts are just a side effect of being sick, then maybe by accepting them, he could lower the tension and make the associations stop. The more you fight it, the bigger the fear gets...

I also fear that if I run into a child on the street or see one in a photo, I might start feeling attracted to them. That I might start "feeling" something. Because it happens to me... not with kids, right now, but there was a period where I genuinely thought I was a zoophile. And even though I'm not—I am 100% certain of that now—it actually happened during that phase where I would feel a genuine attraction to an animal. I remember once, while petting a dog, it felt as if I were truly becoming attracted to it. O.o
I'm losing my mind, I know it...☕

Donna White50 said:You need to change your lifestyle. You've got way too much downtime for all this nonsense—you gotta find stuff to do that actually tires your body out and keeps your mind busy. Work, hanging out with friends, hobbies, reading, learning something new... basically anything just so you aren't sitting there alone with your own head...
If it doesn't get better, you might have to see someone at Apple.

Wait, what is Apple?

Donna White50 said:This whole loop you're stuck in sounds like a textbook case of OCD. You aren't a pedophile. Also, it might be worth looking into your sexual orientation—are you absolutely sure you're gay?
Since you've been struggling to figure out your sexuality for years, it makes sense that there are lingering insecurities and frustrations messing with your head. That frustration, combined with compulsive thoughts and depression, basically clears a path for this disorder. It seems like this fear popped up—this dread that your sexuality might take an unexpected turn—and because "pedophile" is such a terrifying, deviant label, your mind latched onto it. Now you're just stuck in a loop, obsessing from sunrise to sunset, searching for reasons why you are one and reasons why you aren't...
It’s incredibly draining. Look, seeing children as vulnerable beings naturally triggers protective instincts in us, but you've twisted those protective feelings into sexual attraction (which isn't true), and now you're hunting for evidence to prove you're a pedophile. If you go looking for trouble, you're going to find it. Maybe during a fantasy, a random image of a child flashed through your mind by accident, it triggered the fear, and now it's just swirling around inside you constantly...
The usual way to deal with OCD is to try and accept whatever it is you're most afraid of. If you're scared of being a pedophile, try accepting the *thought* that you are. Once you lean into the worst-case scenario, the fear usually loses its grip.
There are also plenty of people who live in fear of being gay. Even if they aren't emotionally or sexually attracted to men, that underlying anxiety and discomfort can easily get confused with arousal when they see someone of the same sex, which just feeds the fear cycle. So, I'd suggest re-evaluating your sexuality—have you had sex with guys or girls, and which one did you actually enjoy more?

For instance, in your post, you spent sentence after sentence describing your fears of being a pedophile, even though you've never actually harmed a child. You're essentially bombarding yourself with these thoughts day and night, and it's a vicious cycle. First, the thought itself is frustrating, then the fact that you can't escape it becomes the problem. The more you fight that reality, the stronger it gets, until you end up in a psych ward because you just can't function anymore...

So, acceptance—try to imagine that you *are* a pedophile and you'll see the fear start to fade on its own. Stop labeling yourself with these obsessive thoughts; just realize they are ONLY OBSESSIONS IN YOUR HEAD. Your brain is playing games with you, inventing horror stories, but that isn't who you are. If you can't handle it, go straight to a psychologist for therapy and treatment...

A quick question: do you use porn, and could there be a link between that and your fear of being gay or a pedophile? Also, have you run into any issues sexually—like masochism, trouble enjoying sex, issues with masturbation, reaching orgasm, or just staying focused on your fantasies...?

You can read a bit more about NATO here if you're interested:
http://www.vaspsiholog.com/2014/03/h...oremecaj-hokp/

Thanks for the post—you really nailed everything you wrote there. Truly excellent work.
I find myself agreeing with that sentiment—it really does seem like we’re looking at a NATO issue here. It’s one of those situations where you start peeling back the layers, much like when I was trying to figure out why my old car wouldn't start back in Chicago, and you realize the core problem is something far more structural than it first appears. Everything keeps pointing back to them.
I truly cannot fathom how anyone could attempt to draw a direct line between pornography and pedophilia—it simply doesn't hold water. It’s one of those logical leaps that people make when they aren't looking at the actual facts—though I suppose it's easy to get swept up in the moral panic of the moment. In my experience, conflating two entirely different things is rarely productive—it just muddies the waters and prevents any real, nuanced conversation from happening. To suggest they are inherently linked is, frankly, a massive stretch.
It’s been happening lately—where I'll be in the middle of masturbating and these intrusive, unwanted thoughts just start flooding in. It's quite disruptive. There are moments where I'll actually start feeling aroused, only to have my interest completely vanish—just an abrupt "turn off," if you will. It ends up making the whole experience feel rather dull and unfulfilling.
Now that I’ve found myself caught up in all of this—honestly, I don't even have the energy to want it anymore...
And I haven't been in a relationship, nor have I had any sexual experiences, with either gender.

Michael Diaz6 said:The longer you wait, the more weight you give this, and eventually, you'll trick your own subconscious into believing the lie.
Stop overthinking it and just say it out loud:
"I am not a predator, and I never will be."
Face the fear head-on.
Just don't turn it into some massive drama because the mind is a tricky thing.
It's like if a guy genuinely believes he's pregnant—his body can actually start mimicking pregnancy symptoms.
If you believe you're going to get sick... you will.
(That’s why you see those health nuts who live perfectly clean lives end up hitting the ICU—they're obsessed with staying healthy because they're terrified, just like you.)

Let it go...
Don't dwell on it; it's dangerous territory.
Stop making it a huge deal.
Your brain belongs to you, and yeah, it’s going to throw weird stuff at you sometimes.
Seriously...
WATCH WHAT YOU THINK 70% OF THE TIME—because that becomes your reality.

That is absolutely correct. If I tell myself right now, "Don't think about a giraffe," my brain is going to fixate on that giraffe relentlessly. And if I start worrying that I'm becoming obsessed with that giraffe, my brain will start sending me false signals that I actually *am* obsessed. It's because when I look at the giraffe, my mind starts racing toward sexual imagery, and suddenly I've convinced myself I'm aroused by the animal, when really, it's just the thought pattern itself.
Okay... as usual, I am overthinking things and writing far too much. 😁
The issue is that once I let something take root in my head, I become obsessive and start imagining things. If you start convincing yourself that you're attracted to a television set, you'll genuinely feel like you are. Once that passes, being near a TV feels perfectly normal again...

Our thoughts are such a convoluted, messy thing. They can be so deceptive. Everyone deals with negative thoughts, but the difference is that most people don't attach any weight to them. But this feels different. I just want to be able to act normally around children, just like I did before. My fear is that if I try to force normalcy, I'll trigger that "false signal" response where my brain tells me, 😈"Wait, what if seeing a child actually excites you right now?"

I often find myself in situations where my brain just starts firing off these nonsensical signals and obsessive loops.

Andrew Doyle said:Nothing you're doing bothers me, not even the long-winded posts. My point was simply that you present things as absolute certainties, only to immediately follow them up with doubt after doubt. That's why I told you that we all deal with uncertainty, but if you keep spiraling like this, you risk turning a passing thought into a full-blown obsession—which seems to be exactly what you've done here.
Let me be clear: if you actually were a predator, it would come to light eventually. It wouldn't stay confined to your own internal doubts because those kinds of impulses are far too powerful to be kept under control forever.
In my opinion, you aren't anything of the sort. However, if you continue to obsessively feed these thoughts, you really ought to reach out to a mental health professional. You need to figure out what's actually driving these fears and find out where they're coming from.

Honestly, if that were true, I wouldn't be able to live with myself...
I just don't know what has come over me lately.
It's just... usually, I'm not someone who deals with obsessions or irrational thoughts, but once I start questioning something or fixating on a specific idea, I fall into this obsessive loop and I just can't shake it.
The real struggle is the panic that sets in when it starts—it’s like a physical sensation, and I just can't find my footing or calm down.
And yet, I know I need to remain calm.
Thanks for listening, anyway...

Michael Diaz6 said:So there you go... you see what kind of mental loop you're stuck in...
you're just spiraling...
Look...
Just chill out.
It's not like it's written on your forehead.
You aren't a pedophile... your brain is just playing tricks on you.
Go give a kid a hug like you're their parent (or whatever gender you identify as 😂) and just stop overthinking it.

So, you think I should just go out and hug someone to make this fear disappear? I mean... it isn't a bad idea, really... but for now, I just don't have the nerve. Not until I find some actual courage and these intrusive thoughts finally decide to leave me alone.
My mind has always been my own worst enemy—it's just how I am, I suppose.
If I were to read something here on the forum right now that truly shook me, I could end up spiraling over it for days on end.

Michael Diaz6 said:Alright then... stop acting like sex is 90% of your existence.
And look... just remember you actually have control over what you do...
Even if you are some kind of predator...
If you can't even control your own body, then I'm telling you...
A knife is your best bet

First off—just as a side note—I would never dream of suggesting a diet to anyone... assuming that was what you were implying? Because, frankly, I don't even know if I fit that description myself—and I mean this with total sincerity—but I have these doubts about whether I am a pedophile or not. It's strange... one part of my mind tells me yes, while another insists no.
As for sex being 90% of my life? Are you kidding me? That's preposterous.
If someone has a very low libido—someone who isn't constantly preoccupied with sexual thoughts or feeling turned on all the time—then that person is me... quite simply.

Donna Doyle2 said:Could this just be a lingering echo from when you were still figuring out your sexuality and trying to deny it to yourself? Even though you've come to peace with being gay now, maybe that old internal struggle—that deep-seated tension—is still hanging around in your subconscious and manifesting this way? It’s a lot like how someone might go through an incredibly stressful period at work or in a relationship, and even after the actual cause is gone, they’re still left dealing with things like anxiety or trouble sleeping.

It really seems like this fear has taken such a hold on you that it's starting to mess with your day-to-day life, doesn't it? As much as it sounds easier said than done, you truly need to find ways to unwind, practice some self-care, and try to shift your focus away from these intrusive thoughts about being a predator; honestly, just try to redirect your brain toward other things and dive into activities that relax you and keep your mind occupied. Most importantly, and definitely the hardest part, is to learn to love yourself and work toward total self-acceptance.

What would actually help you most, though, is something only you can decide! It could be anything from hitting the gym or doing yoga to meditation, getting lost in a good book, focusing on your career, picking up a hobby, traveling, hanging out with friends, or even talking to a counselor (though I personally wouldn't suggest seeing a psychiatrist right now because things could end up going south for you)... just please, be gentle and patient with yourself, give yourself plenty of time, and slowly try to steer your thoughts in a different direction until they eventually fade away. It is possible, otherwise people would never move past their darkest moments!

Based on what I know about self-help, I usually find relief by taking a "so what if it's true?" approach to my own fears. If I just tell myself, "Okay, let's say this thing I'm terrified of actually happened, now what?", I often realize that the monster in my head is way bigger than any reality could ever be, and suddenly, the fear loses its power over me. I don't know if you're ready for that kind of mental heavy lifting because it takes massive courage to face your demons head-on, so if you don't feel strong enough right now to sit there comfortably and say, "Fine, even if I were a pedophile," then please, don't force yourself to do it before you're ready.

I definitely need to find something to keep me busy. It's very possible this is all stemming from boredom. Besides, I've always dealt with intrusive, irrational thoughts...
Thanks for the post 🙂

Samuel Price6 said:Don't sweat it too much... Actual predators and creeps don't usually come out that candidly about their intentions...
There are times I catch myself wondering if I'm even wired that way, yet I’ve never felt any actual attraction to men.
It’s really just a glitch in the brain's wiring.
The human mind runs on habit, and sometimes you just need to hit the reset button to get back on track.
The sheer volume of pornography out there can be incredibly disorienting. We're being flooded with so much stimuli that our internal processors can't quite keep up with the data stream, leaving everything feeling muddled and confused...
It takes a bit of time to step back and actually connect the dots between cause and effect...

I'm inclined to agree. Honestly, though, my head feels like a constant storm is brewing inside it. The hardest part is this persistent, nagging thought: "What if it's true?" That doubt just won't quit. It’s genuinely frightening... and the idea that I might have to carry this secret forever—that I won't be able to act naturally or feel at ease when I'm around children—well, that is a truly terrifying prospect.

Michael Diaz6 said:Reading this...
It’s honestly exhausting. It's not even about whether you are or aren't a predator; it's just that the sheer chaos in your head is hitting levels I didn't think were possible. 😂
You're never going to get better because...
nah, I don't see it happening. 🤣
You still have plenty of sex in your life, and then there's this...

My advice? Just go out and hurt yourself.
Either cut your junk off so sex stops running your entire existence... I swear, it feels like your whole life revolves around nothing else, so there you go...
Either deal with the dick or fix your brain...
One of those things has to go...

Is this a ban?
Hope not.

😲😲
No comment... I think I need a moment to process this before I can feel normal again.

Andrew Doyle said:So, when you start writing these long-winded essays on a forum, do you actually know what you're putting out there?
"What if?" "What if?" Give me a break. Anyone can get gripped by an obsession or a random intrusive thought about anything. "What if I actually act on these compulsions?" "What if I forget to turn the steering wheel during a sharp turn on the highway?" Well, guess what? You won't. You'll just keep driving.
It's the exact same logic for you. If you were actually a pedophile, it would eventually surface. Though, I have to admit, looking at the actual predators we see in the news, I don't recall them ever posting about their "doubts" or "fears" before they finally acted on their twisted fantasies.
But look, if you are some new breed of "self-aware" predator in the making, then do the right thing and report to a proper mental health institution or a specialized clinic immediately to seek help. I have no idea exactly what kind of clinical intervention that involves, but those professionals will tell you everything you need to know.

Look, I'm sorry if my long posts bother you... I was honestly just trying to offload some of this weight I've been carrying and share it with someone.
It just came out of nowhere—this thought—and I'm just saying that I have this overwhelming doubt that I might be... well, you know.

I feel I should add a few more details to this discussion. What if, for instance:
1. I have a regular sex life. It isn’t as though I am dealing with any sexual frustration or feeling particularly stressed out about it.
2. My libido isn't overly intense—in fact, there are times when even masturbation feels rather tedious and uninteresting to me.
In that case, what would your take be?

Joseph Sullivan10 said:Just my two cents, and I might be totally off base here, but if you think pedophiles aren't afraid of kids, you’re probably just sexually frustrated and taking it out on the wrong targets. It’s kind of like when some straight guys who can't get any action end up turning into creeps because they're too scared to show their lack of experience to an adult, so they settle for a neighbor's ten-year-old niece instead.

So, amateur advice from me: just find a decent partner and blow off some steam. Maybe all this stuff would just go away.

So, you're suggesting that some pedophiles are actually intimidated by kids? And you honestly think there's a chance that *I* am one of them?
What if my frustration isn't sexual? What if even after trying everything you suggested, nothing changes?