15 posts shown.
I wouldn't jump to conclusions about anyone based on appearances alone; my primary concern would be whether they possess the necessary expertise and professional qualifications for the role.
That said, if I were selecting someone for a customer-facing position within a government agency, and I had two candidates with identical credentials, I would naturally lean toward the individual with a more conventional look—someone who doesn't, for instance, have heavy tattoos covering their entire arms or other highly unconventional features.
Lately, I’ve been spiraling quite a bit over my scars. It’s becoming a massive weight on my shoulders, especially since I’m nearing graduation and constantly worrying about my future career and how my colleagues might perceive me. I didn't dwell on it this much before, but during a recent internship, I finally saw a glimpse of where I might actually end up working, and honestly, I felt such intense shame that I kept my arms covered in long sleeves just so no one would see. Since then, I haven't been able to stop wondering what people will think of me. My parents have definitely fueled this anxiety; they've warned me that it’ll be awkward and specifically mentioned that during job interviews—where there might even be a psychologist present—I should wear long sleeves to avoid any "problems." I feel terrible, and despite everyone claiming that physical appearance doesn't matter, we all know deep down that people notice everything.
To give you an idea, I have about 50 scars on my body from several years of self-harming. Thankfully, that chapter of my life is behind me, but the marks remain. The hardest part is that they're on my arms. They aren't all huge, and I don't have dozens scattered everywhere, but there are a few that are quite visible, not to mention if the inner part of my upper arms gets exposed. 👎 When I go to the beach, it isn't a big deal if I'm with friends who already know my history, but if I were with strangers, I’d feel absolutely mortified because once I'm in a swimsuit, everything is on display. I feel like I'll just look "crazy" or unstable because of them; my arms look like I've been through a war zone, especially in the sunlight when even the faintest lines become obvious. It’s a heavy feeling to carry. Not to mention, it just feeds right back into my social anxiety. 😢
I doubt anyone here can offer firsthand professional advice, but I figured I'd ask anyway. Does anyone have any perspective? What would you honestly think if a colleague walked in with scars like mine? I also find myself fearing the future—like when I eventually have children. I worry they'll be embarrassed by their mom, and I'll feel uncomfortable around other people. You can't change the past, but living with it isn't easy at all.
To movie was an absolute disaster. I think I managed to laugh maybe three times at most.
The shots were pointless, filled with constant swearing and partying, yet lacking any actual direction or purpose.
👎
crimsongull20 said:Swapping day for night works beautifully for anyone who can afford the lifestyle and possesses the right biological clock. I used to pull those kinds of shifts all through my younger years whenever the opportunity arose.
It seems perfectly acceptable to him, but you aren't on board with it—and that is the crux of the matter.
The guy wakes up, looks at the clock, starts swearing 😁 and goes on and on about how he's already falling behind schedule... he even mentioned that his mornings are the absolute worst; once he actually wakes up, he physically can't even get out of bed, claiming it takes him a full hour just to find his footing.
Donna Johnson16 said:this discussion really belongs in the "relationship dynamics" section. if you're looking for an excuse to walk away, any reason will do.
The reality is that a person's sleep requirements and desires naturally shift throughout different stages of life; frankly, that’s irrelevant here, just as the fact that this isn't a medical issue is also irrelevant.
If there were actually any willingness to show empathy, I would suggest the original poster try walking in someone else's shoes for a moment. For instance, imagine if she required seven hours of sleep, but lived with someone who insisted five hours was plenty—simply because he functions fine on four—and then suggested she seek medical treatment because she’s clearly "unwell." How would that make her feel, and what kind of action would she take?
That isn't the case at all; I'm certainly not looking for a breakup or even wanting one.
I just want him to be healthy, and flipping day and night isn't right... even now, it's only 6:00 PM and it's already dark, yet he's still asleep...
As far as my attitude goes, I have plenty of patience and understanding when I'm visiting him for the weekend or during the week; I sleep whenever he needs me to, I let him rest, and I move on. This isn't about me being some irrational person who is annoyed that my partner sleeps a little longer instead of spending time with me; he actually told me himself that he'd go get his blood work done to check things out. 😁
So, I spent the entire week over at his place last week, and look, I get it—it was New Year's and all that—but it was honestly a bit much. We were hitting the sack around 5 AM every single night and wouldn't roll out of bed until 4 PM 🙂 And the thing is, he’s still carrying on with that exact same schedule right now.
crimsongull20 said:If he was always acting this way, then there isn't really much to complain about, is there?
To be perfectly honest, yes, that has always been his temperament... however, over the last six months, one could say things have "deteriorated" significantly... 🤷
crimsongull20 said:Was it behaving this way even before that year mark passed?
Yes.
crimsoncanyon2 said:Given that he sleeps most heavily when his girlfriend visits, it is entirely plausible that we are looking at pure lack of motivation or sheer boredom.
Yawning serves as an indicator of either disinterest and boredom, or a physiological sign that the brain is craving more oxygen—which often points toward issues like low hemoglobin or anemia.
Inquire about his diet and attempt to engage him with subjects he finds genuinely stimulating.
If there is a sudden surge in energy, then boredom was likely the culprit.
No, it isn't just that he sleeps more when I visit; if anything, I try to nudge him to get up "earlier" (though by his logic, 2:00 PM counts as early 🙄). He is oversleeping every single day regardless. He actually admitted to me during one of our talks that he sleeps too much because he simply has nothing to do lately, and I can see he has completely flipped his sleep cycle... he’s going to bed after 3:00 AM and not rolling out of bed until 3:00 or 4:00 PM. I have been urging him to go to a local clinic for a full blood panel, but he refuses, insisting nothing is wrong. He mentioned his mother gave him the exact same advice.
🤷
Rachel Brooks63 said:So, you're telling me this guy has been sleeping 11 hours a day for a whole week now just because he finished his degree?
I think we have a new gold medalist in the overreaction Olympics here. 😬
No, no, no, 😁this is actually how he is all the time... when he was grinding through his thesis (which he knocked out in a single month), he managed to get up earlier... but before that and after that, it's always been like this. We've been together for a year and he has always been this way. 😉
crimsongull20 said:P.S. Forgive me if I'm overstepping here, but based on your description and those emojis, I get the distinct impression you might actually be more compatible with someone with a bit more high-octane energy. 😁
Well, it varies from time to time. 😁
Donna Johnson16 said:I don't quite follow that logic. What kind of stress are you referring to?
To put it simply, he just graduated last week, and after the grind of finishing his thesis, he's still feeling the burnout. On top of that, his parents are breathing down his neck to land a job and move out, so there's plenty of pressure there.
Donna Johnson16 said:If he’s otherwise in good health, there really isn't much to worry about. Do you suspect he might be dealing with depression?
Well, he is going through a rough patch right now and things are pretty stressful, but no, it isn't depression.
Donna Johnson16 said:Jokes aside—how is he doing with getting outside, being active, or playing any sports?
Not at all, 🙂 we love being outdoors and just walking around, but as far as actual sports go, he's got zero interest.
crimsongull20 said:They’ll adapt eventually because they won't have any other choice.
When you're a heavy sleeper, there's always an endless supply of sleep just pulling you back under. I remember back in elementary and middle school, I would spend my breaks sleeping for about 14 hours a day. Honestly, I could probably still do that if I wanted to, but I don't have nearly that kind of time anymore, so I usually just try to get by on half of what I actually need.
How does he feel when he's actually awake? Is he experiencing any other symptoms?
There aren't really any specific symptoms, other than him being extremely sluggish. Even if he manages to get 12 hours of sleep, he's constantly yawning and I just get the impression that he's perpetually exhausted.
Donna Johnson16 said:He isn't sick; just let him sleep. What counts as "normal" needs vary wildly from one individual to the next, and even within a single person's life, those requirements shift over time.
Thanks for the input, 😉
But he’s actually the one saying this isn't right—that he’s sleeping far too much. Honestly, I'm also worried about how he's going to manage once he has to start heading into work.
So, my boyfriend is sleeping an incredible amount—way too much, honestly. 😲
Since he doesn't have any major responsibilities on his plate right now, he feels like he can get away with it; for instance, he’ll easily clock about 11 hours of sleep every single day. And I’m not even exaggerating when I say that when we're just hanging out and getting cozy, he could easily sleep through an entire day... it's been going on for a while now. The weirdest part is that even when he gets what most people consider a standard amount of rest—say, 6, 7, or 8 hours—he still can't function. He spends the whole day yawning and acting completely exhausted. His excuse is simply that this is just how he is and that's how much sleep he requires.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Could this be a health issue, and if so, what kind of specialist should he see? I really feel like this is becoming a bit excessive.
Thanks 🙂