Posts by fadedmason4

Even if your birthday isn't in April 😁

I totally get where you're coming from—though, honestly, there isn't much sense in trying to argue with it.

Regarding that comment about how low-wage jobs are treated... I work a manual labor gig for minimum wage myself, and let me tell you—nobody is going to look you in the eye and say, "Hey, this job sucks, go find something better immediately." Instead, they give you that look—you know the one—where they pity you for being stuck there. They wonder how you even survive on that amount, or worse, they question if you even have any ambition. It’s not just my imagination, either; people really do feel that judgment. Not everyone who makes more money looks down on you, of course, but in my experience—at least for a good portion of them—that subtle condescension is definitely real.

People love giving advice about relationships—telling you to "swallow your pride"—but that’s just not how it works. To me, it isn't about being stubborn; it's about basic self-respect. When I see people who choose to forgive infidelity, I honestly find it hard to respect them—they aren't valuing themselves even a fraction of a percent. They’re essentially losers who will endure any amount of mistreatment just to cling to someone who clearly has zero respect for them.

I remember one person trying to lecture me once, acting like they were somehow above me—I just told them straight up that I can't take anyone seriously who forgives cheating; it lost all credibility with me immediately.

As for the topic of pride itself, I actually think it’s a positive trait when used correctly. I feel proud when I accomplish something meaningful for myself or others—those moments where I pull off something that seemed impossible after a ton of hard work. For instance, I recently finished a certification course for some software, and I'm pretty proud of that—especially since most people end up dropping out halfway through for one reason or another. I also feel that sense of pride when I beat my own mileage records on my bike, or even when I finally find the nerve to approach a girl—regardless of the outcome😁—but generally, I feel proud whenever I push my own boundaries and realize I actually did it, despite how much fear or doubt I had beforehand.

So, how did you end up handling that situation?

I totally get that people have less free time once they start dating, but I’ve experienced this with a few folks—we’re hanging out or texting constantly, then suddenly, poof, they just vanish. You know that feeling when you reach out and they reply, but you can tell it’s just pure politeness? There's zero actual interest in talking.

So, I'm wondering, is this actually normal? It hasn't happened to me personally, but the more I think about it, the more I feel like I might be wrong about how to handle it. How should one act toward these people when they reappear after their relationship ends? Should I go with a strict but polite ignore—you know, always giving short replies and turning down every invite—or just... well, life is busy. Maybe only catch up when it actually works for me, or just be blunt and say, "What the hell? We were great friends until you got into a relationship, and now you want to act like nothing happened?" Honestly, I don't really have the desire to hang out with people like that, but then again, maybe a total ignore is better so they have to sit there and wonder why I'm being distant.

Jonathan Hayes said:Alright, you covered all the bases there. You've got a self-esteem issue. Once you get a handle on that, hitting your goals and making plans will be a lot easier... 😉 When people pick up on the fact that you're ashamed of who you are, it makes things pretty awkward for them too.

It’s not so much that I have a "problem," per se—it's just that I lack true self-respect. Though, honestly, I doubt I'll fix that anytime soon; if I haven't figured it out in my thirty years, what chance do I have now? As for others, I don't think they find my company uncomfortable—well, maybe some do, but I suspect I'm pretty good at masking it. I'm not trying to overshare here, but I think I give off the impression of being a "normal" person who deals with the usual stuff—nothing quite as extreme as the actual reality.

Jonathan Hayes said:It might be worth weighing whether we're talking about things that are objectively out of reach, or if this is just that internal noise—you know, that feeling of inadequacy or low self-esteem playing tricks on you.
You can't really untangle that alone... we tend to build our own mental roadblocks just to stay safe. It’d probably help to grab a coffee and talk it through with someone close to you who actually knows what makes you tick.

Truthfully, not many people actually know the real me—if they did, they probably wouldn't bother hanging out with me anyway—so most people only see one small slice of my personality. As for those who *do* know me... well, I don't like talking about that, which is exactly why I write on this forum; having to face those conversations in person would be exhausting.

I’ve tried opening up a few times, but usually only after I’ve completely hit a breaking point—it’s like trying to pour water into a bottle that's already full, and everything just spills over once the pressure builds up. And even when I finally let it all out, people tend to push back—they tell me I'm wrong, or "that's not how it is," or they try to argue their side against mine—and honestly, my head isn't always the clearest. Still, I don't want to bore everyone with my issues; I realize nobody can take my burdens upon themselves or magically fix me overnight. Luckily, most of my meltdowns happened around people who aren't part of my usual social circle, so there was no risk of the drama spreading—poor guy that I am.

Jeffrey Ramos4 said:You’ll get there eventually, whether you plan it out or not. It usually happens through sheer experience. There isn't some secret formula where you check off a list of requirements to make it happen. Honestly, the easiest way is just to hit rock bottom. And if you want to add a little extra spice to the whole ordeal... make it unexpected. Make it hurt as much as possible... 👍

If you really think of yourself as a glitch in the system, then staying solo is probably your best bet. You might as well lean into evolution and just weed out the errors... lol

There are those who simply can't ride a bike because they lack the arms, or the legs... or maybe they just don't own a bike. Et cetera...

You can’t really get an honest look at who you actually are if you’re so hyper-focused on your flaws that you completely miss your own strengths. Honestly, intelligence is overrated. Don't make it your entire identity. You list things like orientation, coordination, and being clumsy... yet you mention you ride a bike. If that's the case, you aren't nearly as uncoordinated as you think you are...

If you take out the word "issue," the whole sentence changes meaning entirely. 🤣

Maybe that actually is the only real solution.

That's one way to answer it—though there's someone out there in an even worse spot.

Intelligence does help with work—not directly, necessarily—but it makes you much more attractive to the opposite sex if you've got it.
Riding a bike is easier than driving a car; you just sit down and pedal. It isn't exactly rocket science.

That last part 🤣, good 😁

Carl Rivera43 said:Who are we even talking about here? Right now, there are millions of people all over the world struggling just to get by without decent living conditions.

So, what am I supposed to do? Just because someone else has it worse—which, let's face it, they always do—doesn't mean my own struggles aren't real.

I live in America, not Africa, so I’m really just talking about what's happening in my own backyard—not that I'm trying to play the victim or claim my issues don't matter compared to folks in Japan or South Korea.

Morgan Chase5 said:I suspect you might be tripping yourself up here.

Besides, who exactly is claiming that what you’re describing is impossible, especially since you haven't actually clarified what "it" is to any of us?

Simple lack of clarity isn't enough of an obstacle to stop progress.

I don't need an explanation—I see it clearly, even when it's my own reflection in the mirror. Between the clumsiness, my tendency to be incredibly uncoordinated, and... well, let's just say my intellect isn't exactly groundbreaking—it's a struggle. My sense of direction is basically non-existent, and driving a car feels like a massive challenge; it's just a perfect example of how I can fail at basic tasks that most people breeze through on a good day.

As I get older, I’ve run into this new hurdle—it’s becoming increasingly difficult for me to socialize. People instinctively start asking if I’m seeing anyone, or throwing out those "how are you still single?" comments. It isn't meant to be malicious, really, but it honestly makes my stomach turn. Not to mention that sinking feeling of being the odd one out when I end up in a group where everyone is in a long-term relationship and I've never even had one.

Life certainly has a twisted sense of humor. When I was younger and this didn't bother me nearly as much, I didn't know anyone at all. Now that it’s actually started to weigh on me, that’s exactly when I finally started meeting people.

Donna White50 said:Do you feel this weird, irrational urge to achieve these massive, impossible goals just so you can feel a sense of success or get some validation..?
Life gets way better when you just focus on the small wins—like, thinking about how nice it would be to grab a coffee and a pastry at a local cafe, or signing up for a class to level yourself up, or finding a way to make money doing something you actually enjoy... Don't set these crazy, unrealistic targets for yourself, and definitely don't take it personally if things don't pan out. Plans are just plans—they're just sketches in your head, nothing more. Why stress over them if they don't work out..? At the end of the day, you're doing something, you're trying, and you're learning along the way... and honestly, that's what success really looks like...

Those aren't exactly "huge" achievements from an average person's perspective—though they certainly feel that way to me. I suppose it's just hardwired into us, some sort of evolutionary drive or whatever—not that I'm an expert—but wanting a relationship like everyone else... well, for me, that feels like a mission impossible, mostly because I'm completely clueless when it comes to that stuff. I honestly feel like a bit of a biological glitch; I can't seem to find anyone for anything serious, and it's a tough reality to swallow.

Instead of just accepting that and enjoying the little things I *can* control, I end up spiraling into a depressive funk. It's not even that I sit around thinking about it—I stay busy. I love spending summer days biking around and then hitting up a local diner for some burgers, or heading to a nearby park for a beer, or even hitting the pool in the winter. Cooking a good meal, watching a movie, or just grabbing a drink outside when the weather's right—it's all great. But the moment I'm alone in bed, that same question creeps back in. It's hard to reconcile the fact that my life could be wonderful if only one thing were different.

It's pretty clear no one can fix this for me—unless maybe that bit in your signature actually works. I've thought about it quite a bit, but clearly, based on the fact that I'm even typing this, I don't quite have the nerve for it yet.

Carl Rivera43 said:And hey, don't end up like those retirees who claim they couldn't care less about anything anymore.

I'm actually interested in quite a lot—it's not like I just sit around the house doing nothing—though, admittedly, I usually only have one or two big questions weighing on my mind.

Carl Rivera43 said:Wasted minutes, just like all that stress, anger, and suffering... it’s all just pointless. Day after day, we should be gathering up our little bits of happiness {because if we don't grab it now, then when?}

That rings true—though I can't help but feel it might be a bit late in the game for me :/

Carl Rivera43 said:So, why not just start at a more relaxed pace?

There’s no such thing as an easier pace—I already went through my "slow" phase in that area of life.

mistydrifter55 said:If you start obsessing over percentages, you’re just going down a rabbit hole...

It all comes down to choice and consistency.
Pick a direction and commit to it. Give it everything you've got.

The real question is, what do you actually want? Aside from the things you've already realized are out of reach?

Learn to tell the difference between a wish and a real possibility.
Focus your energy on those possibilities.
Keep your desires as North Stars—you don't have to kill them off. Desires are healthy.

Desires just remind me that I'll never actually have certain things—they make me feel pretty foolish, honestly. It would probably be better for my sanity if I could just clear my head, but I can't quite manage it; I'll get there for a week or two, then it all comes rushing back.

Carl Rivera43 said:Honestly, why even bother planning things? It just feels like such a massive waste of precious time.

If I want to bike down to the coast this summer, for instance—it’d be smart to start training in the winter, ramp up the rides in the spring, and then head out in August. If I just wing it in August without any prep, I'm going to have a miserable time—and I could give you a hundred examples of that. Setting realistic, achievable goals isn't a bad thing; I'm not planning to qualify for the next Olympics, after all. 😁

My issue is that I tend to set my sights on things that *are* basically Olympic-level goals—even though I know deep down they're impossible. So, I get my hopes up, hit a wall hard, and end up struggling—instead of focusing on something useful and doable, I'm just stuck recovering from a goal I never stood a chance at. Then it just becomes this endless loop.

I came across a comment on another thread recently—it basically said: accept that certain things just aren't going to happen, and start planning your life around that reality instead of waiting for some miracle to make them come true. I thought it was spot on, and honestly, I’m trying to follow that logic, but it’s proving much harder than it sounds. If anyone has any advice on how to actually do this—how to stop secretly hoping for those "what ifs" when I know deep down they won't happen (even if nothing in life is ever 100% certain, this feels like 99%)

So, if you have any tips on how to quit dwelling on the things I don't have and likely never will, and instead focus on what's actually useful and achievable
It's tough