29 posts shown.
fadedsurfer2 said:As I mentioned earlier: don't fight those uncomfortable sensations. Accept them as part of you during the practice. Just lazily let yourself drift with the flow until your mind finally clears.
Susan Kim5 said:Reddit greeting!
I stumbled upon this thread and felt compelled to share my own experience... I hope some of you can relate. Perhaps this might help someone else. That said, any advice is more than welcome. If anyone here has walked a similar path and is willing to offer some guidance, I’d truly appreciate it.
Has anyone ever heard the song Ramones - Outsider? Because that is exactly how I feel when I'm out in public. Like an outsider. I simply don't feel a sense of belonging or connection with people my age. Part of it stems from being introverted or dealing with social anxiety, though even that isn't as overwhelming as it used to be. It's the superficiality that drains me—the constant chatter about who wore what, who said what, or "did you see that guy over there?" I can't fake interest. I think that's a major reason why I isolate myself; I refuse to put on an act. The biggest hurdle, however, is that my worldview and way of thinking differ so much from my peers. We just aren't on the same wavelength. On top of that, I'm a chronic dreamer. I often drift off into an imaginary world where I inhabit an alter ego, possessing everything I lack in reality. I struggle to know who I actually am, where I fit in, or what my purpose is supposed to be, and that leads to constant frustration.
All of this dissatisfaction with myself and my life inevitably boils down to deep frustration.
I am frustrated with myself and the way I live my life. I find myself envious of successful people, those with a clear vision for their future, people with massive social circles, or those in stable relationships. I envy those who have their lives together and know exactly who they are and what they want, simply because they possess everything I seem to lack.
At the same time, I crave change. I desperately want things to be different, yet I find myself paralyzed, taking zero action to make it happen.
I honestly don't know where to begin.
So, that's my story.
If anyone has any advice, please feel free to share it with me.
Best,
Sent from my Samsung Galaxy A32 using Reddit
restlesshound48 said:Keeping my fingers crossed that things turn around for you. 👍
I know I need to push myself. Even now. Do you really think I didn't want to?
It isn't that simple... I'm hoping to wrap this up within a month. That's the deadline I set for myself, and I intend to meet it.
restlesshound48 said:I know I need to, but you probably haven't read everything on here. I just don't have the energy left for it. I know I should, but I don't have the will for anything anymore.
For the last year, I've basically been a vegetable.
I don't think so. This whole "fading away" process started maybe back in early high school. It was somewhat okay then, really—mostly just anxiety at that stage.
Later on, college, certain failures, family issues, that bullying from high school, life's setbacks... naturally, the comparisons start with people who've already made something of themselves. And now... I just keep dwelling on it.
restlesshound48 said:I haven't stopped. And even when I'm fully occupied, I still overthink... always have, always will. Can't seem to relax.
Not working. Scared of anything new at this point, and honestly, I've lost interest in everything else too.
restlesshound48 said:I'm not on a tablet either.
Back then, I couldn't get any sleep. I was popping sleeping pills that didn't do a damn thing. Honestly? It feels like it was all in my head.
Nah, nobody stepped up to help. Not that I really need it anymore, though.
With everything going on, finding any kind of satisfaction felt like an impossible task.
I stay somewhat active. Every day, really—especially during the summer. I’ll go for long walks, sometimes more than once, but it doesn't feel like it's actually getting me anywhere.
restlesshound48 said:And even if I did open up, I don't think he could actually do anything about it.
There was a stretch a while back where insomnia was killing me. I was leaning on sleeping pills—which isn't like me at all, they were a total exception—but in the end, it felt like nothing. Like staring at daylight. No effect. It's all in the head, this messed up head of mine.
I'm done trying to convince myself. I'm fully aware things aren't getting better, I just don't have the strength to move.
Maybe two years ago, if I'd had some support from the people closest to me, things might have actually turned around. But since then? I've just been sinking.
restlesshound48 said:Never went.
That's why I started this thread. Just wanted to see if there was anything out there—maybe help someone else dealing with something similar.
Still, I feel like everything is internal. No amount of professional help changes that. Hard to trust a stranger with it, and even if I did, would it actually change anything? Doubtful.
Too much gets oversimplified. I just want to live a normal life, but apparently, that's not happening.
restlesshound48 said:See, for me, it's constant. Even if there's a brief moment of light, it's never enough to actually do anything...
I've tried. It's not like I haven't. I'm fighting... but every single day is just a struggle, and I feel like things are getting worse. Not eating, just crying. Everything is killing me.
restlesshound48 said:Unfortunately, I haven't even had much opportunity to begin with. And what little I did have? I blew that, too. Nobody wants a psychologist for a friend, right? I get it.
I don't even know how I wasted my years. It wasn't anything smart, and it wasn't even anything wild. Just... nothing.
If even one part of it had been worth it, maybe I would've had the drive to change. But no luck there.
Hope you make it happen. I've already thrown in the towel.
restlesshound48 said:Lately, even this forum has started feeling like a chore. It’s getting exhausting.
Facebook? Instagram? Honestly, I don't really bother. Haven't checked them in ages. If I did, people would probably say I’m constantly comparing myself to everyone else... which is a bit of a paradox, considering I barely know half the people on there anyway. Actually, it's probably better that way.
Walking around town sometimes, you catch a glimpse of them—that young, happy couple, all smiles and embraces, looking like they’ve already made it. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?
Unfortunately, there isn't much of a choice if you actually want to live life to the fullest—but that’s hard when you just don't have the drive for anything.
What a waste of breath.
restlesshound48 said:Yeah. Unfortunately.
On one hand, I know it’s a step-by-step process and recovery could take years—if it happens at all. On the other, years are passing by without any real improvement.
I don't think there's any "moving forward" left in me. 🙄
I'm exhausted. Like I said, when even browsing the web feels like too much work, you know how bad things really are.🙄 🙄
restlesshound48 said:I get it.
I’m an introvert myself, but I still crave connection. Back in elementary school, I had a small circle of friends. Things were fine then.
Then high school happened, and everything went south. Loss, bullying, being the outsider in a new environment... plus having zero desire or money to actually go out. I never learned how to enjoy partying or anything else. Fast forward over a decade later, and I've just become a worse version of my already mediocre self.
Honestly? I don't know. It feels like I'm reaching the end of the line... but maybe that's for the best.🙂
restlesshound48 said:No.
I'm a dead blower. 🙄
Time isn't helping me. If anything, it's doing the opposite. Family isn't exactly a source of positivity either.
Maybe spending some time around people wouldn't be the worst thing. But I've always been boring, withdrawn, just... nothing. No social circle. I even thought maybe meeting a girl might jumpstart something, but given everything else—including my looks—it’s probably not happening. 👎
hiddenmarlin14 said:you're wearing those cute pink glasses🤣