Posts by Larry Lewis

Yeah, I’ve heard the buzz about it—actually sat down and had a drink myself—but honestly? It didn't do much for me at all. Still, I appreciate you pointing it out toward me!

So, Larry Lewis—have you finally come down from that manic high yet? Or did you spend the whole night rearranging every single piece of furniture in your apartment just to feel something?🙂
I’m kidding, mostly.🙂
As for me, I’ve been doing alright today, I guess... though I have this nagging, sinking feeling in my gut that something nasty is brewing on the horizon. It doesn't feel right at all. haha

Look, don't go pushing your luck by mixing drinks with your medication—it’s not like the alcohol hits you the same way when you're medicated versus when you're perfectly healthy. It's basic biology, really. Besides, what's the big deal about having those two beers right now? You already know it's bad for you because your brain chemistry is already a bit out of whack, so why just pour gasoline on the fire? Just have your drink and relax, and call it a day.

🙏Alcohol mixed with pills??? Go ahead, give it a shot—see if you don't end up seeing double or losing your mind completely.

I would tell you that I could explain this clearly enough for you to actually follow—really get what I mean—but honestly, I don't think I can. It’s just... impossible. Even my doctor—and she’s seen plenty of patients over the years—says these aren't your standard intrusive thoughts; she thinks they lean much closer to OCD territory, which is a bit of a problem since she hasn't really dealt with anything quite like this before. Most of the time, they aren't particularly overwhelming, but then out of nowhere, they’ll strike, and suddenly I'm completely thrown off balance.

Kenneth Scott41 said:Effexor was probably the biggest mistake I've ever made. I ended up throwing it back up after only half an hour because I had to vomit. 😳 Man, that was easily the worst antidepressant I've ever tried.

So "nauseating" can be taken quite literally... hmm... fine, I'll stick with it for a while, but if I happen to lose my lunch on some poor soul on the subway, at least I'll know exactly what caused the mess.🙂

velvetsailor26 said:Do you think I can pull this off on my own?
I honestly don't know. Every single morning I head into work feeling this heavy sense of dread, and it’s driving me up the wall—I’ve just developed this deep-seated anxiety around people.
The second I wake up in the morning, I already feel this wave of nausea at the mere thought of facing another day.
Still, I appreciate the encouragement, velvetsailor26 🙂

Don't even sweat it.😉 Look, despite all that darkness, the fact that you actually get up and show up to work proves you aren't weak—not by a long shot.

I honestly can't tell if I’m just spiraling into a deep depression or if these intrusive thoughts are finally starting to take the wheel—it’s all becoming a bit of a blur lately. I went to see my doctor, and she put me on an antidepressant to see if we can turn things around; apparently, this specific medication is supposed to help curb those obsessive, unwanted thoughts too. So, here I am, juggling four different pills every single day... and quite frankly, it feels like I'm one step away from a full-blown pharmacy cabinet 🙂

Look, don't let it get to you—you’ve got more grit in you than you think, and I truly believe you can navigate through this mess. As for that Cipralex stuff? Honestly, I haven't the slightest clue about it—medication is a bit of a black box to me. I actually just started a new regimen of Wellbutrin myself, so I'm currently sitting here in a state of anxious anticipation, waiting to see if it actually does anything at all. Yesterday was... well, it was a wash. I spent practically the entire day sleeping off a bout of depression—it's exhausting, really. And I don't know about you, but I certainly doubt my parents are saints—I mean, if they can put up with someone like me, they must have some serious patience.🙂

They absolutely tore me a new one—left me looking like a total wreck, honestly.🙂

Michael Reed45 said:I always forget to ask my doctor—how much does taking two or three different medications every single day for over a year actually impact the liver? I really don't want to wreck it 😢

Honestly, I haven't a clue. I once asked my physician about the long-term damage from all this medication, and she just brushed it off, saying it wouldn't do much harm... so now, here we are.

Oh, absolutely—it’s like being on a massive dose of Adderall when that mania hits you; you’re just vibrating with pure, unadulterated energy. But I imagine once the crash comes, you’re nothing but a limp banana. I’ve never actually experienced that high—I tend to drift toward the low end of the spectrum instead, mostly because of all this heavy-duty chemical cocktail running through my system. There are nights when I decide to skip my meds and have a few drinks, and I can feel the difference immediately—the next morning feels significantly lighter, more manageable than those mornings after I've followed my prescription to the letter. Still, I’m under no illusions—playing fast and loose with these medications isn't exactly a winning long-term strategy.

And honestly, who even came up with this whole concept of illness in the first place? What a joke.

velvetsailor26 said:It’s not that I’m afraid of everyone, just certain people, but my confidence has basically bottomed out because I spend all my time watching others tackle the very things that terrify me without even breaking a sweat.
I can't focus on anything else anymore; it’s the only thing playing on loop in my head, and nothing else seems to matter. I can't find any sense of joy or satisfaction in anything I do.

I hear you—I really, truly do. When I first got sick, word got around, and suddenly, my entire circle of friends just... vanished. They stopped calling, stopped inviting me out. I’d end up sitting alone at a local diner, just staring from across the room at my old group of friends while they laughed and had the time of their lives. That’s how I developed this massive inferiority complex; it felt so wrong seeing them all working, partying, grabbing drinks together, while I was rendered completely incapable of doing any of that because of my health.

I know it’s not the exact same situation, but the feeling—the core of it—is identical to what you're going through.

p.s. Because of being cast aside like that, I struggled immensely with making new friends and just navigating social connections in general for a long time.

velvetsailor26 said:I spend my entire day interacting with people, even though I struggle with pretty intense social anxiety; I actually love what I do, but the thought of showing up for my shift makes me want to crawl into a hole and hide.

Yes... quite an awkward predicament. Tell me, how does this anxiety actually manifest for you? Is it specific types of people that trigger it, certain scenarios—maybe high-pressure meetings or small talk—or is it just the concept of social interaction in general that weighs on you?🤷

vividnomad2 said:I’m currently riding this intense wave of mania rather than feeling depressed, though I can't quite put my finger on why—it’s probably because I haven't been sticking to my medication schedule as strictly as I should, which always brings a bit of a laugh when I think about it later.

Are you out of your mind? Seriously, take your medication properly—unless you want to end up in a psychiatric ward in downtown Chicago, strapped to a bed and losing all control of your basic functions🙂
Just kidding, mostly.🙂

So, what does this mania actually feel like for you? What kind of chaos goes down when you're in that state?

velvetsailor26 said:I haven't...
Sometimes I almost wish I actually had schizophrenia, if it meant I could finally stop living in this constant state of fear—that deep-seated dread of just losing my mind entirely.
So, where do you work?

I haven't held a job in quite some time.
But look, don't let it get to you too much—I dealt with my own share of terrors, and frankly, those fears tend to evaporate once you've been hospitalized—like I was back in 2008—so believe me when I say I understand exactly where you're coming from.

What about you? Are you employed?

The absolute lowest point for me—the moment everything just fell apart—was when my manager at the office had the nerve to ask me point-blank if I had any "mental issues." It absolutely crushed me. I tried so desperately to mask it, to play the part of the functioning professional, but it was useless; it showed on my face, and of course, the entire office found out eventually... it was pathetic.

Nowadays, people don't suspect a thing. I know folks I've never even mentioned my condition to, yet they have no idea. Meanwhile, the little schizophrenic inside me is just sitting there, laughing at the irony. Hahah.

velvetsailor26 said:I’m pretty sure if you jump straight to 20 mg, you’ll be out for the count, because even a tiny 2.5 mg dose used to absolutely floor me back in the day—though I guess my tolerance has finally caught up with me.

Look, 20mg? That's a heavy-duty dose—it's practically meant for someone dealing with full-blown schizophrenia, much like my own situation.🙂Have you noticed any weight gain from it yet? Because, goodness, I’ve packed on 26 pounds since I started taking Zyprexa... it’s been an absolute disaster.

velvetsailor26 said:I’ll throw back 5 mg every once in a while, but honestly, it doesn't do much for me.

I’m currently sitting at 20mg and, frankly, it isn't even working the way it should—it's just... fine, I guess? The only real perk of this medication is that you don't have to worry about when the sleep will actually hit; you just swallow it and drift off into a dream world that, quite frankly, has become more exhausting than actual reality—I'm constantly stuck in these bizarre, nonsensical fever dreams.

I think I’ll have to tell my doctor that I need to get back on antidepressants—either I'm completely losing my temper over nothing or I'm drowning in sadness, and the only time I feel remotely human again is late at night.

Roger Rodriguez said:I have to admit, even though I managed to get rid of the panic attacks, I still carry this underlying fear that makes me bail on certain activities or plans. That internal feeling you're describing? I don't think it will ever feel quite the same as it did before my first panic attack.

Exactly... that's precisely what I mean. It's like this illness just strips away a piece of who you are—that fundamental sense of well-being that everyone needs to function. It’s incredibly cruel, really.😢>

velvetsailor26 said:I’ve been on 2.5mg of Zyprexa, but honestly, it only really helped me drift off at the very beginning; now, it doesn't do much of anything, though I can't say I've found anything significantly better than it.
I’m also on a prescription for it.
Lately, I’ve started taking Cipralex, and I’m just praying to God that it helps take the edge off this social anxiety and the constant fear of having a panic attack.
I actually took Cipralex about two years ago, but back then, it didn't really do much for me. However, things are looking a lot bleaker now than they were back then, so I'm really hoping it actually works this time around.

What do you mean, a 2.5 milligram dose? Either take the full 10 mg like a normal patient or don't bother at all.🙂Just kidding... mostly.