Posts by northernsailor102

Thanks to everyone for all the posts; you’ve certainly given me plenty to chew on...
To be honest, when I first started this thread, I wasn't looking for a lecture on how to go out and find my own purpose in life. I was actually more interested in hearing what drives everyone else. If we could just keep the conversation focused on that—what keeps *you* going—that would be great.👍

Andrew Price3 said:Let go of the heights. Return to the ground. Ground yourself. Zero field. Stop reaching upward. STOP.
Do you know why you feel PRESSURE? It’s the pressure of Life; it’s the pressure of the flow. But life isn't pressing down on you—you are feeling pressure because of a MISALIGNMENT with life. That is what you experience as pressure.
Align yourself with the flow of things. Accept. Don't reach for anything. Just be where you are. Don't create an massive burden for yourself when you haven't even lifted the small one yet.

You say you have higher goals? Fine. That's fine. But ask yourself now: what kind of person—someone possessing those higher goals—must they be in terms of their character and personal growth?

For instance... would inner peace be a characteristic of such a person?
Would such a person be at the mercy of circumstances?
Would they know how to be quiet within themselves?
How would that person view the world? How would they have to view everything that exists?
Does that person love themselves unconditionally, serving as an inspiration to others through their very existence?

Essentially, once you answer what kind of person would need to be to carry the weight of higher life goals, you will see the gap between that person and yourself. That gap is what causes your "tension."

That distinction, from here to there, is precisely that pressure. It is an internal, psychological illusion of trying to force "here" and "there" together.
But you can't do that.

Stop reaching for the heights. It isn't time yet. Can't you see you're struggling? That is Life telling you: "stop, don't go, stop. Slow down... slow down. Just easy. All great things happen slowly... like nature—it moves slowly, but it accomplishes everything."

The problem is trusting that... how do we trust a process we aren't even sure follows that pattern??
It's like this.
Look at where you are now, and look at where you were. Can you honestly say you haven't matured, realized, understood, survived, experienced, and learned things you weren't even aware of before?
That is exactly it. That is life—life moves, and you move with it. That is being supported by life. Even in moments when you didn't feel it, you pulled through, because life supports you so much that you have the freedom to believe whatever you want, yet you will still be SUPPORTED—because you are an INTEGRATED part of Life. You exist, and only life can exist; life is life itself, and it supports EXISTENCE. It supports you.

So, take it easy. Go slow. There is no rush... you have all of eternity. Masters know they have eternity, and from that security, they move slowly.

I have to admit, this post really made me stop and think....
You're saying that for someone to walk the path of self-development, they need certain predispositions... specific personality traits to handle higher goals.... I don't know.. personally, I feel like spiritual growth is sometimes triggered simultaneously from both the outside and the inside... like the circumstances and events in our lives unfold in harmony with the shifts happening within us... I've seen this happen in so many ways... it's not like spiritual development is some linear ladder where we arrive in this world as clueless beginners, pass a series of tests and riddles to graduate, and then we're ready for the next level... the knowledge is already there; we're just practicing how to connect with it....
To answer your questions...
Inner peace... I have to admit I haven't achieved it as a constant state... it mostly shows up in flashes... in the spaces between things... in those moments when I am not "there"... when I forget to think... when my emotional energies accidentally find a balance... when I forget all the traps of identity... in those moments, there is no sense of feeling, no need, no desire for anything... that's when nothingness and everything merge... but those moments are so elusive, and they fade so quickly...
Circumstances... I’ve never really been able to pin down what "circumstances" actually mean in the grand scheme of living. Are they forced upon us? Are they engineered, designed, or constructed? Do we choose them, and if so, to what extent? When I take a step back and look at my life from a distance, it feels like most of it was decided for me. I refuse to let those circumstances mold who I am, yet they often feel completely overwhelming...
Being alone with my own thoughts... out of everything in this life, that’s the one thing that has always come naturally to me. For as long as I can remember, I find my energy, my freedom, and my clarity in solitude. It’s in that stillness that I cleanse myself and find my footing again. I piece together the broken bits; I hunt for the lost fragments. It is the only time I don't feel lonely, isolated, or disconnected. In a crowd, or even just in social settings, I feel scattered. I need silence to actually hear anything. I haven't quite mastered being able to reach that state regardless of my environment yet...
The way I view the world... I have this constant urge to dissect the minute details while simultaneously grasping the entire picture. Everything around me is fascinating. I observe the world looking for the threads of connection—searching for the commonalities in all existence. Growing up, I was taught what was allowed and what wasn't, what was right and what was wrong, and why things were the way they were. But I could never just accept information as some absolute truth. I’ve always rejected truths that only persist because the majority defends them, or because people are too much of cowards to constantly tear down and rebuild their own value systems. I look at the world and see only its surface; I want to know what lies beneath that illusion of stability...
Do I love myself unconditionally? The only kind of love I can truly comprehend is one that is unconditional and absolutely free. People who claim to love themselves don't actually love themselves—they don't love their core, their essence—because they’ve never bothered to descend deep enough to find it. They just float on the surface of the identities and egos they cling to. I haven't met a single person capable of stripping away all their labels, categories, status, power, and everything they think they represent in this world, to be able to say they truly know who they are and love that person...
So... yes. I love myself. Not my body, my identity, or the reflection of what others perceive me to be. I love my essence. I know my core, and I recognize that core in everything that exists...

And thank you for those words... they prompted me to look at things through yet another lens.

I’m of the opinion that we all enter this world as blank slates... the whole concept of good versus evil is nothing more than an illusion. This idea of polarity is just a program we’ve been conditioned to accept. Think of good and evil like the positive and negative poles of a magnet—they repel one another and act on opposite sides, yet they are fundamentally parts of the exact same entity.

If this whole concept regarding spiritual evolution and reincarnation is actually true—and honestly, there’s a good chance it is—then we have to face a massive question. If we’re supposedly the ones choosing our own path and guiding our own development, shouldn't we also have the right to pull the plug? Because if we don't, then it feels less like self-determination and more like some unknown force is just pulling the strings on us behind the scenes.

I have these bigger ambitions, but in this reality, they don't seem to carry any weight at all. I find myself desperately grasping for a reason to face each new day... and honestly, I just can't find one. I wish I could just take it easy and go with the flow, but I'm constantly suffocating under this immense pressure that's nearly impossible to shake off. I truly cannot wrap my head around the idea of just living day by day without being able to see the larger purpose behind my own existence.

I’ve been sitting here for quite some time now, wrestling with thoughts of ending it all. Honestly, after observing the sheer absurdity of human existence and actually participating in this charade, I haven't been able to find a single legitimate reason to keep enduring this ongoing agony. It makes me wonder: what is your reason—or perhaps several reasons—for staying alive? Where does that primal urge for self-preservation and survival actually come from? What is it that forces you to keep going? What are you living for, what are you fighting for, or what have you dedicated your entire life to? Why is it that you manage to drag yourself out of bed every single morning?
I am not asking about some grand, cosmic purpose. I am asking about the practical, raw reasons why you choose to live over and over again.

Michael Davis13 said:Wait, who exactly is forcing you to be awake during the day?

Look, I’ve always been a total night owl! I truly believe the night can be used just as effectively as the day. To be honest, those social norms where everyone has to work during the day and sleep at night? Never really clicked for me. I could never adapt, and honestly, I never wanted to... but you have to realize that not everyone's internal clock works the same way...

If we look at Freudian theory about the human psyche—how it's split into three parts that are constantly interacting, usually without us even realizing it: the Id, the Ego, and the Superego—there can be some pretty wild consequences if things get out of whack. That's why I'd suggest trying to find a "normal" rhythm. Let me explain...

The Id is basically the most hidden part of your personality. It's where all our repressed fears, experiences, desires, and impulses live—the stuff we can't actually act on because it clashes with societal rules or the version of ourselves we've built up over time. We aren't even aware of what the Id is doing, and its contents mostly pop up in dreams, which are kind of like portals to the deep subconscious. Basically, the moment there's a disruption in how the Id expresses itself normally, you can start seeing neurotic or even psychotic states develop...

Then there's the Ego, which acts as the middleman between the Id and the Superego. Basically, the Ego keeps everything balanced and keeps the Id under control...

The real trouble starts when people are already dealing with issues. Insomnia can just make everything ten times worse because it weakens the Ego's ability to manage the Id, letting all those impulses bubble up to the surface. I'm telling you all this because I noticed you've posted on other threads about struggling with OCD and stuff like that... and having an unbalanced biological rhythm like insomnia can seriously mess with those conditions...

That whole thing about the interaction between the Id, Ego, and Superego is actually fascinating... I have to admit, I've never looked at it through that lens before. Are there specific methods to restore that balance? Lately, I feel like my Ego is weakening... I don't experience the same drives or needs that seem so normal or intense in everyone else...
Do you have a link or something more on this topic?

No matter how much I grind during the day... or how exhausted I feel by sunset... sleep just refuses to come when the lights go out. But the second that morning sun hits the window, I’m out like a light. Honestly, I can't stand people constantly breathing down my neck, trying to force me to be functional during daylight hours... it's just not happening for me.

Yeah, honestly... they turn those cases down because the risks are just too high—things like bleeding, polyps, and all that. Plus, when you're dealing with those kinds of surgeries, patients expect absolute perfection in every single way, whether it's how it looks or how it actually functions. I actually went to see some lesser-known ENT specialists over in Miami—I could give you their names, but I don't think it’ll really help you. For me, my nose situation isn't even bad; if anything, it's the exact opposite. Everyone tells me there's absolutely no reason to do anything at all....

Hi everyone! Here’s my current situation: I had rhinoplasty almost two years ago. At first, the surgery seemed like a success and I was actually pretty happy with the results. However, as the swelling finally subsided, I started noticing all these little irregularities—bumps, unevenness, and the base of my nose shifted significantly to one side. The bottom half just looks completely out of proportion with the top, making it look way too wide. Ultimately, I realized the surgeon didn't actually achieve the look I was going for, so I decided I needed a revision. That's where the nightmare began. I've sat through about ten different consultations with ten different surgeons, and they all tell me the exact same thing: they don't want to touch my case and say they can't fix it. It seems like no surgeon wants to deal with the headache of revision surgeries. So, what am I supposed to do? Who am I even supposed to see? If anyone here has been through something similar, I would really appreciate some advice....