Posts by Jose Ward4

Rebecca Rivera3 said:I don't mean to offend anyone, but this isn't the place to air grievances about family members.
Anyway... how is everyone doing?

I'm currently going through a severe depressive episode, and it feels like I might end up being hospitalized. So, if that happens... I just wanted to reach out and say hello.

Well, look, I don't see why he can't vent about his family if he needs to. If it helps him, it helps him. As for me, I'm doing alright. I messed around with my meds a little too much recently and things went south fast. Some weird brain fog hit me hard, but I'm hanging in there now.

Carol Barrett2 said:I know, man. Honestly... it’s a mix of my own screw-ups, stuff out of my control, maybe some health issues—who knows at this point. I've tried to fix the rhythm, but it just won't stick. I’m actually considering just staying up until noon every day and then crashing all afternoon through the night, so at least I'd be functional during those weird early morning hours. Right now? I'm basically a nocturnal creature. I barely see the sun.

Look, here is what you should probably do. Since you aren't popping those heavy-duty pills—you know, the "bombs" some of us over here rely on—your path is actually simpler. You just need to force yourself to stay awake through the entire morning and afternoon. Then, let yourself get absolutely wiped out by evening. If you do that, you’ll sleep like a baby. It might not happen on the first night since shifting your internal clock takes a toll, especially after dealing with this for so long, but give it three or four days. I bet your body will just reset itself. The brain is incredibly flexible—kind of like chewing gum, really—and it adapts to new situations fast. It's plastic. It's constantly adjusting itself to fit the environment.

Carol Barrett2 said:Just constant, unrelenting financial strain. It’s been weighing me down my entire life, but this last decade—ever since that big recession hit—has been a different kind of beast. Things have just spiraled downward from there, getting progressively worse by the day. And honestly? It bleeds into everything else—my health, my relationship with my family... though, if I'm being real, the friction at home is killing me too. We’re constantly at each other's throats. We had another blowout today. I’m just not doing well, physically or mentally. I spend most of my time sleeping. I'll sleep half the day away, and then there are those nights where sleep is a total stranger—I'll just lie there wide awake until dawn, finally dragging myself out of bed when the sky starts getting grey.

It sounds like you've completely flipped your world upside down.

Nicole Barrett76 said:When the bank account is empty, the companionship vanishes too.

That's just the truth.

I honestly can't stop thinking about what we discussed earlier. It’s one of those things that seems simple on the surface, but once you really start peeling back the layers, it becomes incredibly complex. I was sitting in my office in Chicago yesterday, just staring at my monitor, trying to make sense of it all, and it hit me. We often overlook the most obvious details because we're too busy chasing the big picture. It's like when I used to try and fix my old Ford; I'd spend hours worrying about the engine when, in reality, the spark plugs were just shot. You have to look closer. You really do. kaže:
My doctor put me on Ambien for sleep, which is honestly kind of funny because I can sleep just fine without it. It’s one of those weird paradoxes, you know? I can lie there wide awake without any meds, or I can toss and turn even when I've taken them. It’s like my brain doesn't care if I have the prescription or not—sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, and sometimes nothing changes at all. Just one of those things!

They tried to label me with hallucinations. It’s ridiculous. I wasn't hearing things—I was just being myself. But because I spoke my mind and got into heated arguments with the staff at the hospital, they decided it was easier to write down that I was delusional. They wanted to discredit my words and mine. My ex didn't really buy their story either, though. She had gone through such a traumatic experience back then—one of those situations that leaves lasting scars—that she knew exactly what kind of chaos they were trying to stir up.

I’ve got an extra box—maybe two, actually—just sitting around for those moments when my anxiety starts acting up and I start losing my train of thought or forgetting ideas left and right. When that happens, I just go ahead and take some Xanax on my own initiative.

I’ve honestly reached a point where I’d be willing to mix my meds with something like methadone just to cope when my family starts riding my back—they really need to stay out of my business. It’s been brutal. Between the constant harassment and the way those two keep meddling in everything, things just spiraled. It got so bad that I was dealing with full-blown nervous breakdowns because of the fighting and the constant agitation. I was taking methadone and apaurin even when they weren't interfering, so now I'm sitting here wondering: was the breakdown triggered by the medication, or was it just the endless fighting and the harassment? I genuinely can't tell anymore.

My memory is shot—honestly, it’s pretty terrible lately. On top of that, I don't have any gear or anything to actually jot down my ideas when they hit me. For me, working through these concepts feels more like a hobby. It’s almost therapeutic. Since I'm currently out of work and dealing with some serious physical and mental health struggles, this creative outlet is what keeps me steady. If I didn't have this way to process everything, I don't know where I'd be. Things could have gone south very quickly. To be completely honest, I struggle with suicidal thoughts, but I'm passive about them. This work is just my lifeline.

I barely even finish most of these tasks anymore. I mostly just sit back and observe. Honestly, the legal workload is becoming such a massive mental drain that I have to force myself to unwind just to stay sane. But here’s the thing—ever since I got my computer and my phone, I find myself relaxing more and more, and actually getting things done less and less. It's a slippery slope.

Honestly, I was much more productive back before I had all this digital stuff cluttering my life. Back when I used to write everything down in a physical notebook, I actually spent way more time focusing on them. There was just something about the tactile feel of pen on paper that kept me locked in. Now? It’s different. Everything feels a bit scattered.

Just a quick side note—I don't actually have any official innovations or registered patents to my name. I just have ideas. To me, they feel like the same thing, but they aren't legal patents; they’re really just thoughts written out with a few rough sketches tossed in. I've never been much of an artist, so my drawings are pretty crude. That said, I completely agree with everything you laid out.

Maybe the best move is to just stick to Xanax. I should probably just ask my doctor to prescribe that and nothing else—just one thing to handle the anxiety and call it a day. But honestly? It feels like I’m shouting into a void. Nobody actually listens to me, nobody asks the right questions, and I feel like I have absolutely no one here to turn to. It's incredibly isolating.

Hey there. Just wanted to say hello. 🙂

Good grief, what on earth are you talking about? Are you seriously suggesting someone should end it all just because they’re broke? Is that where your head is at right now? Because honestly, it's a bit much. Just because the bank account is looking a little thin doesn't mean life isn't worth living. We've all had those months where we're checking the couch cushions for spare change—I remember back in college, I was practically living on instant noodles and prayer—but that's just part of the grind. It's not a death sentence. Seriously, take a breath.

Angela Kim said:I think sleeping with her would fix me, but I can't force that. I respect her feelings too much; she doesn't see me sexually, and trying to push her would be assault. I love her, and honestly, I don't think I could live without her friendship. She told me straight up that she'd sleep with me, but we'd never be friends again after that. So, my only outlet is masturbation, but there's a catch: I can only finish if I'm thinking about her body. I feel disgusted with myself when I try to think of anyone else. I'm losing my mind because I love her. I have no idea what I'll do if she finds someone else—it will probably kill me.

Hold on, Angela Kim. Are you male or female?

But honestly, people mostly just help me relax. It’s like I can finally tune out all my problems when I'm actually hanging out with them in person.

I honestly find myself hitting this wall of total emotional numbness whenever stress starts piling up on me.

I’ve definitely put on a few pounds over the last couple of days. I have this feeling my gut has grown just a little bit more than usual 😢

There was a lot going on back then (during my psychotic episode).

The absolute craziest thing I ever did while I was going through a psychotic break was actually checking myself into the hospital 😁 (the local psychiatric ward)

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Steve Jobs, were you hospitalized over the holidays?
Taking Apaurin for 20 days isn't exactly a crisis... unfortunately, I've been taking my Xanax daily for years now.
I'm glad they finally found a medication that works for you. It might make you feel pretty drowsy, though. My own treatment makes me incredibly sleepy; I end up napping almost every single afternoon, which I'd love to avoid, but it is what it is. As long as I'm relatively functional despite the insomnia, that's what matters. Most importantly, I feel much better since starting this new regimen—emotionally stable and mentally clearer.
The only downside is that I've put on some weight, so I'll be starting a diet soon.

Hmm. Actually, I was the one who wrote that, not Visionary. Not sure if you caught that.

Carol Barrett2 said:Feeling a bit more human today. Apurin actually seems to be doing its thing—definitely lifting my mood, at least for me. Though, I’ll admit, one particular thread over on the Canadian Forum got me a little worked up, so now I'd better go deal with the lawyers before things get messy. 🙂

Well, if you're busy washing dishes, you've got it easy! As for me, I've been taking Vaira for three months straight since I was discharged from the hospital, and honestly, it’s helping. I get hit with this wave of sleepiness in the middle of the day sometimes, though it isn't a daily thing. I can't tell if it's the medication or if it's just the weather acting up. Still, the medicine suits me; it has this calming effect. The tricky part is the risk of developing diabetes within a year, so I'll eventually have to switch things up. Back when I was in the hospital, I was on Apurin for about 20 days.

Harold Anderson3 said:My current medication regimen
is an aripiprazole injection at 400 mg every four weeks,
along with 75-100 mg of Leponex and 50 mg of Ladiomil in the evenings,
plus 5-10 mg of Cerson and 10-20 mg of Normabel right before bed.

I usually get about 7 to 8 hours of sleep, and I actually wake up feeling refreshed, often even before my alarm goes off. To be honest, I never really believed that medication could make such a massive difference, but this specific treatment has honestly been life-changing for me. Though, I suppose I’ll probably still be dealing with some existential dread over the next couple of years.

Man, you really hit the jackpot. I used to take 25mg of Leponex morning and night, and let me tell you, that stuff absolutely wiped me out. It was so heavy I could barely even hold a conversation. I haven't touched it in eight years now.

But hey, if it works for you... it sounds like everything has finally fallen into place. The treatment is working and you've got things sorted. No stress, as they say.

That’s me too. You hit the nail on the head there, Unknown—really solid thinking.

Harold Anderson3 said:Thanks, Jose Ward4, 🙂 how have you been doing?

Listen, I’ve actually been feeling a bit worse lately. Maybe it's just the weather changing—I don't really watch the news, so I haven't been tracking the forecasts, but I've been spending a lot of time online and everyone's saying this stretch of weather isn't going to be great for people with chronic conditions. Other than that, my health is fine; it's just this weather getting to me. I'm headed to see my therapist next week.

Harold Anderson3 said:I made it to my psychiatrist appointment today, right on schedule after about a month and a half.

We decided to switch things up—instead of taking my usual pills, I’ll be moving to an injectable version (Abilify Mainten) at a 400 mg dose once a month. I also asked to keep Cerson on hand, just to use as a backup when my other medications aren't quite enough to help me drift off. We haven't changed anything regarding Ladiomil or Leponex; I’m still taking 50 mg of each in the evening, about an hour before I hit the sack. Honestly, if the dosage isn't too high, I really think Leponex deserves the credit for how much better I’m feeling; in my opinion, it's probably the best medication out there for schizophrenia. Taking it at night is a nice little two-for-one deal since it helps settle the psychosis and knocks me out at the same time.

As far as my university situation goes, I can't say I have much to complain about, mostly because I took out a student loan that will pay out over the next two years. After a one-year grace period, I'll be paying that money back over seven years with a pretty decent interest rate. Of course, there's always a risk involved with any kind of debt, but this is really my only shot at finishing my degree—it's the last lifeline I've got. I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't finish, especially since I've already knocked out one year and only have two left to go.

I wouldn't wish the struggle of working while being in school on anyone, let alone someone dealing with health issues on top of everything else. This past academic year was honestly one for the books, though not in a good way; I only managed to pass two exams because I was completely wiped out from working morning shifts at Coca-Cola for three months and then rushing to lectures in the afternoon. All that stress eventually caught up with me, resulting in a hospital stay during the Christmas and New Year holidays. Even though I was only in for three weeks, it took me at least another three months to feel like myself again. I've learned my lesson: I am never trying to juggle a job and schoolwork at the same time ever again, because I end up doing a mediocre job at both. I'll leave those kinds of intense challenges to the more ambitious, capable, and—frankly—healthier people.

Way to go, Harold Anderson3. 👍

Carol Barrett2 said:I try to look back at my life and piece things together—maybe reasonably well, though my memory is honestly pretty trash. I guess I act like I have schizophrenia just because I’ve always been a bit of an oddball, and well, I still am.

Hey, you aren't an oddball, don't get it twisted. Look, please don't take this the wrong way—I'm really not trying to insult you—but I honestly believe that when a person has too much idle time on their hands, they start spiraling into nonsense. You start questioning why you are this way or that way, or obsessing over dark thoughts. Try to find something to occupy your mind. Anything that actually interests you. Believe me, I've been there. It was exactly like that for me, especially right after getting out of the hospital. There are just endless questions. Where am I going? How do I do this? I know it isn't easy, but you really have to break out of that monotony. And honestly, I might be facing some serious financial trouble in a few months myself; things aren't exactly blooming at work right now, so you see, maybe things aren't as bad for you as they feel. There are worse things out there. I'm not ashamed to say that—only a fool wouldn't see the reality of how we live.