Posts by Jose Ward4

Carol Barrett2 said:So, anyway, the folks over at the FDA basically told me I should just let the diagnoses fly—you know, just let them happen—so that I can actually get some legitimate coverage and start receiving benefits.

I’m not sure how things are looking in your neck of the woods, but I’d bet it’s just as messy as it is here. You might as well be chasing a mirage when it comes to those benefits; it is incredibly hard to actually pull them in. For instance, I went in for my medical evaluation back in April, and I didn't even get a decision until now. That's after waiting two whole years just for the appointment! They finally ruled that I have a Level 3 disability and am unable to work, though they only granted it temporarily for two years. Honestly? I think I only pushed for it because of the money, and maybe there's a chance I could inherit some Social Security benefits from my late parents. But that’s a huge "maybe." I have no clue what specific condition you need to be in for that to become permanent. It's all such a total 🤷
.

Hang in there, guys. Honestly, you all aren't doing so well. I was almost moved to tears by Diego and Rebecca Rivera3 just now. I truly can't fathom how much you're struggling. If I had the power to cast out whatever demon is weighing you down, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Rebecca Rivera3, stay strong. And please, don't take this personally.

Every time I was checked into the hospital, the doctors kept telling me I was a pretty easy case to handle.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:You left a lovely tribute for John Nash Diego...
He truly earned it.

People, please watch out for superstition; it’s just a synonym for ignorance. There is so much that can be dangerous... I find myself wondering if it's dangerous to avoid therapy. Ultimately, I’ve concluded that the only true danger is death, because that is the great unknown. Everything else? "Danger" is entirely subjective. Is it dangerous to experience psychosis? Or is it more dangerous to be dead from medications that strip away everything and destroy my potential?
Of course, everyone should seek therapy and treatment instead of pretending they have it all figured out. Let's be realistic—life is harsh, and we know how it works. But when we discuss psychiatry and the human brain... we are still dealing with a massive mystery regardless of how much research is done. There are too many question marks and assumptions. It’s too much for someone like me. Between something and nothing, I’d rather choose nothing.
I struggle with doubt, with thoughts, and with reality itself.
And, truthfully, I embrace pain to some extent. We are born in pain and we die in pain, even if that pain is internal. I realize this sad truth: I cannot live without pain. Pain is my reality; it is part of who I am. When I don't feel it, I don't feel much of anything.

Pain pushes me to push my boundaries, even if those boundaries sometimes lead toward psychosis. That specific moment when the limits shift and my horizons expand... that moment is worth it, even if it means my life is shorter.

For instance, if I had cancer, I wouldn't go through chemo. I would rather have a shorter, fuller life than fight against something that is going to kill me eventually anyway. But everyone is entitled to their own perspective and the way they choose to live. We don't all want the same things.

Just to be clear, I am not advocating for suicide. Not at all.

Harold Anderson3 said:I struggle with bouts of heavy depression from time to time, those periods where I just don't have any drive left—not for mental work, not for physical tasks, not for sports, really nothing at all. On the flip side, when I'm in a psychotic state, I seem to have an overwhelming amount of energy and interest in everything; honestly, I can often accomplish far more during psychosis than I ever could while feeling healthy and "normal." The real issue is my connection to reality. I start coming up with these wild, irrational ideas, I feel this strange sense of superiority over everyone else, an almost non-existent level of energy, and eventually, the hallucinations start setting in.

What kind of wild ideas are we talking about? I'm genuinely curious. 🤣 Maybe we're seeing the same things.

Robin Lopez2 said:I just want to tell you: stop dwelling on spirituality and religious topics. Don't talk about them with anyone. Just clear them from your mind and things will get easier. All those demons and other nonsense...

I know myself well enough to realize that once I start getting interested in spirituality and religion, it’s a sign that psychosis is starting to creep in. It always happens right when I stop taking my medication. You have to take the pills; they are our only lifeline.

Look, I get it. I wasn't actually hitting a psychotic break; I just remembered that moment and wanted to share it with you guys. It happened about two months ago. It was just strange because both guys seemed to see "the same thing inside me," which caught me off guard. I actually know one of those guys pretty well—he does the kind of work a healing aunt would do. But I’m not going there right now. I'm not interested in diving back into that, and believe me, I am not in a psychosis. I've been working since 3:00 AM, going full throttle, so I don't really have the headspace to overthink this. Still, every once in a while, I get this urge to quit the meds for even just a week. But I know I won't succeed. I tried that before and ended up with terrible gastritis. I don't know the exact chemistry of what these pills do, other than they calm me down and mess with my serotonin and dopamine levels, but they definitely hit my gut. Someone mentioned here once that the gut is like a second brain, and they aren't wrong. I went seven days without a single pill once, and by the seventh day, the gastritis hit me hard. I didn't experience any psychosis; if anything, I just had more energy, which is normal when you're off them. I wasn't seeing the world through rose-colored glasses like I do when I'm on the meds. Plus, I couldn't stay home as much. I missed being social, constantly. But by the fourth day, the burping started getting intense, and I felt nauseous all the time.

I wouldn't call myself an atheist. I truly believe there’s a Creator behind all of this. Now, look, the whole thing could have started with evolution—that part makes sense to me. But when you really stop to look at the cosmos or the sheer complexity of nature around us, everything feels so perfectly programmed and designed. It makes me wonder who exactly sat down and coded all of this. Maybe it's God, or whatever name you prefer to give that force. So, yeah, I believe. I’m not exactly a religious person, but I do have faith. I don't celebrate Christmas or any of those traditions, even though, looking back, they were actually pretty great when I was a kid. Especially Easter.

Robin Lopez2 said:Run from those charlatans as fast as you can. Honestly, run from organized religion too. Just stick to being a pure atheist materialist and put your faith in pills—rely on mainstream medicine, it'll actually help you. Demons aren't real! Those people are just looking to get their hands on your cash!

They didn't!

Look, nobody even asked for money. Everything is totally free.

Maybe these pills have turned me into some kind of monster.

I honestly feel like I’ve been possessed by demons, which is why I struggle with schizophrenia. I actually had this one guy—he does that whole "Aunt healing" thing—tell me straight up that I'm crawling with demons and that we really ought to start by exorcising them out of me first. Then, there was another guy who specializes in religious healing for all sorts of ailments, and he also told me I'm just full of demons. I mean, look, I don't look like a demon, and I don't sound like one either, but I guess they can sense it somehow.

Matthew Castillo5 said:If anyone is interested, you're invited to:

1. a workshop on hearing voices phenomenon from the perspective of the Hearing Voices movement (this session is designed as an introduction to the complexities of hearing voices, covering a wide array of modern insights and approaches to the phenomenon) on Saturday, May 26, 2018, from 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM at the Center for Excellence in Integrative Bioethics, located at 1a Ivan Lučić St.

2. a workshop titled "The Meaning of Peer Support Groups within the Hearing Voices Movement"(This session offers practical information, techniques, and firsthand experience regarding how peer support groups operate and how to establish one—the very principles upon which the Hearing Voices movement's own groups are built. Additionally, the workshop will provide all the necessary tools for someone looking to become a group facilitator. It’s a hands-on session intended to encourage and assist people in launching their own peer support groups for those who hear voices.) on Sunday, May 27, 2018, from 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM at the Center for Excellence in Integrative Bioethics, located at 1a Ivan Lučić St.

Both sessions are led by Ada Hasanbašić, a licensed psychologist and Gestalt therapist in private practice who has been an active participant in the Hearing Voices movement across the Western North America and in Prague since 2012.

There is no cost to attend these workshops.

Good grief, you could have just left a link so we could actually see the details! Instead, you drop a link at 2:00 AM when the lectures start at 9:00.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:I’ve stopped taking my medication... has anyone else ever quit their meds?
Everything feels different now—even the air feels different. I don't have those surreal sensations or that total numbness that comes and goes depending on how much antipsychotics are circulating in my bloodstream at any given moment.
It’s harder, though. Much harder. Everything actually hurts; the pain is real, and reality just hits you right where it counts... but everything feels so vivid and alive. Before, I was basically a zombie. I don't know—I realize my current state without medication won't last forever because, given the illness, I won't be able to sustain this indefinitely... but have any of you tried experiencing what it's like to be free from that chemical fog? Even if you were dealing with psychosis at the time.

Everything you're saying is true, Rebecca Rivera3. I went off my meds for seven days recently, and man, the gastritis hit me like a freight train. But you're right, everything changes. On that seventh day, I found myself just staring at the night sky, marveling at how beautiful it was. I started noticing things—really seeing people and animals. You perceive everything through a different lens. The air tastes fresher, food tastes better, life just feels more intense. By the seventh day, I looked at my neighbor's Labrador and saw this incredible warmth in him; I remember thinking, "My God, I wish it could always be like this." I saw things in their true light. But I couldn't hold out. That gastritis was brutal—constant nausea and such intense stomach pain.

Joseph Bailey41 said:Have you ever read Hyperion?

http://www.izvori.com/knjiga.php?id=32

No, I haven't. But I checked out the synopsis, and man, it looks intense. Thanks for the tip. Honestly, it reminds me of all this stuff people are obsessing over lately—you know, the whole AI and robotics craze. It’s like something straight out of a sci-fi thriller set in Pavuna. Do you happen to have a copy? I noticed there's a $48 charge for it online. That's a bit steep for me right now.

Joseph Bailey41 said:I've been diving into this book lately, and I finally found that specific meditation I was telling you about:

https://www.amazon.com/Change-Your-S.../dp/1844094642

On a lighter note, I stumbled upon this little story the other day that really stuck with me:

http://thepropertyofhate.com/SquareTales/The_Purpose

Alright, look, that worm story wasn't bad, but I felt a bit let down. Just when things were finally getting intense, it wrapped up way too fast. To be honest, I’m just not feeling like reading stuff like this lately. If it isn't a solid Crime novel, a gripping drama, or maybe some Sci-Fi, I just can't get into it.

Joseph Bailey41, this is an OT. Got any book recommendations for me? I’m looking for something you’ve read recently that actually stuck with you. If you happen to have a copy sitting on your computer in PDF format, I could just download it right away.

I’m right there with you, rooting for those tablets to finally work out for Rebecca Rivera3. Fingers crossed. Anyway, how was the hospital visit? Was it a total nightmare or actually a decent experience?

Paul Sullivan9 said:Hey everyone, just wanted to drop in and say hi! It’s my first time hanging out on this forum. I spent a huge chunk of my life living abroad, so honestly, my grammar might be a little hit-or-miss, but I'm giving it my best shot. So, here's the deal: I've been battling schizophrenia for a long time now, but the big news—the real win—is that I finally feel like I've beaten the worst of it. I wanted to jump in here and share my story because, let's be real, that word "schizophrenia" sounds absolutely terrifying to most people, but it doesn't mean you can't get a handle on it and live your life. Right now, I'm staying on Ritalin and Lexapro to keep things steady. All those crazy symptoms I used to deal with—like those paranoid delusions where I thought someone was stalking me, or the auditory hallucinations, basically full-blown psychosis—all of that has vanished. And you know why? Because I actually took the time to face it head-on. I learned how my own mind works, and once you understand the mechanics of your own psyche, everything changes. It took a massive amount of time and effort, but I finally made it. These days, I make sure to get out and walk every single day, which is huge for keeping my mental health in check. Basically, I'm putting all my energy into staying healthy, and honestly, I don't really struggle with those mental issues anymore. So yeah, that's just a quick little intro from me.

I'm a bit confused. You say you beat the illness, but you're still on medication? Did I catch that right?

mellowmarlin62 said:Hey everyone, I could really use some advice or just a place to vent because right now, I have nowhere else to turn.

Here’s the quick version of my life so far: I’ve never quite fit in. My mind is restless and hyperactive, which constantly drags me down into depression. I grew up mostly without friends or any real sense of community support. I’ve struggled with addictions, never had deep or intimate relationships with family or partners, lived in poverty, and felt a massive amount of frustration with life. Even while finishing my degree, I’ve been grinding through seasonal internships just to cover the bills—I haven't exactly lived a sheltered life. It's not that I lack social skills; I can network and communicate just fine, but I often feel too unmotivated and exhausted to actually build deeper connections. Right now, I’m operating like a robot. I just work and study. I feel like if I stop moving, even for a second, the depression will take the wheel and everything will go south. And trust me, it wouldn't be the first time.

Now, at 21, I finally have a shot at a real life. I killed it during my undergrad, and thanks to a bit of luck, I landed a job along with a full ride for a Master’s at a top-tier American university. There’s a great salary and a serious project waiting for me. It sounds amazing, truly, but I don't even have anyone to celebrate this with. I did this all on my own.

But honestly, I want to change. I want to become "normal" and relaxed, as much as that's possible. Right now, I'm the opposite: stiff, tense, and wound way too tight. I know changing who you are isn't about what continent you're standing on, but being stuck here in the States right now, I'm so buried in work that I have zero time for myself. Once I move, I'll be financially independent for the first time. I’m hoping to finally lose that constant feeling of barely scraping by and escape the depressing cycle of the American lower-middle class living on the edge of poverty. I'll have a solid job where I can actually use my talents instead of fighting against cronyism, nepotism, and a broken system that feels stuck in the past. I should actually have enough money to afford things like travel and going out—things that currently feel like "exotic luxuries" to me. So, does anyone here have a similar story? How do you handle a massive life shift like this? How do you make sure you grab the good stuff and avoid the pitfalls? I don't know if this ended up being more of a question or a confession, but at least I feel a little lighter getting it out. Thanks to whoever reads this!

Troll.

Carol Barrett2 said:Fiber. I mean, people talk about whole grains, but personally, I’m all about those little fiber cookies. Honestly, better than just plain cereal. Keeps things moving, you know?

The thing is, according to my doctors at the Mayo Clinic, everything comes back "normal." But I’m sitting here feeling like crap. I had some liver issues a while back—some kind of scarring—and now my vision is acting up. Floaters, weird shifts in my prescription... it’s a mess. One eye is fine, the other is plus, then it's both, then just one. And there's this swelling near my tooth from an old infection; it flares up every once in a while, though it seems to be chilling out for now, I hope. I've got plenty of other issues too, ranging from bone pain to... well, everything else.

I just don't get how the lab results can look perfect when I'm clearly struggling with all this. And no, I'm not a hypochondriac—even if my psychologist noted some "hypochondriac tendencies" in her report. I’m not making this stuff up. My skin issues alone are obvious enough to see.

I was watching this video recently that suggested the liver could be the root of it all. Everything—from skin flare-ups to sleeping way too much, or that constant, heavy fatigue where you feel like you never actually slept.

Because, believe me, I wouldn't mind being healthy for once.

Look, a random video didn't teach you how to diagnose your own skin issues and everything else. Why don't you just go see a doctor for a full exam? That really is your best bet.

Carol Barrett2 said:Doing fine. Thanks for asking. Hope you're hanging in there too.

I am. Thanks for the well wishes. Just woke up, actually. I've got some BBQ sliders waiting for me for lunch, so I'm feeling pretty motivated right now. Otherwise, all good.