I guess there's still more I wanted to say about people living with schizophrenia, since darksurfer4 and I both deal with it.
It’s actually pretty fascinating. When I look into famous figures who struggled with schizophrenia, there seems to be this recurring pattern—a specific type of personality that eventually develops the condition. For instance, almost all of them have a deep love for vaping; they feel this intense sense of emptiness when they aren't doing it. They also can't stand unpredictability. They might even have an almost obsessive craving for justice or truth. People in remission are often incredibly kind, polite, and driven toward success, yet they tend to be quite vain—they really love catching their own reflection in the mirror. What’s truly interesting about our situation, besides everything else I could list, is that these traits seem to surface very early on. You start noticing them in early childhood, but after a diagnosis and starting on meds like Risperdal, these personality quirks become even more pronounced. They always claim they are brilliant and capable; they just need someone to step in and show them the way. People don't call someone a genius or an unknown without reason. It's a fine line. The absolute worst part of this hellish disease is the paranoia. When it hits you, it's devastating. I'm lucky it hasn't fully taken me down for ten years now, but when it does, you live with this constant, crushing sensation that someone is out to get you. That they want to poison you, or hurt you, or simply wish you harm. It feels like a group of people—or even a specific circle you know—is conspiring against you until the very end. When you aren't on your medication, that fear—that feeling that everyone is in a conspiracy against you—is the ultimate nightmare. You just can't move forward in life with those thoughts dragging you down. It's the hardest thing. It’s like someone needs to sit me down and explain it so I can actually process and accept it. Look, nobody is out to get you. There is no reason to be afraid. Maybe it’s just a lack of self-confidence, but that’s something I can't physically control. You know? Or maybe you can... I've never tried. Maybe if I could master that, I wouldn't even need the pills anymore.
darksurfer4 said:Honestly, I think your take on this whole situation is pretty much pointless and frankly a bit naive. Just because there are fewer symptoms present doesn't mean we’re looking at some "mild" case. You can't just brush that off. Depression is such a massive, heavy component of this illness; one day everything seems fine, and the next, a patient might decide to end it all—which wouldn't be surprising in the slightest given how this works. But sure, let's just go ahead and label him a "lighter case." It’s also worth pointing out that his quality of life is absolutely abysmal, which, if you know anything about people struggling with depression, shouldn't come as any shock at all. Here we have a post from Harold Anderson3—who, let’s be honest, is definitely dealing with a confirmed diagnosis of schizophrenia—and he was actually laying it all out on the previous page, explaining how the most brutal part of his condition isn't even the psychosis, but the crushing depression that comes along with it.🍿
On the other hand, I happen to know this one guy—a complete nutcase, really—who’s actually keeping an atomic bomb stashed away in his basement. He claims he knows exactly who was responsible for the assassination of Princess Diana, and he’s using that intel to blackmail the entire US political establishment, among other things. From everything he says, it’s blindingly obvious the man is absolutely losing his marbles, but strangely enough, he’s usually in high spirits; in fact, he’s quite a cheerful fellow most of the time.🍿 Is he actually a more severe case? I mean, if he were dealing with those combined episodes—you know, that volatile mix of depression and mania—would we be looking at a much more critical patient? If you just count up the symptoms on a checklist, then sure, the answer is yes. But when you look at his actual mood, his temperament, his vibe... honestly, it doesn't really feel that different.
Man, you just don't get it. And honestly, thank God for that—you don't have schizophrenia. What you're describing isn't constant, lifelong depression; it comes and goes. When you're on medication and it finally starts working after some trauma or whatever led to your diagnosis, you're going to experience symptoms similar to any healthy person. This isn't chronic depression that drowns you for two years—or heaven knows how long depression has to last to be called "chronic"—but it certainly isn't just two or three days. It hits, and then it passes, just like it does for most people. Sure, maybe the symptoms feel heavier than they would for someone without this condition, but that varies wildly from person to person depending on their circumstances, their health, everything. Look at Harold Anderson3; he writes a post saying he's in a total mess, and then the very next day, he's fine. He wrote that he needed an outlet, even if it was just posting here to share his thoughts, but the body naturally fights off depression. Depression is that state where you just can't face living or doing anything, but when you're on your meds and in remission, your body instinctively pushes back. That survival instinct is stronger than anything else, whether it's hurting yourself or, God forbid, someone else. For most of us in remission, we bounce back after a day or two.
Jonathan Hayes said:Wait, is anyone on Psihokauč even allowed to touch a beer? 😁 I mean, because of all the meds...
Look, if you personally feel like you shouldn't drink—or if you find yourself wanting to sneak a sip while you're on meds—then just don't. Honestly, I don't know what else to tell you. It feels like you're almost playing dumb here. Everyone knows mixing medication and alcohol isn't exactly a winning combo, but if you feel fine doing it, then fine. But if you start losing your mind because of the pills and the booze? Then absolutely not. That's my two cents. Besides, I don't plan on being on these things forever anyway, so it doesn't really bother me. As for me, I'm perfectly fine with a beer. I don't get any hallucinations or anything weird. And I definitely don't get aggressive.
Is there anyone else from this neighborhood (this forum, Psihokauč) who’s down for some beers and just hanging out? A couple of us usually get together every few weeks, sometimes even once a week if we're feeling it. Right now, it's just two of us. One guy is absolutely wrecked from work, and the other is completely heartbroken over some girl. It doesn't necessarily have to be beer, though that's our go-to.
Jason Kim6 said:I completely agree—I actually love being around people. It’s a shame I’m so withdrawn, which I guess stems from how my parents basically traumatized me when I was little. If it were up to me, I’d be meeting new people and having deep conversations every single day. I really don't see how I could have schizophrenia. A lady next door—who happens to be a friend's mom and a nurse, so she actually knows a bit about psychiatry—told me that I'm not mentally ill, but that there are other things going on with me. She wouldn't quite specify what those issues were, though. btw—I used to have this fear of castration—which I've realized now comes from my parents being incredibly strict and neurotizing me about masturbation when I was a kid—but honestly, even that isn't a symptom of schizophrenia. hmmm
If people actually took the time to think a little deeper, Big Pharma wouldn't even have a business model left.
I honestly thought about inheriting my parents' Social Security benefits, but looking at the math, it doesn't really make sense anymore. I’m pulling in nearly as much as those two combined anyway. Back then, pensions were set at $0.90, but I've been digging through the legal fine print, and apparently, if you have any decent income, you aren't eligible for anything. People always try to find loopholes, of course, but there's a massive catch: even if I managed to qualify for disability, the second I decide to start my own business or go freelance down the road, they just yank everything away. It’s infuriating. If only we were like Norway—man, things would be different over there. They basically hand out $500 regardless of whether you're working or not. But we're definitely not living that life. Honestly, I doubt I'll ever see a dime from this, and I've heard how impossible the bureaucracy can be, but I guess I'll look into it. I've got nothing to lose, right? Happy Easter btw.
I honestly can't get over how much people underestimate the sheer scale of certain things. It’s like when you look at a massive skyline in Chicago and think, "Yeah, I get it," but then you actually stand under those skyscrapers and realize just how small you really are. It hits you all at once. There’s this specific feeling of being dwarfed by something much larger than yourself, whether it's a building or a massive corporate entity like Amazon. It stays with you. You can't just shake it off. It’s humbling, really. Truly humbling. kaže: A few weeks back, I had to head out to St. Louis for a medical evaluation. Honestly? It was such a letdown. I ended up sitting across from this guy who felt completely cold—just totally indifferent to the whole situation. He didn't care about my actual health struggles or what I was going through at all. He just kept staring at his clipboard, demanding paperwork after paperwork. It felt more like an audit than a conversation about my well-being.
I honestly feel like getting a high disability rating during an evaluation is actually pretty easy these days. It seems like you can walk in and walk out with a massive percentage without much of a fight. But then again, if everyone is pulling those kinds of numbers, it makes me wonder if those documents even carry any real weight anymore. Does anyone else feel like the whole system is just losing its teeth?
And here we go again... Honestly, though, it’s always good to have them on hand. You can never truly predict when someone might try to strip away a right you've already earned. It’s one of those things. When you actually have that expert's stamp of approval on paper? That’s your shield. Case closed.
How long did that actually take you? Like, an hour or two? And besides all those questions about health issues, what else were they grilling you on? Also, what kind of benefits are we talking about here if you end up qualifying for disability?
Hey everyone. Has anyone here ever gone through a disability evaluation? I’m headed in for mine shortly, so I was wondering if you could share what your experience was like. I’m heading over to the Social Security office near downtown Phoenix because that’s where my dad went back in the day, so they just put me on the list too. Is it actually hard to get approved, and what kind of rights am I looking at once it's settled?
Harold Anderson3 said:Man, I wish I could help you out, but I haven't exactly mastered the art of dating myself 😁
All joking aside, I’m becoming increasingly convinced that the idea of a lasting relationship between someone struggling with mental illness and someone who is neurotypical is mostly just a myth.
I don't know about that. Honestly, it really just comes down to the individual. In my experience, I started dating my girlfriend back in 2008, and she was on medication. To be fair, I wasn't sure how she'd take it when I finally opened up to her, but she handled it beautifully. That gave me so much confidence—really helped me find my footing with women in general. Women can be incredible. She didn't even realize I was on meds for the first month we were together, and once I told her, her reaction was nothing but positive. That said, I definitely couldn't handle being with someone who is completely unstable or totally spiraling because of their pills. That's a nightmare scenario for me. But that's just how it is.
Anyway, how are you doing? What's going on with you? Anything new?
Angela Stewart6 said:Look, whether it’s a girl or a woman—since I don't know your age—she’ll likely show up if you truly need her and if that's where your heart is headed. That kind of connection just happens naturally, you know? Honestly, I’ve moved past being interested in that area of life myself, though I’ll admit there are those occasional moments where things feel... well, let's just say "interesting." But regardless, I’ve chosen this path, and I’m perfectly content with it. As for those fears you mentioned—for quite a while now, I’ve barely stepped foot outside, except for quick trips to the local CVS or maybe just hanging out in my backyard 🙂. It’s something that gradually tapered off as I learned how to actually manage it. My social life is also fading away more and more, though I’m not entirely sure if it will vanish completely. Still, that’s just one of the realities of dealing with our condition. But if I could offer one bit of advice: fear can actually be a good thing, provided it stays within certain limits.
Angela Stewart6 said:I'm doing alright—feeling a little bit drained, honestly, but tomorrow is Sunday, so I’m looking forward to some much-needed downtime! How have things been on your end? Regarding psychosis, I really feel like it becomes a bit easier to spot the warning signs as time goes by—presumably once we actually get educated about our own condition. Though, even that's a bit of a toss-up, isn't it? Still, I believe everyone has those specific internal fluctuations, and that's why we stick to our therapy and adjust our medication as needed.
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I'm alright. Just feeling lonely, really. I miss having a girlfriend. Just having someone there by my side... that's what's missing for me. To just feel that love. To kiss someone and all that 🙂. Maybe the weather just hit me weird today. It feels like early spring out there. Perfect weather to go grab a coffee with someone. Regarding what you said about psychosis—yeah, I agree. And when I have to take my meds, I have to. If I don't, I just don't feel right 😢. Do you deal with those fears too? It's like this illness is practically designed for them. Sometimes I get this intense sensation, like someone is actually going to jump out and attack me outside. But then I walk past someone and everything turns out totally fine. Everything looks normal, and I find myself thinking, "Okay, the world is a normal place." But why can't that feeling just stay? That's what bugs me—how it happens all over again. It's like I can't learn that nobody is actually out to get me. Like I'm constantly on edge. Or maybe it's just a side effect from the pills we take. I didn't used to feel this way. Before, I just felt anxious. Even before the first psychotic episodes started, I knew what was happening. Real versus unreal... you can't really connect the dots when you're in it. But that was a long time ago.
Harold Anderson3 said:Has anyone else dealt with this pattern? For me, it’s a regular occurrence following a psychotic episode. It always seems to happen eventually, sooner or later. Right before a break, I actually feel pretty incredible—like I'm on top of the world and can conquer anything—but once the psychosis hits, I lose touch with reality and my own emotions entirely. Then, once things finally settle down, I crash straight into a deep depression. It actually got so bad once that I ended up being hospitalized. I just feel empty, caught up in this heavy nostalgia, and I find myself blaming myself for things that happened in the past. It leaves me with absolutely zero willpower or motivation to try and fix my life. Does anyone here have any experience with this cycle? @Angela Stewart6, since you're relatively new to navigating these mental health struggles, I really hope my post doesn't weigh too heavily on you or bring your mood down. 😉
Hey @diego. Look, I deal with depression too—pretty much everyone does, right? I wonder if it’s the diagnosis itself or maybe a side effect from the meds. And what do you mean by psychosis? I don't quite get it. Do you mean feeling overly anxious, or just losing the ability to find a reason for things? Or is it just a total loss of logic? I guess I'll just share what happens with me. Every three months, I have to take a quarter of a Lexapro tablet. Honestly, I'm a mess because I fall into this sort of "psychosis" where I can't do anything rational anymore. It's like I become a nuisance to myself. I get these intense fears when I'm out in public, like someone is going to jump me, but then I realize it's just time for my meds. It happens like clockwork every three months, I swear. I can't tell if it's triggered by winter or something, because I can make it through the whole summer without it—last summer was fine, at least.
Angela Stewart6 said:I honestly don't know how to give you a smart answer to that—maybe some brain exercises or vitamins? I really don't know.
@Jose Ward4, maybe I'm just looking for an excuse, but I wouldn't say I have a huge appetite normally—though I do try to regulate my diet as much as I can. As for >, I wouldn't describe it primarily as a romance, even though it is (I mean, Leonardo DiCaprio played it like he was doing everything out of pure love!). To me, it was more about the lesson of understanding the main characters' personalities based on their life paths. You really should watch it, though. And don't worry—if you head in that direction, you'll find someone special 😉
Look, just eat as much as you want! Everyone has their own appetite, right? It's totally fine. Yesterday I was thinking about a girl, but today my whole mood has flipped. I just got some extra cash in my pocket, so I'm feeling pretty pumped. Honestly, my moods change like the tides. One minute I'm down, the next I'm on top of the world... I bet it's some horoscope stuff. Libras are supposed to be super moody, apparently. Anyway, I'm not exactly going out of my way to chase anything right now. If it happens, it happens. If not, oh well...
Angela Stewart6 said:Hmm, well, I don't actually eat much fatty food—I barely touch meat at all. I love fruits and vegetables, though they can get pretty pricey sometimes, and honestly, my appetite isn't always that strong (maybe if I put more effort into it, I'd feel the hunger more often). I try to avoid sweets too, though I do occasionally get those late-night cravings where I just *have* to have something sugary, and once I start, I can't seem to stop—I'll just grab 🙂 whatever happens to be within reach 🤣. As for movies, I don't watch them very often, but the last one I saw was The Great Gatsby, and I actually found it quite thought-provoking.
@zecic, when I first started my treatment, I actually looked up contraindications to see if my medications would clash, but nothing happened to me... so, who knows?
Man, groceries are expensive. Just yesterday, I grabbed three loaves of bread, sugar, two cartons of milk, some peppers, and cucumbers $23 and I hadn't even picked up any candy or margarine yet 😁 I usually have jam, too. The Great Gatsby—that's the one with Leonardo DiCaprio. I don't remember the whole plot perfectly, but I know he's this wealthy guy who falls for this lovely woman. He throws these big parties at his mansion. It was an interesting movie, but I didn't actually finish it because Rush popped up on my radar. You know, that Formula 1 movie about Niki Lauda. So, I put a couple of movies on a thumb drive and ended up cutting the first one short because I really wanted to see that one instead. I hooked up some small speakers to my TV, and they're actually decent—the sound is crisp—so I really wanted to hear the roar of the engines and the cars hitting the turns. Even so, that's a great film, even if it focuses a bit more on his rival back then. I should probably rewatch The Great Gatsby, but it felt more like a romance, if I recall correctly, so maybe I'll save it for when I'm watching something with my girlfriend, once I actually have one.
Half a cup? Are you kidding me? I’m talking about putting it in a daily smoothie! Seriously, have you ever actually tried a parsley-infused shake? You toss in three or four large leaves and the flavor just pops. Honestly, any veggie you throw into a juice like that—you won't feel a thing from just a few leaves. But since it’s all blended into a liquid, your body absorbs everything way faster. It hits you in like five or ten minutes. And once you finish that shake, you get this massive rush of vitamins because it's all liquefied. It actually kicks my hunger right back into gear after two or three hours—like, a real appetite comes roaring back. If you've ever done it, you know exactly what I mean.
Angela Stewart6 said:Basically, Olandix is just the generic version of Zyprexa. I can't speak to the exact molecular differences, but I've been on Olandix for five years now—and honestly, between this medication and my psychotherapy, it has been a massive help. It feels like I'm making steady progress—though, admittedly, probably not at the lightning speed someone without a diagnosis would experience! But hey, that's fine; I've made my peace with that reality.
@Jose Ward4, I've been feeling a little bit low these past two days, but it’s nothing I can't handle. Since I'm also taking antidepressants, I can definitely say those heavy down periods have become much less frequent.
Oh, I forgot to mention... look, what you're feeling is totally normal. You know that, right? We all go through these ups and downs. Life isn't just one straight line. But I wanted to suggest trying some cocoa when you're up for it. Just warm milk, a little sugar, and dark cocoa. It’s soothing, and honestly, it’s not too heavy. I tend to get a stomachache sometimes—too much fat messes with me—and sometimes my meds (I'm on therapy too, honestly, it's a struggle) give me this restless anxiety. I can literally feel it in my chest. When that happens, chamomile tea helps. It’s a natural sedative, so give it a shot. Since you're on medication now, your body might absorb things differently; your metabolism might be working a bit faster. Also, try smoothies. If I toss a banana, half a lemon, half an apple, maybe a pear, and a bit of parsley or spinach into a blender, I feel better within five minutes. Even just vitamins made a huge difference for me, so definitely try that. Anyway, I'm off to take my meds now. Goodnight. Goodnight to everyone! I hope you all have peaceful, beautiful dreams. And if anyone is tossing and turning, there's a really gripping movie on YouTube. If you're interested, you can watch it here with subtitles: The Man from Earth - with subtitles
Angela Stewart6 said:Basically, Olandix is just the generic version of Zyprexa. I can't speak to the exact molecular differences, but I've been on Olandix for five years now—and honestly, between this medication and my psychotherapy, it has been a massive help. It feels like I'm making steady progress—though, admittedly, probably not at the lightning speed someone without a diagnosis would experience! But hey, that's fine; I've made my peace with that reality.
@Jose Ward4, I've been feeling a little bit low these past two days, but it’s nothing I can't handle. Since I'm also taking antidepressants, I can definitely say those heavy down periods have become much less frequent.
That’s wonderful news. Honestly, I’m just really glad to hear that. The weather here has been pretty gloomy lately, too. Once the sun finally decides to show up again, I bet you'll feel even better.