I couldn't agree more. It’s a damn shame, and honestly, it's my kids who pay the price. Hardly any parents are willing to just admit their kid is "only" average...👎 Instead, they push them way too hard and lean on the school to inflate grades. They create this fake reality filled with nothing but unearned accolades, and it's completely unsustainable in the long run.
Look, it’s obvious you don't have a kid who fits the standard mold. She’s in that top 10-15% bracket—the highly intelligent kids you barely have to push at all. Plus, she’s clearly responsible and actually motivated. With most other kids—the 70-80% majority—you have to grind at home almost every single day if you want them to be straight-A students. That’s just how it works. If you don't care about that, fine by me, but they'll just end up being average students with those grades. And honestly, kudos to her for loving books and already finishing HP. It just proves she’s lightyears ahead of her peers. Your whole argument about how working with a teacher isn't necessary if you aren't doing daily drills at home completely falls apart here, because we aren't talking about an average kid. You don't have an average kid. 😉
Richard Perez3 said:Listen, for the stuff mentioned above, there wasn't some big school system—it was just us.
But where schools actually exist, who the hell am I supposed to be for them?
Plus, if the public school curriculum is designed so that any average kid can pass, yet your average kid is already struggling... I mean, how are they even teaching this "average" curriculum if the average parent has to work a full-time job just so their average kid can get through an average program?
This attitude is completely useless. ☕ An average kid will have average results—meaning they'll be a decent student and pass the grade with good marks. That's perfectly fine and exactly what you'd expect. The issue only starts when people expect someone average to be exceptional without putting in any extra effort.🙄
feralgardener33 said:Now you've gone and twisted half of what I said, but whatever, it doesn't matter. You don't know me, you don't know my kid, and you don't know how I parent, so you're forgiven. 😁 Look, I'm not attacking you, nor am I saying teachers are to blame. I jumped into this debate (even though I don't have kids in school yet and have zero clue what the day-to-day looks like) simply because all I hear from the parents around me is constant complaining about their kids' schooling. It made me think everyone was probably exaggerating (though, really, can everyone be exaggerating at once?). I'm holding onto hope that they *are* exaggerating and it won't actually turn out that bad. As a parent, I make sure we go to the theater, museums, and field trips; we're regulars at the local library and all that. I'd like to actually have the time for those things once school starts. It's not that I don't want to help my child—which is what you keep insisting—but I do feel like they should be able to handle most things on their own (with just a little guidance). Based on the teacher posts here, it sounds like it's either unrealistic or not even worth expecting an average student to master the material independently. (Maybe I'm being subjective since I was one of those straight-A students who thought everything was easy—it's a philosophy, I guess: learn the stuff, get the A). And no, I don't think my kid is some genius, nor do I think they're always right. I'm not one of *those* parents.
The post you quoted wasn't even about you. I was talking to summernight... I already gave you my answer in a different thread.
If you have a kid with average abilities and you don't put in any extra work at home, the result is going to be average. It’s basic math. They’ll be a decent student, mostly pulling Cs. That’s perfectly fine if the kid is happy with it—and I’m talking about the KID here, because I haven’t met a single parent who actually is 😛. It’s pathetic, really. Parents force their kids into things they aren't built for, and in the end, all you get is a miserable child and an angry parent 😢... for what? Just so you can brag to the neighbors or family about having a straight-A student? Let's be real, that's all anyone cares about these days ☕. Then, once that kid hits their ceiling and no amount of daily grinding can push them any further, suddenly it's the school's fault, or the teachers, or the damn kids themselves 🙂
rowdypanther12 said:So, I get what you're saying. I'm also convinced that all of this is doable and that the curriculum isn't even harder than when we were kids—if anything, it's easier—so comments like this just really throw me off. Since you're a teacher, could you please explain something to me? I still have some time before school starts, but I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to preparation.😂 When did it become "normal" to EXPECT parents to do the schoolwork alongside their kids? I was just talking to my neighbor about this; there are parents who push their kids to get straight A's and everything, yet the teachers themselves assign homework that basically assumes parents are going to step in and help! Since when, and why?! Isn't it reasonable to expect a 7-year-old girl who is mature and responsible to be able to handle her own school responsibilities?
Look, you won't always be tutoring your kid. But they're assigning more and more these research projects—like tracking nature cycles (a nature calendar), which means you'll have to remind her on specific dates to actually do/write/draw it. You'll have to check if she packed everything for tomorrow—teaching her how to follow a schedule, checking the school app every single day to see if there's an update from the teacher. Checking her homework after she writes it. Listening to her read, probably erasing things for her, telling her to write neater or fix mistakes. Math is a subject that requires constant practice; average kids need at least 10-15 extra problems based on what they're doing in class just to get it down to automaticity (I'm talking addition/subtraction up to 20 and multiplication/division tables—that needs to be muscle memory). That’s the daily reality for parents of kids with good or even average abilities (90% of them) who expect their child to be an honors student. Sure, you might get lucky and end up with a 😁 prodigy who does everything independently (I haven't heard of one yet).
@tanita - looks like some parents just clock out once their kid starts first grade. From then on, they only care if the kid is fed and dressed, while completely dumping all the actual thinking, learning, and parenting onto the teacher.🙂
Karen Richardson3 said:Not quite, though. It’s more that a gifted kid will breeze through the standard elementary school curriculum without breaking a sweat, whereas if a kid struggles a bit more, the parents end up having to step in and do all the heavy lifting themselves.
The real headache comes when a kid who isn't naturally hitting those high marks also happens to have parents who aren't particularly academic themselves; they end up blaming the entire American school system instead of looking at the situation at home.
I mean, come on, we're talking about elementary school here. Anything anyone without special needs can handle—it's really just a question of what kind of grade they walk away with.
Do people complain about crazy intense coaches or how demanding a drill is if their kid just doesn't have the natural talent for soccer? I’m asking for real, because honestly, I feel like I can't make sense of anything in this crazy country anymore.
All I can say to this is 🙏🙏 And it's especially annoying 👍 seeing this coming from someone who isn't even an educator! Man, if we actually had more parents like that, our education system wouldn't be such a complete mess.😛
rowdypanther12 said:I honestly don't quite follow you—I'm not sure why you're surprised by my reaction. I have no intention of doing my child's schoolwork for them; I just want them to go to class, learn, and handle their own responsibilities. I don't want it to be assumed that I'll be stepping in to help, especially with assignments that seem to require parent involvement for 90% of kids. Since she’ll be starting elementary school at seven and a half and can already read, I’m confident she’ll be able to tackle these worksheets on her own. But honestly, I don't think this is a reasonable task for a kid who's just starting school and still mastering reading. It feels wrong to me that there's an expectation for parents to do schoolwork alongside their children. Sorry if I'm behind the times, but I just don't see it as normal.
Okay, you seriously need a reality check. Do you live in a bubble where nobody actually has school-aged kids? Because what you're saying is wild. You really think your kid is just going to walk into first grade and handle everything solo without any help? Good grief.😵Don't take this personally since we're strangers, but I genuinely can't believe someone is this out of touch with how things work. Anyway, good luck with the start of the school year. Hope it goes well. And please, for the love of God, check back in a few months and tell us how your kid is supposedly managing every single assignment entirely by themselves.😉
feralgardener33 said:A hundred-page reading assignment for a first grader?! And parents are just expected to do the heavy lifting for them?! Then you have people claiming kids today don't have it as hard as we did, arguing that they're "less burdened" because parts of the curriculum get cut every year (if that's the case, what on earth were we dealing with back then?) Let me be clear: during my first four years of elementary school, I didn't do a single thing at home. Nothing. Zero. All my homework and studying happened strictly within the school walls since I was in an after-school program. Do you teachers actually grasp how little time a parent truly has with their child once school starts? If a kid is expected to spend every waking hour on academics, all other activities just fall by the wayside. It’s not right. And what you just wrote honestly shocked me. Are you suggesting that only the "super intelligent" types—those with some supposedly advanced way of thinking—deserve straight A's? That they just got lucky at birth or happen to have highly educated parents, while everyone else is predestined to struggle with C's and B's regardless of how much effort or heart they put into their work? That's just awful.
Yeah, I stand by every word I said. ☕ Not everyone is built to be a straight-A student, and they won't be—hello?! Of course all kids have equal value, but they don't have equal abilities. Someone's going to be a PhD, and someone's going to be a contractor... and that's perfectly fine. That's how it should be. It's attitudes like yours that cause this flood of fake honor roll students in American elementary schools. I get that it's hard to accept when your kid is just average (which most of them are), so let's just blame the teacher or say the workload is too heavy... just don't blame the teacher for a kid's actual performance and progress based on how hard they try. Why don't we just scrap school entirely and hand out A's to everyone? 🤦 Do I understand how much time you have to spend with your kid? No, and frankly, I don't care. That's your kid and your responsibility. Work with them or don't, but don't dump the failures and frustrations onto the school or the teachers. Obviously, exam questions are designed with varying difficulty levels. Average or below-average kids won't solve the hard ones, while the high achievers will. It's basic natural selection. Why are we so offended by that just because we're talking about children? 🤷 Being an honor roll student doesn't mean they're a better human being or a better friend—it just means they have better abilities. They grasp things faster and easier. They're intellectually more developed, so they get the A's more quickly. It's relatively easy to be a straight-A student from grades 1 through 4, whether it's because they're naturally gifted or because their parents are forcing them. But later on, when things get harder and rote memorization stops working, you really see the difference between true high achievers and the "fake" ones. You also have to factor in persistence. An average kid can be an honor roll student if they work incredibly hard, and a genius can be a terrible student.
rowdypanther12 said:It’s only been a week, and this is happening because the library is short on books and the professors 😁 My kid hasn't even started school yet, and I honestly, truly have zero intention of stepping in to help. That doesn't mean I won't be there if she gets stuck—it's like if I helped her pull up her tights so they were easier to put on, even if I'm not actually wearing them myself. Things like this just really frustrate me, because once I heard about this collection being over 100 pages long, I asked my neighbor whose little girl is in second grade, and she confirmed they actually read all 100 pages of poems. They’re fun and sweet and perfect for kids, but asking children to read 100 pages is almost impossible.
edit, MG, yeah, exactly that—but with a parent's help. Is that actually normal? edit 2, I'd really love to hear from other moms if this book is standard practice or if it's just an outlier.
I don't get why you're making such a HUGE deal out of this. Why are you freaking out about elementary schoolers having stuff tied to schoolwork that requires help from a parent or an adult? I really don't get this massive resistance. 🤷
Most kids absolutely need help from their parents or family when they first start school. Some get independent fast, others will always need a little guidance... it's nothing unusual or new. ☕ In fact, it actually strengthens the bond between parent and child. Why not go outside and show them how nature works, or build a family tree together—because let's face it, a kid probably doesn't know their great-grandparents' names or birthdays. Or watch a documentary or look at photos of the Grand Canyon. There's a ton of stuff that needs to be done with an adult so they can eventually do it on their own. That includes reading required books in first grade—most kids NEED an adult to help them through that. Sure, you could just throw the kid in the deep end and let them sink or swim—but don't cry when they drown...☕ (obviously, I'm exaggerating here)
God, you parents love to twist words, don't you? 😵 Nobody hands a first grader a 100-page novel to read 🙄. Sure, you might give them a book of poems that’s 100 pages long, but even then, they either pick a few to read on their own or go through it with a parent or teacher during class if they actually need to finish the whole thing (which I haven't heard of anyone assigning, by the way)... And yeah, a lot of material has been cut from the curriculum. Instead of whining about how "overwhelmed" kids are, maybe try teaching them some actual independence, logic, and how to connect ideas. Or better yet, teach them some basic manners and culture—because clearly, a lot of you are lacking that! It's all just noise about how much is being demanded of them, while the fact that most of these kids can't even say "Good morning" or "Goodbye" when walking into or out of school is totally ignored. ☕
Whatever. I knew I shouldn't have jumped into this argument, I just got pissed off. 😠
And if it is, just like Lawrence Torres56 says, this kind of question has already been covered in class or homework... then most kids should be able to figure it out and give the right answer.
@Richard Morris43 - what grade level are we even talking about here? The questions and how they’re phrased change everything. Usually, it goes from easy to hard... if you want an A, you need to show actual logic and deep thinking. I’d say what your kid said—even if it was right—is just the standard answer most kids would give. It's the middle ground for decent, solid students. To get top marks, you need a different, more advanced way of thinking. Only a handful of kids (just like the usual number of honor roll students in a class) would nail this question perfectly. Obviously, if we're talking about first grade, the teacher should have explained the question better, or the kids should've asked for clarification.
Honestly, I have no clue who actually puts together that mandatory reading list... some so-called "experts." I agree, it should be way more age-appropriate. Plus, it’s totally outdated. What I’ve been doing for ten years hasn't changed one bit. The standardized tests are mostly written by subject teachers working for certain publishing houses. Then those exams go through various "pilot" stages—everything from proofreading and layout to testing their practical application. After that, they get sent out to schools for teachers to pick from for their assessments. Every teacher has the right to write their own tests for their students and grade them themselves; they don't necessarily have to use those printed ones from the publishers.
You can let a first grader tackle their reading list solo. They’ve got a few books they can handle on their own—like Hrabrica. But honestly? It’s totally fine to help them out. Especially when it comes to actually understanding the story. At that age, most kids are so hyper-focused on just the mechanics of decoding the words that they miss the point entirely. They'll plow through five pages and have absolutely no clue what they just read. Every single class has those few kids who are already reading ahead on their own from day one. Of course they are. But most of them? They need actual guidance and someone to walk them through it. 😉
Reading out loud builds rhythm. It trains pronunciation, word emphasis, dynamics, articulation, and punctuation. Once a kid becomes a real, active reader—which should happen for everyone by the end of 2nd grade—they can switch to silent reading. That’s faster, sure, but the quality drops. In these early grades (we grade them through 4th, maybe beyond), schools still judge based on how expressive they read. You can only master that through oral practice. I tell my kids to read aloud and record themselves on their phone or tablet. Then they listen back and redo it until they actually sound good.
Yeah, people always point out that parents should help with reading assignments in first grade 😉...and I don’t mean you have to read every single word from start to finish. Just step in when the kid hits a wall. Take turns—read one poem, then let them take the next. Talk about the characters, what the poem is actually about, who they're talking about. Ask them what they liked or hated, what made them laugh or feel sad, which poem was their favorite and why... Of course, that assumes the assignment is meant for home... but even when they do the reading at school (especially in those early first-grade classes where kids aren't even fluent readers yet), the goal remains the same. You have to build the habit. You have to practice reading aloud and thinking critically about what's on the page. It’s all new to them. First grade is just the introduction to literature, so they need that extra support now if they ever want to be independent readers later on!
No, look, everyone knows that in first grade, parents or teachers read the required books during class time (I mostly just used my homeroom period for that) 😉...that's just how it works in first grade. Sure, you should give them stuff to read on their own, but thinking a six-year-old is going to sit down and finish all that by themselves is just insane. 😁