Posts by Ashley Bailey75

Betty Fowler said:But not all senses are equally important, which means they aren't all strictly necessary for survival.

I added an edit to my previous post regarding the reasoning behind emotional pain.

Look, I’m not here to play philosopher or talk down to anyone—especially when we're dealing with abstract concepts that are basically just matters of opinion. I don't buy the idea that emotional pain is some byproduct of love; I think they're two sides of the same coin. You can't have one without the other.

Psychopaths make up a small percentage of the population. If everyone suddenly went off the deep end, I doubt it would be good for us as a species. Besides, psychopaths thrive by stepping on others—so if they were surrounded exclusively by people just like them, they'd pretty much cease to exist. Deep shit.

Betty Fowler said:😠

Alright, since you’re asking for a full breakdown.

Tvoj upis:

Why do we avoid food just because it smells off? It’s simple: that scent is a built-in warning system telling you something isn't safe to eat. It's nature's way of protecting your health. I suppose suffering works the same way—it's a necessary part of survival.

First.You’re comparing something you claim is a health hazard to something you argue is absolutely essential for survival. Is that really a fair comparison?

Another one.There isn’t a single shred of evidence to suggest that suffering is actually necessary for survival.

Third.Just because something smells bad doesn't mean it's actually a health hazard. Take roasted red pepper spread, for example—to me, that stuff smells absolutely terrible.

EDIT: Physical pain serves as a vital warning system; it’s absolutely necessary for survival. Emotional pain, on the other hand, is more of a side effect—a byproduct of our capacity for empathy, connection, and love. It's what allows us to function within a family or a community and ensures we continue to thrive as a species. But is it strictly necessary? Not really.
Psychopaths seem to navigate life quite easily without ever feeling emotional pain.

You're being way too literal here—I'm not talking about flavor profiles, man. The sense of smell exists specifically to warn you when something isn't right.

Don't get hung up on the smell itself; look at the sense behind it. It's what guides you through life. It's what keeps you alive. You feel emotional pain for a reason. If you ignore it for too long—or worse, if you feed into it—that's when you actually put yourself in danger. That's just facts.

Betty Fowler said:Exactly. I figured it wasn't worth the breath to explain...

I've always had a bit of a grudge against people who can't master the art of a good comparison, and honestly, this one is pretty terrible...

Go ahead and hate me if you want, but if you're gonna hang out in this thread, actually contribute. Make a point. Explain what's bothering you or how you see things. It's a forum, for crying out loud—it wouldn't hurt to actually share an opinion instead of just dropping these tiny, useless comments that don't say anything at all.

Don't you think emotional pain works just like physical pain? Like, a built-in signal that something's wrong? Why would we even be capable of feeling it if it didn't serve a purpose?

Nicholas Lee41 said:Indirectly, maybe. If there wasn't any love involved, there wouldn't be this kind of suffering for those close to you. It would probably manifest in other ways, but in my experience, no kind of pain hurts quite as much as this byproduct of love.

And just like everything else in life, there's two sides to every coin.

Suffering is just as much a part of the deal as love is. Most people spend their lives running from it—trying to numb it out or ignore it—but honestly? It’s pretty valuable. It’s basically a signal that you’re off track or working against your own interests.

It's like when you smell something rotten—your body tells you to stay away because it's dangerous. Pain works the same way. It's necessary for survival.

Betty Fowler said:Does that mean you think people with low self-esteem aren't capable of loving?

I agree that neglect is devastating for a child's development, but am I the only one who isn't sure if it's actually worse than active abuse?

Nah—I mean they’re easy targets. They end up stuck in toxic relationships way longer than they should because they lack that basic self-love. It just leads to more suffering.

As for neglect—it rarely happens in a vacuum; it usually goes hand-in-hand with other types of abuse. Plus, studies—specifically tests involving groups of kids—have shown that the ones who were neglected actually ended up with the worst outcomes.

I consider T. Kuljis a total authority and top-tier expert in this field. Here’s what I found when I did a quick Google search (https://www.google.com/amp/s/klokanic...tavljanja-3583). The article focuses on physical abuse rather than emotional, and I was just going off memory when I wrote that first post without double-checking everything.

Joseph Bailey41 said:And both paths lead to the same result: falling for people who don't deserve you. 🤣

Personally, I find indifference to be a pretty wonderful state of being—one where I feel like nothing is missing. You could even say I enjoy it. Loving that sense of detachment is much more pleasant than dealing with anger, hatred, or even being in love with someone unworthy. Unfortunately, it’s pretty hard to maintain; those "lower" emotions tend to sneak back in sooner or later. Luckily, those pass too.

Makes sense. In one scenario, if you have nothing, you at least feel alive—in the other, you're just a ghost, irrelevant, worthless... basically non-existent.
Luckily, I haven't actually landed in either of those spots, so I'm just talking theory here.

But I see it with my kids—when I'm slammed with work and they feel ignored, they'll try to trigger any reaction possible, even if it's a meltdown. They just need to know they matter, that they're seen and felt. Just stating the obvious, I guess. Not exactly breaking new ground here.

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Tyler Chavez3 said:Honestly? I disagree. It hurts, it's often super selfish, it demands things, and sometimes... well, sometimes it's just not even there.

I get where they're coming from on the first part, but let's be real—ego is such a massive, unavoidable part of any loving relationship.

I don't know, I'm not trying to get all deep or philosophical here, but I can't wrap my head around loving my kids only under certain conditions or specific circumstances. Just having them is enough for me to feel Love. It showed up out of nowhere and I doubt it’s ever leaving. And it doesn't demand anything back just to exist.

Betty Fowler said:Are you sure about that? I can think of several different scenarios that suggest otherwise.
If you lose someone you love, that connection becomes the very thing that breaks you—it’s the root of all the grief, the weakness, and the suffering that follows.
The person you love can be the very one to betray you, leaving you to deal with all those heavy, negative emotions on your own.
And so on, and so forth.

Hate is the direct opposite of Love. If you were to represent these two core emotions visually, it would look something like this:

Love Indifference Hate

Could I get an explanation on this?

Look, obviously you feel grief and pain when you lose someone—only truly messed up people are devoid of those emotions. That wasn't what I meant when I said Love doesn't hurt. I meant that Love keeps you from staying in relationships that cause suffering and damage you. Loving others naturally requires loving yourself, too, so it should protect the person doing the loving.

And regarding apathy—psychology basically says emotional neglect leaves a deeper scar on kids than actual abuse does. So, any emotion at all is clearly "better" than nothing.

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The opposite of Love isn't hate—it's just a total lack of it. Honestly, I think apathy is way more destructive than actual hatred.
I’m with you on this: Love isn't some fleeting feeling; it's actions, words, thoughts, and mostly just showing up for someone. And it doesn't demand anything in return.
It’s not inherently destructive, and it doesn't actually hurt. It’s just the ego getting tangled up in it that causes the pain.

Take parental Love, for example—it doesn't sting. It's selfless and exists without needing a reason. Romantic Love, though? That needs constant fuel. I’m being all metaphorical today—too much cheesy talk about Love for me, ugh.

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Daniel Alvarez7 said:My apologies; I didn't mean to offend you, nor did I imply that you are a bad or impatient parent.
I was merely suggesting that all this chaos can be managed without reaching those levels of total exhaustion and yelling—or worse, the hitting, slapping, grabbing, or sudden jerking motions I see some parents resort to.
It is quite simple: you get out what you put in.
That was just the condensed version of my previous point.

Honestly, I think you just have to ride out the jealousy phase. My job right now is just to handle it as best I can and teach my kid when they're actually crossing a line.
The other stuff I mentioned was mostly me exaggerating to make a point about how useless hitting is. Even though things get crazy sometimes—like when they're hungry and tired and fighting over the same toy all at once—at the end of the day, it's on me. They end up happy, fed, clean, and sleeping like babies (which is the total opposite of ).
Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of long, exhausting, miserable days and sketchy moments where I just need to yell, ignore them, or be a terrible mom for a minute just to stay sane.
Anyway, I rambled too much—TL;DR: I get what you're saying and I agree, but you really don't need to lecture me on it.

Daniel Alvarez7 said:Children have to learn respect for their parents first and foremost. But here’s the catch: you can’t expect that if you aren't modeling respect for them first. And if you want them to respect one another, you need peace in the house. Peace isn't going to happen when kids are screaming through the halls, brawling with each other, and you're reacting by losing your cool—leading to a cycle where everyone is shouting, blood pressure is spiking, and you're all just draining yourselves into nothingness. It's a downward spiral that leaves you as a frustrated, burnt-out mother and turns them into impossible, unruly, wild little things.

There is a dead-simple solution to keeping this whole situation from spiraling out of control: tire them out through play.
That means getting them out of the house so they can run wild and actually be what they should be—happy, smiling, energetic kids.
Only then can you start setting boundaries—for example, "we eat dinner first, then we go outside." Once you get back home, the rules kick in: cleaning up toys, bath time, or whatever specific routine you've established. Let the older ones set the tone for the younger ones, and talk to them constantly. Sit them down and explain that grabbing plates isn't a joke, and that as their mom, you're genuinely worried about them getting hurt. Explain it at their level, but stay calm and serious; keep it to a few sentences or weave it into a story. And do it when they are calm—otherwise, you're just pouring gasoline on the fire.

If you're working and coming home late, give them something productive to do at home.
The internet is packed with educational entertainment for every age group imaginable.
Before bed, kill the TV. Bathe them, settle them down so they actually feel sleepy, rather than letting their adrenaline spike from cartoons, leaving them wired, cranky, and too hyper to even think about sleeping.
Read to them, tell them stories, map out tomorrow's schedule together, or just talk about how the day went.
And for heaven's sake, don't raise your voice. Try to strike the word "No!" from your vocabulary entirely.
I don't even use that tone with my dog. That should be reserved strictly for moments of genuine danger or warning.
If a kid starts heading toward the china cabinet, call them gently by name and ask if they remember the agreement regarding the cabinets. Walk over to the child, open the cabinet, and look inside together. Explain what each piece of dishware is; show them a few times in that manner, and believe me, they'll lose interest before you can even blink, and the problem will vanish.

Look, I get the theory behind all this—it makes sense on paper. But honestly? There are way too many times where I just can't deal. I can't be expected to react perfectly every single time just so they finally "get it" or learn their lesson. It’s exhausting. And when those gray, freezing rainy days hit? That's when it really sucks. Especially when I'm flying solo because my husband is stuck working 12-hour shifts, I've got a baby who isn't even walking yet, and a toddler who basically decides he's done with life halfway through our walk. We're basically sentenced to house arrest.
I get where the frustration is coming from—mine and theirs. Look, I’m not some perfect mom, and I’m certainly not trying to be. I’ve taken the advice to heart and I put it into practice every single day, but let's be real—life happens. It's impossible to manage everything unless I'm hovering over them 24/7, breathing down their necks and pouring every ounce of my energy into micromanaging their every move. That's just not how it works.
If someone actually manages to stay perfectly calm while dealing with two toddlers who—between them—only weigh about 30 pounds, and everything is somehow running like clockwork day in and day out? Honestly, hats off to them. But let’s be real—people like that don't exist. They just don't. Those are kids we're talking about. They’re little chaos agents; they think of everything, and none of it is good. Me? I'm only human. I lose my cool at least once in a blue moon and end up yelling. It happens.

Look, things aren't exactly a circus at my place—no screaming matches, no total chaos, no disrespect or whatever. We’re just your typical American family with two little ones. Actually, maybe even a bit unconventional compared to the neighbors, considering how much time I spend hands-on with them. They've got everything they need to just be kids, you know? But yeah, they have their moments—their little outbursts and moods—just like I do. Honestly, it doesn't bother me one bit; I actually get where it's coming from.

(Aside from him pushing his sister around—I honestly can’t get that out of my head.)

ruggedmarlin18 said:So what am I supposed to do when he just keeps doing whatever he wants?

Yeah, let me know when you find out. Honestly, I was banking on him just figuring it out—everyone kept telling me, "Eh, it’s a tiny difference, they'll basically be twins." And everything was fine until the baby actually started acting like a little person and interacting. Now? It's a total mess.

So, she’s staring at the china cabinet like she’s actually gonna pull a plate out. Like, does she realize that thing is basically a grenade waiting to go off? One wrong move and we’re looking at a thousand shards on the floor. I'm not exactly jumping in to save her—she’s been living under my roof for a year and still hasn't figured out how to handle herself. Sure, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit, but let’s be real: they’re walking hazards. My job is just to set up enough guardrails so they can poke around without breaking everything, while I play it cool until the lesson finally sinks in.

Scott Cox56 said:Way to go! 👍 It’s one thing when you’re dealing with those little little ones, but these wild ones... they're a whole different story.

I mean, I guess everything just comes down to how you're handling things with such a tight schedule. 🤣 😁

Yeah, we definitely moved too fast That’s exactly my point—she could literally go on a rampage from sunrise to sunset whenever she gets that itch, and they wouldn't have a clue who she is or what she's actually doing. They don't give a damn if they end up being around or not once she jams that tweezers into the damn socket. And tomorrow? They'll try it again. And the day after. Until one day they finally listen to me. Or the laws of physics.
At least they won't be left feeling discouraged or totally checked out from the world just because they haven't been punished for—get this—being curious and wanting to explore.

Scott Cox56 said:Yeah, I guess hitting someone through a diaper would be pretty ineffective. It makes me wonder if people actually end up hitting their own kids directly, or maybe just really hard over the diaper so it actually registers, or perhaps they just target other parts of the body instead. I don't know, it all feels a bit mysterious to me—this whole idea of striking your own children—and even the theory that it works instantly as an effective fix (haha!) compared to just talking or trying harder. But I suppose we're getting deep into parenting styles now, and I'd rather not get bogged down in those little tricks. 🙂 ajmo o batina Radja.

Maybe some of the tough guys will chime in soon.

Like I said before, I totally get the sickness, the fear, the pure rage in that moment. Seriously, props to all of us for having the self-control given the situations we're put in. My toddler actually bit my nipple two days in a row—blood everywhere—and it pushed me right to the edge. I was losing my mind. But he just doesn't get what he did, and while I want him to understand, and one day he will realize something was wrong, I know if I had lashed out at him then, he wouldn't have learned anything. He would've just been pushed away for a few hours because his brain isn't even wired to process it yet. But deep down, he wouldn't forget what I did to him. It would stick.

And once he's old enough to grasp it, I'll just be stuck in a loop of saying "no, no, no" until he gets it. Because I can see it's working—it’s frustratingly slow, but it works. And it doesn't hurt!

Based on that theory, at what age does hitting a kid on the butt or flicking their fingers actually start working?

Because mine don't get anything—they’re basically just 2 and 5 pounds of pure chaos right now. I could literally smack them 300 times a day and they’d still just keep charging at the outlets, the windows, or their own noses. Honestly, they just laugh in my face while they're tossing a hair dryer into a seashell or kicking things across the floor. Judging by their reaction, they've already got enough drama going on; just moving them away from the "crime scene" is enough work. I don't think a slap on the butt would change a damn thing. Realistically, they wouldn't even feel it through a diaper unless I kicked them hard enough to send them flying a yard away—hahaha, sorry, my dark humor is showing. Just kidding, but seriously, physical punishment makes zero sense to me.

With the older one, there’s a tiny bit of progress—that constant loop of "no, no, can't do that, that's dangerous." There really comes a moment where he realizes I’m being consistent for once and that things aren't going to go his way. I can be lenient with some stuff—sometimes I'll let him scream his head off before I give in—but eventually, being persistent helps knock some sense into him, so I'm staying optimistic about the future. He also picks up on my tone when I decide I'm not going to dress him too fast or argue with him. Most days are still a tug-of-war, though—he's still little. But I guarantee you, no amount of hitting is going to teach him anything. To actually work, it would have to hurt, and if it hurts that much, it's just causing internal damage. To him, a swat on the butt means nothing; he’ll keep doing whatever he wants until I physically stop him, because his fixations are stronger than anything else. Well, except maybe my 110 lbs of pure fury, muahaha.

My oldest (2.5 years old) keeps pushing his little sister (1 year old)—and honestly, "a few times" is an understatement, he’s constantly picking on her out of pure jealousy, and she’s actually ended up with a split lip a couple of times. When she really caught it this time, I totally lost it—I snapped at him right in his face and screamed. I just hit my breaking point with the constant bickering and the two of them teaming up against my sanity, plus seeing the blood genuinely terrified me.
The thing is, he hasn't stopped pushing her, but now he’s added aggressive screaming and getting in people's faces whenever he doesn't get his way. He picked up on my outburst immediately, which honestly stressed me out even more and really gave me something to chew on.

He’s a sensitive kid, though, and I can tell my reaction really shook him. I think physical discipline is super counterproductive, but I get where those impulses come from. Still, kids shouldn't have to be the punching bags for our own lapses in judgment.

I was waiting on a sixty-dollar transfer—girl sent me a photo of the receipt from the post office like a week ago already—but still nothing. Where's my money?

Is this your first time around the block?

It’s the same story as last time—everyone just brushes off my venting because "it's just the hormones." Honestly, I feel like losing my mind. It’s beyond frustrating, and what really stings is that most of the time, it’s coming from my own mother.

It honestly bugs me how much selfishness is running rampant these days—zero solidarity left. I’m not the type to play the victim or act helpless; I do everything physically possible to handle my own business. I try my best not to be a nuisance or expect anyone to go out of their way for me, but in nearly eight months, not a single soul has even let me cut ahead in line at the checkout.

If it weren't for my blood pressure being trash—making it impossible to stand for more than three minutes without seeing stars—it wouldn't even be a big deal. But now I’m starting to avoid grocery stores, lines, and just going out in general because I'm terrified of passing out. Honestly, after what I've dealt with, I just don't trust people anymore. The other day, I dropped some change all over the floor at Cosmos, and the cashiers just stood there watching me struggle to pick it up while I was dealing with a stomach issue and juggling bags. And don't even get me started on the retirees—they'll literally shove you right out of line at the counter. Typical Mediterranean. 🙂