electrictiger25 said:I honestly don’t even know where to begin. On paper, my life looks absolutely flawless—I’m young, I’ve got my head on straight, I’m nearly wrapping up my degree, I look decent enough, I’ve been in a stable relationship for several years now, and I have plenty of hobbies to keep me busy... Yet, for the last year or two, this creeping sense of emptiness and anxiety has started to settle in. I suspect it’s tied to the fact that I’m rapidly approaching that stage of life where society expects you to land a career, settle down, start a family, and just slide effortlessly into some "happily ever after" script. It is particularly grating when my parents start their usual litany of expectations: "Well, in two or three years, you'll probably have a baby, so you should start preparing... We need to start saving up for your wedding... You really need to find a job in your field," and so on and so forth. My best friend is following the exact same trajectory; she’s finishing up college and we spend our coffee dates discussing wedding guest lists, the struggle of the job hunt, and how she’ll likely have kids within the next couple of years...
🙂
It makes me wonder, what exactly are we? Are we just some kind of pre-programmed biological machines? Does anyone actually bother to ask if *I* want any of this? Why am I supposed to have a child just because it’s considered "normal" or because "that's what everyone does"? Why am I expected to marry and "settle down"? Whenever I pose these questions to my family, they look at me as if I’ve completely lost my mind—most of the time they just ignore me entirely and steamroll ahead with their lectures about how things "must" be done. Even when I was a little girl, I never played with baby dolls, I never spent my time daydreaming about a white wedding, and I never harbored any desire for children (and I certainly don't have any now). So why on earth should I suddenly undergo this transformation just to satisfy an external expectation? This is my life, and mine alone. Don't get me wrong, my parents don't have much sway over my actual decisions—I'll ultimately do whatever I want regardless of whether they disown me or not—but these constant expectations are profoundly disorienting...
Please don't take this the wrong way; I’m not trying to offend anyone. There are people who find genuine bliss in marriage and parenthood, who truly love that lifestyle, and more power to them. But I crave something more substantial than that; I refuse to live my life according to a cookie-cutter template. Find a job, work a standard 9-to-5, pick up the kids from school, prep breakfast and dinner, have intimacy with a spouse in the evening... and repeat that loop for thirty years? Then eventually get some grandkids, retire, and spend my mornings picking out produce at the local supermarket... Is that it? Is that the entirety of a human existence? 😲
Tell me, am I losing my mind for wanting something more (even if I can't quite articulate what that "something" is)? I feel a profound sense of pity for myself when I realize that at only 23, I already feel this utterly miserable... if this is how it feels now, what does the future hold? I've become disillusioned with people, too; I only have one true friend left (though even with her, I don't feel I can truly open up), and I simply lack the energy to invest in building relationships with anyone else. I find I only truly connect with animals; at least they are honest and instinctual. Perhaps I should just pop a few antidepressants. Then I could just fake a smile, wear a mask, retreat into my own little shell, and pretend to be fulfilled and happy just like everyone else. 🤷
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That sense of emptiness and anxiety is actually a sign of progress; it means you’re starting to consciously seek a higher purpose rather than just blindly following the "correct" social script handed to you by society.
We haven't all arrived in this physical dimension at the same stage of development, so trying to impose universal rules for living—claiming there is only one "right" way for everyone—is completely pointless.
There are certain stereotypes and social frameworks used to define what is considered "normal" or "right," and people feel pressured to fit into them just to avoid being labeled as weird.
"Normal" means having kids at a specific age, getting married within a certain timeframe, raising a family, pursuing certain careers, and settling down in a predictable way.
Because everyone is at a different level of growth, these rules simply cannot be universal. Someone might currently be in a phase where they desire a partner, marriage, and children, and if that brings them fulfillment, then that path is right for them. Another person might be in a stage where entirely different pursuits resonate more deeply.
The friction always arises when you try to force square pegs into round holes, or vice versa.
In every post I write, I emphasize that we aren't here to mold ourselves to fit others, nor should we force others to conform to us just to make things comfortable. We have the right—and more importantly, the power—to do what fulfills us and feels good, regardless of how others perceive our choices, themselves, or anyone else. Live the life you chose while allowing others the space to live the lives they have chosen.
What is "right" for you is whatever makes you feel truly authentic, and that should be your only metric for making life decisions. Someone who is aligned with themselves in this way has no inherent need to cause harm to others.
electrictiger25 said:I honestly don’t even know where to begin. On paper, my life looks absolutely flawless—I’m young, I’ve got my head on straight, I’m nearly wrapping up my degree, I look decent enough, I’ve been in a stable relationship for several years now, and I have plenty of hobbies to keep me busy... Yet, for the last year or two, this creeping sense of emptiness and anxiety has started to settle in. I suspect it’s tied to the fact that I’m rapidly approaching that stage of life where society expects you to land a career, settle down, start a family, and just slide effortlessly into some "happily ever after" script. It is particularly grating when my parents start their usual litany of expectations: "Well, in two or three years, you'll probably have a baby, so you should start preparing... We need to start saving up for your wedding... You really need to find a job in your field," and so on and so forth. My best friend is following the exact same trajectory; she’s finishing up college and we spend our coffee dates discussing wedding guest lists, the struggle of the job hunt, and how she’ll likely have kids within the next couple of years...
🙂
It makes me wonder, what exactly are we? Are we just some kind of pre-programmed biological machines? Does anyone actually bother to ask if *I* want any of this? Why am I supposed to have a child just because it’s considered "normal" or because "that's what everyone does"? Why am I expected to marry and "settle down"? Whenever I pose these questions to my family, they look at me as if I’ve completely lost my mind—most of the time they just ignore me entirely and steamroll ahead with their lectures about how things "must" be done. Even when I was a little girl, I never played with baby dolls, I never spent my time daydreaming about a white wedding, and I never harbored any desire for children (and I certainly don't have any now). So why on earth should I suddenly undergo this transformation just to satisfy an external expectation? This is my life, and mine alone. Don't get me wrong, my parents don't have much sway over my actual decisions—I'll ultimately do whatever I want regardless of whether they disown me or not—but these constant expectations are profoundly disorienting...
Please don't take this the wrong way; I’m not trying to offend anyone. There are people who find genuine bliss in marriage and parenthood, who truly love that lifestyle, and more power to them. But I crave something more substantial than that; I refuse to live my life according to a cookie-cutter template. Find a job, work a standard 9-to-5, pick up the kids from school, prep breakfast and dinner, have intimacy with a spouse in the evening... and repeat that loop for thirty years? Then eventually get some grandkids, retire, and spend my mornings picking out produce at the local supermarket... Is that it? Is that the entirety of a human existence? 😲
Tell me, am I losing my mind for wanting something more (even if I can't quite articulate what that "something" is)? I feel a profound sense of pity for myself when I realize that at only 23, I already feel this utterly miserable... if this is how it feels now, what does the future hold? I've become disillusioned with people, too; I only have one true friend left (though even with her, I don't feel I can truly open up), and I simply lack the energy to invest in building relationships with anyone else. I find I only truly connect with animals; at least they are honest and instinctual. Perhaps I should just pop a few antidepressants. Then I could just fake a smile, wear a mask, retreat into my own little shell, and pretend to be fulfilled and happy just like everyone else. 🤷
...
That is honestly the worst thing you could do for yourself. You have the right to your own choices and interests, and the only true measure of correctness is how you feel about your actions. Whatever fulfills you is right for you, so hold onto that, no matter what anyone else thinks. Other people have their own versions of "right," and that's fine. Just don't let anyone interfere in your life, just as you wouldn't interfere in theirs.
People put on masks and live within self-imposed limitations just to please others because they are mediocre; they worry too much about what their relatives, friends, neighbors, or Peter from the third floor will say. They spend their lives acting—or not acting—based on the expectations of others, accumulating resentment inside and convincing themselves it's "normal" because it's "how things are." People end up living for everyone else instead of themselves because they fail to realize they possess the right and the power to live however they please, without any external force dictating what is necessary or correct.
Furthermore, you can never truly satisfy everyone; in fact, the more you cater to them, the more their happiness becomes tethered to your compliance, making them increasingly demanding.
Regardless of your lifestyle or career, there will always be an equal distribution of people who support you, those who don't, and those who simply couldn't care less. Even the most revered saints and the most notorious criminals in history were surrounded by a third who cheered them on, a third who opposed them, and a third who remained indifferent.
Therefore, just mind your own business.