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hiddenhawk3, you’re spot on. Honestly, I feel pretty pathetic right now because everything you said hits home, but for the life of me, I just can't seem to wrap my head around it or shut up about it. 🙂
At the end of the day, it’s true that I don't value myself enough. Ultimately, everything comes down to us—it’s our call how much we decide to give to someone else and exactly how much nonsense we’re willing to swallow. The tricky part is that when it involves our own mess and our own issues, grasping the reality of it is a lot harder. At least, it is for me.
Also, I wouldn't go as far as saying these kinds of "conversations" are mostly a woman thing; I know plenty of guys who have gone through similar stuff.
Maybe I took this approach because I was experiencing certain things with him for the very first time, and part of me maybe just wanted someone to tell me that feeling something beautiful again was actually possible. Who knows? Yesterday was just a complete wreck. 😁
We were supposed to meet up, and my anxiety was through the roof.
And yeah—clichés exist for a reason. They’re usually true. 🤷
Thanks to everyone for the replies and for trying to help me see things clearly. 😍
Maria Reyes4 said:Is it possible he just added a single drop to an already overflowing glass?
Look, I’m not saying that extra drop doesn't matter—it does—but maybe stop giving it more weight than the actual volume of the mess.
Defining that might make it easier to patch things up one by one. Try to remember who you were before him—especially during those rough patches. Not to excuse his behavior, obviously, but to identify your own vulnerabilities, independent of him.
I mean—I can see he changed me, and not for the better. How am I supposed to accept that?
What about yourself do you dislike now, which you actually liked before him?
In what specific ways did he change you?
What would need to happen for things to shift back to a place where you're satisfied again?
Try to get specific—just venting about a bad feeling isn't going to lead you anywhere.
So, I’m curious about your experiences after your own "traumas"...
To be honest, I wouldn't label any of my past experiences as trauma. Labeling them like that won't help you move forward—because when people recount certain stories, others can experience a sense of trauma just by listening to 😬
What I mean is—hearing about someone else's life might offer a bit of temporary comfort, knowing you aren't alone in having a bitter experience, but long-term, other people's lives aren't where you'll find your own solutions.
I haven't been doing great 😢
Man... 😢
Do you have someone close to you that you can talk to openly about this?
So, let me take this step by step... I agree with your point about that "extra drop" (to put it politely). 🙂
Before him, I was lonely, sure, but I didn't view everyone I met through a lens of suspicion, wondering if they just wanted to use me. Now, whenever someone calls, my internal alarm immediately goes off—asking what this person wants from me and anticipating that once I've "served my purpose," they'll just toss me aside without a second thought (pardon my language). I wasn't like this before. Since him, I see people as nothing more than opportunists.
As for what would need to happen to change things... I honestly have no idea, and that's exactly the core of the problem. Just last weekend, I spent time with a guy I was incredibly into until that very moment. Suddenly, it hit me that he wasn't "him," and now I'm just not that interested anymore—even though, objectively speaking, he's a wonderful person. I realize I'm searching for traces of my ex in everyone else, and it's exhausting.
I don't know how to stop doing that! Maybe that's why I need to hear about others' experiences, just so I feel less alone in all this chaos. 😁
Regarding other people, I don't want to burden anyone else with this anymore. I'm trying to maintain the illusion that I've moved past it, even though I haven't. That's really why I started this thread on the forum.
Thanks for the response 🙂 ...if you have any personal experience with this, please feel free to share. 😁
So, there are a few things on my mind... I’d love to hear some experiences or maybe get an opinion from someone who actually understands human psychology regarding what I’m going through right now.
About a year ago, I fell for this guy, and honestly, he absolutely wrecked me. At first, the relationship was full of these incredible, beautiful moments, but then he just abruptly pulled away. Once I realized something was off, I tried to sit him down and talk about us, but he just turned it around on me, claiming I was "creating problems where none existed." It started with him being distant, dodging hangouts, and basically ghosting my attempts at connection—until I realized I was the only one making any effort while he acted like everything was perfectly fine. We actually broke up for a full month, which was pure agony for me because I had become emotionally dependent on him, while he just kept retreating. He didn't even have the backbone to tell me to my face that he wanted out. To be fair, neither did I. I just couldn't wrap my head around why this was happening. One day we were great, and the next, it was a completely different story.
Eventually, things ended for good, and I spiraled into a total funk. I neglected my classes at NYU, pushed my friends away, and forced myself to go out when I really just wanted to crawl into a hole. I wasn't myself anymore. My friends would get frustrated with me, asking why I was acting this way, but I just couldn't help it.
In the meantime, I didn't try to get close to anyone else because I missed him too much, and frankly, nobody else seemed interesting enough. And I have to admit, there were plenty of wonderful people around me.
I totally put him on a pedestal. I realize that now—it took me a whole year to see it clearly—but still...
I remember talking to a friend back then who told me that at our age (26), almost everyone has one story like this in their past. And looking around, it seems true; nearly everyone I know has dealt with a similar kind of "trauma." I have a friend who spent eight years stuck in a cycle with a guy who would leave her and only come crawling back whenever he needed something, and she just wasn't strong enough to end it.
So now I’m wondering—why do we do this to ourselves? Why am I still struggling with it, why is it so hard to accept that he isn't what I need, and why do I keep telling myself I'll never truly get over this?
The truth is, I can see how much he changed me, and unfortunately, not for the better. How do you move past that?
I’d love to hear about your own experiences after your "traumas"... How long did it take you to recover and get back on your feet? How did it change you? And were you actually able to build healthy, quality relationships with someone else afterward?
I’d ask the moderators to please keep this thread from moving to the venting or US boards, and sorry if this post feels a bit scattered. I’m not exactly feeling 😢
George Garcia9 said:Thanks, redotter1, but I’m heading out for the weekend tomorrow so I won't be online... have a blast at Disneyland!! 🙂
I need some input from the psychologists, psychiatrists, or just any smart people on this forum: based on everything I’ve posted here, do you think I should
a) listen to my psychiatrist and just "act normal"—go to college, force myself to go out, and do all the stuff "normal" people do until I eventually snap, or
b) find a different psychiatrist who will actually prescribe me stronger antidepressants? 😕
Personally, I feel like I need heavier meds because what's the point of trying if my brain isn't functioning correctly? Plus, I don't think my doctor gets it—she clearly doesn't grasp how serious things really are for me.
Please, let me know what you guys think. 😘
If I were in your shoes, I’d switch psychiatrists. Honestly, I’d keep looking until I found someone who actually listens, rather than someone throwing clichés like "just act normal" at me when it's glaringly obvious that you don't
feel normal—and because you don't feel normal, you can't act normal or function normally either (honestly, I am so done with this whole concept of "😬normal."
).
I honestly think if you're dealing with serious sleep issues, you really ought to go see a doctor, since you can't just pick up prescription-strength stuff over the counter at a drugstore.
Personally, I’m on Valium at 30mg. I used to take 15mg, but they didn't exactly do much for me, so my doctor bumped me up to something a bit stronger. The issue with the lower dose was that while it would knock me out initially, I’d end up waking up in the middle of the night—which was honestly the worst part. Now, with this higher dose, it puts me right out, and I sleep like a baby until morning. Every once in a while, I feel a little groggy when I wake up, but hey, at least I actually get some rest.
The instructions on the packaging usually mention that you need to have at least 7 or 8 hours to dedicate to sleep after you take them, and so on...
Dear Anne,
First off, you’ve got to stop living in the "what ifs" of the future. You can't control things that haven't happened yet. Sometimes, the easiest way to survive is just to go with the flow and figure it out as you go, because fighting the current usually just wears you out more.
What is it about college that's weighing on you so much? Is it the social scene? The professors? I mean... if you're actually studying something you care about...🙄
I feel you, honestly. I dread going back to campus too, and most of the stuff you mentioned hits home for me—like the thought of having to meet a whole new crowd of people in a month. It feels exhausting to start all over again... I even find myself secretly hoping someone in my cohort fails a class so I don't feel so alone in the struggle 👎 ), but I eventually realized why I feel this way. Everything just hits harder at once: the depression, the stress, the panic attacks—it’s heavy. I find myself venting to my psychiatrist, feeling like I might hit a breaking point, but the reality is there's no turning back. I have to move forward, even when I have absolutely no clue how. Just step by step. I try to stay out of my own head because overthinking is basically self-sabotage. I just want to pass this one exam more than anything else, just to feel like I've achieved something, to prove to myself that I "can"—as cliché as that sounds.
Maybe you could try looking at it through that lens...
I wish I had better advice for you. I really do. But truthfully, I'm struggling through the exact same mess right now.
Just wanted you to know you aren't alone in this. 😘