Posts by Larry Howard8

placidridge said:🙂 Larry Howard8—why the phobia, though? You seem totally fine to me... My dad has schizo, and back in December last year, I hit an acute psychotic episode with schizophrenic symptoms. It lasted about two months and then cleared up—I'm okay now, just feeling pretty listless and disappointed with everything. I used to live in my own little world and it was great, until life in Los Angeles forced me back into a harsh reality. I'm 27 now. This was my first time through it, and man, I really hope it's the last; I don't want to end up chronic like my dad—that’s a nightmare. When I was 17, I had an episode that felt similar, but it only lasted a month and just went away on its own—back then, people just thought I was being a wild teenager, nobody realized what was actually happening. The truth is, both then and now, stress triggered it—mostly relationship stuff—and I guess I'm just a bit too much of a dreamer. I write novels and love getting lost in my imagination, so when I got let down by my boyfriend and by myself, I just snapped. I broke, I cried, I spiraled until I found myself on "another planet"—a planet of pure fear and hallucinations. That's why anyone with a genetic link needs to watch out for stress and try not to overthink things. Honestly, that goes for everyone else, too. Now I'm living a normal life again, but some days I just can't bring myself to leave my room. I know I can't get lost in my head; I have to fight to stay grounded in the real world, because my imagination can easily pull me right back toward a hospital stay, and I really don't want that. I'm not aggressive, I don't smoke, I'm not messy, but in those places, almost everyone seems a bit off—if you don't smoke, you feel like you have nobody to talk to because you're "different" or whatever.

It's awful having to go through that just because of your genetics, through no fault of your own...

🤷

Back on Zoloft again,
is anyone else here taking this stuff, or am I just flying solo?

☕

goldenraven9 said:In that case, why on earth do you insist on constantly peddling such baseless rumors?

Because that’s just how I feel—unwanted, trapped, scared, and all alone.

goldenraven9 said:Do you see a bit of yourself in that?

Being "emo" is trendy.
There isn't much profound wisdom to be found there.

Emo is for teenagers. I'm 27.

Roger Rodriguez said:Jump off a building? Are we really at that point already? There are still so many crises, bouts of depression, sleepless nights, and those endless cycles of adjusting medication doses before those kinds of thoughts even cross your mind, right? 😬
Until then, why dwell on it? Why not focus that energy on moving forward and working on yourself instead?

I'm on 100 mg of "happy hormones," yet I still don't feel happy.

Why?

🙂

velvetsailor26 said:Go ahead and do it, nobody's stopping you☕

Don't be so mean
🙂

Matthew Castillo5 said:And you're seriously expecting us to provide the answer to that? 🙄
If I were you, I'd suggest you start taking some initiative on your own.

Yeah, I could always just jump off a building.

What is that supposed to mean? That everyone who goes through some kind of major
trauma, like losing someone close to them,
just ends up with schizophrenia?

🙄

Karen Adams2 said:Now, what Larry Howard8 said might sound like some sort of New Age nonsense to some people, but if you really stop to think about it, there is so much truth buried in those words; you are essentially the architect of your own thoughts. It sounds a bit terrifying when you put it that way, but it's absolutely the reality. I've come across some of your posts in other threads, and I truly feel like I understand where you're coming from—you're afraid, but you're mostly terrified of things that haven't even happened yet, or things that might never actually materialize, yet you're busy constructing a personal version of hell through your own contemplation. In a way, you're almost inviting those problems into your life. Life is beautiful, despite everything; bad things happen to everyone, but some people find a way to navigate them while others simply give up. At the end of the day, we all choose whether we want to be fighters or victims.
Nothing in my life is perfect either—not that perfection actually exists in this world—and I could easily spend my entire day obsessing over everything that's missing or everything that's going wrong, just letting myself become bitter. Or, I can choose to focus on everything I do have, everything that makes me feel lucky, and live this day exactly the way I want to! Just take it one day at a time!

Those dark thoughts have completely taken over me,
along with all the fears.
I shouldn't have even been born if I can't even live a normal life.

Hey Karen Adams2,
I really want to adopt that mindset too,
instead of just living in fear....🙂

wearyskipper3 said:Look, you aren't to blame for what happened. Don't tell me you think things will stay this way forever. If there isn't an easy fix, you find the hard one. There is always a way out.🙂

I really hope so.
🙂

Patrick Diaz4 said:My mom thinks I was already diagnosed while she was still pregnant—she had a pretty brutal pregnancy, to say the least. But honestly, I didn't get an official diagnosis until I was around 25... mostly because before then, I had zero interest in talking to those mean doctors in white coats.

Oh, honey. It’s not about being brave—it's just that we don't have any other choice. 🤷

But it’s honestly great that you're getting treatment and that you're aware of what's going on,
and that you can still live a totally normal life with it.
👍

wearyskipper3 said:So what's your actual problem?

I’ve been skimming through your thread. If I'm not mistaken, you're dealing with depression? That's a completely different issue altogether..

My depression isn't just coming out of nowhere.
Right now, I'm dealing with these irrational fears,
but my real struggle—back about two months ago
when I was still feeling "normal"—was that I'm
27 years old and I've never even had a boyfriend,
never even been with anyone,
and being stuck in this tiny rural town makes it feel impossible.
Plus, I've been "working on" my senior thesis for two years without
actually graduating, and I’m terrified of growing up and leaving my parents...
yeah, all that stuff.
But then, about two months back, I had a massive panic attack,
and I haven't been the same since.
To be honest, I was already unhappy with myself and
my life before that, I just didn't have these crazy, irrational fears
like I do now.

My little sister told me this thing usually shows up
during puberty while you're still figuring out who you are. Since I'm already 27,
she basically said, "If you didn't get it by now, you're probably in the clear,"
but honestly, I've been worried about it since I was 18...

When did you guys first deal with it?

I really admire people who face any kind of illness with courage
and just refuse to give up....

🙏

wearyskipper3 said:It might look like attention-seeking, but honestly, it feels more like facing actual problems head-on. I just don't have the energy to deal with life right now, so I'm venting here for no reason... 🙂

I feel the exact same way.
😢

In my family, nobody deals with anything
mental-related,
it's always just physical stuff.

Is that kind of thing genetic, or can it just hit anyone?

🤷

I’ve got a massive phobia of poop, so I was wondering
for those of you who deal with this too,
do you think it's something you were genetically predisposed to,
or what?

Aaron Anderson72 said:Of course, I'm not talking about the people dealing with actual, heavy-duty struggles—this doesn't apply to them at all.

But hey, everyone thinks their own little issue is the biggest deal in the world... 🤷

And honestly, they're right.

If someone doesn't have a problem,
they'll just go out and invent one. It doesn't feel right to them if everything is actually going okay.
There's always got to be a catch.

steelpanther9 said:In my estimation, it’s nothing more than a desperate bid for attention coupled with a paralyzing fear of failure.
God forbid he maintains even a shred of optimism, lest the whole town starts whispering about how everything went sour for him...
Ugh...

Or honestly, when you're already having a terrible run, bad news doesn't even hit as hard because you're already at rock bottom.
It's hard to feel shocked when everything is already going south.

😳

You make a good point,
but most of them are actually quite sick,
they didn't choose this state of mind and they're trying their best to get out of it,
though you do get those people who just want to stay miserable because they're bored
since they don't have any real problems to deal with...

🤷